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FAIL DRAFT: Those Films That Didn't Suck Enough To Get Drafted - Page 2

post #51 of 74
9/30/08 at 11:53am
I had the Rocky Horror Picture Show lined up.
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post #52 of 74
9/30/08 at 2:18pm
Madonna:
Who's That Girl
Shanghai Surprise
Body of Evidence
Dangerous Game
Next Best Thing
Evita

Glitter

I thought all draft about pulling an Elvis and drafting Lethal Weapon 2, that big ball of fail, but it's like pissing in the wind.

Mobsters
The Specialist
Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot
Last Action Hero
Sharky's Machine

Favorite failure of all time: Grease 2
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post #53 of 74
9/30/08 at 2:47pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keith F View Post
Madonna:
Who's That Girl
Shanghai Surprise
Body of Evidence
Dangerous Game
Next Best Thing
Evita
Doing an all-Madonna draft would have cured cancer and brokered world peace, Keith. Nice missed opportunity there.
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post #54 of 74
9/30/08 at 2:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
Doing an all-Madonna draft would have cured cancer and brokered world peace, Keith. Nice missed opportunity there.
What's the point of curing cancer if you get AIDS?
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post #55 of 74
9/30/08 at 2:50pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
What's the point of curing cancer if you get AIDS?
That's what the Turkish films are for. Sheeesh.
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post #56 of 74
9/30/08 at 3:18pm
My draft theme focused on my "heroes." If I'd had enough room, I would have mixed acting heroes with directing heroes. My favorite actor is Michael Keaton - for which I would have gladly drafted White Noise. Not to say it's his only bad film, but I'd argue it's his worst. Jack Frost comes close though.

I also would have wanted to see Star Trek Generations drafted. In many ways, I think it's far worse than Final Frontier. Generations had to be and should have been epic. The merging of both crews on a spectacular pass-the-torch adventure that finally closes the book on one crew while opening the doors for the next.

Instead they come up with a lame plot that contrives a stupid meeting of Picard and Kirk and they kill of Kirk for no valid reason. It's an awful film. The worst of the Treks for me.

Someone suggested 3 (which isn't bad at all - I don't get the hate) and 4. 4? Seriously? Not only was it a huge hit, many consider it to be second best after Khan. The thing about 4 is that it works splendidly as a self-contained fish-out-of-water comedy, in the vein of Back to the Future. I love that movie.
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post #57 of 74
9/30/08 at 3:23pm
Thread Starter 
If we're talking Star Trek films, viable draft choices (in my opinion) would have been:
'Star Trek: The Motion Picture' for being boring beyond words and not getting the characters right.
'Star Trek: Generations' for huge, gaping plotholes and lapses in logic, as well as reusing special effects from the previous film.
'Star Trek: Insurrection' for being dull and lame
'Star Trek: Nemesis' for being an even numbered film that sucks.

The rest of the films, including the third one, succeed more than they fail.
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post #58 of 74
9/30/08 at 3:35pm
I pretty much agree with you Judas, except for two points of personal opinion...

The Motion Picture has grown on me over time. I think it's the most "spectacular" of the films visually. They were going for something a little deeper than your average sci-fi actioner. And, admittedly, it was not what the fans wanted. But there are some interesting ideas there.

Nemesis is actually a pretty well-directed sci-fi adventure. I had heard so much bile about it that I was pleasantly surprised when I finally got around to seeing it. The Next Generation movies are generally not great, but I would put this second after First Contact.
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post #59 of 74
9/30/08 at 3:39pm
Thread Starter 
ST: TMP was greatly improved in the DVD re-edit that was done. The pacing was tightened up considerably to make it a pretty decent movie. The original theatrical release is just...no.

I need to revisit ST: N again. It's been a long time and I only saw it once.
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post #60 of 74
9/30/08 at 4:58pm
Don't ask me why this film popped into my head: Spun.

I remember the director going on about how it had more cuts per minute than any other film, like that was some kind of achievement.

Horrible, terrible film that wasted the combined talents of Jason Schwartzmann and Mickey Rourke.
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post #61 of 74
9/30/08 at 5:09pm
I would defend Spun.
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post #62 of 74
9/30/08 at 6:17pm
Go for it.
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post #63 of 74
9/30/08 at 7:58pm
I had made this list last week, and forgot to post:
  • Star Trek: The Motion Picture - wouldve killed IP, whoever greenlit STII saved the name
  • The Chronicles of Riddick - heavily wounded Vin Diesel's career?
  • Steel - WTF.
  • Haunted Mansion - killed all Disney ride movies <> PotC
  • Memoires of an Invisible Man - killed Chevy Chase attempt to carry a movie
  • Prince Caspian - Are they even going to make the third after this turd?
  • Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny - When you have to tone down your comedy to get an R rating, you lose
  • The Village - The beginning of the end for M Night.
  • Last Action Hero - Wasted opportunities in this movie
  • Treasure Planet - colossal dud.
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post #64 of 74
9/30/08 at 10:51pm
Thought about drafting TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE and Bay's TRANSFORMERS back-to-back.

