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Kevin Smith goes on a diet

post #1 of 117
10/21/08 at 2:54pm
Thread Starter 
He's so fat he broke a toilet.
Quote:
Heavyweight moviemaker Kevin Smith is determined to shed the pounds after breaking a toilet.

The Clerks director was playing poker at a friend's Los Angeles DVD and comic book store when he was taken short and excused himself.

But when he saw the toilet bowl, which jutted out from a wall, he feared the worst - and the worst happened.

Red-faced Smith recalls, "That kind of toilet, with no base, is no friend to a fat man."

And when he sat on the lavatory, it groaned and creaked and then came away from the wall.

"The contents of the bowl was dangerously (rocking in the bowl). I'm trapped, I'm panicked and I hear somebody, like, on the other side of the door going, 'Everything Ok in there?'

"I've gotta throw myself off the toilet... and I do it and I hit the door."

Eventually, his pal came to see what the commotion was: "I just point to the bowl and he looks at it and looks at the terror in my face and he realises we have a business relationship together and he goes, 'Nobody ever needs to know about this.'

"That was the moment, where I was like, 'I got to lose some weight.' I broke the porcelain in half."
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post #2 of 117
10/21/08 at 2:57pm
link please
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post #3 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman View Post
link please
http://www.weightwatchers.com/index.aspx

I saw Smith while watching Daniel Craig on Leno. He's twice what he was a few years ago. 70 pounds minimum to drop. Good luck to him.
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post #4 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:00pm
He was so huge at the ZACK & MIRI junket I couldn't believe it. He must be clocking in at 350 or 400 pounds.
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post #5 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:10pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman View Post
link please
Here: http://www.imdb.com/news/ns0000002/?date=2008-10-20
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post #6 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anyawatchin Angel View Post
I saw Smith while watching Daniel Craig on Leno. He's twice what he was a few years ago. 70 pounds minimum to drop. Good luck to him.
He should get some advice from Jon Favreau(watch the "making of" on the Iron Man DVD) or something. He's in unhealthy territory at that weight.

He was talking about how big he'd gotten on his "Spaced" commentary, I guess he wasn't exaggerating.
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post #7 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:16pm
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post #8 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:18pm
Yikes.
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post #9 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:20pm
Wow. I didn't know he got that way. Gastric Bypass here we go.

Edit: rogen looks great BTW. Maybe he can pull the Green Hornett off.
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post #10 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:20pm
Theory: Rogen somehow shifted the weight he has clearly lost onto Smith.
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post #11 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:20pm
It's not helping things that Rogen's losing weight for Green Hornet. It makes the image seem even worse.
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post #12 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:22pm
Also, Elizabeth Banks is hot or something.
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post #13 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:22pm
If Pete Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro can turn over a new leaf...

Oh wait, I forgot who we were talking about.
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post #14 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:22pm
Holy crap!
He's lost a lot of weight before, he talked about it in his blog, but he always does it through crash diets (shakes, whatever) and then goes back to his old habits after he drops the tonnage.
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post #15 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:37pm
Kinda like watching a 4x3 on a 16x9.

Good luck to him.
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post #16 of 117
10/21/08 at 3:56pm
Hopefully, he'll go for the lifestyle-change style of weight loss and keep it off this time. I'd like to wish him luck as well.
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post #17 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:00pm
Jesus Christ that's big. Are we sure he's not just letting Jason Mewes live under his coat?
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post #18 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
Gastric Bypass here we go.
Yeah, that might be the best(although not safest) weight-loss option for him right now.
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post #19 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:15pm
Don't you be my Kate Winslet, Seth Rogen.
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post #20 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:35pm
Seth Rogen looks fantastic. I've always thought he was cute; the weight-loss suits him well. I hope Kevin Smith has the same luck & determination.
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post #21 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:39pm
Could DaveB have some Rogen-like attributes!?

Quote:
Don't you be my Kate Winslet, Seth Rogen.
Soon, we'll be seeing Rogen gracing the covers of CQ and Esquire with his sides completely Photoshopped out! (has Rogen been on such magazines already?)
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post #22 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcnooj82 View Post
Could DaveB have some Rogen-like attributes!?
Uh, yeah. He could.
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post #23 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:43pm
Since you guys are stingy with sharing pictures of yourselves, I just have to imagine DaveB as this big brain in a jar. With glasses for the Rogen connection.
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post #24 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:44pm
Tee-hee, more like Silent Slob.
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post #25 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Miller View Post
Holy crap!
He's lost a lot of weight before, he talked about it in his blog, but he always does it through crash diets (shakes, whatever) and then goes back to his old habits after he drops the tonnage.
He must have been in one of his thinner phases when he did the Mallrats commentary, where he referred to his appearance in that film as the fattest he'd ever been. He looks twice that big now. Didn't he lose a bet with Ethan Suplee over who could lose the most weight in ten years after that?
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post #26 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:51pm
Like Orson Welles. Please note, this is the only time Kevin Smith will be compared to Orson Welles.

