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I Got Assassinated Babe

post #1 of 11
5/5/08 at 10:55pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Tragic rocker Sonny Bono was clubbed to death by hired hitmen, according to a stunning new tabloid expose. An investigator who has been researching Bono's 1998 fatal skiing accident for the past decade claims top officials linked to an international drug and weapons ring feared the singer-turned-politician was about to expose their criminal acts - and so they had him killed on the slopes.
The article.

Great story, or greatest story?
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post #2 of 11
5/5/08 at 11:08pm
Alternate thread title: The Beating Goes On.
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post #3 of 11
5/6/08 at 12:01am
Glorious.
Please be true.
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post #4 of 11
5/6/08 at 11:10am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric Cordo View Post
The article.

Great story, or greatest story?
Oh that ranks up there with War and god-damn Peace.
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post #5 of 11
5/6/08 at 11:13am
We need a good conspiracy...I'll send my shovel if it will help.
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post #6 of 11
5/6/08 at 11:16am
Quote:
Tragic rocker Sonny Bono was clubbed to death by hired hitmen
This IS true, he didn't ski into a tree. The hitmen were disguised as trees. Sonny apparently implied that their "apples aren't what they ought to be", and the trees just went fucking NUTS.

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post #7 of 11
5/6/08 at 12:25pm
I don't believe any of this. This was disproven soon after he died... a Mr. Lorax, who speaks for the trees, denied any sort of foul play.

Another representative of the forest had this to say:



"He would have survived, but he was very small."
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post #8 of 11
5/6/08 at 12:28pm
Didn't a Kennedy also kill himself by slaming into a tree while on skis? I suspect a connection. A connection that goes all the way to the president!
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post #9 of 11
5/6/08 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Didn't a Kennedy also kill himself by slaming into a tree while on skis? I suspect a connection. A connection that goes all the way to the president!
Yes, Michael Kennedy, one of Bobby's sons, died six days before Sonny did, in the same manner. In fact, when I read on the internet "Sonny Bono dies by skiing into a tree", I automatically assumed that it was a joke. I thought, "Aww, I mean, yeah, Michael Kennedy's death was embarrassing and stupid, but no need to make fun of it." Then I saw the source, and thought, "Oh - I didn't think the Associated Press engaged in gallows humor."
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post #10 of 11
5/6/08 at 2:23pm
Well, if Sonny and Michael would've "french fried" instead of "pizzaed", both might be around now (fuck, I love South Park!).

Maybe they should've just outlawed trees. Yeah, yeah, I know... "then only outlaws will have trees."
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post #11 of 11
5/6/08 at 2:30pm
I KNEW IT!!! There's no way someone like Sonny Bono gets taken out by some punk tree. I mean, my God, the man was married to Cher. After that, a tree's no more dangerous than a Twizzler left out in the sun.
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