Obesity - Page 2

JAHAHAAAJAHAHAHA that's the best add ever.

I was gonna say [something like] that!

Dear god man why? Why do you want to risk being in a situation in which you tried to scream and alls you got was a mouthful of flab? Why man why?

Buuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnn!

How many more supermodels have to dress up in fat suits and be ridiculed before the public learns ?????

All righty, answers to important questions. My buddy the general practitioner, who in med school ran as a paramedic and so was able to supply me with the fabulous Twinkie Story, not to mention a hundred other horrors in the two-pronged effort of purging himself of nightmares and laughing as I got stuck with them, one night over beers described to me how a grotesquely obese couple, patients of his, explained to him the necessary logistics of their love-making.

Feel free to turn away. Now.

They have a big dining room table. Strong wood. Sturdy. Don't make 'em like that anymore. Etc. Has leaves. You know, the removable extensions for seating less or more guests. Don't groan yet.

They remove a center leaf. Yep. We're going there. Still reading?

The woman gets on her back, below the table. With the aid of several pillows and cushions, she raises her lower half into the air, until the base of her thighs are pressed against the underside of the table. Gravity has moved the bulk of the flesh down and away, and she has aimed herself to be presenting through the gap left by the missing center leaf.

The husband, after helping his wife situate herself, carefully mounts the table. The table, instead of his wife, takes the brunt of his weight. The smooth finished wood surface lets him orient himself and comfortably maneuver his own mass out of the way from places his hands cannot reach.

Contact of the once-buried naughty bits is slowly, gently established, and intercourse proceeds.

You're welcome.

o_0

'noh my god...

I'm still laughing at the "nom nom nom" under the fat wedding picture...

You'd think with all that extra work associated they would have lost weight by now.

I still don't get it. I'm gonna need graphics.

I'd prefer a powerpoint presentation accompanied by the theme from 2001.

Why are you so fat?

Why indeed. This thread is borderline offensive. I'm happy to contribute.



EDIT: Your mama's so fat, her favorite food is "seconds".

Your mom is so huge I rolled her last night.

Epic.

Came across this while looking for some Cloverfield production art...

Same here:

Great, now I can go pretend I'm Faux1975 and kill myself.

It's the hearts and the little musical notes that really make that drawing, Minsky!

I have to assume *wailing sax* was used during the scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL_gZ...eature=related

I am not clicking that link.

DM, I think I love you for this.

This thread is like the internet version of those 'save a whale, harpoon a fat chick' stickers.

Q: Why do fat chicks give good head?

A: Because they have to.

Aaaaaannnnnnddd, equally at home here and in the Top Gun Questions thread:

little do you know, that's camel toe!

It's not just camel toe. It sucks up small children as she walks down the street. They're all up in there, screaming for their very little souls.

dear God.

I thought Eddie Murphy was retiring from that fat suit shit?

That's Eddie Murphy's actual body, Brendan.

Good conscience can't bring me to post on topic in this thread, but this made me cackle.

FAT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SO7qHmgrQE

I look at that banner ad and I unconsciously scream "Get away from me Claude!".

"What about the Twinkie?"

Ahh, this thread has almost blossomed to its full, offensive potential...I find it half funny that the original poster had little to do with the oncoming madness.

I wish dreary louse would smoke extra fast so he can die extra soon.

You see, I always thought it was a woman. Maybe its the avatar.

Well that would explain why he got his ass kicked by an old man while smoking at a bus stop.

I believe this should clarify everything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQ...eature=related

Bwawahaaaa! And to be honest, during most of that clip, I was smiling, nodding politely. Then when he got to "Whyareyousofatwhyareyousofatwhyareyousofat??? ", I died.

What can I say, watching a constant stream of BETTER OFF DEAD and ONE CRAZY SUMMER growing up was quite the sensitivity training.

Mmmmmm, food comedy: Hope it's chocolate for meeeeee.

EDIT: Lisa, is that a pic of Jennifer Tilly eating an icecream cone as your avatar? Because if it is, I think I love you.

Ahhh, vintage Goldthwait. And to think, once upon a time, the Bobcat was playing sweaty snugglebunnies with Nikki Cox, who isn't fat. Her lips are though (damn Botox).

