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Tree-man is looking for love

post #1 of 63
Thread Starter 
post #2 of 63
What a sap.
post #3 of 63
I'm going out on a limb, but if a girl went on a blind date and saw this stump she'd definitely leave.
post #4 of 63
Why's he named iTree Man? Does he grow Apples?
post #5 of 63
It's nice to see the guy branching out.
post #6 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by I View Post
'iTree Man of Java' is planning to get married after 4lb of bark were cut away.
Wonder if the bark they cleared out was around his twig and berries?
post #7 of 63
So, is there going to be another thread started that complains about this one? I wanna make a funny, but not feel the guilt tomorrow when other Chewers complain about how unfunny and insensitive these comments are.
post #8 of 63

Insensitive?

I kinda want to make jokes about HPV and why women should get the vaccine but I think that would tread upon the last thread about this guy.

So instead I'll post this:


Get the vaccine, ladies.
post #9 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Don S. View Post
So, is there going to be another thread started that complains about this one? I wanna make a funny, but not feel the guilt tomorrow when other Chewers complain about how unfunny and insensitive these comments are.
Learn from the Tree Man and grow thicker skin.
post #10 of 63
Oh no, I'm fine about it. Bought the Thick Skin Kit long ago. I was actually just finding the humor in the whole thing and wanted to make a joke about it.


Now I feel guilty.
post #11 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
Learn from the Tree Man and grow thicker skin.
Make like a tree and search for love.
post #12 of 63
I think the only complaining that will be done is about Mike Shayne's comedy vacuum that immediately sucked any fun that could've been had right out of this thread. 0 for 3, kid.
post #13 of 63
Wait wait wait I've got it: make like a tree and pine.
post #14 of 63
Wait a minute, there's a perfectly good Thomas F. Wilson quote right out there, ripe for the taking, and this is the best we can come up with?
post #15 of 63
Boo hoo. Alex doesn't like me. Hope they saved the stuff they cut off Tree-Man to manufacture some tissues and dry my tears.
post #16 of 63
That guy looks like a tree.
post #17 of 63
Nevermind, Don made my day.
post #18 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Renn Brown View Post
That guy looks like a tree.

I think out of all the comments so far, that one made me laugh the hardest.
post #19 of 63
Crotch rot takes on a whole new meaning.
post #20 of 63
The funniest thing is that GAP logo on his shirt. I guess the guy's trying to spruce up his appearance.
post #21 of 63
Yea how the hell did he get his hands through the sleeves?
post #22 of 63
Somone must've put the shirt on him. Christ I can't even imagine how he goes to the bathroom. Or did someone insert a tap ala a getting sap out?
post #23 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Christ I can't even imagine how he goes to the bathroom. Or did someone insert a tap ala a getting sap out?
post #24 of 63
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Don S. View Post
I think out of all the comments so far, that one made me laugh the hardest.
Me too.
post #25 of 63
I've actually met Tree-Man. He's an ENTresting guy.
post #26 of 63
It seems that he wants to sow his oats. To impregnate a woman with his seed.

Good luck to him.
post #27 of 63
I do not object to the humor at all (even the bad puns; just mad I didn't get to them first). But is NO ONE as horified by this as I am? What. . .w-what. . .the fuck IS that?!
post #28 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
I do not object to the humor at all (even the bad puns; just mad I didn't get to them first). But is NO ONE as horified by this as I am? What. . .w-what. . .the fuck IS that?!
I wasn't horrified until I got a very unpleasant mental image of what trying to fuck him would be like for his future wife. Would...would IT be covered in bark?

More importantly, I am confused. Can someone explain this disease he has to me? Those are warts? It's not really wood, right?
post #29 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewolf Girl View Post
It's not really wood, right?
Well, he is looking for a woman.
post #30 of 63
Thinking back to how scared I was of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre when I was 12, it must've been downright hellish for this guy.
post #31 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewolf Girl View Post
I wasn't horrified until I got a very unpleasant mental image of what trying to fuck him would be like for his future wife. Would...would IT be covered in bark?

More importantly, I am confused. Can someone explain this disease he has to me? Those are warts? It's not really wood, right?
If it were covered in bark, splinters would be a bitch.

Epidermodysplasia verruciformis
post #32 of 63
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
I do not object to the humor at all (even the bad puns; just mad I didn't get to them first). But is NO ONE as horified by this as I am? What. . .w-what. . .the fuck IS that?!
In all seriousness, I almost threw up when I first saw the photo. I haven't looked at it since posting it. It is that disturbing to me.
post #33 of 63
I feel bad for the guy as well. We should probably all just leaf him alone.
post #34 of 63
I saw this guy on a special on TLC a while back.

Here's a bit of it, including Bubble Man and Nose Man.
post #35 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewolf Girl View Post
I wasn't horrified until I got a very unpleasant mental image of what trying to fuck him would be like for his future wife. Would...would IT be covered in bark?
Have you seen Evil Dead?
post #36 of 63
Wow that little chubby guy is like the Prof. X of circus sideshow ringleaders. Someone needs to give him this guys number. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBohmdsUXF4
post #37 of 63
Why the barked face?

Don't be such a hard-wood head about it.

Poor guy, probably can't grow a limb.

He really should branch out.


I'm trying to cut this thread off at the base.
post #38 of 63
Boo!
post #39 of 63
He's just looking to sow his wild oaks.
post #40 of 63

No Joke Here

Okay, I get that his immune condition makes him unable to control the virus that causes warts to form, but...why does it look so much like wood?
post #41 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz View Post
Okay, I get that his immune condition makes him unable to control the virus that causes warts to form, but...why does it look so much like wood?
Bitten by a weretree of course.
post #42 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeShaynePI View Post
Bitten by a weretree of course.
Hogwash. Unless you can provide me with some kind of proof, like his warts stretch out toward the full moon as they grow or something, I hold this as nothing but rank superstition.
post #43 of 63
It's nice to see a guy wanting to put down roots.
post #44 of 63
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*


*going to hell
post #45 of 63
WOOD you guys please quit punning this poor guy to death. It's bad enough he has to LUMBER around with big feet and hands. Have a heart ..... jeeezzzzz !!!!
post #46 of 63
Nice to see this thread 's hit two pages already. Tree-Man is very poplar, huh?
post #47 of 63
On the wedding night, he'll be coming out of the woodwork.
post #48 of 63
Your pencil is sticking into my hip. That's not a pencil, that's a branch.

He must be wearing Minwax for his hot date.


I'm really trying to burn this thread with bad jokes...
post #49 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeShaynePI View Post
This is a picture of that guy's favorite porn star.
post #50 of 63
I hope some kind of lube is used. Fact is, all that friction could start a fire.
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