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The County Fair

post #1 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:12pm
Thread Starter 
I know there aren't a lot of rural type people on this board but the county fair* starts next week and I thought I would start a thread about it. If you have never been to a county fair you are missing out on the biggest gathering of hillbillies, white trash, carnies, 4-H'rs, small-time politicians, barnyard animals, demolition derbies, tractor pulls, bull rides, and inappropriately dressed 11 to 16 year old girls on the planet. For most of these attendees this is the most important week of the year.

This is heaven on Earth for rural Americans and as far as we are concerned you haven't lived until you see a tractor hoe-down. You haven't eaten until you hit the wild-game cook-off and tried the squirrel casserole or rabbit stew. You haven't endured pain until you sit in a 100 degree barn for 8 hours watching kids with sticks chase pigs around a pen. You haven't been excited until you watch fifteen cars ramming each other at breakneck speeds of 10 mph and you haven't known love until you watch an 8 year old boy, struggling to hold back tears, load his goat onto the slaughter truck after his first sale.

Some people hate on the fair because the people there are most directly responsible for the shitty state of this country. Some people hate it because most of the people aren't very smart. Still others hate it because they don't understand why a kid would raise an animal as a pet then turn around and sell it to a slaughterhouse. To these haters I say, shut up, not because I disagree but because I ignore all the bad things and don't like being reminded of them.

I love the county fair.


*My county fair actually ceased to exist many years ago because of the popularity of an independent fair called the Hartford Fair. My county fair is the Hartford Fair.
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post #2 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:17pm
I hope Wilbur wins.
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post #3 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:18pm
I'm far too lazy and uninterested in almost everything about them to go, but the prospect of an oreo that has been deep fried does haunt my dreams and drive my will to live. I really think they should just open some kind of fast food place that just serves horrible things you can get a fair. Fatitorium, I call it.
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post #4 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:18pm
The Minnesota State Fair starts in a few weeks...I'm prepping my stomach now for the gastro-intestinal nightmare sure to come - ON A STICK!

I wonder what kind of mutant food they'll have this year...
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post #5 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:24pm
The Wisconsin State Fair starts day after tomorrow. I used to go every year when I was a kid (I loved looking at all the weird birds), but I don't think I've been since I was 13, despite it taking place about 15 minutes from my house.

While there is a bounty of deep-fried things at our fair, this is America's Dairyland, after all, so our main attraction is the mighty cream puff -



They are truly disgusting. Nothing like a giant mound of of whipped cream on a 95-degree day!
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post #6 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeShaynePI View Post
I'm far too lazy and uninterested in almost everything about them to go, but the prospect of an oreo that has been deep fried does haunt my dreams and drive my will to live. I really think they should just open some kind of fast food place that just serves horrible things you can get a fair. Fatitorium, I call it.
I'd call it YOU WILL DIE. My ad campaign would be, "Eat here, and YOU WILL DIE." Can't disprove that, can ya? And I'd bet people would still line up around the block for deep fried oreos, chicken stuffed with steak, Red Bull/Dr. Pepper diabetic mixers, and cheese fries buried inside sticks of butter.
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post #7 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
The Wisconsin State Fair starts day after tomorrow. I used to go every year when I was a kid (I loved looking at all the weird birds), but I don't think I've been since I was 13, despite it taking place about 15 minutes from my house.

While there is a bounty of deep-fried things at our fair, this is America's Dairyland, after all, so our main attraction is the mighty cream puff -



They are truly disgusting. Nothing like a giant mound of of whipped cream on a 95-degree day!
Fuck, I want that.
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post #8 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:28pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
I wonder what kind of mutant food they'll have this year...
It depends on what someone accidentally knocks into the deep fryer and if they have the guts to actually eat it.
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post #9 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:30pm
I think I won a thread similar to this one last year when I pointed out the local fair here serves crab rangoon.