Obesity has been bugging me of late, though. I've had a spare tire for a bit, but I gotta thank the boards, specifically Iggy and the crew at the recent NJ hookup, for really driving the point home. Doc Happenin's pics of me were what I needed to get my fat ass in gear and hit the gym (I'm down two pounds! Woot!).

OK, enough of the serious shit - you wants the funny. My best friend and I went to the local Founders Day celebration a few years back. Amongst the activities was a tug-of-war competition, and one side had this... mountain... of a man as the anchor. Dude was HUGE, as tall as he was wide. His side won in no time, and while his team celebrated, one small fella decides to leap on the guy for a manly victory hug.

Apparently, the heavy dude wasn't expecting that, and he lost his balance. Y'ever see a Looney Tunes cartoon, where Wile E. Coyote is about to take a huge fall, and sort of hangs in mid-air for a second, until the realization that he's gonna get hurt sinks in? Then he falls and you see the little puff of smoke where he hits? This big fella seemed to hang in mid-air for a second, and when he hit we all felt it. Kicker was, he couldn't get up. People tried to help, at least six at one point, and they couldn't move 'em. It took two paramedics and ten people to get this guy in a MONOC truck. And, yes, the back end of the truck sagged a bit as it went to take this guy to the hospital.

HAHA! That reminded me of a news story from a few years back that I can't find now. Some Southern Redneck type fat woman sat in front of the TV for so long she BONDED with the chair. Apparently, the mix of shit, piss, and sweat was a lethal combination.

Aaaah... "Nature's Glue."

You would not believe how many over weight people have said, "I'm afraid someone will laugh at me if I go to the gym".

If I ever saw someone making fun of somebody trying and being there working out, I'd have a few choice words for them (to say the least).


Of course, if you want to and choose to stay where you are, then I've got no problems with it.





Yo momma is so fat, she has to wake up in sections.

I just picture John from WALL*E when I think of this. Falling off his hover chair and unable to get up. I chuckle.

Were the paramedics all like BOOM BAH-BAH BOOM BAH-BAH

There was some other thread a ways back about getting the morbidly obese out of their house via knocking down walls, cranes, etc. I put the story there; went looking to link it but seems it was lost in the Forum Purge.

So like I said, my buddy was a paramedic during med school (actually, while premed I think), and I make him drag this story out whenever there's someone who hasn't heard it.

His crew answered a call from a morbidly obese man complaining about chest pains. When they arrive they determine he isn't into arrest, but ought to be taken to the hospital for closer observation. (And, of course, he's in a third-floor apartment with no elevator. "They always are. Always." Which is how this was apropos to the other thread.)

They get him to the emergency room, and my friend is assisting the nurses with getting him onto two beds secured together, and manipulating the massive folds of his body so as to remove his shirt and apply the various pads and monitors where they can best sense their respective organs.

Upon lifting one shelf of flesh, most of a flattened Twinkie rolls out onto the paper bed sheet.

My friend and the nurses all sort of freeze and go quiet for a second, trying to both take in what just happened and, being professionals, not to react improperly. The patient, sensing something just happened, props up on his elbows a little and follows their eyes. "What?" He sees the partially eaten Twinkie. "Oh. ...Oh, right." And he settles back onto the bed.

And that's the Twinkie story.

In hindsight, I should've ended the previous story with, "And so, children, that's where fat babies come from."

But I should also add that, once gotten over the initial ick that always comes with visualizing unattractive people fucking, I think that story was kind of sweet. Here's two people overcoming their obstacles to achieve a mutually satisfying sex life. That their obstacles are their own fault doesn't make them any less deserving, in my opinion. My pal did counsel them on their weight, and though it's been a long time since they were his patients he did say at the time he told me the tale they were not just an extremely happy couple, very much in love, but making some progress in reducing, too, as a team. One of their big incentives being increased intimacy, naturally. But at the time, they were doing what they could with what they had.

And this is the point in the anecdote where I try to pitch taking a crack at the position for novelty's sake. Haven't had a taker, yet.

Minsky's graphic just added to my confusion.
I still can't picture the table thing. Maybe it's just my brain NOT WANTING to.