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Every Time I Put In Armageddon... - Page 2

post #51 of 451
8/31/08 at 10:26pm
"I came by to say I'm sorry. I got something comin' up. Something pretty big. Will you...will you give this to him? You don't have to say who it's from...just."

And:

"Permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I've ever met."

That's some terrible writing. But...yeah.
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post #52 of 451
9/1/08 at 1:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
Everytime I put in Armageddon

I smile.
You guys got it all wrong. "Armageddon" is Tati's nickname for his cock.
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post #53 of 451
9/1/08 at 1:20pm
So is The Rock. Bad Boys are his testicles. Transformers, well, I'll let him explain that one because it's just fuckin' weird.
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post #54 of 451
9/1/08 at 1:26pm
I had a post all ready to go about which orifice he calls Pearl Harbor. After entertaining this notion for a minute or two, I promptly threw up my Cheerios and deleted it for the good of all mankind.

In its place, here's a puppy fighting a robot.
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post #55 of 451
9/1/08 at 1:28pm
Thread Starter 
There must be a confusion. I'm just here to drill.
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post #56 of 451
9/1/08 at 1:36pm
Wasn't there a shot of young boys with buzz cuts running in corn fields during magic hour? If that's not America summed up perfectly, fuck you.
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post #57 of 451
9/1/08 at 1:38pm
Thread Starter 
With american Flags in the background. GIANT american flags.

Bay uses the biggest american flags on screen.
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post #58 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:02pm
This is one of two movies during which I got up, went for some popcorn, checked out all the posters in the lobby, and looked outside before I went back in.

During that time, the team had been through at least three crises and nothing happened.

Armageddon is bright and loud, and that's all it has going for it. It's one of the dullest action films I've ever seen.
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post #59 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:04pm
I'll admit it: the entire sequence starting with the President's speech to "all humanity" through "No, that's your daddy!" makes me whimper like a whipped puppy. It just walks right up to the Line of Corny and tap dances all over it.
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post #60 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
With american Flags in the background. GIANT american flags.

Bay uses the biggest american flags on screen.
I'm not the most patriotic guy in the world, much less on my street block, but that Americana shit always gets me.
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post #61 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:17pm
Stunned by this thread. I guess it's finally okay to like Armageddon.

And thank God for that. I've been out in the cold too long for this movie.

I give a slight edge to Bad Boys II. But this is Bay's silver medal effort for sure.

For all the corny sentimental scenes in this, my favorite is the stock, undeveloped one with Will Patton and his wife. Why the fuck does that work?
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post #62 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:19pm
Jesus Christ, this movie sucks. What's wrong with you people?

I'm making a list.
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post #63 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:19pm
My fav Armageddon bit is the patented Michael Bay quick-cut/hero shot introduction of the Hubble.
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post #64 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:20pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arjen Rudd View Post

For all the corny sentimental scenes in this, my favorite is the stock, undeveloped one with Will Patton and his wife. Why the fuck does that work?
Because it's fucking Will Patton. And he sells it just right.
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post #65 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:21pm
Thread Starter 
Also great. The Bay cameo as a scientist at NASA.
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post #66 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:23pm
And why didn't Will Patton get to do more than play a gay henchman in The Punisher? Didn't he clearly demonstrate he had the goods? Only room for one Ed Harris?
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post #67 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:24pm
Thread Starter 
To be fair, he's the best part of the movie.
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post #68 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:25pm
Exactly! What's he doing now? Regional theater or some shit?
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post #69 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:25pm
Him or Buscemi, but really, such junk.

My opinion might be tainted because of the unnatural love my brother has for this movie. My god he has seen it A LOT.
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post #70 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:27pm
Armageddon and Will Patton love in one thread.

Heaven now has a home and it is this thread. Patton needs a series or something. Hasn't done much of shit in years.

EDIT: The Agency doesn't count because that show was balls
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post #71 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:32pm
Second fav Armageddon bit: In the short amount of time between when Harry is whisked away to NASA for the emergency briefing, and the decision is hastily made to round up his men for training, they've all managed to scatter across the U.S. and A.J. has already gone into business for himself.

Wait, I'm picking on Armageddon.
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post #72 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abbott & Prospero View Post
My fav Armageddon bit is the patented Michael Bay quick-cut/hero shot introduction of the Hubble.
I'm partial to the guy who discovers the asteroid and his cranky wife. "Get the book! Get the book! Get the book!"

