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1988 Oscars number held in multiple career killings

post #1 of 20
9/12/08 at 4:11pm
Thread Starter 
Gawker

Quote:
A recently unearthed artifact from 1988 offers a mass celebrity humiliation on a scale so staggering, the mind quite simply reels. The setting was that year's Academy Awards ceremony—and what better way to celebrate the most glamorous evening in entertainment that with a nine-minute-long musical number peopled by Hollywood's "brightest young stars," in which they express through singing, dancing, fencing, and moonwalking their, um, desire to become a "super duper pooper scooper" Oscar winner.

Along this journey through Satan's lower colon, you'll spot some recognizable faces— Blair Underwood, Christian Slater, McDreamy, Ricki Lake, Chad Lowe, and Corey Feldman, whose bedroom walls we can only imagine were covered in "Bad" posters at the time. You'll also spot some lesser-knowns: Keith "Adventures in Babysitting" Coogan, Melora "Jan from The Office" Hardin, Carrie "Carol Burnett's deceased daughter" Hamilton, plus an elegant pas de deux featuring Tracy "Ricky's daughter/Seinfeld's twin" Nelson and someone by the name of D.A. Pauley. Have we sold this yet? Did we mention Feldman gets a dance solo at the 4:45 mark? Enjoy.
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post #2 of 20
9/12/08 at 4:25pm
Whose bright idea was this? Because they deserve some sort of retrospective award for ruining a generation.
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post #3 of 20
9/12/08 at 4:38pm
Before opening this thread, I spent a few minutes trying to read the title. I was emphasizing all different word combinations, trying to figure out what the hell was being said.

I never did get it to make sense.
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post #4 of 20
9/12/08 at 4:43pm
I thought Feldman's astonishingly embarrassing Jacko fixation was common knowledge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry Leper View Post
Before opening this thread, I spent a few minutes trying to read the title. I was emphasizing all different word combinations, trying to figure out what the hell was being said.

I never did get it to make sense.
The closest I can figure is "Musical number responsible for career deaths".
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post #5 of 20
9/12/08 at 4:54pm
Oh, I figured it out once I read the story.
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post #6 of 20
9/12/08 at 4:57pm
I remember this thing.

For a minute, I figured it might have to do with Rob Lowe's singing, which might have been the same damn night.
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post #7 of 20
9/12/08 at 5:05pm
Wow, this was a disaster. The camera misses soloists, mics go in and out, and, well, yeah, I don't think a single person in this clusterfuck even got nominated for an Oscar.

Also, I don't think we're allowed to bitch about Oscar montages or tributes anymore. Imagine them trying to pull off a nine minute high school number like this today. We'd all have slashed our wrists by the end of it.
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post #8 of 20
9/12/08 at 5:11pm
Still not as disastrous as Ebert's praise of Corey Haim in his review of LUCAS: "If he can continue to act this well, he will never become a half-forgotten child star, but will continue to grow into an important actor. He is that good."
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post #9 of 20
9/12/08 at 5:17pm
Ebert put a very important 'if' in that sentence.
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post #10 of 20
9/12/08 at 5:32pm
What the fuck was that all about?

I kept hoping Leslie Nielsen would stumble in and knock them all down.
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post #11 of 20
9/12/08 at 5:53pm
A bunch of people who can't act, sing or dance - trying to act, sing and dance. Great idea. But, to be fair, Chad Lowe has probably at least held an Oscar.
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post #12 of 20
9/12/08 at 6:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jexxon View Post
A bunch of people who can't act, sing or dance - trying to act, sing and dance. Great idea. But, to be fair, Chad Lowe has probably at least held an Oscar.
1999 Best Actress winner: "Chad who?"
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post #13 of 20
9/12/08 at 6:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jexxon View Post
But, to be fair, Chad Lowe has probably at least held an Oscar.
My original thought (which I typed) was way too mean.
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post #14 of 20
9/12/08 at 6:25pm
this thread sucks, the headline is so poorly written i had to re-read it twice to understand what the hell this fool wrote. sit down and shut up...
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post #15 of 20
9/12/08 at 6:39pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic Boom View Post
What the fuck was that all about?

I kept hoping Leslie Nielsen would stumble in and knock them all down.
Ha! I'd pay to see that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by satiricarl View Post
this thread sucks, the headline is so poorly written i had to re-read it twice to understand what the hell this fool wrote. sit down and shut up...
In my defense, it is the title of the article. My brain could never come up with something that mind-bending.
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post #16 of 20
9/12/08 at 6:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by satiricarl View Post
this thread sucks, the headline is so poorly written i had to re-read it twice to understand what the hell this fool wrote. sit down and shut up...
Oh, irony, how ironic can you be?
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post #17 of 20
9/12/08 at 6:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob Rocco View Post
My original thought (which I typed) was way too mean.

I think I had the same thought.
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post #18 of 20
9/12/08 at 7:56pm
I can't believe Patrick Dempsey is still around. The Can't Buy Me Love guy!

Him and the fat kid from Stand By Me.
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post #19 of 20
9/12/08 at 9:41pm
Really spotlights Ricki Lake at her most voluminous, also.
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post #20 of 20
9/12/08 at 10:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post
Really spotlights Ricki Lake at her most voluminous, also.
At least she was serious about those Jane Fonda Workouts!



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