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The 10 Worst Movies You've Ever Seen

post #1 of 360
4/13/08 at 7:41pm
Thread Starter 
I found this article and it got me to thinking- how do we always evaluate the worst films? Do we really need to see every movie to determine what the worst film is? And does worst mean "poorly made", "poorly conceived", "poorly acted", "poorly realized"- what is it? I think it's a combination for me. My list of the worst films I've ever seen...

1. Boondock Saints
2. Skidoo
3. Battlefield Earth
4. Manos The Hands Of Fate
5. Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector
6. Plan 9 From Outer Space
7. Gigli
8. X-Men: The Last Stand
9. House Of The Dead
10. Dracula Vs. Frankenstein

I know there's a bit of a pause at the third X-Men film, but that's where I think the film operates poorly on many levels- conceptually, artistically, intellectually AND aesthetically, moreso than any giant blockbuster I've ever seen outside of "Battlefield Earth".
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post #2 of 360
4/13/08 at 7:54pm
You've got to add JUMPER to that list.
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post #3 of 360
4/13/08 at 7:55pm
Did you see the unadulterated Manos: The Hands of Fate, or the MST3K version?
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post #4 of 360
4/13/08 at 7:59pm
The only truly terrible films I think I've seen in the cinema are Exorcist: The Beginning and Resident Evil 2. I think I've blocked out all the ones I've seen on video or TV.
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post #5 of 360
4/13/08 at 8:02pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nekkerbee View Post
Did you see the unadulterated Manos: The Hands of Fate, or the MST3K version?
Thanks to VHS, the original. I gotta get me that Torgo ringtone, though.
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post #6 of 360
4/13/08 at 8:03pm
This is even harder then a top 10 best list.
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post #7 of 360
4/13/08 at 8:03pm
The credits in Skidoo are sung, that should take it off any worst list.
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post #8 of 360
4/13/08 at 8:04pm
Why on earth did you see the Larry the Cable Guy movie?
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post #9 of 360
4/13/08 at 8:54pm
I know there's a sort of fanboy backlash against it, but no way does "X-Men 3" belong on that list.
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post #10 of 360
4/13/08 at 8:54pm
In no particular order:

1. Tomb Raider and the Cradle Of Life
2. Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course
3. The Crow: Wicked Prayer
4. Dirty (2005)
5. House Of The Dead
6. Manos: The Hands of Fate
7. Mortal Kombat Annihilation
8. Southland Tales
9. Crash (2004)
10. Superman III
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post #11 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:07pm
The worst ive seen at the cinema:
1.-joe somebody
2.-The Ninth Gate
3.-Ultraviolet
4.-Speed 2
5.-wild wild west
6.-junior
7.-The Lost World
8.-Armaggedon
9.-Jack
10.-judge dread
Bonus: Street fighter.

Stuff rented that I hated: U turn, teen wolf too, Dobermann, Hook, the pest, Mortal Kombat 2.

Big disapointments or worst sequels: Back to the future 2, Rocky V, Phantom Menace and Matrix Reloaded.
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post #12 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KABONG View Post
1. Boondock Saints
I don't know if I'd say this is the worst movie I've seen, but it certainly tops the "worst experience," "biggest failure," and "most disappointing" categories. I had heard about it for a while, from all the most interesting people in my high school, and finally it was lent to me - by a girl I liked, no less - and then I popped in the DVD, and The Boondock Saints happened, right there in front of my eyes. My innocence and optimism: gone.
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post #13 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:25pm
The problem is that whenever film geeks make "worst" lists, they inevitably wind up being more of a "films that had the biggest gap between what I wanted and what I got" list instead. Consequently, we get a bunch of big-budget franchise or intellectual property films that are in no way in the same category as Manos or House of the Dead. X-Men 3 wasn't even the worst movie of its year, much less one of the worst of all time. It just was very far removed from what most people wanted of it. Which was basically the moon and the stars.
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post #14 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:30pm
True as far as it goes, but none of that changes that X-Men 3 was a lukewarm balls quesadilla.
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post #15 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:36pm
Off the top of my head:

