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Who'd win in a fight: Christian Bale from Newsies or Christian Bale from Swing Kids?

post #1 of 129
8/18/08 at 5:54pm
Thread Starter 
I mean, he was pretty plucky in Newsies, but wasn't he a German officer in Swing Kids? So you'd think he'd be trained in killing and shit.
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post #2 of 129
8/18/08 at 5:56pm
Either would kick the ever-lovin' shit out of Christian Bale from Empire of the Sun.
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post #3 of 129
8/18/08 at 5:56pm
The more important question is, which one of them is trained in gun-kata?
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post #4 of 129
8/18/08 at 5:57pm
Bullshit, which one is trained in murders and executions? And Spats over newsboy caps any day. (No offense Stormin')
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post #5 of 129
8/18/08 at 5:57pm
Both are pretty great dancers, I feel like they'd be naturals at Gun Kata. But, I figure a newsie would be better at dealing with dogs, which tend to plague Bale when he gets in fights.
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post #6 of 129
8/18/08 at 5:57pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe LeFors View Post
Either would kick the ever-lovin' shit out of Christian Bale from Empire of the Sun.
Fuck that. Bale from EMPIRE is resourceful. He'd hide out for a while, trade his body for shelter until the fight passed. All shot against a giant sun.
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post #7 of 129
8/18/08 at 5:59pm
Without Malkovich to protect him, he's nothing. NOTHING.
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post #8 of 129
8/18/08 at 5:59pm
Plus, it's not like he needs food while he hides. I've seen The Machinist.
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post #9 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD View Post
Both are pretty great dancers, I feel like they'd be naturals at Gun Kata. But, I figure a newsie would be better at dealing with dogs, which tend to plague Bale when he gets in fights.
Newsies Bale always wins. Because knowledge was their treasure.
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post #10 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:00pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Bullshit, which one is trained in murders and executions? And Spats over newsboy caps any day. (No offense Stormin')
I'm sorry, have you ever fought a hundred 13 year old high-kicking gypsies? Would you rather fight a cockroach or a thousand flies? Exactly, my friend. Exactly.

Hell, I don't know if I could take a dozen thirteen year old paupers before they put me down. Especially if soup were involved.
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post #11 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:01pm
Anyway, Bale got his ass kicked by Matthew McConaughey. MATTHEW FUCKING MCCONAUGHEY.

Come to that, Bale spends most of the time in his movies getting his ass kicked. Nazis, Newsies, Dogs, Russel Crowe, McConaughey....
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post #12 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:02pm
Thread Starter 
Not to mention Charlie.
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post #13 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:03pm
Which really just begs the question: What did Taye Diggs do wrong?
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post #14 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:03pm
SHAFT Bale would just beat 'em all over the head with a metal pole. All while Toni Collete looks on in horror.
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post #15 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:04pm
With Jeffrey Wright watching from a distance while taking a dump.
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post #16 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:04pm
What about the Bales from the Prestige? Do you think that TWO one-thumbed Bale's could defeat one two-thumbed Bale?

Maybe the unanswerable question.
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post #17 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:05pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moltisanti View Post
SHAFT Bale would just beat 'em all over the head with a metal pole. All while Toni Collete looks on in horror.
Holy crap, that's a good point.

Here's my question: Would MACHINIST Bale last more than, say, 20 seconds in a fight with anyone? Like, including Boomer Esiason's kid?
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post #18 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:07pm
Worse cult: Nazis or Newsies?
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post #19 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:07pm
SHAFT!!! Bale was a pussy...I'd give him 4-1 odds against Newsies Bale.

Newsies was the worse cult...the Nazis at least had a worthwhile goal (go capitalism!)
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post #20 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:07pm
He might do OK against Rescue Dawn Bale.
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post #21 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
Here's my question: Would MACHINIST Bale last more than, say, 20 seconds in a fight with anyone? Like, including Boomer Esiason's kid?
ZOMG.

Two one-thumbed Bale's are one hell of a fighting force. Assuming that his dominant hand retains the thumb, that's puts each Bale at 2/3 fighting efficiency. So, in essence, One Bale (at 1/1 strength) is fighting a 4/3 of a Bale. The outcome is obvious.
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post #22 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:08pm
Rescue Dawn Bale would literally eat Machinist Bale.
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post #23 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:09pm
The Dark Knight Bale vs. That Dog from No Country for Old Men. Discuss.
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post #24 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
Holy crap, that's a good point.

