Worst Experiences in a Theater - Page 3

There's something of a food problem with some arthouse theaters too, since apparently no one minds if people drag in picnic baskets full of three-bean salads that apparently require the person eating to make the loudest, wettest smacking noises possible and sandwiches wrapped in the most loudly crinkling plastic which are then to be chewed in the loudest fashion possible.

Other experiences over the years:
Seeing an independent film when the closest venue is some lousy indie theater staffed by hostile dorks, and has a scratchy sound system that dates back to the first Regan term and is in danger of blowing out at any second.

Going to see The Bourne Supremacy and wondering which was the worst: the couple a few rows ahead who were giggling and loudly grabassing like teenagers or the squat, spikey-haired AZN-type kid nearby who kept saying DAY-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN at every little and big dramatic moment.

I saw Transformers on opening night and like right around the time Shia is being followed on his mom's bike by the cop car two long-haired rock guys (they looked like the two metalheads in Little Nicky) came in and sat next to us. They leaned over and asked what movie it was.

"Uhh, it's Transformers."

"What, like the toys?"

"Yeah."

"Awesome!"

Three minutes later we get to the scene where Shia and Megan Fox get into Bumblebee and the Decepticon turns into a car in mid-air and races after them. Cue hard rock music. Cue metalheads jumping up and down in a frenzy all excited.

We laughed like hell at them, but it was fucked up.

Ha! I forgot about that.

Asshole with a laser pointer while watching Out of Sight.

I went to see Kill Bill Vol. 2 in a sold out showing. About halfway through, a couple who were about 10 seats away from me started arguing. They were quiet at first but it steadly got louder and louder until they were screaming at each other. The guy then loudly proclaimed, "Fuck you, you horrible CUNT" jumped up and then climbed over his seat into the row behind (which was full of very startled people).

He was still about 4 rows from the back row (and the exit) but he still climbed over the remaining rows, pushing and shoving people out of the way. Cue many people shouting, "the fuck are you doing you bell end?"etc.

The woman he was arguing with stayed until the end as well!

I saw Before Sunset at...some indie theater in Boston, may have been the Brattle, and I swear the print looked like it had been fucked by a gay hobo and then dragged through the sand and rocks by a bunch of ignorant jackasses accusing the print of being gay, cuz holy balls, it was scratched to fucking hell. Worse, it was technically opening weekend! Shit shouldn't happen. Huge black marks, scratches, everything. Thank god it wasn't a tech heavy movie or I would have lost my mind.

That sounds like the print of 'Apollo 13' that we saw. The first few reels were just fine, but the last half of the movie was virtually unwatchable. We ended up complaining and we got some free passes.

Although I just busted Doc's chops a little in the "Best Experiences" thread for making out with two girls at once during a movie, I had a not-so happy similar experience when I was in college and went to see Aliens. It was a campus viewing, but we did manage to get it shown on a big screen, so pretty much everyone at our school showed up.

I'll try to keep this brief - at the time, I was dating Guy #1, but had a ridiculous, infatuation-that-I-thought-was-love thing for Guy #2. Guy #1 knew about my adulation for Guy #2, and was pretty much rolling with the punches as best as he could (yeah, I was kind of a jerk about it - I wasn't the most mature person about guys at that time). So Guy #1 and I are sitting in the theater watching 90% of the campus streaming through the doors, and I thought, "Wouldn't it be horrible if Guy #2 showed up?" Guess who walked through the door, spotted us, and decided to sit with us? (To clarify - he didn't know Guy #1 and I were dating, and didn't know that I also worshipped him while dating another man) So he sat with us. I sat there for 137 minutes sandwiched between the two of them, and not in the good way.

I feel your pain, Lisa.

Once I was about to date a really great girl. At least that was what I thought. She even convinced me to watch "Da Vinci Code" with her. Should have known then already that this could not turn out well.
So I ended up meeting her, having a really great dinner I prepared myself and went to the cinema. Where we met a bunch of people I never had seen before I was unaware she was appointed with as well. Talk about "coincidence". Sure enough about 2 seconds after we took our seat and the lights went out she had nothing better to do than make out with the guy next to her. For the whole movie while slowly starting to groan and sigh. Felt slightly embarrassing.

Technically not a bad experience for me, but...

