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Sam Strange Remembers... - Page 2

post #51 of 540
6/26/08 at 2:53pm
YOU SUCK !!!!!!! :-)
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post #52 of 540
6/26/08 at 4:05pm
My favorite thing about Gotcha! is how everyone in America drives Chryslers.
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post #53 of 540
6/26/08 at 4:14pm
Thread Starter 
Oddly enough, I don't recall seeing one car in that whole movie.
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post #54 of 540
6/26/08 at 4:19pm
Great stuff here. Of the new bloggers, yours is the blog I look to everytime I pull up the site.


As a side note, when did we get the ability to rate threads? 5 stars indeed.
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post #55 of 540
6/26/08 at 9:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammerhead View Post
My favorite thing about Gotcha! is how everyone in America drives Chryslers.
I still don't know why that is. I guess tons of money for this big budget movie came from the big wigs there.

I need to revisit that film again. And then wonder why I did.
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post #56 of 540
6/26/08 at 11:46pm
This is good stuff Sam.

I'm now subscribed to two CHUD blogs, who'd have guessed?
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post #57 of 540
6/27/08 at 12:01am
Thread Starter 
You guys make me happy. Thanks a lot.
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post #58 of 540
6/27/08 at 4:23am
I'm jealous of your great blog! So good.
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post #59 of 540
6/29/08 at 12:42pm
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange...Remembers

Speaking out of character for a second, I'd like to tell you why I chose Kuffs for today's memory.

See, Sam Strange is partly based on my dad, also named Sam. We watched a lot of movies, and when Dad hated one, he'd "punish" it by feigning a rampant ignorance. It's hard to explain, but you can see some of it in the blogs. He's better at it than I am, though. I'll give you a couple sample names for instance...

Macaulay Culkin? = Cracky McCrackin!
Leonardo Di Caprio? = Horatio Pistachio!

Anyway, Dad never hated a movie quite like he hated Kuffs. After that one, EVERY bad movie got called Kuffs. And Christian Slater was no longer Christian Slater. He was Kuffs. Forever. To this day Dad will not watch one of his movies. I brought home True Romance, "AWWW! Kuffs is in it?!" Walked away.

So Dad, even though you don't read blogs, and even though you don't know what a forum is, and even though you only use Mom's computer for Free Cell...this one's for you.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/797/S...bersKUFFS.html
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post #60 of 540
6/29/08 at 3:50pm
Puck = Ferris? You've ruined Shakespeare for me now.

Oh, and now I'm going back and reading the whole damn series. "Planet from Planet of the Apes" is the sort of joke that comes once in a lifetime.
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post #61 of 540
7/1/08 at 7:57am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Look! Up in the sky!
Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
It's Superman! And he's...crying?

There's someone else up there, too.
I can't quite make it out.
Is that Dr. Phil?
I think it's Dr. Phil!
Superman is talking to Dr. Phil, guys!
Oh no, wait, no. I'm wrong, sorry.
He's talking to Rachel Ray.
I think she's really talented.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/818/S...N-RETURNS.html
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post #62 of 540
7/3/08 at 9:42am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

What'd I remember this time?
Shit! It's not coming to me...
It had something to do with knives...
It was a remake...
There were two badasses...
Deer...
American flags...

Hmm. Must have been The Hunted!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/842/S...HE-HUNTED.html
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post #63 of 540
7/3/08 at 10:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Strange View Post

Wow.

Quote:
This is what it sounds like when Gods cry.
Great stuff!!
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post #64 of 540
7/6/08 at 1:28pm
Thread Starter 
The King of Kong

There can only be one king
And he must be great at Kong
A weekend warrior will not cut it
It has always been a nerd's place
But does it have to be this way?
Can a jock do what they do
Without becoming what they are?
Netflix it, and we shall see(be)
The tragic tale of Billy Mitchell
and Steve Weibe...

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/856/S...G-OF-KONG.html
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post #65 of 540
7/8/08 at 12:45am
"As the nerds crawl away to watch Monty Python, Billy Mitchell steps into the room."

So much funny stuff in this one. Loved it lots and lots.
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post #66 of 540
7/8/08 at 8:08am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder - "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dennis Leary is hilarious!
He just loves to rant!

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/870/S...ITION-MAN.html
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post #67 of 540
7/8/08 at 12:45pm
When my movie is out, I'm gonna send it to you so you can remember it.
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post #68 of 540
7/8/08 at 7:52pm
Thread Starter 
Okay, but you're going to have to sign a contract promising not to kill me.
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post #69 of 540
7/9/08 at 10:12am
Is it wrong that when I read these articlies, I imagine the old guy from the Pepperidge Farms commercials speaking them?
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post #70 of 540
7/10/08 at 10:15am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Do you remember Forrest Gump?
He had many adventures
Received many awards
Lived a very good life
All because his simplicity
Made him honest and kind.

