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Confessions: Horrible stuff you've done.

post #1 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:07pm
Thread Starter 
Anybody want to be cathartic and open themselves up to scorn and ridicule?


When I was a freshman in college I lived next door to this really sweet girl named Jennifer. She was half-Asian. Cool, intelligent, funny. We became friends really quick.

So we were having a party, lots of booze and drugs floating around, and some of my friends from back home were in attendance. We were outside on our front stoop hanging out and one of my friends, loaded out of his god damn mind, came outside and looked Jennifer straight in her eyes and put his face up close to her and says "Ching Chong Hong Wa!" in one of those stereotypical, offensive Asian impressions.

And I laughed. I laughed hard. She ran off in tears and never spoke to me again. Would never accept the countless apologies I offered and when I'd see her on campus she'd make a beeline away from me. To this day I still try to rationalize why I laughed; trying to chalk it up to the total and utter randomness of the moment/situation but that just sounds like bullshit all these years later.
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post #2 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:15pm
This can only go one place, and that place is nowhere good.
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post #3 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:16pm
Pretty much what Rath said.
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post #4 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:17pm
I was the second shooter on the grassy knoll.
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post #5 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:18pm
Thread Starter 
Another thing I'll confess:

I check the troll thread to see if I'm on it. I don't think I've ever done anything trollish on Chud but I have this feeling I'm somehow going to end up on it and Eilleen's going to drop the ban hammer on me.
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post #6 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:22pm
Oooooh I'm soooo tempted to let loose with a detailed list of all the bad I've done, but I don't want my wife to find out. I'll go with one she already knows.

I used to be a busboy at a local eatery and one day i found myself on the wrong end of a verbal tirade. I went into the employees washroom and scooped up toilet water into a water pitcher, and served it to the guy. I also used to ash my cigarettes into the salad bin. I hated that place.
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post #7 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:23pm
I've never seen an episode of The Wire. However, the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have a problem, and now I must seek out the episode DVDs.
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post #8 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:23pm
I speed.
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post #9 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:24pm
No way am I getting sucked into this. I'm not going to confess my felonies and get locked up for ya'lls enjoyment.
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post #10 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:25pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
I speed.
You're going to hell. I bet your tire pressure isn't up to snuff either.
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post #11 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:25pm
Remember that time you stepped in dog shit in your yard, and then yelled at the neighbor to keep his goddamn mutt outta your yard, eventually resulting in a massive brawl and a restraining order?

That wasn't dog shit. My bad.
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post #12 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:27pm
I unwittingly caused a fire playing with a sparkler, almost burning up a big chunk the neighborhood next to ours. I was maybe 7-8, not sure anymore. All I remember is the fire trucks, the panicked neighbors dousing the fire with water buckets and hoses and my dad finding out and being ultra pissed (not sure if I was beat up or not, I probably was because I don't remember).
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post #13 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bancroft Agee View Post
You're going to hell. I bet your tire pressure isn't up to snuff either.
My car's ECU has been modified from stock.



I'm a bastard.
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post #14 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:29pm
I thought people on the internet would care about the horrible things I've done.
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post #15 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:35pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RathBandu View Post
I thought people on the internet would care about the horrible things I've done.

You need a hug.
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post #16 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:38pm
I need this thread to not exist.
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post #17 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:40pm
Where's Rath's brother when you need him?
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post #18 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:40pm
This isn't horrible but very unlike me. At a party a bunch of girls were grabbing anyone who walked by and dragging them into the pool. They were targeting my wife something fierce so I asked a buddy of mine who was in the pool to make sure they didn't drag her in. I heard my wife scream and when I looked over it seemed that he was helping the girls pull her in. I walked over, punched him in the face and my wife fell in the pool. Turns out he was trying to keep my wife out of the pool. We don't talk anymore.
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post #19 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:45pm
So...I'm with this girl in college that I'm interested in. Knowing that she's a fan of 'The Princess Bride', we discussed the battle of wits that took place between Cary Elwes and Wallace Shawn (is the poison in front of you or me?) and how that kind of 'battle' could be waged. Using a deck of cards, we proceeded to play that game (is the Ace in front of you or me?) and make wagers on the outcome.

I won a blowjob from her.

Did I mention that the deck that I used for this game was marked?
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post #20 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello View Post
Where's Rath's brother when you need him?
I almost "confessed" that!
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post #21 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:47pm
I lied about my sources on a college paper.
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post #22 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:50pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RathBandu View Post
I need this thread to not exist.
It's not your fault.
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post #23 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:51pm
I listened to The Bloodhounds Gang's "Three Point One Four" in the car really loud with my two year old daughter. And I turned up the end really loud.
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post #24 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:53pm
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
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post #25 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:54pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Fabulous View Post
I listened to The Bloodhounds Gang's "Three Point One Four" in the car really loud with my two year old daughter. And I turned up the end really loud.
I listened to "Are You Jimmy Ray" a few weeks ago, bobbed my head along with the music, and sang the chorus without the least hint of irony.


