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Sam Strange Remembers... - Page 3

post #101 of 540
8/6/08 at 8:11am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Anakin has been evil
For twenty years or so
Roughly half his life
No one told him how lonely it'd be.

The Emperor is too busy
To hang out anymore
Superior officers make fun of his religion
Rebels sass him to his face.

Oh Anakin, back on Tatooine
There is a farmboy who loves you
Can he bring you in
From the edge of dispair?

Let's just say
By the end of film four
You will have
A New Hope.

Love,
Dad

Let the Wookie win.
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post #102 of 540
8/7/08 at 8:28am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

After three movies
Of making the Jedi look stupid
The Empire has finally
Seen some defeat.

So the time has come
To redouble efforts
And kick some ass
Like in the old days.

The good guys take a beating
Their spirits and bodies are torn
The movie is colored blue
For a good fucking reason.

Anakin, you finally
Lived up to the hype
Don't blow it in the next film
Oh, who am I kidding?

You'll be a fuck-up again in no time...

I love you. I know.
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post #103 of 540
8/8/08 at 8:30am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

We've reached the end
Of a very long story
About the fall and rise
Of a little wiener named Anakin.

(Spoiler) He dies
But when he dies
He no longer wants to kill people
So way to go, Anakin's son!

The Jedi Return
The Sith go away
Order is restored
Ideals regain power.

They have to set up a new government
I think they're gonna blow it.

Anyway
Star Wars week has been a blast
Thank you all for reading!
I would bring some snacks to this one
Cause it's the longest Sam Strange memory ever.

May the Schwartz be with you!
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post #104 of 540
8/8/08 at 5:50pm
You're totally right about Act 1 being The End Of Empire Strikes Back. I was talking to a young(er) person the other day about Empire and he couldn't believe that the Jabba's Palace stuff doesn't happen until Jedi.
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post #105 of 540
8/8/08 at 6:07pm
I knew there was more to you than money! Nice job.
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post #106 of 540
8/9/08 at 11:50am
This was a good series. Good job. I like how you can put the spin on even a revered "classic" and still bring the funny.

Yes. I actually said those words.
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post #107 of 540
8/10/08 at 9:22am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Cochese, Jughead, and Hush
All get on a train
To sort their shit
And learn to love again.

The train is not the answer
Their mother is not the answer
A flashback is not the answer
Even accidental death is not the answer.

90 minutes later
The answer is
There is no answer
There is only slow motion...and Zuul.

We are not two (or three) we are one.
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post #108 of 540
8/11/08 at 12:17am
Thread Starter 
MINI BLOG #1

I am sick and tired of Micheal Cera's hoody!

Thank you.
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post #109 of 540
8/11/08 at 12:22am
Thread Starter 
MINI BLOG #2

People need to learn how to spell hoody-guy's name better! What's this country coming to!?

Thank you.
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post #110 of 540
8/11/08 at 12:23am
You should twitter.
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post #111 of 540
8/11/08 at 12:29am
You should twitter.
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post #112 of 540
8/11/08 at 12:43am
Thread Starter 
MINI BLOG #3

The Internet is abuzz about this twitter! New things scare me!

Thank you.
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post #113 of 540
8/12/08 at 8:41am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

It's hard to be a kid
No one listens to you
Adults think you're stupid

Most people just wait it out
But not Josh
Josh is more proactive

But things don't end well for him
They rarely do
For people who skip steps
And cut corners

Cheater! You're a cheater Josh
And you got everything you deserve!
Why don't you cry about it?
You BIG baby!
What's your girlfriend think of that?!

We're not BFF anymore.

shimmy-shimmy-koko-pop
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post #114 of 540
8/12/08 at 3:13pm
Thank you for finding the perfect definition for the voice of Robert Loggia. That one's going in my quotebook for sure.
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post #115 of 540
8/12/08 at 11:44pm
Thread Starter 
MINI BLOG #5

Those people picketing Tropic Thunder should have picketed I am Sam! THAT movie is the Baconator of making fun of Retards!

