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Gabriel Garza's Blog

post #1 of 86
5/28/08 at 3:52pm
Thread Starter 
My Wii Fit Blog...show some love.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/439/W...alls-Itch.html
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post #2 of 86
5/29/08 at 3:58am

You are da man!!

This is the funniest shit I've ever read...I almost pee'd myself. And so so true. Damn you Wii, why must you give me false hope of skinny dreams??!! P.S. did you really win a strong man competition by pulling a biffy? Keep on bloggin'!!
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post #3 of 86
5/29/08 at 4:22am
I think you instantaneously became my favorite of the new batch of CHUD bloggers. Funny stuff.
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post #4 of 86
5/29/08 at 2:56pm
Thread Starter 
Hobbes and Nexus, I love you both. You make me so happy, my penis is about to cry. Stay tuned for more random goodness.
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post #5 of 86
5/31/08 at 9:31pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I wax poetic about pissing and baseball...America's two favorite pastimes!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/476/U...ow-Mister.html
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post #6 of 86
6/3/08 at 5:35pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I express my love and disdain for the cinematic atrocity Yor, The Hunter From The Future!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/512/Y...at-I-Want.html
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post #7 of 86
6/3/08 at 9:34pm
I am a fan!!! You crack me up!
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post #8 of 86
6/12/08 at 5:39pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I review Crispin Glover's second film in his "It" trilogy. And man, is it fucked up.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/619/C...-So-Crazy.html
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post #9 of 86
6/13/08 at 5:55am
I must know, is it as awesome as his CD? (I'll admit, I've only heard one track, but it was great/awful)
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post #10 of 86
6/13/08 at 6:25am
Thread Starter 
Holy crap Nexus, I completely forgot about his albums! He was selling those too. I've heard parts of his Big Problem? CD and it pretty much sounds like what you would expect (on some songs he sounds like Les Claypool from Primus). The music is kind of creepy and cheesy all at once, sort of like my Uncle Frank. Crispin's cover of These Boots Are Made For Walking is kind of interesting, mainly because he sounds like he's crying while singing. Anyway, I might have to buy the damn album now. I have a fever and the only prescription is more Crispin!
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post #11 of 86
6/17/08 at 4:37pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I talk about my fear of stiff wood.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/685/P...-Outta-Me.html
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post #12 of 86
6/17/08 at 7:47pm
Two things will surely make you sleep better tonight...

Crispin Glover has a music video(a must see, if you haven't), and...


LITTLE WOODEN BOY!
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post #13 of 86
6/18/08 at 4:00am
Thread Starter 
Damn you Nexus-7!!!! Clowns + Crispin Glover + Little Wooden Boy = massive night terrors. Will I ever sleep again?!!!!
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post #14 of 86
6/19/08 at 7:01pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I ruminate about the gloriousness of the band Coldplay!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/707/C...-Ass-Bone.html
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post #15 of 86
6/26/08 at 4:57pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I talk about bums and bum-centric films.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/777/Y...-Out-Dude.html
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post #16 of 86
6/26/08 at 7:58pm
You know, I didn't even know you wrote about bum centric films. I happened to look when I posted my new blog about bums who have the audacity to ask for money when not doing any tricks at all, but instead demanding said cash.

Great job my good man. Especially about George "Buck" Flower... I love his work, especially when he's getting punched in the head in Escape From New York, his grand work in They Live when he escapes in his brand new shiny clothes and my favorite of all time, Wishmaster when he speaks about chinese gangbangers.
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post #17 of 86
6/26/08 at 9:57pm
Thread Starter 
Holy crap! Two bum blogs on the same day? I think you and I have some sort of bum telepathy thing going on. I applaud your observations (your knowledge of "Buck" Flower is impressive). I too share your opinion about bums who don't do anything except ask for money. I'm more prone to flip some bills to somebody who spins plates or tap dances. Also, I'm at a loss as to why I'm regularly attacked by uncouth bums wherever I tread. It must be my supple, non-threatening looks. Anyway, keep up the good work!
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post #18 of 86
7/3/08 at 6:17pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I talk about how fucking sick I feel. Enjoy my misery!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/834/S...dAnd-Body.html
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post #19 of 86
7/8/08 at 7:42pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I reminisce about the sights, sounds and smells of the San Diego Comic-Con.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/873/M...y-We-Were.html
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post #20 of 86
7/17/08 at 12:43pm
Gabe,

You rock my world. and my cock. i get a hardon just reading your stuff.

