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The Continuing Work of Mr. Beaks...

post #1 of 49
6/19/08 at 4:53am
Thread Starter 
We've mentioned the need for a thread to cover Mr. Beaks' future work, so here we go. I think this will be useful for those who retain some trepidation about venturing over to the dreaded AICN.

Now, returned to the fiery chasm from whence he came, his first article:
Mr. Beaks Observes and Reports on Jody Hill's OBSERVE AND REPORT (Starring Seth Rogen)!




EDIT: If there is anything uncouth about this thread, let me know...
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post #2 of 49
6/19/08 at 8:59am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Renn Brown View Post
Now, returned to the fiery chasm from whence he came, his first article:
Mr. Beaks Observes and Reports on Jody Hill's OBSERVE AND REPORT (Starring Seth Rogen)!
It's like "wow, this is gonna be a long plane ride" and then "holy shit, I LOVE this movie" but then a baby starts crying next to you.
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post #3 of 49
6/19/08 at 9:13am
Damn, I sort of halfway hoped he would be excused from using exclamation marks in all his article titles. Oh well, still a good read.
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post #4 of 49
6/19/08 at 9:41am
This is a great idea, Renn - thanks!
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post #5 of 49
6/19/08 at 9:59am
Is there any doubt that the same retard trolls that populate the AICN talkbacks were the same ones venturing over here to leave anonymous hate messages when the talkbacks were functional?

Sorry for the tangent. Either way, it's good to have more Beaks articles to read.
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post #6 of 49
6/19/08 at 10:44am
Talkback:

CHUD doesn't suck, per say, it just doesn't...
by SoylentMean
have the ease of use that AICN has. I mean they have a talkback option over there, that no one uses. Why would I want to type something in a talkback where I can't edit shit after I type it and nobody is going to read it anyway? At least here on AICN you know that somebody is going to read your ill advised, poorly thought out, typo riddled post. And every flaw will be pointed out with surgeon like precision as a veritable attack on your immortal soul.
CHUD doesn't have that sense of comradery.
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post #7 of 49
6/19/08 at 10:45am
Thanks for the thread Renn. On a total side note, Qunit's interview with Mel Brooks right below Beak's article is a really fun read.
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post #8 of 49
6/19/08 at 11:23am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
CHUD doesn't have that sense of comradery.
That sentence made my morning. Bunch of Russkies over there on AICN, I say.
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post #9 of 49
6/19/08 at 2:43pm
Thread Starter 
I'm glad people are finding the thread useful.

I'll try my hardest to remain diligent about posting all of his new articles, but if you know of one that hasn't shown up don't hesitate to throw that bitch in here.

EDIT: Fucking talk-backers
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post #10 of 49
6/19/08 at 2:49pm
Yeah, thanks Renn. I saw the article this morning on AICN, but my brain didn't make the connection.
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post #11 of 49
6/19/08 at 3:00pm
I used to read Beaks' articles when he was at AICN originally, and when he moved to CHUD he blew me away with his articles and comprehensive film knowledge that wasn't always apparent over there. Maybe it's the format of their site, the exclamations, or ethically questionable reviews but it just seems such a shame to waste his talent on a website who's first response isn't even to the article, but with "CHUD sucks".
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post #12 of 49
6/19/08 at 4:31pm
A Liotta-Rogen match up seems really odd. I'm not sure how that will play but I know I like seeing Rogen play a dirtbag. The character kind of sounds like Dwight Schrute in permanent "I'm a reserve deputy sheriff" mode.
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post #13 of 49
6/19/08 at 10:27pm
Thank you for excusing me from having to revisit that site. I was dreading the day.
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post #14 of 49
6/20/08 at 1:21am
Mr. Beaks Likes GET SMART, Loves Anne Hathaway!
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post #15 of 49
6/20/08 at 1:01pm
I just can't do it. God, I just can't do it. The formatting is offensive to my sensibilities.
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post #16 of 49
6/20/08 at 1:13pm
But the writing is fantastic!!!