Thank you.
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post #116 of 540
8/12/08 at 11:59pm
While I wholeheartedly agree with your assessment, I must confess I cried during the saccharine ending of I Am Sam. I'm not sure what that says about me. (It could have something to do with the fact that I had recently become a father myself when I saw the fucking thing)...

Maybe I should join the picket line. Because, clearly, I'm retarded.
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post #117 of 540
8/13/08 at 12:06am
Thread Starter 
Becoming a father changes things. Like that super berry that makes sour things sweet.

I'm a dad too. We can be retarded together. Family ties.
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post #118 of 540
8/13/08 at 12:16am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Strange View Post
MINI BLOG #5

Those people picketing Tropic Thunder should have picketed I am Sam! THAT movie is the Baconator of making fun of Retards!

Thank you.
Not to mention The Other Sister.

I mean c'mon - if Giovanni Ribisi wasn't intentionally making fun of retardeds with his performance, than it must have been Juliette Lewis. I'm so ashamed of Tom Skerritt for allowing that to happen.

Hey maybe you could remember one of those movies as a tribute?

And apologies for being away so long. I've had a lot going on lately. I missed reading the regular adventures of my favorite film director. I'm all caught up now, and every entry so far has been awesome. Great job on tackling the Star Wars saga. That was a massive undertaking, but you were dead on.

Cheers!
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post #119 of 540
8/14/08 at 12:04am
Thread Starter 
MINI BLOG #6

Someone should make a movie where Craig Robinson and Luis Guzman are brothers! Do I have to think of everything!

Thank you.
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post #120 of 540
8/14/08 at 9:18am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

It was always fun
When the substitute showed up
She didn't know the bad kids
From the good kids
And she never knew
What point we were at in our lessons.

Tom Berenger is not the kind of substitute
If you try and pull that shit with him
He'll grab you by the tongue
And pull your skeleton out of your skin.

Do your homework!
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post #121 of 540
8/14/08 at 2:28pm
You actually made me want to watch this again.

I know it's nowhere near as awesome as you're remembering. But I have to see it through your eyes.

Treat Williams wasn't the best replacement. The Berenger deserved his franchise.
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post #122 of 540
8/14/08 at 8:34pm
I have to agree with Erix, since reading this blog, I popped in my copy of the Substitute and loved every minute of it because it's so ridiculous. Which then always reminds me of the inferior The Principal starring James Belushi and Louis Gossett Jr. Which then has me a little nostalgic for 187. I don't know what it is, I think I love films dealing with schools int he inner city, being from NYC and all and never seeing that kind of mayhem.

And it's true, Berenger should have stayed for his sequels. Even though I do like me some Treat.
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post #123 of 540
8/17/08 at 9:22am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Somehow I knew I'd run into The Goonies
I don't remember making it
But it appears that I have
My past has come to haunt me.

These kids...are so annoying
All they care about it money
They're not any better
Than the villains who chase them

If I want to watch kids curse a bunch
I'll watch Stand by Me
That movie is much more believable
And the kids are way fucking hotter.

Sean Astin, you are King of movie Nerds!
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post #124 of 540
8/17/08 at 2:48pm
I've hated The Goonies for twenty-two years. Now I see I've been doing it wrong. Bravo!
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post #125 of 540
8/19/08 at 9:14am
Don'tt forget 'Betrayed'. Berenger is a racist who falls for hottie FBI gal Debra Winger. Good movie.

And also 'Shattered', Wolfgang Peterson thriller with Greta Schacchi
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post #126 of 540
8/19/08 at 12:25pm
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Who is Gilbert Grape?
What is he about?
Nothing?
Answer: Yes.

As a child, Connor Oberst
Watched this film and said
"That's what I want to be
When I grow up"

A lot of people said that
But as they went for it
Their ambitions missed their mark
And they became Arnie instead

Why?
Because Gilbert Grapes do not exist in real life
It's impossible to be that handsome
And that complacent at the same time.
Sorry, Connor.

