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Need tips on torture

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 
What would be the best way to make the person who drives the below car pay for his douchebaggery. I should add that this is not a one off thing and he's been doing this for some time now.

post #2 of 35
But it's a Scion.
post #3 of 35
Just get a few people organized so that you can park so close to him on either side that he can't open his doors.
post #4 of 35
But... it's a Scion. Who does this man think he is?
post #5 of 35
Thread Starter 
I should add that his car's registration is expired.

And it is only a Scion, and a Scion with a huge dent on the side of it.
post #6 of 35
Use something harmless like whipped cream or lipstick to write "I'M A DOUCHEBAG WHO TAKES UP TWO PARKING SPACES" on his windshield.
post #7 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer View Post
Just get a few people organized so that you can park so close to him on either side that he can't open his doors.
The winner.
post #8 of 35
Just kick his fucking door in.
post #9 of 35
I agree with the parking close so he can't get in.

If you want to be a huge duck you could let the air out of all his tires and/or slash the tires.

If you wanted to shell out the money you could layer slices of roast beef or ham on his windshield. Or buy a piece of fish and put it behind his gas tank cap so it starts to rot and smell for a week before a he fills up. And yeah getting lip stick or window markers and writing shit all over his windows would be fun.

You could always call a tow truck too and get the guy towed.

Collect dog poop and smear it all over car.
post #10 of 35
Why dog poop? Human poop smears just fine.
post #11 of 35
A mixture!
post #12 of 35
Call John Yoo.
post #13 of 35
Smear vaseline over his door handles every day. He may not get the message about parking, but he'll feel confused and slimy and hopefully get a reputation as that guy with the greasy handshake within a week or so.
post #14 of 35
Replace vaseline with crazy glue, and you may be onto something there.
post #15 of 35
If theres a lot of birds in the area, just throw a bag of bird seed over that douche's car, and watch the results.
Also, a mixture mayo and tuna on the door handle is great, specially on a hot day.
post #16 of 35
Thread Starter 
I'm in the process of trying to get the car towed now. It could inconvenience him much more than some of these other suggestions. Not that they are bad.

I've found out that others have complained about him as well and that he's been talked to about this.

I hope he gets towed. *crosses fingers*
post #17 of 35
Little car big space, but what is that space reserved for? Sherman Tanks?

I don't understand the anger. It looks like there's plenty of parking available. Having him towed is the ultimate dick move. Smearing dog shit up under the door handles, now that's classy.
post #18 of 35
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keith Fordyce View Post
Little car big space, but what is that space reserved for? Sherman Tanks?

I don't understand the anger. It looks like there's plenty of parking available. Having him towed is the ultimate dick move. Smearing dog shit up under the door handles, now that's classy.
The area behind the car are for recreational vehicles, boats and the like. The spots are of normal size where he is. At this complex there is a severe shortage of spots and the fact that this asshole is using two of them every time he parks his Scion is a little more than annoying.

Not to mention that parking in two spots and having expired vehicle registration are both lease violations. If it makes me a huge dick for trying to get him towed I am okay with that.
post #19 of 35
Talk to him about it, and then give him a printed version of this thread if he still acts like he's giving no fuck.

Actually doing something suggested on this thread makes you a coward weasel.
post #20 of 35
Yell angrily into the air then go about your business.
post #21 of 35
Kill him.

Or knock on his door and tell him to cut it out.
post #22 of 35
Well if he has two lease violations, go to the leasing office first. If he ignores it, get him towed. Then if he does it again, get a friend with a pick up, back into the side of his car. A Ram with a nice metal rear bumper should give him a nice convertible. Also, a good old fashioned keying is always good.

I am a complete fucking prick about parking spots in my complex. There are assigned spots for each unit, and if I go out and come back later than midnight, it's guaranteed that some asshole will have taken my spot. It wouldn't be such a big deal, except my complex is huge and the un-reserved spots at that time of night are about a mile (no exaggeration) away. Boozed up and on a full stomach late at night makes such a hike extremely difficult.

Whoo, got that out.

EDIT: Just saw you're in Austin. His license is up on the dash, not on the front bumper. Another state violation to go with his registration. You've got plenty of room to be a prick.
post #23 of 35
I'm going to second what Devin said and ask something obvious - has anyone actually directly confronted the guy on this, or were they all being weenies and doing stuff behind his back? Just curious.
post #24 of 35
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I'm going to second what Devin said and ask something obvious - has anyone actually directly confronted the guy on this, or were they all being weenies and doing stuff behind his back? Just curious.
I actually just had a run in with them.

I'm guessing no one beside management had talked to him directly before about this though. I was sitting inside and I saw him walk by my apt going to his car. He went in and didn't move it or anything, just got something out of it.

