Last night, I was in Manhattan taking the Who Wants to be a Millionaire test (these are the things you do when you are unemployed and have no prospects). The cool part was that I passed (lots of pop-culture questions, but finally knowing "Hawkeye" Pierce's real name finally paid-off) and while I probably screwed the follow-up interview (actually I'm 99% sure that I fucked it up), I decided to celebrate at the nearest McDonalds (55th and 8th Ave).
As I walked in, I noticed a side dining room which was blocked off so they could make a delivery (this comes into play later). While ordering this homeless guy storms in, asking for an application (he's loud, but not belligerent). As everyone ignores him, hoping he'll go away, Homeless Guy starts with a younger guy behind the counter, saying "Beard? You got a mutha-fuckin' beard?!? You better shave that shit if you want to make manager!" At this point the manager, who would give Terry Crews a run for his money, comes out and tells the guy behind the counter to just ignore it and asks Homeless Guy to leave. Meanwhile the rest of the store has come to a standstill. I see my cheeseburger just sitting there, but no one is grabbing it. Finally, Homeless Guy screams "fuck this shit, I'll get a job at fuckin' Burger King!"
As Homeless Guy is walking out the door, the kid grumbles "yeah, I'll see you at BK." This, of course, sets Homeless Guy in a rage. He storms back to the counter screaming "I might be homeless, but I'm no bitch! Say that to me out on the street and I'll fuck you up!" At that point the manager grabs the young guy and pulls him back. Seeing this as an opportunity, Homeless Guy notices that because of the delivery, he can easily get to the back room and runs into the side dining room. That causes the manager and the young guy to run in there to block him off. All of a sudden, the Homeless Guy picks up a straw container and hurls it at the young guy, hitting him on the chin and then spits on the manager. The manager, now in full rage, picks up a mop and begins breaking it over Homeless Guy's head, not once, not twice, but thrice. While this is going on, I hear one worker scream "Policia, Policia" while some jogger in shorts tighter than Kevin Kline's in the Big Chill screams "No, no, no" at the manager as he beats Homeless Guy.
Homeless Guy, who somehow is not bleeding, calls the manager a "nigger-faggot" and demands an apology. At the same time, the back of this McDonalds empties out like the bullpen during a beanball brawl. The manager is being held back, while trying to grab a metal pole as the rest of the staff is calling the homeless guy a "nigger-ass fag" (note not all the people saying this are african-american). As employees pile back behind the counter, Homeless Guy, with a piece of the mop, goes outside and begins banging on the window. Stilll no cheeseburger. Finally, the police show up. Or I should say, two Napoleon's with badges. As they walk behind the Homeless Guy one pulls out his Ben Linus baton and immediately starts beating the guy. No words, just beating. After going down, the police rip off Homeless Guy's backpack, dump the contents in the street and arrest Homeless Guy. Finally, I get my cheeseburgers and barely make my train.
Wish there was a punchline to all of this.
As I walked in, I noticed a side dining room which was blocked off so they could make a delivery (this comes into play later). While ordering this homeless guy storms in, asking for an application (he's loud, but not belligerent). As everyone ignores him, hoping he'll go away, Homeless Guy starts with a younger guy behind the counter, saying "Beard? You got a mutha-fuckin' beard?!? You better shave that shit if you want to make manager!" At this point the manager, who would give Terry Crews a run for his money, comes out and tells the guy behind the counter to just ignore it and asks Homeless Guy to leave. Meanwhile the rest of the store has come to a standstill. I see my cheeseburger just sitting there, but no one is grabbing it. Finally, Homeless Guy screams "fuck this shit, I'll get a job at fuckin' Burger King!"
As Homeless Guy is walking out the door, the kid grumbles "yeah, I'll see you at BK." This, of course, sets Homeless Guy in a rage. He storms back to the counter screaming "I might be homeless, but I'm no bitch! Say that to me out on the street and I'll fuck you up!" At that point the manager grabs the young guy and pulls him back. Seeing this as an opportunity, Homeless Guy notices that because of the delivery, he can easily get to the back room and runs into the side dining room. That causes the manager and the young guy to run in there to block him off. All of a sudden, the Homeless Guy picks up a straw container and hurls it at the young guy, hitting him on the chin and then spits on the manager. The manager, now in full rage, picks up a mop and begins breaking it over Homeless Guy's head, not once, not twice, but thrice. While this is going on, I hear one worker scream "Policia, Policia" while some jogger in shorts tighter than Kevin Kline's in the Big Chill screams "No, no, no" at the manager as he beats Homeless Guy.
Homeless Guy, who somehow is not bleeding, calls the manager a "nigger-faggot" and demands an apology. At the same time, the back of this McDonalds empties out like the bullpen during a beanball brawl. The manager is being held back, while trying to grab a metal pole as the rest of the staff is calling the homeless guy a "nigger-ass fag" (note not all the people saying this are african-american). As employees pile back behind the counter, Homeless Guy, with a piece of the mop, goes outside and begins banging on the window. Stilll no cheeseburger. Finally, the police show up. Or I should say, two Napoleon's with badges. As they walk behind the Homeless Guy one pulls out his Ben Linus baton and immediately starts beating the guy. No words, just beating. After going down, the police rip off Homeless Guy's backpack, dump the contents in the street and arrest Homeless Guy. Finally, I get my cheeseburgers and barely make my train.
Wish there was a punchline to all of this.
