Your most uncomfortable times at the cinema. - Page 3

thanks for the laugh lisa , after the attacks on my credibilty , I needed it ,

I just want to point out , i really dont mind if people make fun of the way i write , most of the times they do it in a way that makes me laugh , but to accused me of writing post full of bullshit and beeing retarded ( if you think that beeing ADD and dyslexique is to be retarted , I would question your mentality ) is really beeing a douche bag

well no offence (I have < 2000 posts), but I like commas as much as the next guy but you kinda take it to extreams. May I suggest you throw in a period or two, perhaps even a semi-colon. It would make it much easier to read

It amazes me that this thread could produce such a sad story from Lisa and such fucking craziness from elrocho.

Take your time. This is a forum, not a chat room.

This elrocho guy is like mirror universe eenin.

You just can't win, Spike. Sorry.

When it comes too the autistic, isn't Spike a Daywalker of sorts? Sort of like our own personal Blade.

hahahahaha.

Okay, that's fucking hilarious. I love that you throw in The Country Bears. Brilliant.

How exactly does one sort their movies "autobiographically"?

In the order you watched them for the first time?

Just don't try to skate uphill.

Not since it came out. Refresh my memory.

Yeah, it's easy, and it's dumb to assume that you should be given a free pass on your grammar. It's even dumber to assume that you should be given a free pass on picking fights in movie theaters. You said yourself, "I was talking and was asked to shut up." Maybe if you did love movies as much as you claimed you do, you'd respect the theater and the people in it, too. Right now you're just coming off as an asshole.

I went to see Mulholand Drive and I screamed out loud when the man behind the winkies poked his head out for the first time. There were only a half dozen people in the theater other than me and they all gradually walked out of the movie throughout its running time. Eventually I was alone in the theater so I jerked off when Naomi Watts did the same. I thought to myself... you only live once... there aren't any adult theaters where I live and I always wanted to know what that would be like... now I do. Its not as cool as you'd think.

Also... yeah, I wouldn't say it to your face. You've already stated that you start fights by grabbing people around the throat in public, so you obviously lack the ability to function as a sane human. It sounds like you're going to spend some time in prison some day. Also, why would I want to say it to your face? Here, you have to read it, and you have to digest what's typed instead of just reacting like you say you do. Maybe I can do you some good here, and you can see the error of your aggressive ways. I'm sure you'll still want to go punch someone for fun and then treat your penis like an amusement park, but hey, it's worth a try.

...fucking neanderthal.

What he said.

There are ways to help your dyslexia, and you've apparently ignored them. That in my mind doesn't get you a free pass, in whose mind would it?

I think he just did.

Hopefully, elrocho is full of shit. If not, i'd like to think that crippling asthma is karma at work.

My most uncomfortable time at the cinema was sitting through most of Charlie Wilson's War with a full bladder, but unable to leave the theater and get to a bathroom because I had to keep elbowing my father awake so he wouldn't snore like a grizzly bear sleeping off a hangover. It wasn't the subject matter - he loves that shit. He could watch the History Channel all day long, but he has a really bad back (no cartilage between two vertabrae due to a bacterial infection that basically ate the disc) and the night before he took a strong pain reliever/sleeping pill that just wouldn't leave his system. We were supposed to see TWBB that day and I thank god that we were fifteen minutes late for the start because while that movie rocked my socks off a week later, it's really fucking long, and I'm glad that I got to enjoy every moment safe in the knowledge that I could leave to relieve myself any time I wanted. I was just about to the point where I was ready to make him come with me and sit in the lobby while I used the bathroom when the movie ended.

me and the (now) ex-gf went and saw Indy 4

this is pretty much the end of our relationship, and i know she's been 'hanging' out with this other dude i know (through the local music scene)
i look over half way through the most awkward pissed off movie experience of my life to see her text-messaging him to make plans for after the movie

then when i drive her back to her place she says 'well, i'm just gonna crash out, blahblahblah'

fn bitch

I know I have a better one (that doesn't involve me finger-banging my middle school girlfriend) but for some reason this is the only one that's coming to me at the moment:

When I was in middle school, I went to see Dumb & Dumber. BTW, I live in NW Florida, which is technically part of the Bible belt. Anyway, the theater is crowded, and it gets to the scene where Billy, the blind kid, is petting the dead bird that Lloyd sold him. I started cracking up so fucking loudly, only to realize that NO ONE in the theater seemed to think it was funny in the slightest. It was dead silence except for my laughter. Which... I still don't get, even for this area. I guess dark humor didn't play well with that audience.

