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Three Random Naval-Gazers

post #1 of 52
3/28/08 at 4:58pm
Thread Starter 
1. Time travel has been developed, and for whatever reason, a book publisher has sent an author into the future to write your biography, which will be uploaded to your iPod in audiobook form. You cannot skip ahead to see what's going to happen to you, and you can only listen to the events of your life as they are happening or after the fact. This audiobook is an actual audiobook, not an overarching narration like in Stranger than Fiction.

Keeping in mind that the audiobook will be in the third person, and that the narrator has been chosen as someone who resembles your personality but is detached enough that they're not offering a direct transcription of your thoughts (a la Adaptation), which living famous person do you choose to narrate the audiobook of your life?

2. You are dead. In a single sentence, how would you like people to remember you?

3. Which movie quote, song lyric, or literary passage best sums up your philosophy of life?

Bonus: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
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post #2 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:01pm
The only acceptable answer to all the questions is "William Shatner."
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post #3 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:02pm
1. Billy Drago
2. Cold, moldy, dead, and more unfunny than ever.
3. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.


Bonus, "Took you long enough..."
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post #4 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:05pm
Baby, did you forget to take your meds?
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post #5 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:08pm
Thread Starter 
Nah. A friend and I were talking about question #1, 2 is a question that we ask a variation of at work for "team building, and 3 & 4 are ripped off from Vanity Fair and Inside the Actors Studio, respectively.
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post #6 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:09pm
1. I'm sticking with my anwser from the chat room: Jean Claude Van Damme. I would be so entertained with my narration that I would be cheered up even if something horrible was happening in my life.

"Jesh-e was devhastated dat ees favhorite dog in deh whole whorld ran away. So 'e got in ees car, an 'e went down deh street, an he keeked, dat son hof a bitch SPCA's door so HOORD, dat deh nehx shelthur he wen' to, was gonna feel eet."
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post #7 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:14pm
I don't own an iPod.

I do own a mp3 player, though.
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post #8 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:15pm
Finally, a thread for us to talk about ourselves.
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post #9 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:19pm
1. Kelly MacDonald, because she'll make my life sound much sexier than it is.

2. He made me laugh sometimes.

3. "All in all, not a bad guy, if looks, brains and personality don't count."
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post #10 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:19pm
Thread Starter 
This is the first one of these I've done in months. I think I get a pass.
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post #11 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:21pm
1) Whoever narrated The Assassination of Jesse James.
2) Instant Karma
3) Me you wouldn't recall, for I'm not my former.

Bonus : Good job.
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post #12 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post
1. Kelly MacDonald
Which accent?
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post #13 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:33pm
Thread Starter 
Oh, come on, everyone knows that. Say it with me, Kimbell:

Brooooooooooguuuuue.
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post #14 of 52
3/28/08 at 5:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
Baby, did you forget to take your meds?
Rep for Placebo reference.
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post #15 of 52
3/28/08 at 6:00pm
Glad someone caught it. I wasn't just fucking with Rath, i was doing so while acknowledging his third question.
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post #16 of 52
3/28/08 at 6:03pm
2. He was decent, fair and he had class.
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post #17 of 52
3/28/08 at 7:05pm
Hell, if this game's good enough for Rath & Tati, it's good enough for me.

#1. Frank Muller. I can hear his delivery now. "Then he said, 'I'm getting out of this one horse town and going to see the world.'"

#2. He was a good man.

#3. Nothing is simple. (Habla con Ella, 2002)
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post #18 of 52
3/28/08 at 7:12pm
1. Laurence Fishburne
2. A man of few words. But he made those few words count.
3. "Little things always meant so much to Shelly. I always used to think they were kinda trivial. Believe me....nothing is trivial."

Bonus: "Yep. I exist. Now getcher ass in here."
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post #19 of 52
3/28/08 at 7:24pm
1.Ian McKellen or Sidney Poitier
2.He was a good person, and we'll miss him.
3.Not sure about this one. Something that would make my friends laugh I guess.
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post #20 of 52
3/28/08 at 8:04pm
1.) Will Arnett or Brian Cox
2.) He was a decent human being to everyone he met, even the assholes.
3.) "Good times, bad times, you know I've had my share."

