CHUD.com Community › Forums › CULTURE, HUMOR, & FREE FORM › Misc. Culture › Wombats are sexy...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Wombats are sexy...

post #1 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:06am
Thread Starter 
I didn't even know where to put this thread, but this story must be seen...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,342099,00.html

Man Claims to Speak 'Australian' After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat
Thursday, March 27, 2008

SYDNEY — A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right, you know."

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours' community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.
Reply
post #2 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:17am
Being raped by a wombat...better than being fisted by a Kangaroo I suppose.
Reply
post #3 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:19am
The alleged rapist:

Reply
post #4 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:21am
I hope they didn't damage that "Walkabout" pinball machine.
Reply
post #5 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:23am
It's so cute! I'd let it rape me. Plus I get to learn Australian out of the deal.

G'day mate!
Reply
post #6 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:42am
That thing is so cute I'd rape it.
Reply
post #7 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:45am
At first at thought the thread title was "Womp rats are sexy" and I was "Hell yeah, they sure are!"

Then I opened it and I saw it was about those damn convicts managing to pervert even the innocent local wildlife. The British should have just hung them instead of sending them down-under.
Reply
post #8 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:45am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pvt. Spunkmeyer View Post
That thing is so cute I'd rape it.
In that case don't go near koalas. Especially the underaged ones from Thailand.
Reply
post #9 of 34
3/27/08 at 11:54am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pvt. Spunkmeyer View Post
That thing is so cute I'd rape it.
Great, now none of us can claim ignorance when you finally act on your base instincts. Damn it, Spunkmeyer.
Reply
post #10 of 34
3/27/08 at 12:39pm
"Hi, I'm the real Ross Cradock, and the story you've just seen was about my life. Wombat rape is not funny. You may have snickered throughout this film, particularly when the wombat, while penetrating my anus, reached around and cupped my scrotum with his hands. But I assure you, it's no laughing matter. You should never let yourself be put into this position by a wombat. If you've been inappropriately touched or mounted by a wombat, please tell an adult you trust. It doesn't have to be your mom or dad. It might be a teacher, or perhaps your local zoologist. You need to get properly tested for any number of wombat-borne sexually transmitted diseases. You shouldn't feel ashamed. It's not your fault that a wombat found you sexually attractive. Don't live in fear. Take back your life. Thank you."

Roughly translated to Australian:

"Sheila walkabout joey chock-a-block alice springs chicken."
Reply
post #11 of 34
3/27/08 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
The alleged rapist:
I... I think I know that wombat.... (*thinks back to a wild, drunken frat party in college*)
Reply
post #12 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan S~ View Post
Great, now none of us can claim ignorance when you finally act on your base instincts. Damn it, Spunkmeyer.
Don't you DARE try and guilt me out of Wombat love.
Reply
post #13 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:25pm
Pvt. Spunkmeyer

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: The Asscrack of wombats
Posts: 247
Reply
post #14 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:31pm
Wow. That's got to be like being raped by the Caddyshack gopher.
Reply
post #15 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pvt. Spunkmeyer View Post
Don't you DARE try and guilt me out of Wombat love.
I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you and sing a nice little song:

Wombat, wombat candlelight
Doin' the town and doin' it right
In the evenin'
It's pretty pleasin'

Wombat Susie, Wombat 'meyer
Do the jitterbug 'round a big ol' fire
And they shimmy
And Spunky's so skinny
Reply
post #16 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:33pm
BTW - Can someone with 'shoppin skills please put together a pic of Ripoll and the Wombat?
Reply
post #17 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:34pm
That little guy's so cute. It'd be like being raped by an old Jewish man. At first you're like, "Ew," then you're like, "Oh, you're so cute! Ok, finish up then I'll buy you a tuna sandwich."
Reply
post #18 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:34pm
Wombat Spunkmonger.
Reply
post #19 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
"Hi, I'm the real Ross Cradock, and the story you've just seen was about my life. Wombat rape is not funny. You may have snickered throughout this film, particularly when the wombat, while penetrating my anus, reached around and cupped my scrotum with his hands. But I assure you, it's no laughing matter. You should never let yourself be put into this position by a wombat. If you've been inappropriately touched or mounted by a wombat, please tell an adult you trust. It doesn't have to be your mom or dad. It might be a teacher, or perhaps your local zoologist. You need to get properly tested for any number of wombat-borne sexually transmitted diseases. You shouldn't feel ashamed. It's not your fault that a wombat found you sexually attractive. Don't live in fear. Take back your life. Thank you."