A few friends and I went to see STARSHIP TROOPERS on opening day. One of my friends who was a bit awkward bought nachos and cheese and when he got up to go to the bathroom at one point, spilled all the cheese onto my other friend's lap. He let out a loud "THE FUCK?!" And everyone in the theater looked over at us. He was plenty pissed and couldn't just sit there in cheese, so he drove home to change pants. By the time he got back it was the close to the end.

They're coming outta the walls, man. They're coming outta the goddamn walls!

Awwwwwkward. But it could be worse; imagine how Guy #1 felt.

Guy #1, is that you?

I invoke the fifth.

I've been lucky enough to not have many bad experiences. But for some reason members of my family love sitting as close as they can to the screen. Fuck that. I'll leave them there and find a seat somewhere else.

Besides Soda and Popcorn and maybe the occasional pack of Gummi Bears I wouldn't trust anything heated from the movie theater.

Went to see Fantastic Four opening night (sister, ex-girlfriend, etc wanted to see it, don't ask of me). It was in a big, fancy theatre iin Berlin. It was a big deal also since I could speak pretty decent English at this point, and it was for once not fucking dubbed in German, which I can speak moderately well, but not near fluently. Anyway, these two little pieces of shit sitting from my left keep yelling little profanities in of all languages, Czech. Something me and my sister can both understand, and speak, fluently. I think they thought they were bein sneaky and coy by being so obnoxious in sold out theatre, by complaining about the English language (I'm assuming they speak German as well). I subtley encouaged these youths to shut the fuck up in German, and they whipsered things under their breath in Czech, saying "do prdele piča" (up yours, cunt.). (Damn I need a Czech keyboard). Needless to say, this pushed me over the edge. I proceeded to stand up and decimate these pieces of shit starting in German, and finishing strongly in Czech. I realize this isn't exactly proper theatre etiquette, but I believe the ovation I recieved more than covered my ass. Needless to say these kids recognized their utter domination and apologized more than five times. I never acknoledged them once again afterwards. I wasn't sure to qualify this under best or worst, but the fact that this went on for thirty minutes, and ruined my chances of getting any during the movie really sucked ass.

To Tarkovsky above, I offer you the slow clap of approval. Well played, sir, well played.

Yes. Senior year in college. I've known this guy since we were freshmen, but hadn't really spent any time with him outside of campus. He invites me to a movie our first weekend of the semester. I tag along with him and his frosh sister, who proceed to give their own (straight, no MST3K) commentary for the entire two hours.

And that, fellow Chewers, is how Highlander: Endgame was turned into an even more godawful experience than thought possible.

King Kong. Mother and Father brings there three children, plus a baby. They sit right in front of me. 3 hours of jumping around, a baby crying, and kids running up and down aisles.

And the film wasn't good either.

I was in Charlotte, NC for a wedding the weekend that Troy came out. My cousin who I hadn't seen in months was amped to see it and had some theater gift certificates he wanted to get rid of, so he treated me and a mutual friend of ours. Unfortunately, this theater was packed with two rows full of what I can only assume were gang members. Same color clothes and bandannas, tats all over them, scary-looking as hell. We were sitting in the front of the theater and they were way up top. We usually sit up top, but those guys were giving the death glare at anyone who dared go up there, so we decided to play it safe. So, the movie starts and the theater is pretty quiet, but right in the middle of the battle scene on the beach right after Achilles fucked whatshername, I hear this LOUD scream. At first, I thought it was from the movie, until the back of the theater erupts in complete chaos. I look back and up the aisle and see a guy laid out in the aisle, screaming with blood on his shirt. He 'd been fucking stabbed or something by some other dude, and the guy who did the stabbing just strolled down the stairs with his gang posse and out the side exit like nothing happened. We all looked at each other and decided to just leave. We got the hell outta there before any cops showed up, so I don't know if the guy died or not. Hope not.

Jesus Christ, Harley.

Thanks a lot Harley, now anybody else's stories are going to pale in comparison!

Although Tarkovsky's Czech cussing story still makes me laugh a lot.

Nobody is going to one up that story. Somebody should have warned the other guy so he could have strapped some phone books and atlases to his torso.


But let me tell you about the 125 degree heat in the theater when I saw Cloverfield which was projected as if it were through a picket fence.......

