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I almost just got into a knife fight at Mcdonalds

post #1 of 51
8/21/08 at 6:24am
Thread Starter 
Wish that were a lie.

Mcdonalds near the bar has a walk-up window. It's 4:45 in the morning. Guy standing in front of it's wearing a Cub Scout Uniform or whatever the fuck it is. I mistake it for a McDonalds uniform, ask him what to do. He gets pissed, starts screaming at me, believing that I work for McDonalds and am going to rat him out. I try to ask what the hell he's talking about but he's yelling that my job is shit and that he's got a fucking knife. I tell him that first of all, I don't work for McDonalds, and second, I've got a knife of my own on me.

Probably not the right thing to say.

He steps down from the curb, says he likes fucking up big guys like me (I've got at least a head over him) and then starts to talk shit about white people working for McDonalds that pick on the black people. I start trying to tell him I meant no disrespect but fuck him for saying it was a white/black thing, I'm just trying to get some fucking cheeseburgers. He starts telling me to come around the block with him to talk to him, which I tell him fuck you, I'm staying right here to get my food.

He gets pissed, the McDonalds guys yell from the drive-thru that he's drunk and don't worry about him, and he ends up turning on them and telling them that he'll fuck them up. They close up the window real quick when he starts spitting on it and threatening them all.

It ends up with having a heartfelt (for him, at least) conversation about how we shouldn't give money to places like this that think so little of people, giving me a pound, and walking off.

Definitely one of the more surreal nights of my life.
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post #2 of 51
8/21/08 at 7:36am
You were carrying a knife?
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post #3 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:08am
Thread Starter 
Always carry a leatherman. Would have been funny watching me try to open it up in time to use it.
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post #4 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:16am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello View Post
Always carry a leatherman. Would have been funny watching me try to open it up in time to use it.
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post #5 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:23am
Thread Starter 
It fits so easy in my pocket!
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post #6 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:24am
Geez, Alex! Never a dull moment, huh?

So... how were the cheseburgers?
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post #7 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:35am
Cub Scout uniform? The hell?

How drunk were you? Not passing judgment, but is this one of those things that wouldn't have been a thing if you were sober? Because I hate those things.
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post #8 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keith Fordyce View Post
Cub Scout uniform? The hell?
Yeah, Alex is lucky he didn't get whittled to death.

What happened in the gap between him spitting at the window and you guys kind of/short of/not really bonding? This is certainly very bizarre indeed.

Seriously though, glad things turned out alright.
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post #9 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:45am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Geez, Alex! Never a dull moment, huh?

So... how were the cheseburgers?
Not as good as they should've been after all that! That's what I get for walking in Jon's footsteps...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keith Fordyce View Post
Cub Scout uniform? The hell?

How drunk were you? Not passing judgment, but is this one of those things that wouldn't have been a thing if you were sober? Because I hate those things.
Wasn't drunk but was far from sober. I'm up 3 hours later, if that means anything. It was one of those things that just seems to happen to me for no reason, the kind of thing that other people might shrug off, but honestly, the guy just started yelling at me from the first second.

No idea what the hell he was wearing, but it was a blue uniform with patches. He kept grabbing at it and yelling "You know what this means?" and getting annoyed when told that I had no idea whatsoever what it meant. Thought it was a friggin' Mcdonalds uniform.
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post #10 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:50am
US Postal Service?
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post #11 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:52am
We conscientious consumers will fuck you up, man.

Glad it turned out okay!
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post #12 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:54am
Quote:
... it was a blue uniform with patches. He kept grabbing at it and yelling "You know what this means?"and getting annoyed when told that I had no idea whatsoever what it meant. Thought it was a friggin' Mcdonalds uniform.


Maybe you were drunker than you realized.
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post #13 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:54am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello View Post
Always carry a leatherman. Would have been funny watching me try to open it up in time to use it.
You want a knife?


This is a knife!
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post #14 of 51
8/21/08 at 9:57am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abbott & Prospero View Post


Maybe you were drunker than you realized.
Even better, but possibly less dangerous.
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post #15 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:02am
Thread Starter 
The uniform had like homemade patches on it. I really should have paid more attention to it but I was trying to make sure he didn't spit on me. He kept horking up mucus the whole time I talked to him.
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post #16 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:06am
Black guy. Blue uniform. Patches.