I gotta admit, I dusted this movie off last night and it's still fun for me. Also, check out the random Mark Boone Junior cameo during the New York City meteor shower!
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post #73 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:36pm
By all means, the movie is littered with stupidity. In spite of all that, it's a lot of fun.
When I used to live out in Las Vegas I remember being taken to the strip for a lunch buffet and when I caught sight of a giant flaming hole through the Luxor hotel I knew that this movie had to be something special to have the balls to pull off something like that.

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post #74 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keith Fordyce View Post
Jesus Christ, this movie sucks. What's wrong with you people?

I'm making a list.
Don't sleep Keith DO NOT SLEEP!

Yeah, a big wtf from me for this thread.
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post #75 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:53pm
Yeah, add me to the WTF crew. This movie takes everything that sucked about blockbuster films in the 90's and bashes your face with it for two plus hours. The entire world collectively lost an IQ point at its release.

I'm all about guilty pleasures but this film is a cinematic hate fuck.
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post #76 of 451
9/1/08 at 2:54pm
Oh, it's loud, stupid, summer garbage... that opens with a Chuck Heston narration. I could sit here joyfully tearing it apart piece by piece. But it's sort of gleefully stupid. And the cast is fun. And space dementia. It's a movie that was meant to play on cable late at night when you're feeling too lazy to change the channel.
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post #77 of 451
9/1/08 at 3:09pm
Patton has recorded some fine audiobooks.
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post #78 of 451
9/1/08 at 3:11pm
Thread Starter 
And he was in Entrapment. That doesn't count, right?
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post #79 of 451
9/1/08 at 3:11pm
Does anybody remember the ridiculous McDonald's campaign for this? Like the TV spots where they're eating Big Macs on the asteroid? I always remember that when I watch this movie.
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post #80 of 451
9/1/08 at 3:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Eaton View Post
Does anybody remember the ridiculous McDonald's campaign for this? Like the TV spots where they're eating Big Macs on the asteroid? I always remember that when I watch this movie.
Are you sure that's not in the movie? Sounds just stupid enough.
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post #81 of 451
9/1/08 at 4:02pm
No!!!

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post #82 of 451
9/1/08 at 4:05pm
Thread Starter 
I've always thought of you as a son, ALWAYS.

I LOVE YOU HARRRYYY!
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post #83 of 451
9/1/08 at 4:07pm
Now I'm getting depressed. There was time to save yourself too Harry, there was time.
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post #84 of 451
9/1/08 at 5:54pm
Frank, Keith, Phil, Aquafresh: Thank you. I was beginning to think I'd somehow fallen into a wormhole and emerged in a universe of stupid.

The cult of Armageddon is proof that no matter how unbelievably bad a movie may be, somebody somewhere loves it for no good reason. There is no justification for liking this movie. It's terrible. You should all be ashamed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abbott & Prospero
Oh, it's loud, stupid, summer garbage... that opens with a Chuck Heston narration. I could sit here joyfully tearing it apart piece by piece. But it's sort of gleefully stupid. And the cast is fun. And space dementia. It's a movie that was meant to play on cable late at night when you're feeling too lazy to change the channel.
If I'm ever that lazy, I fully expect my wife to pull the plug.
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post #85 of 451
9/1/08 at 5:57pm
Thread Starter 
It's terribly fun. Do you think we don't realize it's stupidity?
It's the same reason i love torque. Though Armageddon has way better cast and production.
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post #86 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:04pm
When I was in high school my family had a cocker spaniel. Real sweet dog. She'd love to play, had a adorable bark, and peed herself when she got excited. Armageddon is like that. Sure you waste a good half hour soaking up dog piss, but you show me something close to it that made no pretense about what it was.
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post #87 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
The cult of Armageddon is proof that no matter how unbelievably bad a movie may be, somebody somewhere loves it for no good reason. There is no justification for liking this movie. It's terrible. You should all be ashamed.
Love is far too strong a word. Don't make me pull the Master of The Universe card on you, Greg.
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post #88 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shen Annigans
...but you show me something close to it that made no pretense about what it was.
The original Star Wars made no pretense about what it was. And it's a much better film. Also see Raiders of the Lost Ark, Jaws, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, any Jackie Chan or Jet Li movie, etc. There are endless examples. Armageddon didn't invent anything. Also, I would submit that Armageddon does indeed have pretenses about what it is. All the patriotism and tearjerking are not hallmarks of a movie that thinks it's just stupid, mindless fun. People may enjoy Bay's movies on that level, but he thinks he's making real movies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abbott & Prospero
Love is far too strong a word. Don't make me pull the Master of The Universe card on you, Greg.
Frank Langella's performance as Skeletor alone is better than anything in Armageddon. Also, Bill Conti's score.
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post #89 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shen Annigans View Post
When I was in high school my family had a cocker spaniel. Real sweet dog. She'd love to play, had a adorable bark, and peed herself when she got excited. Armageddon is like that. Sure you waste a good half hour soaking up dog piss, but you show me something close to it that made no pretense about what it was.