I can go at any time!
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post #127 of 540
8/19/08 at 3:07pm
Okay, that's totally better than watching the movie.
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post #128 of 540
8/20/08 at 4:46pm
Thread Starter 

Announcement

So, I don't know if this sounds silly or not, but I start a 17 hour semester tomorrow, and I highly doubt I'll have the time to keep up with the current Sam Strange schedule.

What I'm going to promise is one new entry a week. If there happens to be more, treat it like an extra or a bonus kind of thing.

I'm trying to come up with new kinds of posts I can do that won't be so time consuming. Like, instead of Remembering a movie Sam Strange made, I might start having him comment on movies that he's seen. These would be faster for me to write because I don't have to come up with a false reasons why a movie was made. I think those are the least funny parts anyway, and I have to thematically stick to them throughout the memory, which really takes a lot of time.

Anyway, I really hate to slow down, but it's going to be out of my hands pretty quick. In the very least, there will be one new entry per week. When I start trying other things, let me know how you like 'em. Or don't.

-Evan
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post #129 of 540
8/20/08 at 4:53pm
I start school back up soon too, so I understand completely.
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post #130 of 540
8/20/08 at 4:55pm
1) There are 168 hours in a week.

2) 168 total hours - 17 school hours - 4 for homework - 5 for drinking whisky = 142 hours for writing blog

4) I HOPE YOU ARENT GOING TO SCHOOL FOR MATH because you kind of suck at it, poindexter.
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post #131 of 540
8/20/08 at 4:58pm
I see what you did there.
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post #132 of 540
8/20/08 at 6:01pm
One a week sounds just fine to me.

Lately, that's about all I've been managing.

I don't think anyone can fault you for... you know... having a life.
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post #133 of 540
8/21/08 at 9:56am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Sometimes you just wanna get away from it all
Because people are assholes
Always shoving paper work in your face
And drinking coffee.

Instead of taking vacation
You should get lost at sea
Drift onto an island
And party your ass off.

Me and my beach ball
We know how to get down
His name is Wilson
And my name is...Castaway!

I have made fire!
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post #134 of 540
8/23/08 at 10:47am
Great.

But you forgot one crucial detail Sam. You had so little faith in the movie you'd made (Helen Hunt really did a number on you, didn't she?) that, just in case, you actually released a truncated 2 and a half minute version of the entire movie a few months earlier. You referred to this movie as The Cast Away Trailer. But it was actually just the whole movie in 2 minutes and change.

The fact that, after watching that thing, people STILL went to see the 2 and a half hour version of it speaks volumes about your genius.

Or maybe they just really like Tom Cruise.
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post #135 of 540
8/23/08 at 5:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Erix View Post
Great.

But you forgot one crucial detail Sam. You had so little faith in the movie you'd made (Helen Hunt really did a number on you, didn't she?) that, just in case, you actually released a truncated 2 and a half minute version of the entire movie a few months earlier. You referred to this movie as The Cast Away Trailer. But it was actually just the whole movie in 2 minutes and change.

The fact that, after watching that thing, people STILL went to see the 2 and a half hour version of it speaks volumes about your genius.

Or maybe they just really like Tom Cruise.
You do mean Tom Hanks, don't you? Unless I'm in another dimension where all of Tom Hanks' films have been replaced with Tom Cruise. Now wouldn't that be interesting? Philadelphia via Tom Cruise smiling with AIDS?

Nah, that'd be creepy.
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post #136 of 540
8/24/08 at 6:58pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by coolasquentin View Post
You do mean Tom Hanks, don't you?
You missed the funny part.
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post #137 of 540
8/24/08 at 7:31pm
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Ecks
Your love is dead
Your beard is gray
You drink like a depressed man should.

Sever
Your baby is dead
Your revenge not delivered
You kick like a women with unfinished business.

Vs.
You will fight at first
But then reach an understanding
That will change your lives
And end Gregg Henry's.

Ballistic
You are a bullet
You are an explosion
You worry about being big
I'll worry about making you slo-mo.

