Message Board Self-Loathing - Page 2

Okay, now that I've visited the eyewash station to recover from multiple viewings of Patrick's nocturnal mushroom flesh...

I've been here as a lurker and a poster for a few years now and it has been quite the education. I don't know film the way I know music, politics, and pop culture, so it has been great to be able to talk about the latter while simultaneously keeping my mouth shut and learning a lot about the former. I think of it as a sort of cultural exchange program - I'll bitch Schwartz out about the fallacy of biblical literalism (*waves*) and, in return, Devin will write a fantastic article that will expand my pathetic cinematic horizon by a few inches.*

As a bonus, posting here has taught me more about making a rock-solid argument in writing than four years as an English major ever did. The whole lot of you are vicious rhetorical barracudas who won't give a sister an inch. Bless your little black hearts.


* - Devin, I'm your ideal reader. Really. You could say pretty much anything and I'd believe you. I'm not going to fight with you, I'm not going to post inane snark in the talkbacks, I'm just going to take it all in. Please don't abuse this mighty power. I'll eventually end up looking like a jackass in a bar if you do.

Great post overall, FC, and thanks for the compliments.

I think this aspect of the board is often overlooked (like the clever subtextual analysis of polytheism in Xanadu) and even a little underutilized (like rubber-faced French character actor, Dominique Pinon). Through discussion here, I've become much more conscious of how supportable each argument I make is.

On CHUD, you're potentially debating with the entire internet (and Hollywood film producer Don Murphy). Even beyond the smart folks who already populate the board (including Michael Bay, director of megahit Transformers), anyone can register for an account here upon seeing a particularly dim-witted post that needs correction. He or she may have the advantage of being an expert (a Pauline Kael, if you will) on whatever it is you've decided to take a position on and will have the entire web available to back up a rebuttal of your ill-considered point.

It pays to make your statements airtight (like the sub in The Abyss!), unless you want your errors to be made equally public. I've definitely brought this (Travis Bickle-like) semi-paranoia about weak, unsupported points into my grad school experiences.

EDITED FOR DRE'S BENEFIT

I think this is correct, and I think that at the same time it's why we have so many lurkers here (I mean besides those who trickle in through the main page). I know I lurked for a few years before I felt comfortable jumping in, because I knew what level of scrutiny my arguments might be subject to.

But I don't think this is a bad thing; in point of fact, I think it's a huge reason why FC is able to make the point he's making, because this particular community is a gorgeous model of social Darwinism. It has its cycles, but over time the ship seems to right itself, either by the pull of the strong core of people here, or by the new blood who've managed to make it through the Darwinian web.

Having said all that, those comments do come from a place of legitimacy, in that most message boards are vast, gaping holes of thought. So in that sense I think that message board culture as a whole is fit for just about all the ripping it gets. It's just that this place, more often than not, *cough* swedish miyagi *cough*, is an exception to the rule.

I got name dropped by Cobretti. It's like I went back in time and actually enjoyed my prom. (And I'm an Indian chief, Frank? I'm kinda slow, but coming from you, I'll take that as a supreme compliment).

Let me just say that if I'd been posting at this board from 1998 and back, I'd be able to hold my own in a movie conversation with the best of them, because I just went all the time. And I kind of fell away from going due to prices, my schedule, etc. But coming to this board inspired me to get a Netflix account and start seeing all the great films that everyone here has talked about. I realize that nothing beats seeing it in a theater, but if that's the only way I can see these movies for the time being, then so be it, it'll do for now.

And the reason it matters to me to improve my movie viewing experience, and to improve myself in other ways - getting my artwork back on track, getting my dating life back on track, etc. - is because I genuinely like and respect the motherfuck out of the people who post here. That's pretty huge (Almost as huge as Uncle Dirty's ween. Yes, I went there, people!).

So Frank - here's to you, sir. Great post - I say we have that sucker bronzed.

[Barry White] You damn right, Cobretti. [/Barry White]

Seriously though, the one thing that interests me about saying "message board posting is the bottom rung of the social ladder" or even self-identifying as a "nerd" is how it operates as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, I post on a message board, but I've got a pretty great, robust life that I live away from the computer as well. There's no need to be ashamed of the geeky things I like, because they're part of an interesting whole. So, when I meet a girl, the first thing out of my mouth isn't "Hey, want to hear my theory on the narrative inconsistencies in The Fountain?" Still, when I eventually bring it up, I can do it confidently because I know it's a worthwhile discussion and the person I'm speaking with will respect the fact that I care about the topic.

