Marital Problems (Wife Thinks She's A Lesbian) - Page 2

Dude, go out with some friends, get drunk, crash on their couch, and repeat...

then make your hipster horror films, i wanna see that shit!

"It's not quality, it's quantity! Nyahahahaha! (cries)"


I think you should follow the advice of those who're telling you to just move on.

I just get confused when people start talking about longevity with oral sex. A 20-minute blowjob would be agonizing. If you don't have the skills to get someone off in enough time to where they're not checking their watch or waiting for sunrise, what's the point?

Even fucking for 30+ minutes seems lame, if you can't get him/her to shoot off their load in less than the time that it takes for the background episode of Sanford and Son to end, what the fuck are you doing having sex? And why the fuck are you having sex to Sanford and Son?

Now I'm just totally pissed off at everything. Great.

EDIT: And I can't fucking believe that I'm making this many posts in the "Sex" forum. The only shit I frequent less than this on CHUD is the "Bands" forum. Ugh.

Oh please, god no.

Depends on how much you're changing things up. Alternating, different positions and intensity can make for some amazing marathon sex, both oral and penetrative. You switch things up every few minutes and if you've got the willpower that shit will last forever, until you're both fleshy piles of goo when it's all over. The sleep after that sort of sex is relationship-affirming.

Now, thirty minutes as she plays "just the tip" with her mouth or you dig around looking for the elusive Hooded Justice? Yawn. Is the Burn Notice marathon on?

Is 20 minutes really that long a stint? I've come across more than a few girls who are keen to have the whole oral experience go on for as long as humanly possible.

You're doing it wrong.

Do girls only come once in America?

That's very patriotic of them.

Here's a thought however cruel it maybe... Perhaps your wife IS a lesbian.

This thread deserves a Hallelujah!

If your woman is multiorgasmic, being able to do 20 minutes of oral, where she's wailing like a black woman in church most of that time, that's a good thing. If she's just staring at the ceiling humming Genie In A fucking Bottle for 15 minutes, *then* you're doing it wrong. Not to mention, if you're having sex with anyone who doesn't speak the fuck up and tell you when you/they're ready to move on to the next phase, you're already in trouble.

Goddamn I miss rep.

A bit of advice that I wanted to give. I realized you said that you hope that she'd regret it and see what you guys had.

Personally I think this is what you need to tackle first. Although she does sound like she's made some intensely stupid decision. I mean 6 years together and she throws away her marriage for a 20 year old she's only experimented with twice ?

Honestly, to me it kind of sounds like it's more about her needing change than anything else. I mean if you guys have been together for that long then it probably means she hasn't been with anyone else for that long, and if she's choosing a friggin' 20 year old college drop out who is a woman, then she's obviously just trying to do something new with her life. I wouldn't take it personally really.

However, I think you're missing the bigger point. The woman was tempted to have a lesbian affair, so she just goes ahead and has one ? Despite the fact that you guys JUST got married ? I mean I think you should be feeling happy about the fact that she did this so early on before you guys had kids or something. So let's examine the bullet you just dodged:

-The woman cheated. Not once. But twice. A year into your marriage.
-The woman gives up a 6 year relationship because of 2 nights with a 20 year old student.
-No wait, a 20 year old college drop out.
-No wait, a 20 year old college drop out home wrecker.
-No wait, a 20 year old college drop out home wrecker that so far only seems interested in sex. And your wife gave up everything in case there could be something more ?
-And not only that, but she takes advice from random people about YOUR PERSONAL relationship with each other ?

It just really sounds to me like you're better off. I think the only mistake your making now is hoping that she'll be sorry. I know how that feels, and I know how glorious it would be if it happened, but I think that's what you really need to let go of as of now. You need to realize that YOU are the one that's better off now, if she ever came back asking for forgiveness she would have to earn your trust again. Not only that, but you should already be in a place where you'd moved on.

Which like everyone said, is what you really need to do. Moving is a good step, just cut off communication and learn from your mistakes.

Then write a book, script and make a movie out of it all.

Which, let's be serious here - that's usually what happens with your average Joe and Jane and Other Jane.

And porn.

First and foremost, this is a terrible situation and I'm truly sorry that she has placed you in this mess.

Secondly, while you may not be able to understand it, it is entirely possible that she may be a lesbian, or at the least, bisexual. She might have been using you as a beard or something. Are her parents homophobic, by any chance? That may explain why she has been trying to act hetero when she is truly homo.

Third, you need to know that THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Your wife made the choice, not just to cheat, but to disrupt her child's life by getting rid of the man this child calls Daddy and moving some random woman in. All of those fights and excuses that she is giving about the state of your relationship is her desperate way of trying to get rid of you. As painful as this is to accept, she does not want to be with you anymore, and the best course of action is to file the papers. However, the big issue here isn't your wife. It's your child. I'm not a lawyer, but if you have simply been raising this child and have not legally adopted her, you'll have no claim on her. The courts are big on biological families, and if you guys split, I fear you will never see that child again, which is unfair to both you and the child.