Dancer in the Dark is the opposite of Forrest Gump.

Imagine a bounty hunter
Who's job is to collect your tears
And he does so
By murdering your whole family.

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/883/S...-THE-DARK.html
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post #71 of 540
7/13/08 at 1:48pm
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Dumb people have rights too
Even Dumber people deserve dignity
When you subordinate a group
It's only a matter of time
Before they get pissed and kill you
With idiots it takes longer to sink in,
plan, and organize
You have to be patient
They are slow at everything
But someday they'll get there
And when they do
Watch your smart ass
Because they have a lot in common
With Zombies.

Dumb and Dumber
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post #72 of 540
7/15/08 at 7:59am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

If you have a kid
And that kid is a fuck-up
I know a good way
To straighten him out
(or her)

I once made a movie
Called Artificial Intelligence
And It's the harshest thing
A kid could ever watch

When the Boy gets abandoned
By parents who don't love him
Just turn to your kid
Say, "Shape up, or else!"

A to the DOT to the I to the DOT!
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post #73 of 540
7/15/08 at 8:50pm
Quote:
What could be scarier than a cute little parasite who obsessively loves you and will never grow up? Pretty much nothing.
Such wise words.
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post #74 of 540
7/15/08 at 8:57pm
Good piece Sam.

I do like AI overall, but (like most) feel it goes a bit off the rails at the end. I think you captured the generally off-kilter tone of the piece perfectly, though.

Describing William Hurt as "an old hippie with a raspy voice" (and your whole remembrance of that sequence in general) made me run to the bathroom so I wouldn't shit myself.

Thank you for that.
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post #75 of 540
7/15/08 at 9:48pm
"Men get their blowjobs, women get their children. Everyone's happy!"

Hey now, I didn't know the film was about the Republican party.

Great job. And I have to agree... I almost shit myself with the William Hurt comparison.
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post #76 of 540
7/17/08 at 9:30am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Amy and Holden and Banky
Lots of emotions
Lots of humping
One of the three
Is a fifth wheel
But who will it be?

If I were chasing Amy
I think I'd quit
Her voice is so high
And she yells so much
It's like falling in love
With a migraine
And I still believe
She's in cahoots with The Joker.

The Chase is ON
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post #77 of 540
7/20/08 at 11:00am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

There is a place
Called Notting Hill
You can go there
Only if you're very good
Or very rich.

There is a man
He is amazing
He does not deserve
To be treated poorly

There is a girl
She's rich and famous
When they fall in love
She gets a new door mat

The movie has a happy ending.
Don't believe it for a second.

Have some apricots!
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post #78 of 540
7/20/08 at 11:03pm
Your Chasing Amy is so much more interesting than Chasing Amy proper.
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post #79 of 540
7/22/08 at 8:21am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

People that kill people for money
Are called assassins
If they don't kill people
Then they aren't assassins
Are they?
They're more like slackers
Getting paid for almost
Doing things
Is the same as getting paid
For doing nothing
Your employer doesn't care
About excuses
This movie should have been
The greatest movie ever made
But it isn't
It's Assassins.

Wait at the bank.
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post #80 of 540
7/22/08 at 9:23am
Great assessment. I always found it hilarious that Stallone is supposed to be this kick-ass, cold-hearted killer but he never kills anyone in the entire film. Except Banderas... And he co-kills the guy that shows up in the movie's arbitrary "twist" ending.

That being said, Assassins is still one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies. Todaaaaay Eye Beee-cooooommmme Naaammm-burrrrrr Waaannnnn!
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post #81 of 540
7/22/08 at 11:01am
Funny stuff.

I like to think of Assassins as an awesome remake of Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, even though a) Assassins was made a few years earlier, b) there aren't any assassins in the original, and c) I've never seen Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever.
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post #82 of 540
7/22/08 at 2:30pm
Hey Sam... Remember Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever? How could you forget it with a title like that? And Gregg Henry... We must never forget Gregg Henry.
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post #83 of 540
7/24/08 at 8:27am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

He is a rich boy
Who risks everything
for love

She is a poor girl
Who only wants
Dignity and respect
And love

He is the goofiest
1980's icon ever
And he's going to learn
He's not rich enough
For her love

Love
Money
High school

The Good, The Bad, & The Pretty in Pink
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post #84 of 540
7/24/08 at 4:42pm
"...like Apollo Creed or Rufio."
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post #85 of 540
7/27/08 at 1:13pm
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Good Will Hunting
We know you're a jerk
Because you were hit
With Wrenches
Though you could have
Chosen the belt
Cheer up!
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

Good Will Hunting
You are smarter
Than the average bear
Your life will be one
Exploitation after the next
Cause you're a freak
Don't fret!
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

Good Will Hunting
That girl you threw out
Found another guy
He's not a jerk
Or a genius
She's happy
Be happy, too!
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

here is an apple for you to like
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post #86 of 540
7/28/08 at 6:34pm
Thread Starter 
So this is just a shot in the dark, but I'm thinking about doing a huge Star Wars extravaganza. Do you think I should go for it, or is Star Wars too played out at this point?