The meeting place of a million better movies...
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post #138 of 540
8/25/08 at 12:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammerhead View Post
You missed the funny part.
Yeah, you're right. Went right over my head. Didn't read the blog until after I read the thread. That's what happens when you work overnights for 3 weeks straight and try to come back to a normal sleep schedule.
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post #139 of 540
8/25/08 at 12:50am
You know, somehow I never watched this movie. I remember seeing the trailers thinking it was trying too hard to look like a Matrix-esque clone, ala' Equilibrium (which on such a dumb level, I do enjoy. Even though it takes so much away from Fahrenheit 451).

Now I need to watch it to see some Lucy Liu action.
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post #140 of 540
8/28/08 at 9:32am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

American Beauty
is a type of flower.

Kevin Spacey
is a type of baby.

Mommy Dearest
is a type of bitch.

Thora Birch
is a type of troubled.

Young Dracula
is a type of weirdo.

Hitler Jr.
is a type of dangerous.

All of them very American.
All of them very Beautiful.

I Rule!
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post #141 of 540
8/28/08 at 3:08pm
Your disregard for Mena Suvari will not stand.
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post #142 of 540
9/1/08 at 7:58pm
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Gotta watch?
We're gonna catch a train!
Yumayumayumayuma
Here we come!

Shit! What time does the train leave?
Four, I think? Four thirty?
I got a rock hard killer here!
We gotta get him kilt!

Trust me, he's bad news.
I know he seems nice, but he's not.
I know he seems charming, but bad people can be charming.
I know he only kills bad people, but you just have to trust me.

He's bad. He told me himself.
No good person would call himself bad.
Except Michael Jackson.
And that was just temporary.

I can't remember one quotable goddamn line.
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post #143 of 540
9/3/08 at 4:14am
Quote:
"You know," Crow says. "I could fuck your kid. He'd be into it. But I'm not gonna, cause I like you." A tear rolls down Footloose's cheek.
So fucking funny. Great as always.
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post #144 of 540
9/4/08 at 9:29am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

How old is too old?
Answer: No old.
Sorry, this answer is incorrect.

How old is too old?
Answer: Harrison Ford.
Just cause you can walk
Don't mean you can hop.

If your age means
Your character cannot contribute
Then your character should not raise his hand in class.

Rambo jumped in that jeep
He knew what he was doing
No need for superpowers
When your guns are that big.

I hope you had fun, gramps
At our expense.

I like Ike
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post #145 of 540
9/4/08 at 1:40pm
A fun read.

Though I was probably the only person around here that actually liked this movie.
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post #146 of 540
9/4/08 at 6:08pm
Thread Starter 
Nah, I like it okay. I like most of these movies, you know. Some more than others, of course. Actually, I hate about 90% of them, but Indiana Four seemed pretty harmless to me.
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post #147 of 540
9/4/08 at 6:09pm
Thread Starter 
I've just been arrested by the comma police.
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post #148 of 540
9/11/08 at 9:30am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Being a Ghost
Here are the rules
If I understand correctly.

Everyone becomes a Ghost when they die
If you're bad, your Ghost is taken to Hell right away
If you're good, your Ghost can go to Heaven
Or
You could just keep hanging around Earth.

If you pick Earth, you have options
Work real hard, you might be able to touch things
Find a psychic, you can take over their body
However, doing this will drain your "energy"
And it's not a nice thing to do.

If you use these powers to kill other people
You can still get to Heaven
As long as they are the people who killed you
Even if their role was only conspiratory.
So kill away Ghost
Do whatcha gots ta do.

Ditto

ps. a week is a long time, too long
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post #149 of 540
9/11/08 at 1:25pm
Excellent.

His girlfriend Moe?

Priceless.
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post #150 of 540
9/14/08 at 1:05pm
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Look Who's Talking
You're going to have a baby
It will be a life changing experience
That kid's going to grow up
To be a real smart ass.

Look Who's Talking Too
He's cool. He's hip
He can dance and make jokes
But his laid back nature
Constantly undermines your authority as a mother.

Look Who's Talking Now
The way it sounds when a baby thinks
Is exactly like the way it sounds
When a baby makes noise
How can you think if you don't know a language yet?

Okay, I'm looking! Now what?
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