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David Blaine fails at life

post #1 of 49
4/23/08 at 3:21pm
Thread Starter 
dlisted.com

Quote:


David Blaine's next stunt will involve him trying to hold his breath for as long as possible. David will go on Oprah's show April 30th to attempt to beat the Guinness World Record live. The record is currently 16 minutes and 14 seconds.

David tried to break the record for breath-holding underwater in 2006, but failed. David has already been buried alive in a coffin for a week, lived in water for 7 days and fasted for 44 days. Basically, the dude is not human.

I guess if you're going to make yourself go brain dead, you might as well do it live on the Oprah show. Hopefully, he won't be wearing any clothes while he attempts to break the record. I mean, he has to give us something to look at while he's holding his breath for that long.
I've met this guy and he's as much a giant douche in person as you'd imagine.
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post #2 of 49
4/23/08 at 3:25pm
Only thing that came out of David Blaine was good were those parody videos. And those are only good for maybe a few views.
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post #3 of 49
4/23/08 at 3:30pm
The guy that set that record has an inhuman amount of lung capacity. I hope Blaine dies on Oprah. It would be a one two punch of success!
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post #4 of 49
4/23/08 at 3:31pm
We won't crack 12 minutes.
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post #5 of 49
4/23/08 at 3:33pm
I don't think "we'll" be able to even watch for 12 minutes!
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post #6 of 49
4/23/08 at 4:09pm
Won´t happen.
Beating 16 minutes?
Live on Ophra?
Impossible without ad breaks. And thus not very exiting. Or likely.
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post #7 of 49
4/23/08 at 4:09pm
I will watch for exactly 0 seconds.
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post #8 of 49
4/23/08 at 4:12pm
Is this guy still dating Josie Moran? That was about the only thing he had going for him.
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post #9 of 49
4/23/08 at 4:17pm
Anyone want to explain to me how this guy makes a living off this shtick? I don't see anyone buying tickets to watch this nonsense. His job at Burger King must have pretty flexible hours.
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post #10 of 49
4/23/08 at 5:05pm
Wouldn't you just pass out first?
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post #11 of 49
4/23/08 at 5:26pm
Yeah, it's almost impossible to die by holding your breath above water. You'd pass out and start breathing automatically.
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post #12 of 49
4/23/08 at 5:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
I've met this guy and he's as much a giant douche in person as you'd imagine.
My barber is his cousin. Seems Blaine's Puerto Rican on his mom's side, or something. He hasn't visited the family in years and years, though. Fuckers even look alike.

I like his street magic stuff way more than Criss Angel's. His "levitation" is utter shit, though.
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post #13 of 49
4/23/08 at 5:42pm
If he's not doing this underwater, how will they know he's not just breathing really shallow? Do they duct tape his mouth shut and put a mirror under his nose?

This guy sucks.
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post #14 of 49
4/23/08 at 5:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
Yeah, it's almost impossible to die by holding your breath above water. You'd pass out and start breathing automatically.
No, Pox, I meant before watching this whole thing, wouldn't you just pass out first?

This has to be the most boring "stunt" Blaine has pulled. He should stick to his creepy street magic.
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post #15 of 49
4/23/08 at 6:24pm
Yet another in a series of David Blaine's increasingly desperate and pathetic attempts to stay relevant.
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post #16 of 49
4/23/08 at 8:44pm
When it comes to magicians, fuck Blaine, fuck Angel... bring back Harry "The Hat" Anderson!
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post #17 of 49
4/23/08 at 10:47pm
I'm honestly not sure who shits me more, Blaine or Angel.

Come to think of it, David Copperfield used to shit me to tears as well.

Maybe I have magician issues...
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post #18 of 49
4/24/08 at 1:25am
Yeah I actually like David Copperfield. When you figure how he does some of his tricks you'll feel pretty angry at him. Fuckin liar.

lol. But anyways yeah. Angel's levitation probably looks more impressive because he uses camera tricks. I've never seen him do it live.

I don't know why Blaine does this stuff.
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post #19 of 49
4/24/08 at 12:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Radb707 View Post
I don't know why Blaine does this stuff.
Probably because he ran out of ancient and well-documented amateur street magic tricks.
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post #20 of 49
4/24/08 at 3:59pm
I can't wait for his next "trick" ,where he goes to his room until he can learn to behave himself.
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post #21 of 49
4/24/08 at 4:18pm
The only good thing that David Blaine brought into the world and he did so unintentionally:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/2876