I'm kind of bummed Beaks didn't say anything about The Rock. Is he pretty much a non-entity in the movie?
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post #17 of 49
6/22/08 at 12:33am
Thread Starter 
I'm not going to link either of these (they are just typical stories and I don't want to fuck with CHUDs shit) but Beaks has got two stories up. Here's the titles;

Is Christian Bale NOTTINGHAM'S Robin Hood?

and

Liam Neeson Displays Skillz in Brand New TAKEN Trailer!

If you are fiending, there ya go.
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post #18 of 49
6/23/08 at 5:00am
Thread Starter 
Beaks writes a very little bit in the article covering the fucking unfortunate news of George Carlin's passing away.
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post #19 of 49
6/24/08 at 2:49am
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37188

I actually didn't notice this was Beaks when I first started reading it, but I should've guessed when he name-dropped Kelly Reichardt. He seems like someone who'd listen to Bonnie 'Prince' Billy once in a blue moon.
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post #20 of 49
6/26/08 at 10:31am
Mr Beaks on Hellboy II:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37233
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post #21 of 49
6/26/08 at 11:52am
Man, I hadn't read one of Harry's reviews in years. Putting that up next to Beaks' Hellboy II review just highlights why they need him so badly over there. You'd have thought that years of doing this would have forced Harry to improve. Not so much.

Nice to hear Jeremy so amped up about Hellboy, though. I'm even more excited to see it than I was, which didn't seem possible.
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post #22 of 49
6/26/08 at 12:09pm
How great was that Hellboy piece!!! Got me pumped!
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post #23 of 49
6/27/08 at 6:57am
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37249

Apparently he didn't like WANTED. The talkbackers do not approve.
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post #24 of 49
6/27/08 at 10:54pm
And the talkbacks didn't even get into double digits before the immortal words "turn your brain off" were uttered.

This movie has looked consistently ridiculous with every trailer and clip I've seen. I'm inclined to take Beaks' review as an indication that I should skip it.
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post #25 of 49
6/28/08 at 1:19am
I'm very surprised Devin liked this movie so much.
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post #26 of 49
6/28/08 at 1:52am
I got sad when I saw him introducing Reader Reviews,
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post #27 of 49
6/28/08 at 2:11am
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTSMGL View Post
I got sad when I saw him introducing Reader Reviews,
I was going to post that then thought it might sound like I was bitter he left CHUD, but I felt embarassed for him.
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post #28 of 49
6/30/08 at 2:52am
Mr. Beaks faithfully submits his take on the greatness of Wall*E

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37279

Interesting to note that he has carried over CHUD's delightful use of the * footnotes.
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post #29 of 49
6/30/08 at 2:57am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bees?! View Post
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37249

Apparently he didn't like WANTED. The talkbackers do not approve.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beaks
Problem is, all that killing? It's not a metaphor; it's the goddamn text. More than wish fulfillment, it's a dipshit design for living pitched to all the disaffected bozos who spent their adolescence blowing up frogs and starting fight clubs. And it's oh so very well made that I fully expect a potential-deficient teenager to hit the slab with a bullet that "just... would... not... curve,... officer!" embedded in his Cro-Magnon skull before the year is out. So, please, if you've ever dreamed of killing all your problems away (or fervently believed in the prophesying power of your sweater drawer), do get in line posthaste for Timur Bekmambetov's WANTED.
...
It's mainstreamed cruelty seeking to connect with the Texas Tower Sniper in all of us. "Six weeks ago, I was just like you."
I had, quite literally, an almost identical walk-away reaction to WANTED. Difference is, I liked the movie...

I'm still convinced, however, that some on-the-edge psycho will see this film and have that final moment of eureka that pushes him/her over the edge. "You know what? What the FUCK have I done lately?" (pew pew pew)
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post #30 of 49
7/1/08 at 6:50am
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37296

Hancock either.
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post #31 of 49
7/2/08 at 7:01pm
Well that's disappointing. I had hopes for this one.
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post #32 of 49
7/2/08 at 7:24pm
I've not been agreeing with his reviews since he moved to AICN, so i'm going to wait till after I see Hancock to read it entirely.