Moreover, we chewers actually are a pretty great group. At the first D.C. Chewer meet-up, I was worried it was going to be a bunch of stereotypes who wanted to discuss Grand Moff Tarkin the whole time. Not the case at all. Cobretti has led a fascinating life, LeFors has hiked the Appalachian Trail and is preparing to climb Mt. Rainier, etc., etc. We're genuinely fun, interesting people who merely happen to interact on a message board, as opposed to people who interact on a message board who merely happen to be fun and interesting.

Plus, it's just easier for LD to meet people here, as the ceilings in most public spaces are too low for him.*



* This joke is to make up for not namechecking you in my post above. Everyone go visit the Geek Prospectus!

So true. I still remember getting my ass handed to me by Overlord the first time I tried to talk about a subject without really considering my argument. Being surrounded by people who force you to become smarter is a pretty fantastic thing.

Are you kidding? I say this with total seriousness - "A Walk in The Woods" is one of my favorite books on the planet.

And see? Finding out something like that - I take that to be exactly what Frank was talking about in his post. It's not just socially stunted geeks. There are people here with lives and interests, and we can all bring that to each other, and sometimes find a common thread we didn't know about before. It's a pretty cool thing. And yeah, I know, that's not written in blood for every message board, but for this particular one, I know that sometimes a conversation can get a little intimidating - 'cos you guys are burstin' with brains.

You forget, on the Internet everyone's an expert.

But, most of you kids are alright.

The best compliment I can give these boards is that it consistently reinforces the fact that I don't know jack shit. It's an important feeling everyone should experience, and they should be so lucky as to not only face it every single day, but choose to, and use it to improve.

Like a few of you, I've learned more about how to express myself and appreciate this world and its great and not-so-great art from you guys than I have in college. That statement speaks to both how lucky it is that the wealth of knowledge and experience that has collected here is available for all to see, and how weak sauce American education has become.

That said, it's also the reason I still want to teach, despite this current semester raising so many reasons why I shouldn't. I want smarter people running around. I want a community of people lined up to bitch slap some jackass who proclaims out loud that he won't watch a film with subtitles. I want people who want and expect more out of artists than whats worked before, while still finding the inherent fun in those who aim lower. I want people to back up their arguments with facts and well formed, tried and tested opinions rather than religious belief or hearsay. Hell, I'll even take people who know which beers don't taste like guano, and are willing to share them while watching the Oscars. I've seen what a community of mental strongmen and women looks like, and it's a beautiful thing. I'm willing to pass the knowledge along and wait for a generation to take advantage of it, but I'll always be honored that I got to experience it first from you glorious bastards.

I am not kidding, LeFors is a legitimate outdoorsman. Apparently, as you hike the trail, you get a nickname. Joe lost so much weight that his nickname was "Skeletor". You should ask him if he has any good stories about that.

Damn, LeFors, it's too bad you were working your trail hiking game on that waitress and not Lisa. Then we might've thought of that Skeletor line as a cherry and not a straw.

I used to think I was quick, witty, etc. After cutting my teeth in this godforsaken hellhole, I know how wrong I was.

I wish it was 1997 again.

Holy wow. I mean, my only knowledge of it is from that book, which was a really great account of what it must be like out there, but damn. To find out that I'm posting on a board with someone who hiked that monster - incredible. He should put up a post about that, no joke. (And on a more personal note - I read portions of that book out loud to my brother when he was in the hospital. So in addition to already loving the hell out of that book and everything it has to offer, it now has more of a personal meaning to me as well.)

DaveB is partly responsible for turning me from a seething, oversimplifying, rage-filled atheist into a thoughtful, open-minded, yet only mildly mean-spirited humanist hippie.

The doors of perception are open for business, you pricks!

And the CHUD boards really helped my sex life. Of course, I had to get used to being called "Frank Cobretti" in bed by my wife, but after that, it's total bliss...

Excellent topic and post Frank.

I'm going to get personal here, this is a me me me, I I post.

Recently I have been making a concerned effort to change who I am, not just how I post. Many will be glad about that one. Also to change who I am outside of the interwebs.

I guess you could call it a reboot of sorts. I can say for a fact that a 1/3 of this has to do with being a part of CHUD. Another 1/3 to do with a great work environment at IBM. Also, another 1/3 from my time spent studying Aikido (which I need to get my ass back into!).

I do and will continue to listen to what people say, some more than others of course. I have listened, and I'm making a push to become a better person because of it.

Most recently I started a topic on writing, which I haven't done in nearly 3 years. I hate myself for ever giving it up. Writing has always been an underground hobby for me. Festered at a young age by good marks in english class and helpful comments by my peers at the time. I have always had the itch, but never the fortitude to break through and develop on it.