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/1050

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/1e72a45abc
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post #22 of 49
4/24/08 at 4:27pm
It's really hard to imitate David Blaine.
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post #23 of 49
4/25/08 at 11:21am
As much as I loathe Blaine, have to say I hate Criss Angel much, much more. The guy really misses the late 1980s, one of the lowest cultural points in human history.
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post #24 of 49
4/27/08 at 5:52pm
Much as i hated him being cast in 'It", I always liked harry Anderson otherwise, and I'd much rather watch him do stupid magic tricks and tell jokes than anything these new magicians do. And as for the late 80's being the cultural low point in human history, I take strong exception to that. Surely the late 90's have that beat by MILES.
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post #25 of 49
4/27/08 at 6:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
Much as i hated him being cast in 'It", I always liked harry Anderson otherwise, and I'd much rather watch him do stupid magic tricks and tell jokes than anything these new magicians do. And as for the late 80's being the cultural low point in human history, I take strong exception to that. Surely the late 90's have that beat by MILES.
Ah, but you forget the late '70s, which I can sum up in one word... "Disco." To keep it on topic, the '70s also gave us Doug Henning.
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post #26 of 49
4/27/08 at 9:27pm
At least the late 70's are good for a self conscious, nostalgic laugh now and then, Disco notwithstanding. The late 90's aren't even good for that. . . . Also, Pink Floyd's "The Wall" came out in 1979, so there were cultural bright spots.
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post #27 of 49
4/27/08 at 9:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Goldberg View Post
The only good thing that David Blaine brought into the world and he did so unintentionally:
He also had Harmony Korine direct one of his TV specials. Which is kind of a good thing. I guess.
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post #28 of 49
4/28/08 at 4:54am
Was it ever revealed who the 'masked magician' was that gave away all the standard magic trick secrets?
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post #29 of 49
4/28/08 at 10:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
Was it ever revealed who the 'masked magician' was that gave away all the standard magic trick secrets?
For some reason, I always thought it was Teller from Penn and Teller. I'm likely way off-base about that, but something about the body language 'twixt the two set off a red flag.
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post #30 of 49
4/28/08 at 11:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
Was it ever revealed who the 'masked magician' was that gave away all the standard magic trick secrets?
Huh? Never heard about that. Is there any link or something that I could persue for further reading?
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post #31 of 49
4/28/08 at 4:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
Was it ever revealed who the 'masked magician' was that gave away all the standard magic trick secrets?
Val Valentino.
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post #32 of 49
4/28/08 at 10:11pm
I watched that secrets of magic revealed special with my brother, and out of nowhere he just sings "Give it away, give it away, give it away, now!" I laughed my ass off. My favorite magic show moment, by far.
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post #33 of 49
4/28/08 at 11:41pm
Gotta get into the magician thing. This guy roams around in what seems like a perpetual haze, makes money and gets great ass.
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post #34 of 49
4/30/08 at 5:18pm
Sonofabitch did it.
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post #35 of 49
4/30/08 at 6:06pm
I guess David Blaine succeeds at life, after all.
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post #36 of 49
4/30/08 at 6:08pm
How is breaking a world record magic in the first place? Aren't magicians professional liars to begin with?
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post #37 of 49
4/30/08 at 9:00pm
He beat the record by little more than 70 seconds or so.

He said his next "trick" is to beat the record for staying awake, which currently stands at 11 days and 12 hours.

My record is 42 hours. Do I suck?
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post #38 of 49
4/30/08 at 9:17pm
Fuck he's still alive.
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post #39 of 49
4/30/08 at 11:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTSMGL View Post
He beat the record by little more than 70 seconds or so.

He said his next "trick" is to beat the record for staying awake, which currently stands at 11 days and 12 hours.

My record is 42 hours. Do I suck?
If he succeeds at that while watching his own "stunts" I'll be amazed. By the way, I'm sure some tweeker out there has that record beat by months, they just didn't call Guinness.
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post #40 of 49
5/1/08 at 12:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pvt. Spunkmeyer View Post
Fuck he's still alive.
I read this in Denis Leary's voice. So much funnier that way.
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post #41 of 49
5/1/08 at 9:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
I read this in Denis Leary's voice. So much funnier that way.
That's exactly how it's meant to be read.
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post #42 of 49
5/1/08 at 10:03pm
Someone asked this before, but I can't seem to find the response, but how exactly does Blaine make money off these 'tricks'?
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post #43 of 49
5/1/08 at 10:29pm
The only one of these stupid stunts I will watch is the one where he dies.
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post #44 of 49
5/1/08 at 10:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTSMGL View Post
He said his next "trick" is to beat the record for staying awake, which currently stands at 11 days and 12 hours.
If he does, he'll be the ONLY ONE awake in the theatre, or wherever. What a boring fucking "stunt".
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post #45 of 49
5/1/08 at 11:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mole View Post
Someone asked this before, but I can't seem to find the response, but how exactly does Blaine make money off these 'tricks'?
Oh, I'm sure theres plenty of corporations out there who have made Blaine their bitch.

TIME calls Blaine a "Master Stuntman."

Blaine...Master Stuntman...I hate the human race.

Master Stunts such as:

Quote:
April 1999, New York
Spends 7 days in a transparent coffin with 6 inches of head room.
Physical Toll: Emerged hungry but unharmed.
WOW!!!
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post #46 of 49
5/1/08 at 11:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mole View Post
Someone asked this before, but I can't seem to find the response, but how exactly does Blaine make money off these 'tricks'?
He sold his persona rights to South Park, that's all.
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post #47 of 49
5/1/08 at 11:53pm
That was awesome, and it wasn't magic.

If you guys can't see the difference between Criss Angel and Blaine's old stupid street magic compared to his recent record-breaking feats of human endurance, fuck all of you. You can call him a loser all you want, but he just trained himself to stop breathing for 17 minutes. First time in the history of humanity someone has done that.

Haters.
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post #48 of 49
5/2/08 at 12:03am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graynadian View Post
but he just trained himself to stop breathing for 17 minutes.
Is sucking satans cock a part of this training?
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post #49 of 49
5/2/08 at 1:04am
Couldn't he have gone for the record much further out?
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