And by the way, tomorrow morning's Sam Strange it going to be like a mediocre joke falling overboard into a sea of f-ing hilarious. And that's a good thing.
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post #87 of 540
7/28/08 at 6:36pm
Do it!
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post #88 of 540
7/28/08 at 6:54pm
I'd be curious to read recollections of Star Wars movies that aren't technically Star Wars movies. I'm fascinated by people who are unable to distinguish Star Wars from Star Trek.
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post #89 of 540
7/28/08 at 7:28pm
Thread Starter 
I actually toyed with the idea of doing The Wrath of Kahn under the Star Wars: Episode II title. Would have been pretty funny, if you think this sort of thing is funny.
What I want to do is a Monday-Saturday kind of Star Wars week. I'm already halfway through writing the first one, so I'm thinking it's gonna happen.
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post #90 of 540
7/28/08 at 9:19pm
You owe us this.

Do it now.
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post #91 of 540
7/29/08 at 10:42am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

She has amnesia
You filled in the blanks
With a world-class wopper.

But watch out
Though she thinks
You are her husband
It is still considered rape
If you have sex with her.

Not fair? Maybe
But who said life is fair.

On the plus side
There's always Overboard
Which looks at things like rape
And says, "Life's a party! Relax!"

Don't go Overboard, ladies!
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post #92 of 540
7/29/08 at 11:11am
I think you're my hero for inventing the term 'amnesia rape'.
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post #93 of 540
7/31/08 at 12:42pm
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

We used to have
This thing called CRIME
It robbed and killed
Many good people

Then God made a man
To battle this CRIME
His name was COBRA
He was a walking bullet

COBRA was like a doctor
Curing a horrible disease
And if you ever met him
You never forgot his Stethoscope

Sometimes I miss CRIME...
Sometimes I wonder if CRIME misses us...

Yo, those fries gotta life preserver?
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post #94 of 540
7/31/08 at 5:03pm
"Cobra chews on matches. The wood taste keeps him close to nature. The sulfuric taste keeps him close to Hell."

Great stuff.
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post #95 of 540
7/31/08 at 8:02pm
Thread Starter 
ANNOUNCEMENT TIME!!!

Star Wars Week is coming.
Starting this Sunday and running every day till Friday,
all six Star Wars films will be getting the Sam Strange treatment!
So grab some Popcorn and tell your friends,
cause the Universe you (kinda) love may never be the same again!

I'll see you here, bright and early Sunday morning for the first installment...
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post #96 of 540
8/3/08 at 10:33am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers

Today I remember the first Star Wars Film
The Phantom Menace.

Or as I like to call it:
The Story of Anakin pt. 1

It's not the greatest movie ever made,
just the 6th greatest.

The negotiations will be short.
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post #97 of 540
8/3/08 at 1:10pm
Quote:
On the way, they run into a guy named Jar Jar, who's a member of frog-men race known as Gun-Guns. As far as Gun-Guns go, Jar-Jar is especially black. I got a lot of heat over this character, so allow me a moment to explain myself: I wanted to make fun of black people. There. Can we end the controversy already? It's not like I ONLY made fun of black people. If you ask me, I was just as demeaning to Asians, Jews, intelligent women, gay robots, and fat people. I would have done Mexicans too, but all the Darth Malo stuff was cut when I realized his scenes were stealing jobs from all the other scenes.
You funny funny bastard. Excellent start.
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post #98 of 540
8/4/08 at 8:34am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

If you think your kid
Might be a sociopath
Don't get upset
Just get him (or her, but probably him)
Some clones.

Clones don't have feelings
Emotional or Physical
Clones never cry or beg
Unless you want them to.

We prefer to make clones by the billions
But this holiday season
We are offering something special
For upper middle class households

$200 gets you one clone
$300 gets you two
$400 gets you three clones
and one extra for FREE!

That is the Kamino promise!!!

This Party is Over!
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post #99 of 540
8/5/08 at 8:57am
Thread Starter 

Sam Strange Remembers...

Anakin is no longer
The boy we could barely tolerate
He has become
The mass murderer
We can barely tolerate

Everyone is surprised
By his turn to the dark side
Because when it comes to
Insight and sensitivity
The jedi council reads braille
And outlaw touching

I have looked deep inside myself
And discovered for fact
The good guys are nerds
I would go bad

...for DEMOCRACY!!
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post #100 of 540
8/5/08 at 9:19am
So far, so good.

You magnificent fool.
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