Since some people drafted out right awful movies like TURKISH STAR WARS, surprised no one went for any Ed Wood.

There was a time when PLAN 9 FROM OUTERSPACE was considered the worst movie ever-became almost a right of passage.

Early on debated about RIO LOBO. What a shitty finale for Hawks and the Duke. Also TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER where they used old Peter Sellers outtakes. Pretty offensive.
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post #65 of 74
10/1/08 at 1:09am
Did we talk about The Good German yet? Because that's one I'm kind of pissed I missed.
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post #66 of 74
10/1/08 at 1:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by RathBandu View Post
Did we talk about The Good German yet? Because that's one I'm kind of pissed I missed.
Never got around to seeing that. Is it as bad as they say?

I'm curious anyway. I heard Tobey Maguire fucks Cate Blanchett up the ass.
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post #67 of 74
10/1/08 at 1:23am
Thanks for calling it out Rath.

I can't believe not a one of you drafted Steel. I'm hoping it's because the majority of you were smart enough and were spared what Chris Allen and I at least had to witness.

EDIT: Forgot Boondock Saints, that should've been first round unless you thank it for spawning Overnight. That would almost be acceptable.

Am I all alone on Smokin' Aces? I can't be the only one that digs it can I?

For suggesting Star Trek IV is fail Fat Elvis I offer you only this: double dumb ass on you sir. And I mean that in the friendliest way possible.
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post #68 of 74
10/1/08 at 1:58am
I dig Smokin' Aces, but there are some glaring plot errors that kinda ruin the show. The style is nice and all, but it ain't enough.
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post #69 of 74
10/1/08 at 2:25am
I don't know about up the ass, but Maguire definitely punches Blanchett in the babymaker, which I found hilarious. That's one of those scenes that's worth the rental alone.

It's not a very good movie, mostly because they're too obsessed with style to get the story right. Also, Maguire is completely miscast. Completely. I liked parts of it, though.
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post #70 of 74
10/1/08 at 2:34am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Elvis View Post
Thought about drafting TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE and Bay's TRANSFORMERS back-to-back.
I think you have a different understanding of the idea of FAIL then everyone else here.

Both Transformers movies Failed?!?!? One was a cartoon for cryssakes. In what possible aspect could a live action, feature film based on a children's toy, that was made with flash and style, and succeeded as the best grossing summer movie of 2007, ever be considered Fail?

Like Tati's pick of Blair Witch, take the expectations of either of these movies, and couple them with the performance at the box office, and how could they fail? I'm sure personal preference plays into it, but when a movie that no one should have expected to succeed financially, does, and does so more than anyone expected, it can't be considered a fail just because you didn't like it. (Lordy, Blair Witch is the most successfully profitable movie OF ALL TIME. How could that fail? I still don't get that.)

Fat Elvis, if you're in the Horror draft, please don't draft The Wizard of Oz or a Barney video because it scared you as a child.
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post #71 of 74
10/1/08 at 3:40am
Motherfucker. Had I seen The Man With A Movie Camera a little over a week ago, it would have been my first choice, easy. I might have even put it in contention for greatest fail in movie history! Damnable timing.
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post #72 of 74
10/1/08 at 3:47am
Wait, really?
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post #73 of 74
10/1/08 at 8:25am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Renn Brown View Post
I dig Smokin' Aces, but there are some glaring plot errors that kinda ruin the show. The style is nice and all, but it ain't enough.
I really like Smokin' Aces. It really works for me - the cast is great for one, I like the almost non-stop action of it, without it feeling like an action film, per se. But moreover, its the little moments that actually deal with the moment of death that are kinda wonderful - the guy having a conversation with Affleck's dead body; the hitman telling Matthew Fox to close his eyes so he's not the last thing he sees.

I won't argue that it has its faults (the lesbian shooter is kinda grating; the twist is pretty obvious) and it certainly isn't art, but its different enough and entertaining enough that I like to throw it on from time to time.
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post #74 of 74
10/1/08 at 10:27am
I loved Smoking Aces it's just such and absurd movie. I could never deem it as a failure. The Tremor Brothers are hilarious and pretty much every actor does what is needed of them. The only annoying part is the lesbian sniper, but she makes up for it with her gun that blows people like 10 feet across a room. The twist is a little stupid but everything that gets it there makes it all right in my book.
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