keep it coming.
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post #21 of 86
7/17/08 at 2:34pm
Thread Starter 
Mr. Mooney,
Ford Fairlane kicks ass, as do I (and you). I want to make hot, sweet monkey love to your kind words!
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post #22 of 86
7/18/08 at 11:34pm
awesome blog, gabe.
when i'm not sipping tea at a parisian cafe
i'm reading your blog every night and all day!
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post #23 of 86
7/19/08 at 3:37pm
Thread Starter 
Welshy,
Does your moniker imply that you are Welsh? Like me? I too like tea. Especially tea bags. Can I tea bag you sometime? Thanks for reading!
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post #24 of 86
7/23/08 at 8:29pm
Thread Starter 
This is Part 1 of my infinite series on "The Most Disturbing Films Of All Time!" I also talk about my horrible diet. Enjoy!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/931/G...t--Part-1.html
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post #25 of 86
7/27/08 at 1:06am
Thread Starter 
This is where I talk about my Comic-Con 08 experiences. It's a doozy!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/992/C...The-Fugly.html
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post #26 of 86
8/1/08 at 7:04pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I talk about the final day of Comic-Con 08! Put on your gas masks!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1022/...ly-Sunday.html
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post #27 of 86
8/8/08 at 3:17pm
Good shit my friend. Thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. Hell, I wish I went to Comic-Con now so I could have enjoyed the sights and smells. Keep 'em coming!
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post #28 of 86
8/9/08 at 2:30pm
Thread Starter 
Mr. Angus, do you live "down south?" I've been there several times. It's a dark, mysterious place. Anyway, thanks for the support and for reading! I'm going to go masturbate now!
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post #29 of 86
8/13/08 at 5:55pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I talk about the Olympics and as usual, my penis. I love America!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1100/...The-Fever.html
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post #30 of 86
9/4/08 at 5:29pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I talk about the horrific programming on The Learning Channel (or, as the kids like to call it, "TLC"). If you get nightmares, don't blame me.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1200/...g-Channel.html
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post #31 of 86
12/22/08 at 4:09am
Thread Starter 
This is where I share the horrors of holiday traveling! Enjoy!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1472/...-Holidays.html
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post #32 of 86
12/22/08 at 5:05am
I somehow missed the TLC one. Good stuff.

Must be my masochistic tendencies talking, but I totally want to try an Applebees bloody mary now.
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post #33 of 86
12/22/08 at 6:58pm
Thread Starter 
Hey man, thanks for the kind words. My misery is available for the world to enjoy. Incidentally, I looked up some comments about the mythic Applebee's Bloody Mary and was surprised and horrified that many people actually enjoy sucking down a drink that requires the use of a mulcher. Did I drink a "special" Bloody Mary? If you really want to tempt fate, make sure you order the Bloody Mary that comes in a glass the size of that messed-up kid's head from Mask. Before you do this though, make sure you haven't eaten all day (it's a meal in itself) and don't forget to update your will and testament. Good luck and don't blame me if the last thing you see is a fern bobbing up and down in gooey red liquid. Cheers!
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post #34 of 86
3/13/09 at 3:44pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I complain about my escalating age and the effect current videogames have on my once moist and supple body.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1611/...e-Violent.html
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post #35 of 86
3/13/09 at 6:13pm
Nice post, sir. Kind of made me think of my own game play habits.
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post #36 of 86
3/19/09 at 6:04pm
Thread Starter 
Yes, we gamers have some interesting habits. Thanks for reading!
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post #37 of 86
4/4/09 at 7:06pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I get down n' dirty and make sweet monkey love to a trio of reality game shows...STDs be damned!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1695/...Feel-Sexy.html
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post #38 of 86
4/4/09 at 8:34pm
Reality shows are something I can get behind!

Been digging the series. Keep it up.
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post #39 of 86
4/4/09 at 11:56pm
Reality shows are like telenovelas: No matter how much you hate them, you just can't stop watching them.
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post #40 of 86
4/7/09 at 6:31pm
Thread Starter 
Diva - I almost feel like I'm betraying scripted shows (about the only one I regularly watch is Lost). So, it's good to know that I'm not alone. Thanks for the support!

Natalia - I definitely have a love/hate relationship with reality shows. Telenovelas are awesome! I have been known to leave the channel on whenever I come across one of them, even though my spanish is pretty much limited to curse words and slang. Dios Mio!
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post #41 of 86
4/15/09 at 11:11pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I get all philosophical and shit about the television show Lost. It's trippy, man!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1733/...r-Of-Love.html
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post #42 of 86
4/24/09 at 6:10pm
Thread Starter 
Okay, what in the holy hell happened to my last blog description? It looked like I wrote it in Portugeuse. Anyway...

This is where I share some recent movie-going experiences. Once you read this, you'll understand why I have become a recluse and a hermit.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1759/...y-Innards.html
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post #43 of 86
4/25/09 at 2:27pm
Mine is not particularly weird, but it is a story that occurred in a theater. Went to see whatever movie in theaters sometime around last christmas I think. Large group of mostly teenaged, young twenty-something dudes.