Bonus: "Well fuck me running, I can't believe you got past the bouncer. Good on you, now what's your poison? Scotch, right?"
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post #21 of 52
3/28/08 at 8:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by RathBandu View Post
3. Which movie quote, song lyric, or literary passage best sums up your philosophy of life?
"I've never killed a midget before... but there's always a first time!"

- Roger Moore, 1974
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post #22 of 52
3/28/08 at 8:14pm
1) Richard Dreyfuss or Ringo Starr
2) He inspired us all. (Although I would like my tombstone to read: "Inventor of the Spherical Sandwich, and the Time Machine.")
3) "The Force will be with you... always."
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post #23 of 52
3/28/08 at 8:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by RathBandu View Post
3. Which movie quote, song lyric, or literary passage best sums up your philosophy of life?
"I got gooks living... not more than six blocks from my house!"

- Vic Morrow, 1983
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post #24 of 52
3/28/08 at 8:20pm
Thread Starter 
Moltisanti turned out to be a good guy, but he inspired you, and for this, I can never forgive him. Or you.
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post #25 of 52
3/28/08 at 8:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by RathBandu View Post
Oh, come on, everyone knows that. Say it with me, Kimbell:

Brooooooooooguuuuue.
Oh, withOOT question!
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post #26 of 52
3/28/08 at 8:40pm
1. Michael Ironside.
2. He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
3. You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Bonus: Didn't see that coming, did ya?
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post #27 of 52
3/28/08 at 10:45pm
1. Morgan Freeman, please.

He found, as time passed, that the dreams of youth gave way to other dreams. Lesser, perhaps, in scope but deeper...very much deeper....in importance to the lives of those around him.

2. Huh. So that was him? I never knew that.

3. Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend

Bonus: Stop by the music store over there on the left and pick out a guitar and amp. The band's waiting for you at the Blues Club.
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post #28 of 52
4/1/08 at 7:54pm
damn...killed another one.
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post #29 of 52
4/1/08 at 8:43pm
1. Emily Perkins, or Helena Bonham Carter doing her Marla Singer voice

2. What the hell was that?!

3. "Long is the way, and hard, which through hell leads up to light" - Paradise Lost

Bonus: "Sorry"
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post #30 of 52
4/1/08 at 8:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewolf Girl View Post
1. Emily Perkins
Werewolf girl, indeed.
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post #31 of 52
4/1/08 at 9:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by RathBandu View Post
1. Keeping in mind that the audiobook will be in the third person, and that the narrator has been chosen as someone who resembles your personality but is detached enough that they're not offering a direct transcription of your thoughts (a la Adaptation), which living famous person do you choose to narrate the audiobook of your life?
Anthony Hopkins. His dry, unhurried delivery will take a lot of the edge off.

"Visibly drunk and gasping through tears, he commanded the young woman to stroke his soft member in vigorous rhythm until, almost half an hour later, he proclaimed it too raw to continue and tottered to the exit. The audience was bewildered, but few left; when asked later why this was so, one attendee suggested it was 'satisfying' and 'fitting' to see him embarrassed in such a fashion."
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post #32 of 52
4/1/08 at 9:33pm
1. Michael Rooker

2. "He was a miserable shit, but an all around nice guy."

3. "Last night I dreamed of darkness/Last night I dreamed of hope."

Bonus: "Why I'm letting you in, I'll never know."
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post #33 of 52
4/1/08 at 9:49pm
1. Sam Elliott

2. He beat you all.

3. "I hate my interests." (I'm taking this quote back)

Bonus Answer: "I concede."
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post #34 of 52
4/1/08 at 9:54pm
1. Susan Sarandon
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post #35 of 52
4/1/08 at 10:06pm
1. Christopher Walken. NO ONE delivers a line like that. And his fractured enunciation would sound wonderful wrapped around the long, comma, semi-colon, dash, and parenthesis laden sentences I can't seem to stop writing.

