Your Favorite Simpsons Episodes and/or Moments - Page 2

Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.

Uh, revenge.

That's it. I'm getting out of here.

*footsteps and a door slam*

Hell, pretty much everything in the upper middle eight to ten seasons or so is pretty much solid gold funny.

I dunno, you're dead-on during the "golden age", but Castellaneta is currently one of the biggest problems. All of Homer's lines are now delivered in an obnoxious scream devoid of any hilarious subtlety. But whining about Current Simpsons is tired, so I won't.

(threatening sounds come from their basement, Homer investigates)
"Hoho, don't worry. It's just Bart and a mysterious stranger!"

Quimby's re-election jingle was something I always got a laugh from. Also loved anything Phil Hartman did as Troy McClure or Lionel Hutz.

Ralph: What's for lunch tomorrow?
Lunchlady: Next!
Ralph: Chicken necks?

Kent Brockman: Joblessness isn't just for philosophy majors anymore. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch!

DENTIST: "Lisa, so you won't get scared I'll show you some of the instruments I'll be using... (pulls out sharp scary-looking instrument) This is the POKER, (pulls out sharper scarier-looking instrument) this is the SCRAPER, (pulls out even sharper even scarier looking instrument) and this happy little fella is the GOOOOUGER! NOW HOLD STILL WHILE I GAS YOU!!!!"

Quick Question:

What two popular Simpson's characters have died in the last year?

-If you said Bleeding Gums Murphy or Dr. Marvin Monroe... you're wrong. They were never popular.

Ralph Wiggum- "My name is Ralph Wiggum. And I've been a good boy!"

The entire Monorail episode. If 50 years for now my grandkids ask why Simpsons was so revered, I would choose that episode.

The Sideshow Bob/Cecil episode.

"I've been in Prison, Cecil. I'll be happy as long as it doesn't taste like Orange drink fermented under a radiator."

"It'll be the LaTour then."

Homer, after getting drunk while attempting to explain the facts of life to Bart:

"So I says, if you want that money, you better come and find it, 'cuz I don't know where it is you baloney. You make me wanna wretch." (passes out)

As the resident Simpsons apologist, I'll toss out a few later day quotes that never fail to kill me.

From "Kill the Alligator and Run":
Also,
From "The Regina Monologues":
Also,
And this gem from "The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star":
Oh, and thanks for the quotes, guys. I've been laughing and laughing.

I almost forgot one of my all-time favorites, the Twisted World of Marge Simpson episode where the Italian Mafia and the Yakuza battle it out at the end. Classic. It also introduced us to Jack Lemmon's Gil (with a different name in this episode) spoofing his Glengarry character.

Other classic episodes - Homer eats the deadly blowfish and goes through his bucket list. Itchy and Scratchy land - "I am the lizard queen!". Bart gets a big brother - Homer: "You've been off galavanting around with that floozie of a big brother of yours.. haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU??"


Dr. Wolfe: How often to you brush Ralph?
Ralph Wiggum: Three times a day sir.
Dr. Wolfe: Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?
[cue Big Book of British Smiles]

[Homer grabs Pattie and Selma's cigarettes and takes a big drag off both]
Boss: Wait a minute! Those are yours, sir?
Homer: [monotone] Yes. [coughs] I am in flavor country.
Boss: Both of them?
Homer: It's a big country.
Boss: Ladies, I apologize. And you, sir, are worse than Hitler. [slaps Homer]


Burns Alien: I bring you love!
Dr. Hibbert: [smoking a cigar] Is that the love between a man and a woman or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar? [chuckles]
Burns Alien: Uh... I bring you love!
Lenny: It's bringing love! Don't let it get away!
Carl: Break its legs!

The site of The Simpsons version of "Matt Groeing" was hilarious as was their attempt to ask him quesitons.

"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! *Opens fire*

Also, the first time we saw the loud obnoxious Texan

"Homer, I want you to have my lucky hat. I wore it the day Kennedy was shot and it's given me good luck ever since."

As for the dentist, unless it's already been mentioned, THE BIG BOOK OF BRITISH SMILES and how he broke down Ralph. Plus the Batman homage with Lisa.

The Duff Brewey tour episode featuring the Kennedy/Nixon debate and "Quality Control"

Quality Contol:"Fine, Fine, Fine, Mouse, Fine, Rat, Fine, syringe, Fine Fine, nose, Fine."
Barney: "Hey let me just say you're doing a great job"
Quality Control: "Hey thanks man."

All the while other things inculing a hand, a glove and Hitler's head in a jar roll by.

Goddamn the eariler season episodes were just chock full of plot.

A Fish Called Selma -

TROY: "Ahh JubJub - he's everywhere you wanna be!"

And I second the love for Lisa's "I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!" But it wasn't Itchy & Scratchy Land - it was Duff Gardens in the "Selma's Choice" episode in Season 4.