No offense, but it sounds to me like there was one or possibly several illusions at play here.

If he can't give her an orgasm in 20 minutes of oral sex, I'd say it is.

I'd say buy her some shoes, but since she turned into a dyke I'd go for a Dodge RAM.

Yeah, Harley's full of shit. If you knew how to gobble pussy, you'd still be a family right now.

If she'd just gone to another man, maybe we could make that argument. She's GAY. Nothing to be done about that.

I pointed that issue earlier. Multiple times is great. But even in that case 20' is to much.

Name calling won't solve anything.

double post, sorry

Testify



Seconded

Says the guy who's under 30 and already once divorced. Tongue broken?

That was kind of cheap as fuck.

I wasn't going to say anything after the first three times he poked at this guy. Fourth times a charm. Especially with the whole "You'd still be a family right now". Ripping at the fact that the guy is basically losing his daughter in all of this is "cheap as fuck" as well, wouldn't you say Jake? Slater has the balls to keep dishing it out, I'm sure he can take it. I'm also sure he'll have plenty for me as well.

The OP may be suffering from Bitch Dependency.

Please watch the instructional video if you want to make things happen, otherwise start walking.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DOvq8FsiUE

Right, but there's also the fact that the OP is fake as shit. Spammer, tried to contact multiple people at CHUD for an in, et cetera.

At least Slater has some balls to his name and a few scripts in his favor. I'm totally not trying to suck his dick, but come on.

Plus there's the inimitable fact that Slater doesn't even give a fuck in the first place which renders my defense moot, but that just seemed like a total low blow to me. It's almost as bad as pointing out to a cripple that they're missing an arm.

I didn't look up his posting history, figured he had over 200 posts for the benefit of the doubt. And look, Slater is funny, and now also accomplished, but in my mind that doesn't give anyone carte blanche to be a dick and not expect retaliation. Was it a low blow? Sure, one that he laughed off when Nick made it a few months ago (not that that should be an excuse). But I didn't think it was any lower than telling a guy he was losing his family because he sucked at performing oral sex.

For the record, I've never pointed at someones missing arm. Maybe stared a little too long, and then looked away quickly, but never pointed.

Not sure if this is proper message board etiquette, but if someone posts a serious thread on a fucking message board asking for emotional support about their dad dying, their kid dying, or their relationship ending, you really deserve to be fucking ridiculed to no end. There's other places to seek support, and you're not going to find it here at the snarky assholes club.

Plus, the thread title is obviously going for the laffs.

I like to quietly pull my arm inside my shirt sleeve so they don't feel so alone...

The problem is that getting emotional support from strangers (no matter how close you feel to people here) in such a public settings is a no win situation. Harley wants to give advice, but she has no real understanding of the situation. Maybe you're boring. Maybe she hooked up with you because you were stable and dependable, and knew that she could use you like a doorstop, and because she had a kid stuck with you longer than she might of otherwise. She meets a young girl who gets her going, and gets excited about someone who makes her feel passionate, maybe the fact that it was a woman was what made it the over the top to finally end your relationship. Or maybe Slater is right. Dunno. How would I?

Nah. Tongue's too awesome to be wasted on one chick.

Especially now that Zeroillusion's wife is back on the market.

So you just go until she pops once, and then stop? What a charitable lover you are.

I let them fuck me. That's charity enough.

What does that have to do with anything? I found out she didn't especially care that much. Apparently her deviant art is chock full of them.

For free? At least make her cook you breakfast or something.

I tried

Slater deserves it. And then some. His antics and bullshit aren't cute, they're hateful and obnoxious.

I'd agree with you that Slater can be a fucking asshole sometimes, but he's right; anyone responding seriously to such a thread is dumb. In a normal context, outside in the real world, I'd try to help that person, but on fucking CHUD?

It's piñata time.

EDIT: For better explanations, see Scott's and Dellamorte's posts.

Jesus says otherwise. The Lord will cure her, and when she's healed, she'll learn to appreciate the manmeat.

Slater is a gigantic gaping asshole. But that doesn't mean he ain't funny and that this thread doesn't deserve to be shit on.

Jake would definately fuck slater and make him breakfast. Cocksucker.

Well, he IS only in North Hollywood.

Did you mention the threesome?

You are happy to be settled for. Are you happy to also put this on the internet? Your relationship will always be a failure after this point because she cheated on you, and you don't care. You're a mark. You're a patsy. You're a pushover.

I now picture Dre wearing a fedora, a trenchcoat, and in black and white (yet still looking a little like Jim Gaffigan).

At least fuck a guy to settle the score.
I mean, c'mon!!

Better get crackin' on those oral skills before she decides to find herself again.

Indeed, Tati. I would supersize this relationship to Tijuana Special and add a pony to this for 5$. Who knows where it will take you.

Let's get Anakin's Dad in here and ask if he thinks it's funny.

I didn't noticed the Scott's commentary. The point is, when you have a serious issue, seeing previous threads (eg the glorious virginity ripoll quest) should serve as admonition against posting stuff like this.