So, do we like declare this thread over and done with on account of Harley's story? No real point in adding anything, unless you were the one who was stabbed!

Yeah that guy would win hands down.


"I was stabbed while trying to watch Troy and the only other people in the theater just stepped over my prone form as they left the theater without even offering assistance. Man, that night sucked"

This one time I was watching a movie and Demons happened.

Ha! There's the one that'll beat Harley's.

I mean, I've seriously considered stabbing people in the theater before. But to actually do it? A) rude B) come the fuck on, really? The dude just wanted to see a god damn movie and C) well, shit, there goes my 10 bucks.

Man...I've never even been to a theater where a fight broke out let alone a stabbing. Jesus. I'll go ahead and cross Charlotte off my list of theaters to visit.

Maybe the guy who got stabbed actually thought he was Achilles and couldn't be wounded.

I saw Children of Men in a sold out Times Square theater. We were in the back, but in the front couple rows, a fight broke out. Big and loud enough to carry all the way to the exits. Apparently, two people were accusing an older woman of killing someone they knew. They screamed at her from a couple rows back. "You're a murderer! You killed Colin! You're a fucking murderer!" The old woman was screaming profanities back at them. Finally, there seemed to be a pause and the old woman shot back "You goddamn Cookie Monster!" which one of the pair apparently took as some sort of racial slur. He leapt over the rows, landing on seated people and raining punches on the old woman. At this point everyone is screaming and trying to get involved (Times Square audiences, you see), and about a dozen large suited men enter and escort the entire group from the theater. It took about ten minutes of screaming and bullshit, or roughly the length of the sequence where Michael Caine murders his wife and gets shot to death. I say it was bad, but the truth is, I rather enjoyed watching it. I just wish it had been during a lesser film.

Or this one. When I left home to go to college, my mother was alone for a little while, and as such felt lonely. So I offered to take her to a preview screening they gave us free passes for at school. We had to get there early, and as fate would have it, practically every single person I interacted with socially was there. Some of my friends were on acid, and I had to introduce them to my mother. A girl I had tried to date in high school showed up and recognized us. My mom was the oldest person in the room by a good twenty years, and she got anxious and kind of melancholy. And then the preview started. It turned out to be Phantoms.

Oddly enough, that was about the same time all of your comic books and various other geeky memorabilia "disappeared" one night from the attic and basement.

It's a thread like this that really ignites my love/hate relationship with theater crowds. I'm seeing Iron Man tonight and the show is obviously sold out and I know that a great, full theater can make a movie better, but I also know that they can, well, stab a guy.

And the lesson of this thread is, move to LA and go to the Arclight.

1) I was 16 and going to an early press screening of American Beauty. It was way before it came out and the only thing anyone knew about it was that there was a good trailer. I invited a good friend of mine from school to go see it with me. We get there and he starts talking to this plus size blonde a few seats over. Five minutes later he whispers to me, "I've gotta go. I'm going to fuck her in my car." He left. And he did. It's neither one of my worst experiences nor one of my best but certainly one worth sharing.

2) The second time I saw The Matrix it was another sold out crowd. During the big "the world is fake" speech this guy gets up and walks down the left aisle of the theater to head out. He runs in front of all the rows to the right towards the exit, but he's so into the movie that he's watching the screen the whole time...

...and runs into the wall at full speed. He laid on the ground for a little bit before getting up.

3) Someone I know went to go see The Fast and the Furious really drunk and thought it was a good idea to take a piss into a big water bottle whenever he had to go. Near the end of the movie he knocked the water bottle over and it poured down the ground over everyone's feet (this wasn't stadium seating). He got banned from the theater.

4) I saw Ghost Rider.

But did your friend and the blonde come back to finish American Beauty?

He spent the rest of the night in the parking garage. So...no.

...

I seriously think it was one of those gang initiation things. Charlotte is actually a pretty nice city, which is why I was so stunned that this happened. Then again, that was the first time I'd been to that particular theater, so maybe fights and gang activity there is a common occurence.

Black Hawk Down, opening weekend, older UA theater in Marina Del Rey. Sold-out, gf and I are way up in front (third row, I think). Two hours-plus into the movie, someone near the back starts yelling "Stop the movie! Stop the movie!"