Carney crab rangoon.
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post #10 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan "Nordling" Cerny View Post
Fuck, I want that.
Believe me, you really don't. They hand them out at DaveB's place of employment every year in celebration of the start of the fair - he'll back me up on this one. There's about a cup and a half of whipped cream in that thing and the pastry itself is the size of a softball.

eta - Okay, Tzu, that is so fucking disgusting I don't even know where to begin. Seafood, cream cheese, deep frying, carnival folk, and hot weather? Mmm-MMM!
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post #11 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:33pm
The heart (and stomach) wants what it wants.
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post #12 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:34pm
In this case, your heart wouldn't survive what your stomach wants. Plus, they always tend to taste faintly rancid. I don't know what that means.
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post #13 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:36pm
LA County Fair I believe starts in a month and I don't think I've ever gone.
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post #14 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:38pm
Bad stomach...noo...you don't want that...I know, I know...it's look tasty, but listen to reason! Reason, damn you!
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post #15 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:38pm
Doing a search for food at the Minnesota State Fair:

Deep Fried Candy Bars
Offering: Batter dipped, deep fried candy bars on-a-stick (Snickers, Milky Way, Three Musketeers, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups), deep fried Oreo cookies, fresh squeezed lemonade.

Ole and Lena's
Offering: Tater tot hot dish on-a-stick with cream of mushroom dipping sauce, Uff Da treat (a filled krumkake topped with caramel sauce and butter roasted pecans), norwegian cheese curds with lingonberry dipping sauce, Coca Cola, Diet Coke

Bayou Bob's Gator Shack
Offering: Alligator (breaded, deep fried and seasoned), sauteed alligator in garlic olive oil, cajun seasoned alligator sausage on-a-stick, pistolette (french roll stuffed with spicy peppers, cheese and tomatoes), cajun fries, onion flavored hush puppies, smoked or barbecue alligator ribs, fried alligator legs, frozen grapes, chicory coffee, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Sierra Mist, Mt. Dew, sugar free lemonade.
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post #16 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan "Nordling" Cerny View Post
I want to fuck that.
Fixed.
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post #17 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
I wonder what kind of mutant food they'll have this year...
From the Mutant Monster of Montauk thread...



(Come on, people! No one else? You had to leave it to me? The sleep deprived, less-witty one? I'm ashamed of you all.)
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post #18 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:43pm
Just reading this thread is making me feel greasy, but now I have a craving for vegetarian tater-tot hotdish. Do people who don't flatten out their o's know what tater-tot hotdish is?

eta - LISA! STOP HARSHING OUR BUZZ!
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post #19 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:43pm
I LOVE alligator.

As long as I don't talk to anyone and keep my head down, constantly eating every Lovecraftian abomination that enters my range of sight, a county fair seems like just the thing for me.
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post #20 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:43pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
From the Mutant Monster of Montauk thread...



(Come on, people! No one else? You had to leave it to me? The sleep deprived, less-witty one? I'm ashamed of you all.)
My fair has been serving that for years. It tastes like what I imagine eating a chicken out of the stomach of a cat would taste like.
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post #21 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:43pm
I've got to ask our foreign posters? Do other countries do this? Or is American the only one that shows just how much of a pack of fatasses we are?
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post #22 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:44pm
Big Fat Bacon
Offering: 1/3 lb slice of bacon fried and carmelized with maple syrup, served on a stick with dipping sauces

God help me, I want to try this.
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post #23 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:46pm
Quake at the majesty of Deep Fried Coca Cola.

What the fuck indeed....



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post #24 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:46pm
Oh god I can imagine myself dry heaving already.
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post #25 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:46pm
Spam Burgers
Offering: Spam burger (fried Spam served on a bun with cheese and/or pineapple), Spam curds (Spam and cheese battered and deep fried)

This is Minnesota, after all.
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post #26 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:48pm
The curds I can understand but I thought Hawaii was doing it for years?
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post #27 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:48pm
Why would you do that to a sweet, innocent cheese curd?
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post #28 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:50pm
True, but we actually make the spam here.
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post #29 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
Big Fat Bacon
Offering: 1/3 lb slice of bacon fried and carmelized with maple syrup, served on a stick with dipping sauces
Oh god, that sounds delicious.
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post #30 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
Why would you do that to a sweet, innocent cheese curd?
Because in America we will spare no expense at making any food item into a gross greasy deep fried mass of horror on par with the KFC failure pile in a sadness bowl.
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post #31 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:53pm
I feel bad for people who live where there's no such thing as cheese curds. They lose their squeaky wonderfulness if they're shipped. You must come to the cheese curd. It will not come to you.
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post #32 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:54pm
Has anyone ever made a funnel cake out of cheese curds? I mean that's midweest-squared right there. Christ, do that and vote in Farm-Labor and you have yourself a trifecta.
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post #33 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
In this case, your heart wouldn't survive what your stomach wants. Plus, they always tend to taste faintly rancid. I don't know what that means.
Yeah, they have a huge following around here, but they seriously don't taste as good as they look. There's a weird aftertaste. I've had way better, similar creampuff type things.

