50 Cent: Blood on the Sand

Bulletproof was awful. After renting that, I kind of stopped playing video games for awhile. There were other factors like money, time, shifting interests, etc. But still: that game gurgled my balls.

This might be the dumbest, most hilarious plot for anything ever.

I wonder if Kanye will put out a game around the same time and 50 will say that he'll retire from games if Kanye outsells him only to go back on his wager after the numbers come in.

So it's not a sequel to "Home of the Brave?"

Which allows me to quote this:

Wait, I take that back. A quick google reveals that there has indeed been a worse performance than Fiddy's.

Hahaha. Ha. It's the guy from Gilmore Girls. What a Baxter he turned out to be. I think that actor has made an entire career out of playing the guys who get dumped for the other guy. And the lead investigator in the JonBenet movie. I'm embarrassed I know that.

I'm pretty sure this is grounds for Christopher Walken to get his Oscar status revoked.

I love that comment at the bottom of the page.

Here's the article those videos are from.

I never finished Bulletproof, but I heard some of the later levels were actually pretty fun.

This might be the grumpy old man in me talking, but I wish 50 cent would go away.

To steal a phrase from Devin: Holy bad. I love the big "ass" picture on the wall.

EDIT: This made me laugh so hard:

YES!
http://www.gametrailers.com/player/41946.html

Everyone thank thq for saving this wonderful game.

Out this week!
4 out of 5 from Maxim!

http://kotaku.com/5156380/50-cents-n...er-and-screens

This is turning out to be a fun game. Premise is so ridiculously funny - along with Matt Hazzard and Brutal Legend - it's nice to see games not take themselves so fucking seriously.

The basic gameplay mechanics work very well. The cover system is on par with Gears, add to that the kill combo system from The Club. Makes for engaging gameplay.

Only niggling flaws in the package is the verbose ai partner treating you like a retard - calling out obvious objectives. The same ai partner occasionally stealing your cover resulting in death. There's texture streaming issues when loading into levels, but these are not deal breakers. A deal breaker for some given the nature of the game - no split screen coop.

An obvious rental as I'm blowing through the missions

I had to look it up but I could have sworn one of the midgame characters was voiced by Lance Reddick, sadly it is not.

I'm happy to report that BLOOD ON THE SAND is an explosion filled adrenaline rush! It's basically wave after wave of gunplay and explosions. To mix things up, sometimes you get a chance to earn points /ammo upgrades for killing specific people in a certain time frame. For example, you'll get a big bonus if you roll out of cover, kill three snipers in 30 seconds and call the snipers PUSSY MUTHAFUCKAS (there's a taunt button). You can use the money you earn (you earn this money by killing people) to buy new weapons, taunts and hand to hand moves.

There are also a bunch of funny/dumb lines from 50 and some diabolical villians who always taunt you. "Ahhhhh, Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson! What is it you say? What's mine....is mine? And what's yours is mine? Well what was yours....is now mine! Your skull belongs to me! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!"

I think the game's biggest weaknesses are a lack of interesting boss battles (every bitch who was involved with stealing your skull goes down the same way) and the G-Unit assholes who get in your way and run ahead of you constantly. Overall It's a fun arcade style shooter and Definitely worth a rental. I say rental because you can beat the game in about 6 hours.

Here's the best dialogue exchange in the game:


Fiddy: Gimme mah fuckin skull!

Wilder: You're too late again! It's already left the citadel! In a few hours, it'll be out of the country! And so will I!

Fiddy: FUCK!!!!!

Holy shit. Fuck Watchmen. This is the multimedia event of the year.

After some bitch steals his skull, 50 is instantly ready to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to recover it. He doesn't care what it costs! You fuck wit 50 and you die!

Someone give him 200 million so he can make a live action version of this explosion-filled Masterpiece!