I think that was a far worse crime.
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post #26 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Reppity rep rep
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post #27 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
That's got me beat. The worst I ever did was when I shot that got just for snoring too loud.
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post #28 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:56pm
My confession: I'm at work right now, but I'm not really working.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
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Agreed.
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post #29 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:57pm
Thread Starter 
Well, I was the coward of the county.
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post #30 of 167
8/15/08 at 4:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Olson View Post
That's got me beat. The worst I ever did was when I shot that got just for snoring too loud.
Family member of mine ran with John Wesley Hardin (fact), and claimed to be present when the man got shot for snoring (unconfirmed). An uncle and cousin on my mom's side spent a lot of years trying to find some proof of his being there, or at least riding with Hardin when this supposedly occurred.
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post #31 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:11pm
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post #32 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:13pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillyG View Post
Family member of mine ran with John Wesley Hardin (fact), and claimed to be present when the man got shot for snoring (unconfirmed). An uncle and cousin on my mom's side spent a lot of years trying to find some proof of his being there, or at least riding with Hardin when this supposedly occurred.
My great-great-great-great uncle may have been in a homosexual relationship with James Buchanan.
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post #33 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:13pm
hahahahaha!
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post #34 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:16pm
I was the one really driving the Exxon Valdez. Wasn't even drunk.
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post #35 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:18pm
I ran over a cat, he/she was sleeping under the tire of my car and I didn't see the poor animal.

I backup and I hear this horrible scream, get out and see this cat with part of his skull open, blood and brains coming out.

I panicked, didn't know what to do. I thought I should run him over it to kill it for sure, but couldn't do it. So I call the apartment office hoping they can help. Maybe we should call some agency that takes care of this?

The manager comes out, sees the cat and says "No problem". He grabbed the cat and thew him in the garbage, just like that. I was horrified, but and was left with this horrible feeling that maybe I should have climbed into that big trash container and get that cat out of there.
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post #36 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:18pm
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post #37 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:21pm
I sat outside your house for hours just to see what you watch on TV.

Yes. Your house. No, not his. Yours.
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post #38 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:21pm
Thread Starter 
I should add that the Buchanan thing wasn't a joke. I'm a blood relative of William "Rufus" King who died in office as the 13th Vice-President of the United States. Historical evidence has suggested he maintained a rather "special" friendship with Buchanan.

I don't know why I wanted to offer clarification. I'm proud of my dead queer Uncle who may have been a bottom to the man who was one of the worst Presidents in the history of the United States.
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post #39 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
I sat outside your house for hours just to see what you watch on TV.

Yes. Your house. No, not his. Yours.
Wait, mine? Or his?
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post #40 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:25pm
You'll never know.
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post #41 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
I sat outside your house for hours just to see what you watch on TV.

Yes. Your house. No, not his. Yours.
Considering that my wife watches more TV than me, you have my sympathies for having watched countless hours of 'What Not to Wear'.
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post #42 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:47pm
I post in threads long after the funny has been strangled out of its corpse.

Also, I fart in your mom's mouth while she sleeps.
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post #43 of 167
8/15/08 at 5:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Dammit Dickson, I came on here to say the exact same thing.
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post #44 of 167
8/16/08 at 4:40am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
What game is this? I wanna play it.
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post #45 of 167
8/16/08 at 5:39am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randolph Carter View Post
What game is this? I wanna play it.
Frederik Pohl's Gateway
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post #46 of 167
8/16/08 at 7:02am
I punched a girl in the stomach.
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post #47 of 167
8/16/08 at 5:20pm
was she pregnant?
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post #48 of 167
8/16/08 at 5:39pm
I watched Sherk two and kinda enjoyed it.
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post #49 of 167
8/16/08 at 7:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammy Jankis View Post
was she pregnant?
No, what do you think I am, some kind of animal?
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post #50 of 167
8/16/08 at 7:50pm
My father was a cop in the seventies and eighties. He once found some underaged prostitution ring being kept in Manhattan and stomped them out, but not before he and his partner secretly beat the shit out of one of the johns, throwing him out a window. I don't know if my father was telling the truth or not, but I only found out about this when my father told me after we watched Narc together, where Ray Liotta tells a similar story, and I could tell my father had the chills.

I don't think I'll ever do something as horrible but also awesome like that, so there ya go.
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