Another aspect I posted about had to do with a nervous habit I developed for various reasons, that has also remained underground. This is something I never ever talked about with anyone, till recently with the Chewers, if that doesn't say anything about this community then, I don't know what will.

Outside of all of this, I have been doing my best to refrain from making stupid quips. It is something I do a little bit outside of CHUD, and that I've been doing too too much on CHUD. I apologize for this. It probably has damaged your impressions of me to a point beyond repair, and I understand. I am making a huge effort to think more about what I post and to not post quick throw away comments. I want to do my part to make this community grow to be better than ever.


Edit: And I have about 35 movies from TCM's 31 Days of Oscar to watch because of CHUDs influence.

Is Billylove the third person to mention movies in this thread? Telling like the shot of the cook in HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER.

(*Leaps up and down, hand in the air*)

I did! I did! Oh, me sir, I did!

I just try to mask my contempt for you all long enough to get the good movie suggestions.

Seriously though, it's been 8 years since I first discovered CHUD - 8 years of visiting the main site daily, and 8 years of on-and-off attempts at branding myself on the boards. I'm still a youngish guy, and this is the longest I've stayed commited to anything besides, y'know.. living and breathing and all of that, and it's all because of threads like this (though usually sans nude Patrick)

A message board can only ever be as good as it's inhabitants, which means we must have the best damn message board on the interwebs. Thanks to all of you who are consistantly great people around here, and to the people who are shitty, for making the great people look that much better in comparison. Here's to another 8 years.

I mean I think that there are smart people here (not crazy people like Dudley Moore and Daryl Hannah in CRAZY PEOPLE)- though on a whole people are way more lax about the idiots (like Frito in IDIOCRACY), and often embrace them (like they're Leonardo Di Caprio in WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GRAPE), and encourage them far more oft than they should (like they're Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi in THE OTHER SISTER), but I think that's got to do with the nature of these discussions and what would drag people here (that is to say that people are worried about being too mean because that laser [like Gert Frobe on Connery in GOLDFINGER] could easily be used against them, so it's better not to rock the apple cart). There are good discussions here, but rarely do people bring their A game (like Jesus Shuttlesworth in HE GOT GAME)to movie stuff, and people are very happy to derail (like the Clive Owen film DERAILED). There's a Kinsey scale (like in the film KINSEY) when it comes to the difference between fanboys (FANBOYS) and nerds (KILLER NERD), but people have been - for quite some time - happy to drop off (DROP DEAD GORGEOUS) opinions.

I can cleary see what Frank is saying but I look at this sort of thing in context.

Yes you can have meaningful discussions about a variety of topics and examine various issues but this is an internet message board and for myself I mainly come in here to screw around and pass time at work. This doesn't mean I'm just jackin around but in terms of important issues and discussing them here I take it with a big grain of salt.

It reminds me of when I'd chat on AICN (Used to be DrMajorSgt over there), in which there would be on occasion serious dicussion which would then dissolve into shouting matches and name calling. Fact is, it's not worth the time or grief to get worked up about it because there are more important things to do. For those people who either have misplaced priorities or nothing else to do. This is all they have and getting worked up about it to the point of foaming at the mouth is just a plain waste of life.

Agree 100% Andre. This space should be about movies first, all other things a distant second.

I am fully aware I have failed in the past to bring it to the table, often going for the easy out and laying down a useless comment or a useless comeback.


You are fully free to do that too. I have decided this place is worth more than that, more than a spot to blow off some steam. That's ok, I'm not saying either of us is wrong, both are right.

I don't think so. I've got a ton of movie references in mine.

Killin' it.

I'm pretty sure every word in my first post has been used in a movie at some point, yes.

So edited for her pleasure.

The Banks - he's good, people.

Yeah? Well, he's never gonna change me! NEVER! Do ya hear me? NEVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Freakin' christians (as seen in THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST).

Oh, and excellent post, Frank. Seriously.

4 years of talking about movies and shows on here has taught me more about critical thinking and textual analysis than a degree in English did.

4 years of talking about politics and religion and other bullshit has taught me more about argumentation than 2 years of law school has.

Chud: liked Hooked On Phonics* for grown-ups.

As for the "whither movie discussion?" concerns, I'd say this kind of thread is a testament to the power of the medium. All the people here were drawn in by them, and started discussing them with (for the most part) strangers. And a funny thing happened, which is that they started to talk about other things that were directly or indirectly related to them, and before you know it they were talking about all kinds of things with people they otherwise never would've met. Isn't that one the greatest things art can do? It seems so limiting to suggest that the impact of The Mist shouldn't reach outside of The Mist Post-Release Thread.