10) Fred Claus
9) The Returner
8) Battlefield Earth
7) Date Movie
6) Alone in the Dark
5) House of the Dead
4) The Grudge 2
3) Employee of the Month
2) Ghost Rider
1) Joe Somebody
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post #16 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:44pm
My Worst 10 films:
1) Atonement
2) Traffic
3) Annie Hall
4) Greystoke: Legend Of Tarzan
5) Elektra
6) Speed
7) Victor Victoria
8) The Big Chill
9) The Graduate
10) Out Of Africa
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post #17 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:46pm
AKA Ten More Reasons To Suspect That Duke Fleed Is Not A Real Person.

Seriously, man, you're not even trying to make it believable anymore.
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post #18 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:51pm
2) Traffic
FUCK
3) Annie Hall
OFF
You've got to be kidding.
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post #19 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:53pm
Greg David, Jakespeare, I listed the 10 films I feel are a waste of time. What can I say...my tastes are contrary to alot of people.
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post #20 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by duke fleed View Post
My Worst 10 films:
1) Atonement
2) Traffic
3) Annie Hall
4) Greystoke: Legend Of Tarzan
5) Elektra
6) Speed
7) Victor Victoria
8) The Big Chill
9) The Graduate
10) Out Of Africa
Wow.
You didnt like Annie Hall and the Graduate and consider them some of the worst movies ever.
Could I see your Top 10 films list (please).
Are you really 39 years old?
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post #21 of 360
4/13/08 at 9:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by duke fleed View Post
Greg David, Jakespeare, I listed the 10 films I feel are a waste of time. What can I say...my tastes are contrary to alot of people.
That would make sense, since you don't literally exist. You're Alan Smithee in web forum form.
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post #22 of 360
4/13/08 at 10:01pm
I haven't seen an awful lot of really, really bad films, so there are a couple of slightly less weak entries.

1) The Haunting of Hell House -inept, lifeless, pointless 90s Corman production
2) Children of the Corn 2 -exceptionally derivative, poor horror
3) Children of the Corn 3 -even shoddier, but marginally less dull
4) Bride of the Monster -a highly entertaining couple of patches doesn't really redeem the tedium of the rest of the film
5) Hellraiser 3 -miserable Nightmare on Elm Street rip-off
6) The Boondock Saints -hate, hate, hate
7) Scary Movie 2 -quite remarkably unfunny. It's almost some kind of achievement
8) League of Extraordinary Gentlemen -everything that can go wrong with a hollywood blockbuster
9) Underworld Evolution -made the tiresome plotting of the first somehow seem intelligent by contrast
10) Swamp Thing -dull. Just dull.
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post #23 of 360
4/13/08 at 10:03pm
8) The Big Chill?
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post #24 of 360
4/13/08 at 10:07pm
Wow, this might take awhile. Here in Chicago, we have a horror movie host named Svengoolie who has played us a lot of crappy movies over the years. When you add in my odd fascination with bad movies - which forces me to watch certain movies when they're on cable - this can get ugly.

1. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
2. Children of the Living Dead (2001)
3. Eegah (1962)
4. I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)
5. Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)
6. Epic Movie (2007)
7. The Stupids (1996)
8. I Spit on Your Grave (1978)
9. House of the Dead (2003)
10. Offerings (1989)

Some dishonorable mentions:
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, Halloween: Resurrection, the Black Christmas remake, It's Pat, New York Minute, The Marine and pretty much anything that Hulk Hogan was in.
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post #25 of 360
4/13/08 at 10:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iron Maiden View Post
and pretty much anything that Hulk Hogan was in.
Does Rocky III count? Cause I actually like that one.
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post #26 of 360
4/13/08 at 10:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
Does Rocky III count? Cause I actually like that one.
Also, don't hate on 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain.
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post #27 of 360
4/13/08 at 10:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post
4. Dirty (2005)
Just curious, but how come? Nothing original about it for sure but I liked Gooding in that one.
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post #28 of 360
4/13/08 at 11:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moltisanti View Post
Just curious, but how come? Nothing original about it for sure but I liked Gooding in that one.
Gooding only did good by realizing by the end how utterly ridiculous that entire movie was, saying "fuck it", and turning his Denzel in Training Day wannabe into a hilarious mewling pussy. Nobody else made that realization, sadly enough.