Roughly translated to Australian:

"Sheila walkabout joey chock-a-block alice springs chicken."
*REP*

JBIMH is my hero.
Reply
post #20 of 34
3/27/08 at 1:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post
Wow. That's got to be like being raped by the Caddyshack gopher.
Yes, it is - there's virtually no difference in their sexual techniques that I notic.... HEY!!! I've been tricked!
Reply
post #21 of 34
3/27/08 at 2:01pm
And people wonder why "Muskrat Love" made #4 on the charts.
Reply
post #22 of 34
3/27/08 at 2:18pm
Wombats are proof positive that God thinks rape is funny.
Reply
post #23 of 34
3/27/08 at 2:47pm


As you can see from this picture, yer honour, my client was led to believe that the sex was consensual. This is yet another case of entrapment on part of a white man against an oppressed wombat. They're just trying to keep the marsupials down, yer honour.
Reply
post #24 of 34
3/27/08 at 2:48pm
^ I'd rather be raped by the wombat.
Reply
post #25 of 34
3/27/08 at 2:52pm
Is that male or female?

EDIT: question not in regards to the wombat.
Reply
post #26 of 34
3/27/08 at 2:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan S~ View Post

.
The look from the face of this poor wombat clearly say:

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! I WON'T WALK CORRECTLY FOR A WEEKS AFTER THIS."
Reply
post #27 of 34
3/27/08 at 2:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pvt. Spunkmeyer View Post
Is that male or female?

EDIT: question not in regards to the wombat.
The photo was tagged as Todd and a wombat so I would assume male.

The more I look at that picture the sadder I feel for that poor wombat. It looks frightened and scared as if at some point in the future it knows it will be pointing at a small stuffed wombat doll and saying to a jury "Right here. Right here is where he touched me!"
Reply
post #28 of 34
3/27/08 at 3:08pm
The wombat's clearly sending little distress signals with his eyes. If he had a couple of coins on him, he could send out a morse code signal for help.
Reply
post #29 of 34
3/27/08 at 3:14pm
Of course with a name like womb-at a guy could be forgiven for misunderstanding.
Reply
post #30 of 34
3/27/08 at 3:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
"Hi, I'm the real Ross Cradock, and the story you've just seen was about my life. Wombat rape is not funny. You may have snickered throughout this film, particularly when the wombat, while penetrating my anus, reached around and cupped my scrotum with his hands. But I assure you, it's no laughing matter. You should never let yourself be put into this position by a wombat. If you've been inappropriately touched or mounted by a wombat, please tell an adult you trust. It doesn't have to be your mom or dad. It might be a teacher, or perhaps your local zoologist. You need to get properly tested for any number of wombat-borne sexually transmitted diseases. You shouldn't feel ashamed. It's not your fault that a wombat found you sexually attractive. Don't live in fear. Take back your life. Thank you."

Roughly translated to Australian:

"Sheila walkabout joey chock-a-block alice springs chicken."
Marge: We have them in America. They're called bullfrogs.
Clerk: What? That's an odd name. I'd have called them "chazzwazzers".
Reply
post #31 of 34
3/27/08 at 3:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post
Wow. That's got to be like being raped by the Caddyshack gopher.
I assume the climax is to the tune of "I'm all right" or other assorted Kenny Loggins hits.
Reply
post #32 of 34
4/1/08 at 10:37am
Ah the wombat, nature's sheep.
Reply
post #33 of 34
4/1/08 at 10:40am
Bonza!
Reply
post #34 of 34
4/1/08 at 2:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by horrid View Post
Ah the wombat, nature's sheep.
I thought sheep were nature's sheep? Perhaps the term you are looking for is 'fuck puppet'
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Misc. Culture
CHUD.com Community › Forums › CULTURE, HUMOR, & FREE FORM › Misc. Culture › Wombats are sexy...