*with dick jokes

And ass-fucking. Never forget that Schwartz. Never forget.

I successfully managed to make CHUD one of the most trafficked sites (I think it was top 10) from a Midland Independent School District computer back in high school. That earned it the dreaded "Blocked for security reasons... by your friends at MISD!" banner soon after. There were only about a dozen non-porn sites blocked and it was only if they were consistently visited during class hours. Who knew the Steady Leak would be so popular with the rest of my sophomore class?

Thank you CHUD.

My inflatable donut is always here to remind me, Ed. I call him Boston Creme.

I'm usually way more involved in the political/cultural/morbidly obese discussions than I am the film discussions, but I partially blame my current lack of money and free time for that. Other than that, I'm the worst poster on here besides Stockwell.

But you can kick all our asses, so we won't call you out on that

I wrote a way-too-fucking-long letter to Nick about this subject and I'm not going to repeat all of that. Suffice to say though, if it weren't for CHUD, my life would be on a very different course than the one it's on now.

It was a leap to start, but I've come to feel very at home here in the Sewers.

We ALL float down here...

Just have to echo the love for the CHUD boards. I wasn't a member of an MB before CHUD and I don't quite desire to join any other right now. I was apprehensive about posting at first - mainly because I had lurked for so long and had seen so many folks get beaten down that I thought "fuck that, I don't need a bunch of strangers to make me feel stupider than I already do!"

After awhile I found myself drawn more to the MB postings than I did any other part of CHUD. I realized that hey, it'd be nice to be a small part of this group, even if I can't articulate my opinions as well as DaveB or my wit isn't as sharply defined as Nick's.

After six months of posting, I have to say that I'm glad I made the decision to join. Obviously I have no illusions that my presence is as highly regarded as the big-guns around here, but I'm definitely more than happy that I haven't been made to feel like a bumbling cock-fuck.

At least not yet anyway.

Like a few others, I mainly hang around these boards because there are a lot of people here who seem to know considerably more about films than I do.
This is, however, an excellent messageboard. Elitist as all hell at times, yes, but it's such a welcome change to find somewhere online where the posters aren't all 30-year-old men who act like teenagers.

Great post, Cobretti. I think I've successfully translated it for those that might not get it:

The CHUD boards are good and shit.

This board is the only one I visit. If I'm going to be belittled by strangers on the internet, I want it to be from all the smart and funny motherfuckers here. I coulld care less about adding to the political or religious discourse, I get enough of that away from here, but I love that I can discuss anything from Fritz Lang's M to Student Bodies in the span of five seconds.

Most importantly, I've learned that Dellamorte prefers Grease 2 to Grease, and that warms my heart.

Because of Michelle Pfeiffer no doubt.

If that's the case, there's a lot of people in flagrant denial, like Heath Ledger in BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN; not to mention a few crazies like Heath in THE DARK NIGHT, and for all of that, there's a bit of Heath in I'M NOT THERE. There's also a whole lot of that should be Heath in another role: IRL.

Oh sweet Jesus, the single most terrifying moment of my entire childhood, you bastard!!

That's why we brought you here.
Jared,....Pennywise is back!

Thank you, FrankC.

I hope Pennywise bites your dick off Crowley. I'm going to go sit in the corner and cry now.

Wow, my recent hiatus has made me about a week late to this, but I'm really glad I caught it. Frank teased the creation of this thread at our last DC meet-up, and I've been looking forward to it ever since. Suffice to say, it has exceeded my expectations!

I don't have a whole lot to add to what most others have said here. The CHUD MBs have made me much more informed on a variety of film and non-film topics, provided omg lulz!!1!11 moments without number, and have made me some great new friends. Who gives a shit if I met guys like LD, Banks, Soul, and Frank on an internet message board instead of in college, or at some bar? I have a blast hanging out with those guys, and the fact that we can deconstruct Indiana Jones in between discussion of sports, politics, books, or whatever, is just gravy.

And Lisa -- yes, it's true, I did hike the AT. And Walk in the Woods is a terrific book!


One final note: I'm disappointed (although not particularly surprised) that Dellamorte would bring his tired schtick into this thread. I think Frank deserves better than that.

Sidebar, DaveB - just saw a trailer in front of Funny Games where Pinon turns up, and not in his stereotypical "lovable goof" guise - Roman de gare.

Jesus. I know, you're busy and all that, but if you can, please PM me with some of the experiences you had out there, or if they're posted anywhere, please send me the link. I'd seriously love to hear your stories about the hike.