2. Nice guy, even though he talked too much.

3. "I like the way the line runs up the back of the stockings."

Bonus: OK, here's what really happened to the dinosaurs. . . (something I've wanted to know since I wasa kid).
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post #36 of 52
4/2/08 at 5:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
Bonus: OK, here's what really happened to the dinosaurs. . . (something I've wanted to know since I wasa kid).
Good one! I'd love to hear that too.
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post #37 of 52
4/2/08 at 5:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
Bonus: OK, here's what really happened to the dinosaurs. . . (something I've wanted to know since I wasa kid).
The creationists were almost right.


I think if I heard that, I would want a one way ticket to hell then.
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post #38 of 52
4/2/08 at 5:39pm
I don't see what any of this has to do with ships on the ocean.
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post #39 of 52
4/2/08 at 6:03pm
1. Keith David
2. "I liked him. Or at least tolerated him."
3. Daffy Duck - "WOOHOOWOO WOOHOO WOOHOO WOO WOO WOOHOO!"

Bonus: If I die anytime soon, I hope it's "Here are the final 3 season DVD sets for LOST. Here are your wings, and over there is your cloud, complete with HD display and popcorn."
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post #40 of 52
4/2/08 at 6:05pm
For 1. I'd say Steven Jay Blum aka The guy who did the voice of Spike Spiegel
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post #41 of 52
4/3/08 at 1:41pm
1. Leslie Nielsen in classic Police Squad! style.
2. "That quiet funny guy."
3. Love your friends, die laughing

Bonus: "Dylan! You son of a bitch!" (This would be even better if my name were Dylan.)
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post #42 of 52
4/3/08 at 2:02pm
1) Russell Crowe.
2) "He loved."
3) "Be the change you want to see in the world."/"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." (I think those are both paraphrases, but you get the idea)

Bonus: "Wanna get high?"
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post #43 of 52
4/3/08 at 2:36pm
What the hell, why not?

1) Brent Butt. For you non-Canadians, he's the star of a very dry, laconic show called Corner Gas. If I have to pick someone that more people have heard of then I'd pick Nathan Fillion.

2) He made his small part of the world a better place.

3) So hear my words with faith and passion/For what I say to you is true/And when you find the one you might become/Remember part of me is you - Lyle Lovett "Simple Song"

Bonus: "It doesn't matter that you didn't believe. It matters that you were kind."
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post #44 of 52
4/3/08 at 3:34pm
In the future, anyone who owns an Ipod will be deaf.
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post #45 of 52
4/3/08 at 3:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by devincf View Post
I don't see what any of this has to do with ships on the ocean.
I knew there was something about this thread that wasn't right...
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post #46 of 52
4/4/08 at 12:42pm
I admiral naval gazers.
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post #47 of 52
4/4/08 at 12:57pm
1. Werner Herzog

2. Who was that guy?

3. Where's the beef?

bonus: You, me, cage match.
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post #48 of 52
4/4/08 at 3:01pm
Bonus: Come on in, feel free to hang around and let me know if you'd like to go another round.
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post #49 of 52
4/4/08 at 4:50pm
1. John Cusack; odd choice, but I can listen to the man talk for hours if need be.

2. He did what he wanted.

3. 'On his face is a map of the world...' (can't think of any others)

Bonus: "Psyche!" as he pulls off the God costume and reveals himself to be the Devil, who looks exactly like Andy Dick.
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post #50 of 52
4/4/08 at 5:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post

Bonus: "Psyche!" as he pulls off the God costume and reveals himself to be the Devil, who looks exactly like Andy Dick.
I was going to go with "FOOLED YOU!" a la Dark Helmet in Spaceballs. Hell, now that I think about it, I'd have him narrate my life too, occassionally lifting the visor to go off-script and mock my decisions and hygiene.
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