As he was walking back I went on my patio and told him to move his car, and he said okay and kept walking. Few minutes later he comes out (with a shirt on this time) and moves the car to the spots near the fence in the picture, still taking up two spots mind you. I come out and sorta yell at him and he says someone else parked his car last night. Yadda yadda yadda things are okay now.

Apparently he's allowed to use two spots by the fence. I am no drinking a beer, I've earned it.
post #25 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I'm going to second what Devin said and ask something obvious - has anyone actually directly confronted the guy on this, or were they all being weenies and doing stuff behind his back? Just curious.
Sure, it's better to talk to him than to do some passive-aggressive pranks, but the dude should know what he is doing without having to be informed.
post #26 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Kimbell View Post
Sure, it's better to talk to him than to do some passive-aggressive pranks, but the dude should know what he is doing without having to be informed.
Most people need to be informed that they still have to breathe, so we probably shouldn't give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Besides, I'd rather talk to someone face-to-face about it than get stabbed by the exact same dipshit after being caught putting bacon on his car.
post #27 of 35
You guys allowed your license plates inside your car like that?
post #28 of 35
To be fair, Miyazaki was asking for revenge tips. Had he said, "how should I deal with this situation" most responses would have been different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bees?! View Post
You guys allowed your license plates inside your car like that?
In Canada, we have TWO license plates on our cars! Weird huh?
post #29 of 35
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bees?! View Post
You guys allowed your license plates inside your car like that?
In Texas you have to have a plate displayed on the back and the front of your car.

I'm not totally sure if the in the windshield plate is allowed really. It sucks though, because lots of cars don't have places for plates on the front but you still have to drill holes and mount it.
post #30 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miyazaki View Post
I actually just had a run in with them.

I'm guessing no one beside management had talked to him directly before about this though. I was sitting inside and I saw him walk by my apt going to his car. He went in and didn't move it or anything, just got something out of it.

As he was walking back I went on my patio and told him to move his car, and he said okay and kept walking. Few minutes later he comes out (with a shirt on this time) and moves the car to the spots near the fence in the picture, still taking up two spots mind you. I come out and sorta yell at him and he says someone else parked his car last night. Yadda yadda yadda things are okay now.

Apparently he's allowed to use two spots by the fence. I am no drinking a beer, I've earned it.
You might've tipped your hand already, Miyazaki. If anything happens to his car now, you're probably going to be suspect #1.

Best bet, wait a few days, see if he takes your discussion to heart. If not, wait until nightfall, smear your goop of choice all over it. By morning, it should be nice and crusty, and won't he be surprised!
post #31 of 35
This is what I get for reading threads too soon after I get up. I thought the problem was some guy parking his small car in a space reserved for big ass vehicles. Now I can clearly see he's straddling a white line.

So yeah, fuck him.
post #32 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
To be fair, Miyazaki was asking for revenge tips. Had he said, "how should I deal with this situation" most responses would have been different.
I guess I just don't see the appeal of resorting to pranks straight out of the gate without at least going to the offending party and straight up asking them what the deal is.
post #33 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I guess I just don't see the appeal of resorting to pranks straight out of the gate without at least going to the offending party and straight up asking them what the deal is.
Jake, if you can't see the appeal, then I don't even know who you are anymore.

Actually, DaveB (who is hovering over my shoulder - everyone say hi) just made an excellent point as I was typing the above - Jake, you can't see the appeal in childish pranks because if you (giant, scary you) were to approach someone and tell them to move their car, they would not only move their car, they would also move your car, wash it, shine your shoes, give you a manicure, and buy you a case of your favorite beer. The tiny people of the world must resort to far more underhanded antics to get our points across.
post #34 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
The tiny people of the world must resort to far more underhanded antics to get our points across.
Like hiring Jake to simply nudge the car over a few feet.
post #35 of 35
I used to quietly stew at a guy who always parked his car like this. My roommate shrugged it off, asking what the big deal was. I would go off on a rant about people's false sense of entitlement, who did he think he was, blah blah blah. When all is said and done, it is a silly little thing to raise your blood pressure over. I got to know the guy and he was super cool, but for some reason he thought his Corvette deserved two spaces. If the rationale was he didn't want anybody to accidentally scratch his doors, you would think he'd realize that taking up two spots might piss off somebody enough to purposefully vandalize his vehicle.

I am more inclined to let stuff like this roll off my back, life is way too short to get up in arms over every percieved slight out there, especially traffic related. If I let my blood boil over every jackass that cut me off or parked like a moron, I would have had a heart attack years ago, or be serving a jail sentence for criminal recklessness.
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