Also, I thought we were way past the point of giving duke fleed's opinions on non-80's cartoon film any sort of legitimacy.
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post #29 of 360
4/13/08 at 11:07pm
In no particular order:

Terror Toons
Epic Movie
The Avengers
Donnie Darko
Balls of Fury
Elektra
Left Behind part 1
Street Fighter
Queen of the Damned
Night at the Roxbury
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post #30 of 360
4/13/08 at 11:15pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
The problem is that whenever film geeks make "worst" lists, they inevitably wind up being more of a "films that had the biggest gap between what I wanted and what I got" list instead. Consequently, we get a bunch of big-budget franchise or intellectual property films that are in no way in the same category as Manos or House of the Dead. X-Men 3 wasn't even the worst movie of its year, much less one of the worst of all time. It just was very far removed from what most people wanted of it. Which was basically the moon and the stars.
I knew someone was going to take this into account. It's a question of resources, and in my opinion, bad movies are made out of decent resources. has anyone in movie history had more resources than Brett Ratner going into a megablockbuster? I don't want to make this into an X-Men thread, so I won't speak in specifics, but it betrays the sensibilities of the earlier films, takes a number of powerful themes and thinks them through rudimentarily to the most obvious, sometimes philosophically dangerous ends, the effects are inconsistent, the dialogue is dreadful, the logistics of the characters are highly suspect, and the heroes take a backseat to the villain, who accidentally comes out as the only character worth rooting for. For everything mildly diverting in this film, and there are about five or six actual details, there are about twenty more incoherent, arbitrary, stupid or even irresponsible elements present. Yes, it belongs in the Bad Movie Pantheon, no matter how much Juggernaut smashes shit.
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post #31 of 360
4/13/08 at 11:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
Does Rocky III count? Cause I actually like that one.
I like it too. From time-to-time, I like to shout out, "He's nothing but a meatball," at sporting events. Surprisingly, a lot of people actually know what I'm talking about.

Anything else, though, starring Hulk is usually not good. I did laugh at his cameo in Muppets in Space, to be honest.
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post #32 of 360
4/13/08 at 11:29pm
Ildevansmack:
My Top 10
1) Empire Strikes Back
2) Raiders Of The Lost Ark
3) Enter The Dragon
4) Hardboiled
5) Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom
6) X-Men The Last Stand
7) Lethal Weapon
8) Once Upon A Time In China
9) Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King
10) True Lies
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post #33 of 360
4/13/08 at 11:30pm
I love Duke Fleed's worst-of list. It's exactly what I came into this thread looking for.
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post #34 of 360
4/13/08 at 11:56pm
I think that if we changed the name to Top 10 Movies you Hated, rather then Worst, Fleed's list would be more then acceptable. There are plent of movies I hate that are actually well made, and plenty of movies I love that are shit.
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post #35 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:00am
There are movies that I know are actively bad that I've paid to see, like Fear Dot Com and Blue Crush, but I don't think I hated a movie more than I hated We Are Marshall. I try to avoid bad movies these days.
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post #36 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:04am
In no particular order:
Frankenstein Island
King Solomon's Mines (the Richard Chamberlain version)
Manos: The Hands of Fate
Hog Wild
Grease 2
Tarzan the Ape Man
Smokey and the Bandit III
Troll
Wild Wild West
Slapstick of Another Kind
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post #37 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:08am
1) Schindlers List
2) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
3) American Beauty
4) The Goonies
5) Punch-drunk Love
6) Fight Club
7) Scarface
8) Clerks
9) Battle Royale
10) The Silence Of The Lambs
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post #38 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:11am
Oh, Wild Wild West. That's one of the ones I blocked out.
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post #39 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:17am
Quote:
Originally Posted by leeVSbenway View Post
1) Schindlers List
2) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
3) American Beauty
4) The Goonies
5) Punch-drunk Love
6) Fight Club
7) Scarface
8) Clerks
9) Battle Royale
10) The Silence Of The Lambs
If this was supposed to be funny...it wasn't.
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post #40 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabe Powers View Post
I think that if we changed the name to Top 10 Movies you Hated, rather then Worst, Fleed's list would be more then acceptable. There are plent of movies I hate that are actually well made, and plenty of movies I love that are shit.
I've always said if you ask me what I think is "best", depending on the category, the list will at least be somewhat, if not vastly, different from my list of "favorites."

