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The Official Funny, Violent, or Bizarre News Story Thread - Page 2

post #51 of 1147
8/5/08 at 4:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Strange View Post
This guy was seriously determined to have the best day of his life.
GTA: Greece

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer View Post
Quote:
Edward Flaherty, 74, who is suffering from dementia, was convicted of strangling 69-year-old Ina Flaherty with a tie after she refused to give him money to go drinking.
There is so much win in this sentence.
Local constabulary released a sketch of the accused

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post #52 of 1147
8/5/08 at 7:45pm
Man tortures 400 cows, has sex with them

Granted, it's in The Sun, but still.....
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post #53 of 1147
8/5/08 at 7:47pm
Beef, it's what's for dinner indeed.
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post #54 of 1147
8/5/08 at 7:49pm
They were asking for it. You can't go around showing your teats like that and not expect something to happen.
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post #55 of 1147
8/5/08 at 9:21pm
Woman sells house to clone pet

Now I love my babies but this is just too much.
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post #56 of 1147
8/6/08 at 9:17am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
Woman sells house to clone pet

Now I love my babies but this is just too much.
Stuff like this, and people like her, make me long for the complete and total destruction of all human life on this planet.

Shit like this wouldn't go down if squirrels were in charge. Just sayin'.
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post #57 of 1147
8/6/08 at 9:19am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post

Shit like this wouldn't go down if squirrels were in charge. Just sayin'.
No, instead the headline would be "Chip sales house to clone Dale."
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post #58 of 1147
8/6/08 at 10:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill Brasky View Post
Man tortures 400 cows, has sex with them

Granted, it's in The Sun, but still.....
This is turning into my favorite thread ever.
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post #59 of 1147
8/6/08 at 10:34am
"These are God's children. We are proud to look after her," said Ijaz Hussain, the shrine's government-employed custodian, as Nadia shrieked unintelligibly and put coins in a battered wooden box at her side.


Love this.....
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post #60 of 1147
8/6/08 at 11:41am
Man Dubs Lake Tahoe Creature Caught on Camera 'Leprechaun-Alien'

Picture.

Could it be the return of this guy?
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post #61 of 1147
8/6/08 at 11:44am
Thread Starter 
A little elaborate for a shitty Leprechaun 4 joke.
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post #62 of 1147
8/6/08 at 11:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
Woman sells house to clone pet

Now I love my babies but this is just too much.
Re-Pet better come down in price, before my identity gets stolen.
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post #63 of 1147
8/6/08 at 1:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post
Damnit - why, WHY, in this day of camera phones and hi-tech goodness can't anyone get ONE CLEAR PICTURE of some weird critter or UFO?
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post #64 of 1147
8/6/08 at 3:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Damnit - why, WHY, in this day of camera phones and hi-tech goodness can't anyone get ONE CLEAR PICTURE of some weird critter or UFO?
Because when they do, you can tell that it's a fairly normal critter or identifiable object.

Sorry to rain on your parade, Tim, but the rampant silliness in that paranormal thread has my common sense flaring up.
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post #65 of 1147
8/6/08 at 4:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Damnit - why, WHY, in this day of camera phones and hi-tech goodness can't anyone get ONE CLEAR PICTURE of some weird critter or UFO?
Well, as Mitch Hedberg (RIP) hypothesized, maybe Bigfoot is blurry. That's scary.
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post #66 of 1147
8/6/08 at 5:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post
Well, as Mitch Hedberg (RIP) hypothesized, maybe Bigfoot is blurry. That's scary.
Schwartz, I loves ya and agrees with you to an extent, but I gotta go with Darkmite for the win.
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post #67 of 1147
8/6/08 at 5:43pm
I'd rather go up against 10 vicious, out-of-focus terrors that roam the countryside than the memory of the good Mr. Hedburg. Defeat conceded.
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post #68 of 1147
8/7/08 at 12:17pm
Thread Starter 
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick Jailed

And it's automatically a hilarious day.

To be fair, the closest open supermarket is in Windsor. Also, there were a handful of prostitute corpses he had to deal with.
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post #69 of 1147
8/7/08 at 12:19pm
God I love Kwame Kilpatrick. Endless hilarity.
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post #70 of 1147
8/8/08 at 1:42am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick Jailed

And it's automatically a hilarious day.
He's not the only mayor having a bad day.
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post #71 of 1147
8/8/08 at 11:11am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Master Shake View Post
He's not the only mayor having a bad day.
Wow. Calvo, Kilpatrick, and Marion Barry should form some sort of crazy mayor supergroup.
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post #72 of 1147
8/9/08 at 6:20am
While everyone was worrying about zombies and robots, vampires snuck in under our noses!

Quote:
38 dead after being bitten by vampire bats

CARACAS, Venezuela (AP) -- At least 38 Warao Indians have died in remote villages in Venezuela, and medical experts suspect an outbreak of rabies spread by bites from vampire bats.

Laboratory investigations have yet to confirm the cause, but the symptoms point to rabies, according to two researchers from the University of California at Berkeley and other medical experts.

The two UC Berkeley researchers -- the husband-and-wife team of anthropologist Charles Briggs and public health specialist Dr. Clara Mantini-Briggs -- said the symptoms include fever, body pains, tingling in the feet followed by progressive paralysis, and an extreme fear of water. Victims tend to have convulsions and grow rigid before death.
Yeah, "rabies", riiiiiiiiiiight...

It's like this: 38 becomes 76 becomes 152 becomes 304 becomes 608 becomes load up on wooden stakes!
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post #73 of 1147
8/9/08 at 1:47pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTSMGL View Post
body pains, tingling in the feet followed by progressive paralysis, and an extreme fear of water. Victims tend to have convulsions and grow rigid before death.
Holy or regular? I'm confused.
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post #74 of 1147
8/9/08 at 3:06pm
Surprised nobody mentioned this:

Businessman uses Aston Martin to decapitate himself in horrific suicide as revenge against his ex-wife

Quote:
The businessman tied one end of the rope to a tree, then climbed into his Aston Martin and wrapped the other end around his neck.

