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Murderous, nose-hungry chimps loose in California - Page 2

post #51 of 82
7/3/08 at 2:54pm
I for one heartily welcome our super-intelligent, meat-eating, monkey overlords. I also can't wait for the day first mentioned in the Sacred Scrolls when Aldo repeats the word that was told to him time without measure by his human oppressors... "no."

The fur'll fly that day, let me tell you.
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post #52 of 82
7/3/08 at 2:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trejo View Post
NASA scientist: Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret - that all the chimps we sent into space came back super intelligent and with a taste for human flesh.

Chimp in suit on rollerskates: Mmmmmmm-no. I don't think we'll be telling them that.
I mean, seriously - this thread is rapidly giving my favorite thread, the Chris Benoit thread, a run for it's monkey - err, uhh, MONEY.
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post #53 of 82
7/3/08 at 3:01pm
Q: Why did the monkeys cross the road?



A: To go back to McDonald's, because they forgot to give them extra napkins and BBQ sauce with their nine-piece Human McNoses.
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post #54 of 82
7/3/08 at 3:04pm
I wonder who gave the monkeys the idea to go for the nose anyway?

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post #55 of 82
7/3/08 at 3:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
I wonder who gave the monkeys the idea to go for the nose anyway?
I'm not sure...

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post #56 of 82
7/3/08 at 3:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
I for one heartily welcome our super-intelligent, meat-eating, monkey overlords. I also can't wait for the day first mentioned in the Sacred Scrolls when Aldo repeats the word that was told to him time without measure by his human oppressors... "no."
Are you the one who is welcoming our future robot overlords? There seems to be a lot of us just rolling over to welcome (insert wacky creature) overlords these days.
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post #57 of 82
7/3/08 at 3:53pm


You can have my nose when you rip it from my cold, dead...oh Jesus Christ! Oh god...my nose! My nose.
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post #58 of 82
7/3/08 at 4:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
Are you the one who is welcoming our future robot overlords? There seems to be a lot of us just rolling over to welcome (insert wacky creature) overlords these days.
I'll welcome anyone as long as it keeps my Irish-Hungarian ass off the menu. Then, using my goodwill as a monkey's flunky, I'll negotiate my way to absolute dominion over... AUSTRALIA!

(Hey, if Gene Hackman can do it...)
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post #59 of 82
7/3/08 at 4:50pm
I can't believe that y'all are passing up the fact that the chimp was in contact with genital-eating monkeys to make jokes about something as trivial as noses. Absolutely unconscionable behavior all around, and the God of Dick Jokes frowns upon all of you.
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post #60 of 82
7/3/08 at 4:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I can't believe that y'all are passing up the fact that the chimp was in contact with genital-eating monkeys to make jokes about something as trivial as noses. Absolutely unconscionable behavior all around, and the God of Dick Jokes frowns upon all of you.
You know, god forbid a horror story on the internet doesn't devolve into a dick joke. And for the record, it's balls jokes, not dick jokes.
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post #61 of 82
7/3/08 at 4:54pm

.....
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post #62 of 82
7/3/08 at 4:55pm
Now we're talking.
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post #63 of 82
7/3/08 at 5:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
You know, god forbid a horror story on the internet doesn't devolve into a dick joke. And for the record, it's balls jokes, not dick jokes.
I BET this is why he's not wearing his prosthetic in that picture...

It's because it's his dick.


Let's face it, he doesn't need it down there...and with his 'dick-as-a-nose' he can feel closer to these simians...


...and thus come to a closer understanding of his attackers.
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post #64 of 82
7/3/08 at 5:04pm
I grew up in West Covina, and this guys house was just around the corner from ours.

For the longest time, when Moe was taken away from him, he had signs all over his lawn, most of them were "Honk for Moe" signs. Well, the honking got so bad, so much, that the city had to put up signs that if you got caught honking your horn in the vicinity of that house, you could get a ticket.