With that pattern, i'll probably hate Wall*E somehow.
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post #33 of 49
7/3/08 at 12:30am
Now that Mr. Beaks is at AICN I'm sure he's enjoying the enlightening discussions of the TalkBackers. Like this....


Beaks you're glib!
by octagonproplex Jul 1st, 2008
12:43:16 AM
The gayest, gossip mongering, Knownothing that's ever written for this site (and that's saying something). All this little twat can do to try and "show his street cred", is make snide little comments about other movies and actors (Tom Cruise). It's not working, and I'm on to your charade. You're a fake ass pompous bitch without one original thought. Get a damn clue!


Come back Beaks!
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post #34 of 49
7/3/08 at 5:18pm
Mr. Beaks on a Channel 4 Stanley Kubrick promo:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37334

It has a link to a nice article on Kubrick.
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post #35 of 49
7/7/08 at 9:50am
An awesome love letter to Emmerich:

Beaks on 2012
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post #36 of 49
7/7/08 at 10:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cylon Baby View Post
Now that Mr. Beaks is at AICN I'm sure he's enjoying the enlightening discussions of the TalkBackers. Like this....


Beaks you're glib!
by octagonproplex Jul 1st, 2008
12:43:16 AM
The gayest, gossip mongering, Knownothing that's ever written for this site (and that's saying something). All this little twat can do to try and "show his street cred", is make snide little comments about other movies and actors (Tom Cruise). It's not working, and I'm on to your charade. You're a fake ass pompous bitch without one original thought. Get a damn clue!


Come back Beaks!
I await Tom Cruise's enlightening take on the history of film and how he can tie it in to being a gay gossip mongering know-nothing twat fake ass pompous bitch without original thought.

Five bucks says that motherfucker's a Scientologist.

EDIT: And for as much as I bitch about AICN, I kind of love Harry's animated GIFs in the header. Kinda sad that it's the only thing that really draws me to the site other than Beaks and Moriarty.
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post #37 of 49
7/7/08 at 4:39pm
That Shining promo was terrific. Wish we had "Stanley Kubrick Season".

The readers there don't have a clue how lucky they are to have Beaks writing for them.
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post #38 of 49
7/7/08 at 5:00pm
He script-reviewed 2012 and picked up CHUD's RZA story.
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post #39 of 49
7/14/08 at 8:49am
Mr. Beaks rips Bekmambetov´s "The Red Star" a new one.
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post #40 of 49
7/17/08 at 3:51am
Beaks thinks its a tie between Wall-E and The Dark Knight for best of the year so far.

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37495
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post #41 of 49
7/31/08 at 9:30am
Beaks has a cool interview with Frank Darabont about THE MIST. Worth a look.
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post #42 of 49
8/12/08 at 11:52pm
Thread Starter 
Lest we forget....

No Embargo Issues Here! Mr. Beaks Infiltrates THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2!
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post #43 of 49
8/13/08 at 3:59pm
That review was great
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post #44 of 49
8/14/08 at 6:22pm
This is a welcome one since there's no review on CHUD:

Mr. Beaks Makes The Most Of Ben Stiller's TROPIC THUNDER
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post #45 of 49
8/16/08 at 3:54pm
What the fuck ever happened to all of Beaks' "For No Good Reason" entries? I have the sinking feeling that they're in the blogs section and there's no way I'm browsing through that subforum.

Every time I go in there I end up wanting to take a nap or kill something, especially after that one guy wrote that Robocop was drivel.
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post #46 of 49
8/16/08 at 4:04pm
http://chud.com/articles/authors/55/Jeremy-Smith
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post #47 of 49
8/16/08 at 4:19pm
Muchisimas gracias. I don't know how to work the internets.
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post #48 of 49
8/21/08 at 6:54pm
Beaks slams DEATH RACE.
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post #49 of 49
8/21/08 at 7:58pm
Love the old DVD review of the original.
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