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post #17 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:07am
The thing about crazy, drunk guys like that is that they never just hang out in front of an establishment just once. You should go back and try to get a better look at those patches. The internet needs to know what the hell this guy was wearing.
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post #18 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:08am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello View Post
... giving me a pound, and walking off.
Is that a figure of speech or did he literally hand you British currency?
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post #19 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:10am
Thread Starter 
He did threaten me at one point that he was always around there! I'll go back next week and try to take pictures of him. Sure that won't bother him at all.
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post #20 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:11am
I wouldn't risk getting shanked for anything less than a Big Mac.
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post #21 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:12am
Get him to join the boards. We must introduce him to Devin.
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post #22 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:14am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
Is that a figure of speech or did he literally hand you British currency?
Fist bump? Dap?
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post #23 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:15am
Beret or no beret? I'm picturing him with a beret.
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post #24 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:16am
Thread Starter 
Close, bandana with a long ponytail trailing out the back.
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post #25 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:17am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello View Post
Fist bump? Dap?
Got it, just never heard it called a "pound" before.
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post #26 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:41am
See, this is what I'm talking about. If this doesn't wake up the BSA and force them to relax the requirements for the knife fight badge, then nothing will.
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post #27 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:42am
Don't Do What Donnie Don't Does.
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post #28 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello View Post
Always carry a leatherman. Would have been funny watching me try to open it up in time to use it.
This absolutely killed me.

"No, wait...hang on, dude, just - *fumbles* WAIT A FUCKING SECOND. I PROMISE I'M GONNA STAB YOU."
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post #29 of 51
8/21/08 at 10:55am
Sting you aren't!
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post #30 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:02am
When someone tells you they have a knife, tell them you have a gun.

If he's there next time, try to start the thing all over again, but say gun. It'll be funny if I'm wrong.
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post #31 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:05am
Also, this:

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post #32 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello View Post
That's what I get for walking in Jon's footsteps...
You should've known better.
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post #33 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:09am
And the part of Hot Animal Machine will be played by Alex Riviello!
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post #34 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:11am
Did he ask you if you wanted to listen to some of his music?

Like I said on Sunday, fight magnet.
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post #35 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:13am
Thread Starter 
Yeah, I should share the story about how I almost got in a fight with a Frenchman while being interrupted during a game of Battleship, eh?

Man, I gotta stay in more often.
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post #36 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:14am
I would've put on a leather mask and shoved my ass out at the guy, but I guess what you did was pretty good too.
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post #37 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
This absolutely killed me.

"No, wait...hang on, dude, just - *fumbles* WAIT A FUCKING SECOND. I PROMISE I'M GONNA STAB YOU."
WAIT WAIT WAIT! *bursts into flames*
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post #38 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:17am
Alex, it's too bad Jon wasn't with you. He could've swung his bangs at the guy.
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post #39 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:22am
Well thank God you didn't end up fighting... who knows how that might have ended up...

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post #40 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:32am
Ok, this is the last straw. This has to stop.

Didn't you guys pay attention to the end of Batman Begins? Escalation and all that shit?

First drunk homeless guy, now guy with knife, next thing you know there's going to be guys with chainsaws patrolling McDonalds.

We have to end this before I have to start bringing a gun to get a fucking Big Mac.
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post #41 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:41am
Just one of many many reasons to not eat McDonald's. I blame Ray Kroc.
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post #42 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:42am
Who was it that had the other hilarious McDonald's (or fast food encounter) about a year back?

Never a dull moment in NYC, huh, Alex?
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post #43 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:45am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Just one of many many reasons to not eat McDonald's. I blame Ray Kroc.
I think this is a warning from God. This McDonald's food will knife your health up if you keep eating it.
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post #44 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:50am
Thread Starter 
The funny thing was that I was originally going to head towards White Castle, which is directly across the street.

Doc- that thread was Jon's- http://chud.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109221
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post #45 of 51
8/21/08 at 11:58am
You passed up White Castle for McDonalds? And you wonder why you were almost stabbed?
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post #46 of 51
8/21/08 at 12:16pm
You think that's bad. Guy got nearly raped at the local Arby's.

And Slade, well played with that Letherman joke. Nice work.
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post #47 of 51
8/21/08 at 12:47pm
Someone obviously never learned the lessons taught in Stand By Me.
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post #48 of 51
8/21/08 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudgeSmails View Post
Someone obviously never learned the lessons taught in Stand By Me.
That cherry pez is the only food you need to survive?
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post #49 of 51
8/21/08 at 12:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudgeSmails View Post
Someone obviously never learned the lessons taught in Stand By Me.
Don't use the railroad bridge to cross a river?
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post #50 of 51
8/21/08 at 12:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudgeSmails View Post
Someone obviously never learned the lessons taught in Stand By Me.
Massive amounts of vomit=hysterical?
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