And Lisa's meltdown in The PTA Disbands:
LISA: "GRADE ME! EVALUATE AND RANK ME! I'M GOOD GOOD GOOD AND OH SO SMART! GRAAADE MEEEEE!"

You're absolutely right, I had two thoughts merge into one sentence there. Duff Gardens episode.. and I also love the Itchy and Scratchy movie episode. They put up a giant billboard for the movie with Itchy chopping down on Scratchy's head, causing a huge spray of blood to pour down onto the street below. A convertible pulls up under the sign with a bride and groom fully dressed up for the wedding, when suddenly they both get soaked in blood. Bewildered, they look up to see what the hell happened but start laughing when they see the billboard.

Also, "Bang Bang" Bart the stripper from the same episode, and Homer offering to pay for the movie tickets in the future and they cost like 20 grand or something ridiculous. Amazing.

We got two pages into this thread without mentioning the Plow King? For shame..

Hans Moleman: My doctor never told me that. I had to hear it from Phish.

In fact, I love almost everything Moleman's ever said.

Best thing about Mr. Plow was Linda Ronstadt's cover of the Plow King theme:
"Senor Plow no es macho y solamente un baracho..."

And at the end when he's climbing into bed with Marge:
HOMER: "Tonight's forecast calls for flurries of passion followed by intense periods of gettin' it on."

Latter day:

The family has just escaped from Alcatraz into San Francisco Bay.

Lisa: Come on, we can make it to San Francisco!
Homer: San Francisco! We're not made of money! Come on, kids, we're swimming to Oakland!

Early days:

The whole founding of Springfield/Shelbyville ("Why, because they're so attractive.") just kills me.

Mr. Rogers: Whaddaya mean I can't take off my sweater? I'M HOT!!!

From Bart the General:

GRANDPA: "Dear advertisers, I'm sick of the way old people are depicted on TV. We're not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Most of us are lonely, bitter individuals who remember the good old days when television was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again: 1 - Bra. 2 - Horny..." And his delivery of the word horny is fantastic.

I can't believe I remember that shit verbatim.

That was the "Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie" episode.

I think one of my all time favorite deliveries was from one of the Treehouse of Horrors (forget the number):

Zombie Flanders: "Howdy neighbor, mind if I nibble your ear?"
Homer shoots Flanders.
Bart: "Dad! You just shot the zombie Flanders!"
Homer: "...he was a zombie?"

And of course, my motto for living:

Homer: "To beer! The cause, and solution! to all of life's problems."

I'll say that almost anything Ralph Wiggum says is comedy freaking gold, "My cat's breath smells like catfood." and especially:

"Miss Hoover, there's a doggie in the air vent."
"Ralph, remember the time you saw Snagglepuss outside the window?"
"He had to go to the bathroom."

Kills me every time.

I loved the offer Homer offered to Barney when he tried to get him to Forbidding Widow's Peak

Homer: "There's a $10,000 dollar bill in for it you."
Barney: "Oh yeah, whose on it?"
Homer: "Uhhh, all of them. They're having a party. Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch."


and of course

"Jimmy Carter! He's history's greatest monster!" and the riot that then ensues because of it.

Not to come off nerdy because I screw up many a line. It's actually

"To Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems."

Now that's a anthem worth living to.

Since we're doing it, it's "...the cause OF, and solution to..."

Sorry.

And I love when the family's trying to get Maggie to talk, they keep throwing words at her with no success and she finally burps and Homer says "She said burlap!" hahaha

Hey no problem, it's not like I have this stuff down pat ya know.

"Hmm, Alcohol fuled car. One for you, one for me, One for you, one for me..."

The Old Man and the Lisa:

Mr. Burns sells the recycling plant Lisa helped him found for 120 million dollars, and offers her 10% of the profits for her help. Lisa refuses to accept the money because the plant produces all-purpose chemicals from pillaging the sea of all life-

Dr. Hibbert: Well, that's the first case I've ever seen of a man suffering four simultaneous heart attacks.
Lisa: I'm sorry, Dad.
Homer: It's all right. I understand. But we could've used that $12,000...
Lisa: Dad, 10% of $120,000,000 isn't $12,000, it's…..

Hospital Loud Speaker: CODE BLUE!!!!!! CODE BLUE!!!!!!

Also:

Lisa: Wow, even I didn't know he was so committed to recycling. See? I told you Mr. Burns was changed. See?
Marge: Lisa, nobody likes a gloater, right, Homie?
Homer: Uh huh.
Marge: See!?

And broke Burns shopping at the grocery store:

[looking back and forth at two bottles]
Mr. Burns: Ketchup ... Catsup. Ketchup ... Catsup. Whoo, I'm way over my head here.
Store Clerk: He's talking to the Ketchup bottles now.

Hmmm...it appears I have been bested by better men in the quote department. And you know what, I think I can take that as a win...nerds...

"NO! Linguo....dead?!
"Linguo.....IS.....dead....."

Not a funny moment, but in Lisa's Substitute:

MARGE: "Her confidence in her father is shaken and no little girl can be happy unless she has faith in her Daddy!"