Another memorable one:

In high school, I was lucky enough to have Orgazmo play at a theater in town. I took my girlfriend at the time, and we had the theater all to ourselves (settle down, the story isn't as good as it would seem at this juncture). Right when the trailers started, one guy came in alone, wearing a fucking trenchcoat. Of course, he sat like three rows behind us, so it's just me, my girlfriend, and creepy trenchcoat man watching Orgazmo. It was so uncomfortable, because you want to look back and make sure he's not about to jerk off over your head or something, but you CAN'T because it's just the three of you, and who the hell else am I going to be looking at. Despite the funny movie, it was a very awkward experience.

That I wasn't going to eat her out during the movie, and she got all butt-hurt.

Well, that's not exactly what happened, but every other version of the story makes me sound like an asshole.

Who said i was looking for a free pass , like i said i really dont mind if people make fun of my grammar mistakes , some of them are funny has hell. I adore movies , I hate going to the theatres ( I really rarely go) because of the way i am , even at home I watch movies all alone ( thats the only time i can shut up about the film) . love for films has nothing to do with respecting the theatres or other people , I really can care less . I may sound like an ass-hole but if you give me a chance you will see that am maybe only 50% asshole and the other part of me i quite a great guy


I never wrote that I start fights, Honneslty in my all life i maybe started 1 or 2 , I just never back down from any one who calls me out . Curious to know i would of reacted if someone would of tried to take off your dads glass's , wouldnt be suprise if you would of went and got the usher and cried about it.
About prison , beleive me or not , I did spend 1 week (was supposed to do 1 year but my lawer was able to switch it to house arrest for almost 2 years) but it wasnt for violent crimes . Am really not that violent , am just violent when i need to be , am not that strong so i will never apologizes for beeing a dirty fighter.

and about the neanderthal comment well we cant be all lil' emo-pussies that only feels strong to insult someone on line can we


Ive trie a couple of tricks to help me in my dyslexia , they dint really help .

I really dint join this site to get into fights with other members . so i wont be responding to other comments on this thread . I will only stick to mostly to ones I create . If you can stand my opinion and my shitty grammar , read my post . If you cant just dont fucking read them. For the ones that will give me the chance , i promissed to work on my grammar and to used less comas .

And again , am sorry if i piss off some members because am honnest about myself or my opinions , but ive always been like that , Beleive me or not i dont care . We cant all have sugar coated lifes , mine is far from that and theres a lot of stuff that did happen to me that are hard to beleive but they are all true


Dont take it personal , but a lot of yall need to work on your social skills ( funny coming from me , but even if I can be violent and an asshole , am one of the most polite people i know and really social when i want to) and should learn to get off your high horses. I never attack any members there wasnt no reason for yall to gang up on me with personal attacks .

And for those who doubt my inteligence : am a registerd nurse ( at a retirement home at the moment , but in need of a change ) , father of 2 inteligent lil' girls ( 1 and 5) and married to a women ( a chief nurse) 10 years older then me , i cant really be that dumb

The polite thing to do in a movie theater is to shut to fuck up when someone asks you to stop talking during the film.

The "creepy guy sitting behind you in a sparsely populated theater" angle has already been covered, so I'll go with my second most uncomfortable experience: A few years back, a date of mine somehow talked me into going to Hitch with her and--towards the end of the movie--I notice the guy sitting directly in front of us is getting head from his date. Now, what made this uncomfortable wasn't so much that he was getting head in close proximity to us, what made it uncomfortable to me was he was getting head during fucking Hitch. I spent the rest of the movie's running time pondering how one gets into that situation. I was generally bewildered. What goes through his mind? "Oh, baby, did you catch that line about not ordering a Diet Coke for you lady? That got me so fucking hot.*unzips*" The sheer amount of time I spent trying to figure that out just unnerved me.

Please leave.