Doomsday. Sans piss.

I think you give Bay too much credit here. And it just seems to soon to start going all Paul McCartney over this movie.
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post #90 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:15pm
Thread Starter 
This thread was started partially as a joke towards that retard thread about Seven Samurai being Full Screen.
The other part was because Armageddon was on at the moment and i was gleefully enjoying it.

p.s.: Will Patton is awesome.
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post #91 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shen Annigans View Post
When I was in high school my family had a cocker spaniel. Real sweet dog. She'd love to play, had a adorable bark, and peed herself when she got excited. Armageddon is like that. Sure you waste a good half hour soaking up dog piss, but you show me something close to it that made no pretense about what it was.
Actually, one of my favorite things about Armageddon is how it thinks it'a some sort of epic Old Hollywood melodrama tearjerker, except with asteroids and explosions. With the sweeping score, the rolling camera pans, and the unironic speeches about God and America. "I've drilled everye surface known to man, and by God, I will reach 880 feet, I swear!". Affleck crying.

This earnestness is what's appealing. It's not that it's good. It's that it wants so badly to be good and tries so fucking hard. However, the same could desrcibe Pearl Harbor, and that movie is unmitigated dick cancer, and I'm certainly not rewatching it to remember why it doesn't work.
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post #92 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:18pm
It's not that ARMAGEDDON is stupid. I get stupid fun. It's that it an aggressively stupid jingoistic assault full of empty emotion and crafted with the worst aspects of modern cinematic techniques.

I mean, VAN HELSING is aggressively stupid and loud but at least it's not forcing bullshit middle-American family values down your throat along with all the CGI vampires wolfmen and frankenstiens.
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post #93 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquafresh View Post
I mean, VAN HELSING is aggressively stupid and loud but at least it's not forcing bullshit middle-American family values down your throat along with all the CGI vampires wolfmen and frankenstiens.
I would have enjoyed Van Helsing way more if it had. Maybe a subplot where Van Helsing needs to spend more time with his family.
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post #94 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:20pm
Thread Starter 
Van Helsing is unwatchable. It's full retard.
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post #95 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
Van Helsing is unwatchable. It's full retard.
See, this is the problem for me. I really, honestly, do not see the difference. You admit that both movies are stupid, but apparently, one is good and the other isn't. To me, they're both poorly made, stupid, incompetent pictures. One is not more worth watching than the other.
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post #96 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:24pm
I will say this about Armageddon, it's not as creepy as Bad Boys II. Everybody's throwing around the aggressive word, now there is a movie that is aggressively creepy.

You guys can have the cult of that movie. I don't want.
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post #97 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:24pm
Van Helsing needed corrupt and dumbfounded government officials being out-smarted by blue-collar Americans.
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post #98 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
Van Helsing is unwatchable. It's full retard.
And ARMAGEDDON isn't? Dude, the movie is built around the notion that IT'S EASIER TO TRAIN OIL RIGGERS TO FLY A SPACE SHUTTLE THAN IT WOULD BE TO TRAIN ASTRONAUTS TO DRILL. It is arguably the most supremely retarded premise in the history of cinema. A boardroom of down-syndrome executives would reject it.
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post #99 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquafresh View Post
It's not that ARMAGEDDON is stupid. I get stupid fun. It's that it an aggressively stupid jingoistic assault full of empty emotion and crafted with the worst aspects of modern cinematic techniques.

I mean, VAN HELSING is aggressively stupid and loud but at least it's not forcing bullshit middle-American family values down your throat along with all the CGI vampires wolfmen and frankenstiens.

I like the over the top, chest beating patriotism is has. It's nice to see America not reviled. There's absolutely nothing reality-based about it, it does what it wants to. For that, I'll watch it every so often and enjoy it.

If someone sees this movie as a hallmark of cinema, that's on them. I know it's zany, but it makes me laugh and the movie did more right than wrong, IMO.

And this is the most I've ever talked about Armageddon. I'm satiated on this topic until the middle of the century.
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post #100 of 451
9/1/08 at 6:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
Frank Langella's performance as Skeletor alone is better than anything in Armageddon. Also, Bill Conti's score.
So you like a shitty movie because of a couple of factors?
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