Anyway it's stadium style seating, so we are in the first row of the raised seats. There is one lone gentleman off to the right in the lower seats. I kid you not, as soon as the trailers end and the actual movie begins, this guy hunkers down and just up and goes to sleep. But that is not enough for him, to sleep quietly in a dark, public forum. As the movie progresses, so does the volume of his snoring.

We are teenage boys and we do not like this man snoring during our film, and so some in the group take it upon themselves to begin throwing popcorn and candy at said man. he does not wake up, despite the volleys and now the snickers and giggles.

My friend Adam, the more hot-headed, and I'll say "wild" one among us, is not content to let this man sleep. He throws the rest of his water bottle directly at the man, luckily he missed, but he chucked that shit pretty hard, and gentleman woke up. Lucky for him to, because someone must have complained as I saw theater employees walking in to talk to him soon after. Dude just woke up, and walked out the door.
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post #44 of 86
4/26/09 at 10:34am
Thread Starter 
Awesome. I think the dude you were throwing shit at was my stepfather. That dude hasn't made it through a whole movie in years. Passing out during the previews is pretty impressive; that must be some sort of record. You'd think you'd try to remain conscious at least for the opening credits. Thanks for writing!
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post #45 of 86
4/26/09 at 11:19am
I had the "pleasure" of someone LOUDLY threatening someone's life on their cell phone when I saw Unleashed. I actually screamed for him to shut up before his conversation(one of many, his phone was ringing constantly) escalated to that point. Best I could figure out is that he was a contractor or something yelling at one of his employees, but it was really out of hand.

When the movie ended I walked out of the mall for a smoke, and watched this big scary bastard waddle out to his truck. It left me wondering for the rest of the day if he committed a murder or not soon after.

Funny stuff as usual man. Who the fuck would trust one of those burritos? That guy's business must be in the shitter! *baddum chh*
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post #46 of 86
4/27/09 at 3:53pm
Thread Starter 
I love it when people have full-on conversations, especially angry conversations, as though nobody else around can hear them. It's even better when it's a psycho yelling. That's a rare treat.

Similarly, I've been wondering whether or not the giggling bastard I sat next to ended up shanking somebody in the parking lot after the movie. Nothing in the news...yet.

I continue to be perplexed by the burrito incident. That's what I call it now. The "burrito incident." I'm guessing this was a premeditated burrito incident. He had a garbage bag. How do you even get into a movietheater with a garbage bag? And I didn't touch the burritos, but they looked frozen. Could I get the dude behind the counter to heat one up for me in the microwave? How would I eat it? Just leave it on my lap throughout the whole movie? Why was he shaving?

I don't know. The mind reels. The more I think about it, the more creeped out and confused I get.

BTW, I dug the pun and the rim shot. How did I not think of think of this? Good work, my friend.
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post #47 of 86
6/29/09 at 12:17am
Thread Starter 
This is where I promote proper dental hygiene:

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1905/...-You-Free.html

And what's this Twitter bullshit? Do you enjoy lame, semi-coherent thoughts, inane ramblings and stupid jokes? Then by all means follow me!

http://twitter.com/GabeGarza
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post #48 of 86
6/29/09 at 6:52pm
Very nice post. It reminds me that my nearly obsessive daily flossing and teeth brushing is a strategy to avoid going to the dentist, NOT a sign of my ever degenerating mental state.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GGarza View Post

And what's this Twitter bullshit? Do you enjoy lame, semi-coherent thoughts, inane ramblings and stupid jokes? Then by all means follow me!

http://twitter.com/GabeGarza
Brave soul. I’m resisting the Tweetermania for as long as I can. If I ever succumb to it, I’ll stab myself with a fork and then tweeter about my pain and how much I hate Tweeter for indoctrinating me.
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post #49 of 86
7/1/09 at 4:45am
Thread Starter 
Trust me Natalia, I debated long and hard about getting on Twiiter. I decided that MySpace and Facebook were big wastes of time, but, for some reason, I caved in when it came to Twitter. Do not write about how brave I am...I am weak. I figured Twitter was more creative, but I have quickly realized how goddamn lame it is. As it is, if you ever break down and join, then you know where to find me. You can be updated on all kinds of great things that are happening to me...like how drunk I currently am and how many blackouts I have experienced.
Anyway, it's good to be obsessed about certain things (like teeth). Maybe I wouldn't be in this situation if I were like you. Take care of those suckers!
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post #50 of 86
7/22/09 at 5:21pm
Thread Starter 
This is where I rant and rave about Comic-Con and (briefly) Twitter:

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1948/...ess-Begin.html

Follow me:

http://twitter.com/GabeGarza
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