He then drove the £90,000 car into a busy main road, forcing other drivers to watch his horrific death.
I love it when suicides go out in style.
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post #75 of 1147
8/12/08 at 3:20pm
Google Street view catches Aussie Drunk outside of his house
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post #76 of 1147
8/14/08 at 10:17pm
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/08/14/big...ody/index.html

Quote:
Georgians say they have proof of Bigfoot



(CNN) -- A policeman and a former corrections officer say that on Friday, they will unveil evidence of what they claim is their biggest capture ever: the body of Bigfoot.

Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer, a pair of Bigfoot-hunting hobbyists from north Georgia, say they found the creature's body in a wooded area and spotted several similar creatures that were still alive.

The carcass of the furry half-man, half-ape is 7 feet, 7 inches tall and weighs more than 500 pounds, they say. However, the two are not disclosing the exact location of their discovery in order to protect the remaining creatures.

Tom Nelson, chairman of the biology department at North Georgia College and State University in Dahlonega, said he's "pretty skeptical" the world will feast its eyes on a new species Friday.

"That would certainly rock mammalogy," joked Nelson, who specializes in the study of mammals. "I see a research grant in my future."

Whitton and Dyer plan to unveil what they say is DNA and photo evidence of the discovery in Palo Alto, California, in conjunction with a group called Searching for Bigfoot Inc.

A photograph on that group's Web site shows what appears to be the body of a large, hairy creature with an ape-like face, stuffed into a large freezer.
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post #77 of 1147
8/15/08 at 10:18am
Man dressed as Batman causes traffic jam in UK
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post #78 of 1147
8/15/08 at 11:40am
Thread Starter 
I think I see a whiskey flask emblazoned with the Batsymbol.
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post #79 of 1147
8/15/08 at 11:44am
A chupacabra caught on tape?
http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=t...pXt4jRG2qduYsQ


Repost from that paranormal thread.

Pretty good video from a patrol car. Looks like a dog/coyote.
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post #80 of 1147
8/16/08 at 6:39am
Penguin granted Norwegian Knighthood.
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post #81 of 1147
8/19/08 at 3:16pm
Kite-surfer confronts Fay, loses
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/wea...e.boarder.wfor
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post #82 of 1147
8/19/08 at 3:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
I love it. Consider my day made.
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post #83 of 1147
8/19/08 at 5:38pm
Thread Starter 
Juan of the Dead
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post #84 of 1147
8/19/08 at 5:43pm
Thread Starter 
Uncanny Valerie

Ok, I'm actually pretty impressed. She's only a little scary.
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post #85 of 1147
8/19/08 at 5:50pm
That last one was pretty awesome. She still needs a little more casual movements, but it works.
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post #86 of 1147
8/19/08 at 6:09pm
Eh, I'd hit it.
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post #87 of 1147
8/19/08 at 6:46pm
Her eyes are still sorta dead-looking.
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post #88 of 1147
8/19/08 at 11:11pm
Yeah the eyes are still not there, yet still 10 times better than anything I've seen in a motion picture. I would love to know what technique Cameron is using on Avatar. I think it's still the old dots on a face kind, but I'm not entirely sure.

This is another way to do photoreal humans.
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post #89 of 1147
8/19/08 at 11:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan "Nordling" Cerny View Post
Her eyes are still sorta dead-looking.
Exactly. Polar Express 2.
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post #90 of 1147
8/19/08 at 11:20pm
Fine, fine, she can wear sunglasses. I'll still hit it.
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post #91 of 1147
8/20/08 at 10:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
Fine, fine, she can wear sunglasses. I'll still hit it.
I just came in to let Doc know he's not alone.
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post #92 of 1147
8/21/08 at 9:06pm
'House' discovered in cliff side.

To quote the great Lloyd Grossman, who could live in a house like this?
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post #93 of 1147
8/22/08 at 2:42pm
Intel: We will be Borg by 2050
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post #94 of 1147
8/26/08 at 3:19am
http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Most-E...530384868.jpg/

"You win... and lose!"
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post #95 of 1147
8/27/08 at 3:36pm
Thread Starter 
1) Man hires hitman to kill wife

2) Hitman waits in empty house with claw hammer

3) Wife comes home, STRANGLES HITMAN WITH BARE HANDS
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post #96 of 1147
8/27/08 at 3:42pm
Quote:
She was struck in the head and wrested the weapon away, but the struggle continued and Haffey bit the nurse, according to police. A large woman, she was eventually able to get the slight Haffey into a chokehold and police later found him dead in a hallway. An autopsy revealed the cause of death as strangulation.She was struck in the head and wrested the weapon away, but the struggle continued and Haffey bit the nurse, according to police. A large woman, she was eventually able to get the slight Haffey into a chokehold and police later found him dead in a hallway. An autopsy revealed the cause of death as strangulation.
I'd love to see this nurse. Holy crap.
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post #97 of 1147
8/27/08 at 3:45pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by C.Swicegood View Post
I'd love to see this nurse. Holy crap.
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post #98 of 1147
8/27/08 at 3:49pm

Well, she used to be a nurse, right?
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post #99 of 1147
8/27/08 at 11:02pm
John Archibald Wheeler, you racist motherfucker.

With YouTube video.

This is one of those stories where Devin pops in and says I'm racist for posting it, but...wow. "Black hole" is equivalent to "jew you down"?
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post #100 of 1147
8/27/08 at 11:13pm
Thread Starter 
It's like a real life shitty SNL sketch!
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