No wonder Rogen's thinner, there can't have been much craft services left over.

He should get on the diet Jason Mewes is on, that guy is thin!
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post #27 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Jim Slade View Post
Didn't he lose a bet with Ethan Suplee over who could lose the most weight in ten years after that?
Unless he actually flew to the moon to weigh-in, I'd say he had to.
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post #28 of 117
10/21/08 at 4:54pm
Tee-hee, more like Chasing Taffy.
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post #29 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:00pm
Chasing Gravy. You fucked that one up, Molt.
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post #30 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:04pm
No sir. Gravy may rhyme better but taffy is a funnier word. Fact.
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post #31 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:05pm
Rogen's lookin' like a bad, sexy man. And it took a broken toilet for Smith to realize he needs to lose weight? That's like a blind guy falling down a flight of stairs before realizing he needs a walking stick.
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post #32 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:07pm
We should ask Smith for a ruling. I think gravy's funnier. And less healthy.
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post #33 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:10pm
I think gravy's funnier. But that's because in 6th grade I once looked down at my poop and told my friend, "Eww, it looks like gravy."

He never let me off the hook for that.
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post #34 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:10pm
All I know is I've never eaten taffy without laughing about it for a second or two. I've had gravy plenty of times with nary a guffaw.
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post #35 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcnooj82 View Post
Soon, we'll be seeing Rogen gracing the covers of CQ and Esquire with his sides completely Photoshopped out! (has Rogen been on such magazines already?)


Yeah, I read GQ. What're you gonna do about it? Go fuck yourself.

re nooj: dunno about Esquire tho. Maybe.
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post #36 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
We should ask Smith for a ruling. I think gravy's funnier. And less healthy.
Doesn't look like he's been doing much chasing, period.
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post #37 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:19pm
I think Slade wins.
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post #38 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
He looks like a heart attack waiting to happen, and he's not even 40 yet. Seriously, he's making money, he should hire a trainer and a dietician and get his ass into shape.

I used to work with a guy that large - dude's weight shifted and broke the wax seal at the bottom of the toilet so when he flushed all this foulness leaked out from the bottom. He eventually lost weight thanks to a hospital stay (he broke his leg in an ATV accident, and his excess tonnage delayed his recovery), and lots of physical therapy.
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post #39 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
(he broke his leg in an ATV accident, and his excess tonnage delayed his recovery)
I know it's wrong but that made me laugh.
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post #40 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:35pm
I hate myself for this:

I liked his script for The Six-Million Calorie Man.
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post #41 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:37pm
Kevin Width.
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post #42 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:37pm
Tee-hee, more like The Six-Million Calorie Ham.
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post #43 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic Boom View Post
I know it's wrong but that made me laugh.
When we heard about the accident, we were kind of relieved, as we figured the doctors at the hospital would do something about his weight - he definitely looked thinner when he got back, by about 100 lbs (he was out for like 2 months).
About three or four years ago, for a goof, we put him on one of our largest packing scales, and he topped out at 498 lbs - a quarter ton of fun. He was only 25 then, and we were taking bets as to whether or not he'd live to see 30.
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post #44 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moltisanti View Post
Tee-hee, more like The Six-Million Calorie Ham.
You preceding each of your wordplays with a tee-hee is making me crack up by myself.
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post #45 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Seriously, he's making money, he should hire a trainer and a dietician and get his ass into shape.
Back when I gave a fuck enough to read his blog, that's what he was doing. Dear god, he's not looking healthy.

*pencils "Stalk Jennifer Schwablechrargh" into his notebook*
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post #46 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Back when I gave a fuck enough to read his blog, that's what he was doing. Dear god, he's not looking healthy.
So it's YOUR fault.

Quote:
*pencils "Stalk Jennifer Schwablechrargh" into his notebook*
Check under his gunt (or FUPA, or Junk Obscurer).
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post #47 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:46pm
Is this the kind of stuff you'd like us to cover on the site? Serious question, since this is getting so much more attention than almost any of the news for the past couple of weeks.
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post #48 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:49pm
Taffy.
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post #49 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:50pm
It has been a slow couple of weeks.
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post #50 of 117
10/21/08 at 5:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
We should ask Smith for a ruling. I think gravy's funnier. And less healthy.
In and of itself, taffy is a funnier word. Gravy, however, is more befitting the joke. When you think of someone chasing taffy, that someone doesn't necessarily have to be fat. It might be a little kid. It might be a diabetic having a daydream. It might be a neutered dog with separation anxiety. It might be an autistic kid who needs that piece of taffy because after the first bite it's shaped like Tennessee and he needs it to complete his "Candy That Looks Like States" diorama. Endless possibilities, really. Not necessarily a fat guy who looks like he just raided Carnie Wilson's closet.

Gravy, on the other hand, is among the poster children for embodying obesity. Everything about it screams "extra." Christ, it even looks like actual human fat when it hardens. It's a gelatinous, nearly perfect metaphor for Kevin Smith's current gravitational disposition.
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