Then, he finally gets Moe to a place he can visit, and this happens to him. I think it was a case of jealousy. Those other chimps saw him visiting Moe all the time, and getting all this attention, that they were fed up. So they fed themselves. Balls.
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post #65 of 82
7/3/08 at 5:05pm
Hey, look, fellas.. I wish I could give you a deal here, but my chimp's a real ball ache. Y'-know-what-I-mean?

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post #66 of 82
7/3/08 at 5:11pm
I don't want to know what the pic was Trejo, but damn if that line wasn't hilarious.
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post #67 of 82
7/3/08 at 5:11pm
Oh, there was jealousy involved alright, but it wasn't just because this dude was always visiting Moe. The day of the attack, he and his wife were visiting Moe and made the mistake of bringing him a birthday cake. The other chimps, upset that they didn't have cakes of their own, responded by eating some balls.

A fair trade, I guess.
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post #68 of 82
7/3/08 at 5:13pm
Nice Freudian analysis there.
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post #69 of 82
7/3/08 at 5:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I can't believe that y'all are passing up the fact that the chimp was in contact with genital-eating monkeys to make jokes about something as trivial as noses. Absolutely unconscionable behavior all around, and the God of Dick Jokes frowns upon all of you.
Sorry for dropping the balls on this earlier.
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post #70 of 82
7/3/08 at 9:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I can't believe that y'all are passing up the fact that the chimp was in contact with genital-eating monkeys to make jokes about something as trivial as noses. Absolutely unconscionable behavior all around, and the God of Dick Jokes frowns upon all of you.
See, what no one realizes is, it was the monkey version of Fear Factor. "For $50,000, Buttons, let's see how many human testicles you can eat in under one minute." And let me tell you, that is now one RICH monkey.
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post #71 of 82
7/3/08 at 10:00pm
Note to self: when visiting chimps, always wear pants.
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post #72 of 82
7/3/08 at 10:41pm
Man, you gotta have some respect for a guy who lets his picture be taken like that. Showing his disfigured face proves that he's learned to deal with his injuries. Still, I'm glad that it isn't a full-length photo.
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post #73 of 82
7/4/08 at 12:44pm
All you can eat Buffet:
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post #74 of 82
7/4/08 at 12:51pm
Yeah, that's not safe for work.
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post #75 of 82
7/4/08 at 1:02pm
Jesus. Ever heard of linking that and marking it NSFW?
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post #76 of 82
7/4/08 at 4:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by pembroseus View Post
Oh, there was jealousy involved alright, but it wasn't just because this dude was always visiting Moe. The day of the attack, he and his wife were visiting Moe and made the mistake of bringing him a birthday cake. The other chimps, upset that they didn't have cakes of their own, responded by eating some balls.

A fair trade, I guess.
My favorite part of this story is how the guy initially reacted. He's holding a cake and suddenly a bunch of hungry, angry chimps descend upon him. What does he do? According to the wife's tearful testimony on the news, this is what he did: "He...he just stood there and....tried to REASON with them *breaks down to tears*." Anyone who tries to debate his way out of a chimp cage without giving up the cake deserves to lose his balls. This guy should receive a Darwin Award.
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post #77 of 82
7/4/08 at 6:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankCobretti View Post
Note to self: when visiting chimps, always wear pants.
Well, in their twilight years, he and his wife can be proud that, if only for one brief moment, it was mistaken for a banana.
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post #78 of 82
7/5/08 at 2:48am
I just got off the phone with Hulk Hogan, who proclaimed the chimps holy warriors performing God's will. Just so ya know.
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post #79 of 82
7/5/08 at 6:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post
I just got off the phone with Hulk Hogan, who proclaimed the chimps holy warriors performing God's will. Just so ya know.
Beautiful, man.
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post #80 of 82
7/5/08 at 8:13am
Looks like the chimpanzees have prepared a statement:



"Uh, our bad. Sorry."
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post #81 of 82
7/5/08 at 4:12pm
Thread Starter 
oh god WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE
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post #82 of 82
7/5/08 at 7:26pm
They look hungry too.
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