I'm thinking he's confused dementia with dyslexia.

I may have posted this before, but my cousin and I had gone to see The Fountain. We got to the part where Izzy died and the theater was dead silent. One of those audiences where every single person is receptive and respectful. So we get to that point and all of a sudden the whole theater is treated to "IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" I immediately start looking around wondering who the fuck it was. And then I realized it was my cousin - he had forgotten to turn his ringer off. Other people pinpointed the source as well. We got a LOT of dirty looks and I was fairly embarrassed.

I dont really feel like it at the moment , so better get used to me or just plainly ignore me

honnestly my last comment on this thread , I wont be responding to anymore comments , go ahead and have your lil' fun

Me and a couple friends went to go see The Thin Red Line, not having not much else to do. We get there and there's two other people in the theater, so we sit in the back and homegirl starts rolling a blunt. I'm really into this movie, but my compadres seem restless, and hell, why not spark this up? So we smoke a blunt sitting in the back row, thinking that we are cleverly blowing the smoke into the seats or something. The movie was awesome - all I remember is Ted Danson and people swimming in slow motion. Easily my favorite war film of all time.

After we have finished our criminal business, I lean back and look up above us, and realize (to my blazed horror) that the light from the projector is illuminating a whole shit-ton of smoke. It looked like a scene from a Snoop Dogg movie. What the hell? Of course we didn't leave because, as my friend pointed out, 'they can't prove it was us. Those other two people might have been getting high.'

I highly recommend 'The Thin Red Line' (rim-shot!).

www.scientology.org

That's wonderful- the fewer posts from you, the better. You're either a joke character, or a bona fide piece of shit. Either way, piss off.

ha ha ha ha woman...

sorry about that man, total bitch and a total waste of what could have been a good film..

Lisa's story was so sad, it physically hurt my soul.

I was out on a second date with this girl. I don't know if you can call it that- the first date was essentially meeting up at a party, drunkenly hooking up, and ending up at her place for a nightcap. We were pretty eager to see each other, and she was inviting me to stay over her best friend's house- she is driving because she's a senior in college and I'm only a freshman, and she's definitely wearing the pants.

We head over to the house, and there are a group of girls there, decent to eh looking, the houseowner being a 6"5 amazonian woman in her late twenties which, to an 18 year old boy, is fucking terrifying. It turns out the girls plan to just sip some beers and watch some DVD's. Unfortunately for me, the movies are Mr. Deeds and Enough. I dislike Adam Sandler, and Deeds is harder to sit through than his average stuff, but I stay silent as everybody laughs their asses off. Everyone is in such close proximity that I feel I can't put my arm around my girl, and so it's just me, the sole humorless guy, in a large group of loud, drunk, older girls.

But Enough... that was the real test. I hated every minute of that grotesque, man-hating piece of shit movie. Every soul-sucking moment where Terminator robot Bill Campbell abuses and stalks his wife J. Lo reeked of sub-exploitation desperation, especially the glad-handling end, where the movie wants us to cheer Jennifer as she becomes a vigilante, breaks into the guy's house and kills him.

I have to sound off on how improbable, stupid, and offensive the movie is. I don't get into the bullshit self-righteous feelings I have against the movie, thank God, but my drunken, loose lips rail on about the movie's billion laps of logic and lack of a single three dimensional male character. Instantly, the girls team up and start sharing their views on how a guy "would really do that sort of thing" and that "some guys will stop at nothing to get what they want". Suddenly, it becomes a roundtable, where the girls discuss their random abusive relationships, only topped by the Amazonian, who actually discusses her failed marriage, just as, I shit you not, out of nowhere a baby starts crying from inside one of the bedrooms. I am immediately castigated as the ignorant young male by everyone, including my date, as each girl drunkenly tells their own rape story.

Later, before bedtime, my date whispers that everyone gets their own bedroom, but that it would be better if I sleep on the couch alone. About three hours into the night, with everyone asleep, I lift my head from the couch and, through the darkness, I make out a figure that turns out to be the Amazonian walking from the kitchen back to the bedrooms, wearing a bathrobe completely open, her gigantic breasts literally making smacking sounds against each other. She sees me briefly awake and immediately closes her robe, flashing me the ugliest look of contempt I've ever experienced.

