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The Legend of Rapefoot

post #1 of 14
3/28/08 at 1:10am
Thread Starter 
Molester Claims He Was Victim of Bigfoot

Quote:
A man who claims that he was molested by Bigfoot as a child was ordered to serve 20 years in prison yesterday for his own molestation-related activities.

Gene R. Morrill, 57, of New Ipswich, N.H., had previously pleaded guilty in Stafford Circuit Court to 20 charges stemming from his efforts to solicit 13-year-old boys over the Internet.

Defense attorney Terrence Patton cited Morrill's mental health issues in seeking leniency from Judge J. Howe Brown.

Morrill told an investigator preparing his pre-sentence report about being sexually assaulted by the legendary Bigfoot, a North American folklore character said to be between 7 and 10 feet tall, and covered in dark brown or dark reddish hair. Patton said Morrill really believes the assaulted happened.
He definitely has a "I've had Bigfoot's cock in me" look in his eyes...

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post #2 of 14
3/28/08 at 1:15am
Maybe Uncle Barry was just extra hirsuite and on the large-side?
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post #3 of 14
3/28/08 at 1:24am
So that's what Larry Drake has been up to.
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post #4 of 14
3/28/08 at 1:30am
Imagine the rape whistle it would take to scare off Bigfoot. You'd need like a rape tuba or something.
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post #5 of 14
3/28/08 at 1:42am
Thread Starter 
Alternate thread titles:

Harry and the Bendoversons

Rape Ape, Rape Ape

Shriek of the Ass Mutilated
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post #6 of 14
3/28/08 at 2:02am
Time to share:

One night a few years ago, after consuming much beer and pot, my friend and I were watching TV lamenting the evolution of big pharma via their disclaimer-laden ads. About how you can get a birth control pill that cures acne simultaneously. Which seems like a huge money maker. And also how you can get an erectile dysfunction pill that has a side effect of hair loss. Which seems like a huge money pit.

So the obvious next step was to conceive of an ED pill that also cures balding. I mean, like the birth control/acne pill is for younger sexually active women, this ED/balding pill would be the ultimate aging man's drug, right? Of course, overprescribing this miracle drug would result in terrible consequences, and yes, the rape ape. Uncontrollable hair, uncontrollable boner, nowhere to go but in ya.

Now that this guy is claiming such a thing happened, my story's not so clever. Eh, at least you get a window into my demented mind.
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post #7 of 14
3/28/08 at 2:11am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amphibatron View Post
Alternate thread titles:

Harry and the Bendoversons

Rape Ape, Rape Ape

Shriek of the Ass Mutilated
Mysterious Skin 2: Sasquatch & Me
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post #8 of 14
3/28/08 at 3:00am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amphibatron View Post
Alternate thread titles:

Harry and the Bendoversons

Rape Ape, Rape Ape

Shriek of the Ass Mutilated
The Legend of Soggy Cheeks.
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post #9 of 14
3/28/08 at 10:15am
Jesus, first a wombat, now Bigfoot. What's next, a sting-ray jumping out of the ocean then landing and killing the first human female he tries to mate with?
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post #10 of 14
3/28/08 at 10:22am
You already picked the best title.
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post #11 of 14
3/28/08 at 10:24am
He might be lying. Bigfoot's totally hetero.
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post #12 of 14
3/28/08 at 10:38am
To this day, the scent of Sex Panther drives Mr. Morrill into the fetal position.
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post #13 of 14
3/28/08 at 10:38am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Nunziata View Post
He might be lying. Bigfoot's totally hetero.

Homo Erectus... 'sall I'm sayin'.
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post #14 of 14
3/28/08 at 11:42am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drew S. View Post
The Legend of Soggy Cheeks.
Winner!
Quote:
A man who claims that he was molested by Bigfoot as a child
This is clearly his parents' fault. What parent thinks Bigfoot would be a suitable babysitter?
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