Loved that. Definitely stuck with me.

"Hell Labs: Ironic Punishment Division"

And frome a deleted scene, The Richard Simmons robot

Smithers: "OH GOD, HIS ASS IS GONNA BLOW!"

And one of my dad's favorite lines

Homer: "Or what? You'll send the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?! Oh yeah, do your worst."

"I bring you love."
"It's bringing love! Don't let it get away!"
"Break its legs!"


Actually, that X-Files episode is full of greatness.

"Now, we're going to run a few tests. This is just a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
[Lie Detector EXPLODES]

RALPH: "What's a battle?"
CHALMERS: "Did that child just say 'What's a battle?'"
SKINNER: "Um, NO! He said 'What's that rattle.'"
CHALMERS: "But I distinctly heard..."
SKINNER: "Well, I have a cold."
CHALMERS: "Ah, so you'd hear Rs as Bs?"
SKINNER: "Yes."
CHALMERS: "Ah."

Government Agent: "Homer, how would you like to get higher than you have ever been in your life?"

Homer: "You mean I'm gonna be an astronaut?!"

And before that, him calling Clinton for Tang

This is from the casino episode.

Homer confronts Marge about her gambling addiction.]
Homer: [grabbing Marge] Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!
Marge: Homer, what is it? Slow down!
Homer: [slower] J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.
Marge: *Think* before you say each word.
Homer: You broke a promise to your child.
Marge: What?
Homer: You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed - she's such a little trooper.

It's all in the delivery. They way Castellaneta says it, you can kind of understand it the first time.

This episode also has Ralph as Idaho, which is great.

More greatness from $pringfield --

Mr. Burns: [holding the model airplane] We'll take the spruce moose! Hop in!
Smithers: But sir, it's just a model...
Mr. Burns: [takes out a pistol, points it at Smithers and cocks it] I said, "Hop in!"

and

Lisa: I'm a monster!
Homer: No, lisa, you're not a monster. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor! We must save your mother from his neon claws...

You mean the episode I was talking about right above this line in the same post, and referencing the movie tickets to? Got that.

The episode in which Krusty becomes a Bill Hicks style stand-up comedian is pretty much greatness throughout, but the best lines in that episode would have to be:

Homer: Don't you hate pants, too?!

I believe there is also an alligator sitting in a chair in Homer's recollection.

Another great lie detector bit, when they hook up Moe:

Moe: Can we hurry this up here? I've got a hot date tonight.
(buzz)
Moe: A date.
(buzz)
Moe: Dinner with friends.
(buzz)
Moe: Dinner alone.
(buzz)
Moe: Okay, okay, I'm going to sit home alone and ogle the ladies in the Victoria Secret catalogue.
(buzz)
Moe: (deflated) Sears catalogue.
(ding!)
Moe: Can you get me out of this thing already? I don't deserve this kind of treatment!
(buzz)

This thread reminds me that the Simpsons used to be great.

Another fantastic moment from that episode. Homer freaking out the Bogeyman

"YOU NAIL THE WINDOWS SHUT! I'LL GET THE GUN!"

Homer:"Bart, I don't want to alarm you but there may be a bogeyman or bogemen in the house.
Bart: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Then Marge comes back with the house really messed up and bullet holes thru the door.

Homer: "Thanks a lot Marge, you weren't here from keeping me from acting stupid" (Throws down gun and it goes off)

One of these I'll pick up a few of the season dvds. Something I had meant to do but never got around.

Who could forget the classic Homer becomes an astronaut episode?

NASA Guy: Gentlemen, you've both worked very hard, and in a sense, you're both winners. But in another, more accurate, sense, Barney is the winner.

NASA Guy in Boardroom: Maybe we should tell everyone the truth; that all the monkeys we shot into space came back super-intelligent?
(a monkey in a business suit holding a pipe swivels around in his chair)
Monkey: (slight British accent) Nyooo, I don't think we'll be telling them that.

The delivery of "Nyyooo" still makes me chuckle just thinking about it.

Homer and Marge are gettin a little frisky in bed and Bart runs in -

BART: "MOM! DAD!"
HOMER & MARGE: "DON'T TURN ON THE LIGHTS! DON'T TURN ON THE LIGHTS!"
BART: "There's a UFO outside my window!"
*the family looks outside*
MARGE: "It's just an old golf umbrella, honey. Go back to bed."
BART: "Can I sleep with you guys tonight?"
MARGE: "No."
BART: "Well can I wait on the roof with a baseball bat in case aliens DO show up?"
MARGE: "Ummm...sure!"
*Bart runs off*
MARGE: "I hope you kept the Homie fires burning..."
*Homer's snoring*
MARGE: "Hrmmmm."
BART (offscreen): "Woah...WOAH"
*tumbles*
Marge looks out the window to see Bart fall off the roof.

Something about the surround mixing of Bart's commotion on the roof and his "WAAAHHHHH!" as he falls kills me everytime.