People stand, heads swivel, and since it's a non-stadium seating situation, I can't see jack from way in front. I look for five seconds, can't see anything, and sit back down, just some idiot being a jackass. Well, another ten seconds go by, and people literally start fleeing. Panicked, heading for the emergency exits towards the front. Again, I stand and look back, still can't see a damn thing, and hell if I'm gonna run without seeing something worth running from.

Well, at this point, the house lights come on (movie is still playing), and suddenly the flow of people slows and eventually reverses. Folks walk back in sheepishly...except for one tiny asian girl, who comes back in screaming "who the fuck did that? who the fuck said that?" Guy in my row tells her to calm down, then her little guy posse (four or five white and asian guys) proceed to confront mr. calm down, and within seconds, fists are flying. Now, with a melee going in my row, I and the remaining theater patrons, decide its finally time to depart.

To this day, I have no idea what prompted the first guy to want to the stop the movie. Total weirdness.

And everyone has annoying people talking stories, but the true sign of the apocalypse came with Kingdom of Heaven. Attended a guild screening at the DGA, all industry people, and this couple behind me proceeded to talk for 90% of the film in that not-so-hushed we-think-we're-whispering-but-everyone-can-hear-us voices. If people who make a living in the industry can't shut the fuck up during a screening at the damn DGA, then what chance do the rest of us stand seeing films with the general population?

Oh no, people were helping him. They were tring to stop the bleeding, but the dude was just howling in pain. It was honestly terrifying. When I said "we all left", I meant my cousin and our friend. We wanted no part of that shit.

There are some serious fucked up stories in this thread. Maybe the MPAA should start rating rather theatres than actual movies for the sake of the well being of the kids and youth.

Well, it's on a much lower level than 99% of the stuff here but it happened tonight. It's a little spoilerish I guess so I'll make it swipe-able.

We're all sitting anxiously during Iron Man waiting......for Nick Fury to show up after the end credits and two seconds into the scene: Projector stops. House Lights. Show's over.


Fuck whoever was running it.

I haven't had too many bad/strange experiences, but here are a few of them:

1. An old lady shit herself during Finding Nemo. You'd think it would have been one of the kids, but no. She had help getting out of theater, which stunk to high hell already. Thankfully, I had already seen the movie once and had no problem telling my girlfriend (at the time) that we should just come on another day.

2. A guy bought a ticket to see Treasure Planet. He brought a pillow and fell asleep during the coming attractions. He didn't wake up until there was about 15 minutes left and just walked out. Yea, I need to stop seeing Disney movies in theaters. I probably wouldn't even remember seeing this movie if not for that experience.

3. When I was 14/15, I went to see Bride of Chucky with my eleven-year-old brother. We got in with no problem at all. Then, when the movie started, there were ushers looking for kids to see if they should be there or not. A lot of kids got thrown out. Not us. Considering that they seemed to have a strong policy of not wanting kids in R-rated movies, I was very surprised I got the tickets in the first place.

4. There was this guy in front of me to buy tickets. He was dressed up like Jack Sparrow, so I immediately assumed he would be buying tickets to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, which was in its second week of release (I think). He asked for tickets for another movie, so the ticket girl and I immediately laughed, thinking he was just joking. But no, he really didn't want to see POTC. To this day, my main guess is that he had seen the movie earlier in the day and decided to watch something else. At least, I hope that was the case.

Does this help?:

http://wjno.blogspot.com/2008/05/iro...r-credits.html

Thanks. I did end up watching it again on Friday night and caught it on the big screen.

I would have been asking a manager why they did that. If they brushed you off and basically told you to get the fuck outta there, they didn't care about you seeing the scene because they had to clean up for the next showing, then things would have been pretty fun.

If it was a print projector, they probably put the end cue, the mark that tells the projector to shut off, at the wrong point. In which case, it's totally their fault because somebody didn't stay until the end to accurately check that shit. Shame on them.

I went to go see Shoot 'Em Up and a guy started snoring like an hour into the movie. Really, really, loudly. After 5 mins of this a young guy sitting with his g/f gets up, walks over to the guy's seat and starts kicking the back of it, hard, yelling "wake up, dude" with every kick. He had to do this at least half a dozen times before the guy even fucking wakes up.
I was disgusted and haven't been to a theatre since.