Anyway, WORST:

- Navy Seals

- Independence Day

- Clash of the Titans

- The Avengers (though it does have a crazed, fever-dream badness to it that may be fun on 2nd watching...though I doubt I'll ever know)

- Bloodrayne

- Search and Destroy....


...geez, this is tough; normally I can tell a movie is a shit sandwich before I bite into it.
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post #41 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:25am
Oh, almost forgot Xanadu.
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post #42 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by leeVSbenway View Post
1) Schindlers List
2) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
3) American Beauty
4) The Goonies
5) Punch-drunk Love
6) Fight Club
7) Scarface
8) Clerks
9) Battle Royale
10) The Silence Of The Lambs
I was almost going to call bullshit on a number of these, then I realized what was going on and now I'm bored.
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post #43 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:30am
1. Yojimbo
2. White Chicks
3. Cabin Boy
4. Timeline
5. Homeward Bound
6. Aliens
7. Manos, The Hands of Fate
8. Phenomenon
9. Alice
10. Saw III
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post #44 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:32am
In no order whatsoever:

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
The Replacement Killers
City by the Sea
You Got Served
Chaos (David DeFalco, dir.)
Eight Crazy Nights
The Hot Chick
Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest
The Burning
Analyze That

As I was typing that up I realized that I saw EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS and THE HOT CHICK on the same night. It was "let's get stoned and watch the worst movies we can" night. Always a crowd pleaser.
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post #45 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:33am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll View Post
1. Yojimbo
2. White Chicks
3. Cabin Boy
4. Timeline
5. Homeward Bound
6. Aliens
7. Manos, The Hands of Fate
8. Phenomenon
9. Alice
10. Saw III
Man, it's not like I haven't seen it before but Mr. Ripoll hating ALIENS always throws me off kilter for a few minutes.
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post #46 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:47am
I'd never met anybody who disliked Aliens before coming here. Now they're everywhere!

Yojimbo like the Kurosawa movie? Interesting choice. How come?
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post #47 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:48am
1. Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch
2. Air Bud: Golden Receiver
3. MVP: Most Valuable Primate
4. Air Bud
5. MVP: Most Vertical Primate
6. Air Bud: World Pup
7. Casper: A Spirited Beginning
8. Air Bud: Spikes Back
9. MXP: Most Xtreme Primate
10. Keanu Reeves: Journey To Success
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post #48 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:52am
You forgot THE FISH THAT SAVED PITTSBURGH.
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post #49 of 360
4/14/08 at 12:52am
He might not have seen it yet. I guarantee you he really saw all those.
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post #50 of 360
4/14/08 at 1:00am
I'll level with you: that was a gag post. Of those 10, I have only seen Air Bud, Casper: A Spirited Beginning, and the first 10 minutes of MVP: Most Valuable Primate.

Trivia buffs take note
Casper: A Spirited Beginning has a cameo appearance from the one and only Casper Van Diem!
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