Here's my question: Would MACHINIST Bale last more than, say, 20 seconds in a fight with anyone? Like, including Boomer Esiason's kid?
But who'd be a better stylist, MACHINIST Bale or Doug Flutie's kid?
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post #25 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:10pm
Alternate: Compare and Contrast The Dark Knight Bale and Michael Vick.
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post #26 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe LeFors View Post
Alternate: Compare and Contrast The Dark Knight Bale and Michael Vick.
One of them has herpes, but it's not the one you think.
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post #27 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:11pm
Thread Starter 
Are you kidding? TDK Bale needs his R&D guru to fight dogs. Vick just needs some jumper cables.
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post #28 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:12pm
NCFOM dog was easily lost. One good toss off a skyscraper under construction and the fight is over. However, I still think Michael Vick has the edge in dog-hating. On the other hand, he doesn't have access to the skyhook. I call it a draw.
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post #29 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:13pm
Vick coming out of jail would have something to prove. He wins by a nose (or a snout).
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post #30 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:13pm
Next question: Where does Harsh Times Bale fit into this?
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post #31 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:16pm
Thread Starter 
I'm not familiar with Harsh Times Bale. What's his weight class?
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post #32 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:16pm
Stupider voice: Pre-Puberty Bale or Batman Bale?
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post #33 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:19pm
Thread Starter 
How about Bruce Wayne (Batman Begins) Bale versus Bruce Wayne (Dark Knight) Bale? One of them has definitely had more grilled cheese sandwiches.
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post #34 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:20pm
I honestly thought Batman Begins Bale wasn't that bad, voice-wise. TDK Bale sounds like he had a cold.
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post #35 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:22pm
Business Card Battle: Bruce Wayne or Patrick Bateman?
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post #36 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:23pm
Which vehicle would you rather ride in: One of the Joker's trucks? Or Morgan Freeman giving you a ride home?

....too soon?
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post #37 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:23pm
TDK Bale's voice would have been over the top for an unaired ep of Dragonball Z.
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post #38 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:24pm
Thread Starter 
You think Bale goes into Home Depot like that?

Awwwwrrrrgggghhhhhh excuse me awwwwrrrrgggghhhhhh I'm planting some crysanthemums awwwwrrrrgggghhhhhh and I need some top soil awwwwrrrrgggghhhhhh. Also awwwwrrrrgggghhhhhh I'm having plumbing problems awwwwrrrrgggghhhhhh and need a flapper and a float ball awwwwrrrrgggghhhhhh.
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post #39 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul Ahn Ice View Post
Which vehicle would you rather ride in: One of the Joker's trucks? Or Morgan Freeman giving you a ride home?

....too soon?
Who's the better getaway car driver Miss Daisy, real life Morgan Freeman or Dennis Haybert?
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post #40 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:30pm
Thread Starter 
You know what would've made Driving Miss Daisy better? Hume Cronyn in blackface.

Anyway, best getaway driver = 3:10 to Yuma Bale. He understands the value of getting somewhere quickly.
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post #41 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:30pm
Better rapist: Patrick Bateman or Wall-E?
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post #42 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:31pm
Velvet Goldmine Bale would fuck them both in the ass, then rock out to some "Bowie" or "Sweet".
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post #43 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:32pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul Ahn Ice View Post
Better rapist: Patrick Bateman or Wall-E?
That's a tough one. They both have shitty taste in pop culture.
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post #44 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:34pm
I suppose I'm the only one who finds chainsaws and flexing a turn on?
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post #45 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:37pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
Velvet Goldmine Bale would fuck them both in the ass, then rock out to some "Bowie" or "Sweet".
Velvet Goldmine Bale versus Mary, Mother of Jesus Bale.

Aka:

Glamrock journalist versus Jesus.

Aka:

versus
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post #46 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:39pm
They both have such nice hair, it's a shame to have to pick a winner.
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post #47 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:40pm


Dude, he's deceptively strong. I'm just sayin'....
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post #48 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul Ahn Ice View Post


Dude, he's deceptively strong. I'm just sayin'....
What does an up-to-the-minute photo of Health Ledger have to do with this?
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post #49 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:45pm
Thread Starter 
"Mary, get down on your knees so Mary Magdalene can see your asshole. Judas Iscariot's solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Arimathea Tonight and Against All Oughts. Mary Magdalene, don't just stare at it, eat it."
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post #50 of 129
8/18/08 at 6:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD View Post
They both have such nice hair, it's a shame to have to pick a winner.
Goldmine Bale hands down. He looked hot in the makeup and when he was jerking off to newspaper pictures of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Plus he gets bonus points for shacking up with Placebo.
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