Giant Bomb's video review of this is incredible.

lol I forgot about YO FIDDY JUMP OVER DAT BIG ASS RAMP!
And Tony Yayo was also my favorite. Mainly because his last name is YAYO. I'm not sure about all of the G-Unit dialogue that 50 responds to being the same, though. There was a part where Tony says something semi-intelligent about architecture, and Fiddy responds with "heh-heh man you crazy....".

The wiki plot summary:

I think that's the plot summary for BLOOD ON THE SAND 2: REVENGE OF THE BITCHES WHO STOLE YOUR SKULL. The actual summary for the game is much more complex!

So, after I beat the game, I watched the credits, and I could swear Lance Reddick's name was on it. Almost 100% sure.

Also, "BITCH TOOOK MAH SKUUULLL..."

Haha, I want this game.

http://www.giantbomb.com/50-cent-blo...review/17-289/

Well, Giant bomb guy was right. I checked some parts out, and all of the G-Unit guys say the same thing when they interact wit 50. For example:



Any G-Unit guy: These Walls are hundreds of years old!

Fiddy: Whutchoo know about dat?

Any G-Unit guy: Napoleonic, if I'm correct.

Fiddy: heh-heh....whut??

This game should be a franchise. Time travel or aliens should be introduced as soon as possible.

To see this would be worth finishing the game again to verify...IMDB mentioned nothing about Reddick on this game, but you swear it's fucking him.

Reddick is listed in the end credits that are set to 50's smash hit "P.I.M.P."

shawty she in da club she dancin fo dollaz

There are also two different endings, so clearly you need to see them both.

That video review did a great fucking job selling me on this game. Seems like some hilarious over-the-top fun. Kinda like playing an awesomely bad modern day Blaxploitation flick. Once the price drops down to $30 or lower,this bastard is mine!

I didn't even know there were two endings.
I got the one where 50 and his G-Unit homies leave the skull stealing bitch in the desert.

UGLY BITCH, AINT SHE?

Spike has some interesting ideas on where Eidos should take this franchise.

Eidos? THQ and Swordfish Studios are responsible for this triumph.

My apologies to the visionaries behind this masterwork.

I really want this to come out for the PC. Then I could download it illegally and send the following email to 50.

"Yo, Fitty! I stole your game bitch! Watchoo gonna do about it?"

If you value your life, I wouldn't recommend doing that.
These will be the last words you hear before 50 drives away in his hummer and leaves you in the desert:

"Yeahhhhhhhhhh we back in the driver's seat, BITCH!!"

Naah, he'd be too busy performing at bat mitzvahs to do anything.

I've just started getting the urge to rent 2 copies of this and play through it with a friend one weekend this summer. Is it as ridiculously awesome as it sounds? I love Army of Two and am looking for a co-op campaign experience that is suitably ridiculous.

Yeah, i hope its as awesome as everyone says and isn't some super secret inside joke. Neither of my Blockbusters carry the game so I'm going to have to dig up my Hollywood Video member card because for some reason, I MUST play this.

Whenever I used to play Gears of War, I always used to think, "Gee, this game is good but if only I could play through it as 50 Cent." Well someone must have heard my wishes because this game came out. Is there something wrong with me because I'm loving every minute?

No, you're not insane. It's a legitimately fun game.

Holy shit! Is that Lance Reddick I hear?

I have to second the Lance Reddick recognition. Gamasutra has an article that confirms it's him.

I have to say that I generally am quite enjoying this game. My friend and I have been playing through it on co-op hard and while not too challenging it has been pretty fun. Oh Tony Yayo, you're so hilarious.

So the last 3rd of the game was not great. And the final level was a joke ... I accidentally beat it and I didn't even realize it. Still, it was a fun enough game for $25.

The 50 Cent soundtrack is actually a fairly decent thing to play the game to.

I nabbed some copies of this as my goto stocking stuffers for xmas.

I keep hoping to see this in the Target clearance section and it still hasn't happened. I'm worried you guys have talked it up too much.

How much are games in the Target clearance section?
Just TAKE THE PLUNGE and buy it new on amazon for $15 or less. I don't see how you could be disappointed with the game for that price.