At that point, did you take her?

Kabong just blew everybody except Lisa out of the water I think. Jeeeeesus.

I've got one that I can't fucking believe I forgot. It's technically at my house but I think we left the "at the cinema" part behind a while ago.

The Rules of Attraction-It was graduation day this year, and we'd gone to all of our friends' parties (we graduated last year so there weren't so many this year) and we decided to go the house I'd just moved into and watch a movie to break in the new house and the new TV a friend gave me. There were four of us: the girl who I got handsy with at The Invisible who I was trying to patch things up with while she was home for the summer (because fuck me If I'm going to move on) and the two engaged friends I've also mentioned previously. The girls aren't coming up with any suggestions and because I know they're both Dawson's Creek nerds I suggest we watch Rules of Attraction.

Three problems become plainly obvious as the movie begins: A. The rewinding time gimmick is throwing them off big time. B. The movie is much more geared to my sense of humor which I forgot nobody else really shared so they're essentially watching a bleak, dark film while I'm laughing my ass off.

C's a big one.

C. When Lauren loses her virginity in the beginning of the movie the girl I'm with freaks out. Now, we never batted a home run in the three months we were together, but I knew she'd lost her virginity in New York at college. Turns out with the exception of the film student and the puking it was pretty much exactly that scene. Gets better though. When it's implied that Jessica Biel drunkenly has sex with the entire football team she flips, something about too close to home. I, being a fucking idiot, inquire. Then she confesses the foursome....

I'm not even fucking joking, I wish I was.

I hated Enough, too. What a waste of celluloid. Don't worry about it. Shows you have some sense.

Man, you guys sure know how to pick 'em.

To be perfectly fair the one I mentioned was not a whore when she lived here, when she went off to college she came into her own (or had most of campus come into her own) I guess.

How did you ever think this was a good idea?

Best double entendre ever.

Seriously.

The ones that come to my mind:

I worked at Blockbuster during college, and brought home WILD THINGS. Was about to watch it in my room when my Mom comes in, sits down, and says "Cool, what movie did you get? Oh, I wanted to see that..."

My wife (then GF) and I are watching ALIEN RESURRECTION in an empty theater, when we hear a FAPFAPFAP coming from the backrow. Some lone guy was tugging on his own xenomorph during the alien/Ripley "sex" scene.

Reported this in an old thread that seems to have disappeared:

Summer of '94. I just broke up with my longtime girlfriend. It was during the summer, on a weekday, and me and a friend (another ex-GF) thought we'd catch a platonic matinee. No one else was there (really dead that day), EXCEPT the girl I just broke up with and her younger brother (who looked up to me) come walking into the same theater to see THE SHADOW at the same showing (AWKWARD #1). I'm sitting in a near empty theater next to my "date", with my recent ex (and her bro) sitting back behind us, glaring at us with these shooting out of her eyes and into the back of my skull. She confronts me in the lobby afterwards "I thought you just needed time apart! I thought there wasn't anyone else!" right in front of the other girl (AWKWARD #2). On top of that, I had an additionally awkward conversation on the way home when my "friend" admits to wanting to try things out again. 12 years ago, and I'll always remember that mortifying viewing of THE SHADOW. I don't keep in contact with either women.

Yup, I posted something almost exactly like that in the thread that disappeared. College, huge free showing of Aliens in our college auditorium on the big screen. I'm there with Guy #1, but also hopelessly infatuated (thought it was love, but it wasn't) with Guy #2. As we're waiting for the movie to start, Guy #2 walks in, sees us, and decides to come sit with us (we were all friends from being in theater productions together). Guy #2 has no idea how I felt about him - unfortunately, Guy #1 knows exactly how I felt about Guy #2 (to be honest, I was a thoughtless moron back then, and Guy #1 was one of these guys who rolled with any punches that were dealt out), and he just sat there and said nothing. So it was a nice, long, uncomfortable movie for me and Guy #1, but Guy #2 was oblivious.

I keep expecting someone to read someone's story and go 'That was you?! Motherfucker, you ruined my life with that stunt you pulled!'

I'd lol. And I never lol.

This whole thing is a lot funnier if you read it aloud to yourself in a cockney accent.