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I wish my company diversified when bulk-buying their annual state fair food. The flavored milks and various fried goods have always sounded interesting, but I haven't been able to bring myself to go to the damn thing since I was a little kid.
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post #34 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:55pm
Fresh cheese curds, hot out of the frier, do not have any calories. They are God's gift to us...nothing more, nothing less.
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post #35 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:56pm
I don't pay attention to county fairs, but that's because we have the Texas State Fair. Big Tex mocks at all other fairs' fried goods and laughs all the way to the ER. We kick it off with fried chicken, chicken fried steak, fried ribs, then have a side of friend potatoes, and for dessert enjoy fried Oreos, Twinkies, cheesecake, and rinse it down with fried Coke.

Then we get to the carnival foods... Google up Texas State Fair Fried Foods, or something similar. Fried burriots, sweet potato pie...on and on.
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post #36 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:56pm
Bullshit, if they were god's gift. They would reduce calories as they were being consumed.
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post #37 of 173
7/30/08 at 12:58pm
Clearly, god is testing you.
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post #38 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:00pm
I am truly the GOB in this situation.
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post #39 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Has anyone ever made a funnel cake out of cheese curds? I mean that's midweest-squared right there. Christ, do that and vote in Farm-Labor and you have yourself a trifecta.
!

How did we make it this far into this thread without mentioning funnel cake? Sweet Mother of God, funnel cake...

Dave, are we going have to head over to the fair ground and clog some arteries? It's been years since I had a glass of blueberry milk.

::said in my thickest, "I've been drinking so I don't care if I sound like an extra in Fargo" accent::

Hocken, you'd sure better not be mocking us.

[/Fargo]
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post #40 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:04pm
Well, they sell Funnel Cakes down at Knott's Berry Farm. And they sold them briefly at Ihop.

And, no I'm not mocking you.

::said in sterotypical NYC somewhat Brooklynish accent which slides into New England for the helluva of it::
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post #41 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:06pm
Thread Starter 
If I get even one person to attend their local fair and shave just a couple years off of their life this thread will have served it's purpose.
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post #42 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:07pm
What if we take a camera with us when we do it?
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post #43 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:07pm
I say go to the county fair and see how many people have mullets. Both hicks and hipsters.
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post #44 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan Baker
If I get even one person to attend their local fair and shave just a couple years off of their life this thread will have served it's purpose.
I'll even whisper your name as I die as long as my mouth is stuffed full of deep fried Reese's Cups.
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post #45 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:09pm
Dunno how you would. It would be muffled by the sound of breading and choclate mixing together.

"Chocolate, cutting off air way. Can't breath."
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post #46 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:11pm
State Fair Tradition #87: Going to the Midway and watching the workers hosing out the vomit (cheese curds and beer) from 'the Zipper'.
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post #47 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:12pm
I say try to figure out which of the carnies have been to jail and which ones have to been prison. Extra points if you can figure state or federal.
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post #48 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:16pm
State Fair Tradition #45: Watching 500 lb+ people sweat like Catholic priests at a little league game.
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post #49 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:18pm
Judas!

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post #50 of 173
7/30/08 at 1:30pm
Even my home state of NJ has a state fair, but it's in Sussex - which really, I never even figured we'd have had a state fair. I'm trying to think what it would have been like in South Jersey, my old stomping grounds. Probably fried mob corpse on a stick.

Edit - ooh, found one! The Atlantic County 4H Fair, in glorious Egg Harbor, NJ. I guess by now it's too late to protect my parents.
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