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World's fattest man gets married

post #1 of 38
10/27/08 at 3:11pm
Thread Starter 
As if my life wasn't depressing enough, a 600 pound guy who can't even leave his bed found someone to love him.

I might be single, but a bottle of Jameson is more than enough to keep me warm at night. :P
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post #2 of 38
10/27/08 at 3:16pm
Hm. Looks like this guy's a chubby chaser.
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post #3 of 38
10/27/08 at 3:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
I might be single, but a bottle of Jameson is more than enough to keep me warm at night. :P
A bottle is always there for you. And if it runs out, you can always go down to the store and get another. The best part? The first bottle doesn't call you an asshole for doing it.

So how do they uh...you know...consumate the thing?
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post #4 of 38
10/27/08 at 3:40pm
Take a double shot and have a threesome.
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post #5 of 38
10/27/08 at 3:50pm
Any sex act is going to be a feat of engineering.
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post #6 of 38
10/27/08 at 4:05pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
So how do they uh...you know...consumate the thing?
She's on top, duh!
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post #7 of 38
10/27/08 at 4:48pm
If he was on top, it'd be a SAW death.
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post #8 of 38
10/27/08 at 5:18pm
I posted this pic in the obesity thread a few months back, but with the resurgence in Mr. Uribe's popularity, here it is again...

Obviously, the marriage will be consummated on the back of a flatbed.



This guy works really quickly, he only just started coming out of the house in July...

Quote:
MONTERREY, Mexico - A 700-pound (310-kilogram) man once considered the world's most obese person left his home for the first time in five months Sunday with the aid of a forklift and a platform truck.

Manuel Uribe traveled to the shore of a lake in northern Mexico without ever leaving his specially designed bed. A forklift hoisted the bed onto the truck, which then hauled him to the lake, where he snacked on fish and vegetables and joked with a local boat operator.
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post #9 of 38
10/27/08 at 5:23pm
In the next FAST & FURIOUS movie, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker should have to transport him to the hospital before the cannibals get him.
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post #10 of 38
11/20/08 at 1:19pm
Thread Starter 
Great news everyone! Fatty McFatty has consumated his marriage using a Liberator built by friends.
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post #11 of 38
11/20/08 at 1:26pm
Quote:
So pals constructed a three-foot ramp, reinforced with concrete, allowing him to raise the lower half of his body.

This enabled his new bride to have greater access to his private parts.
Woah. Sounds kinky.

They call it The Love Ramp. lol.
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post #12 of 38
11/20/08 at 1:40pm
Imagine the smell.
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post #13 of 38
11/20/08 at 2:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Great news everyone! Fatty McFatty has consumated his marriage using a Liberator built by friends.
So, he's into 'Blake's 7'?
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post #14 of 38
11/20/08 at 2:22pm
I like how they stopped referring to his weight in pounds and just went with the archaic 'st' for stone. Umm...a good feat of engineering? But at the same time...ewww?
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post #15 of 38
11/20/08 at 2:29pm
I still don't see how that ramp would work on Jabba the Hutt here, but maybe I don't want to find out.
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post #16 of 38
11/20/08 at 2:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Nunziata View Post
Imagine the smell.
As my dad would say. It would knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.

I have no idea what that means.
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post #17 of 38
11/20/08 at 3:10pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
I still don't see how that ramp would work on Jabba the Hutt here, but maybe I don't want to find out.
I can't believe I'm typing this, but from what I gather he is laying with his head declining down the ramp so that his legs are at the height of the ramp. This would cause his massive FUPA (or whatever the equivalent is for a guy) to slide away from his crotch uncovering whatever lies beneath.

*shudder*
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post #18 of 38
11/20/08 at 5:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
I still don't see how that ramp would work on Jabba the Hutt here, but maybe I don't want to find out.
I'm not sure, but I imagine a Rancor Pit beneath it, in case she doesn't work out.
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post #19 of 38
11/20/08 at 5:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
I can't believe I'm typing this, but from what I gather he is laying with his head declining down the ramp so that his legs are at the height of the ramp. This would cause his massive FUPA (or whatever the equivalent is for a guy) to slide away from his crotch uncovering whatever lies beneath.

*shudder*
Oh jesus...I just got a really nasty mental picture from that.

AHH get out of my head! Lets just hope fellatio wasn't involved.
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post #20 of 38
11/20/08 at 6:02pm
Is this how it works?

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post #21 of 38
11/20/08 at 6:08pm
Keeping with the Star Wars theme.

Let Consumation Commence!
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post #22 of 38
11/20/08 at 6:29pm
The look on the woman's face in that picture is hilarious, ElCap.
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post #23 of 38
11/20/08 at 6:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
Is this how it works?
Except that she seems to be smiling, yes.
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post #24 of 38
11/20/08 at 6:32pm
I'm probably thinking too hard about this, but wouldn't he risk suffocation from his own fat rolls?
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post #25 of 38
11/20/08 at 6:35pm
RE: The consumation...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*breathe*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
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post #26 of 38
11/20/08 at 7:09pm
And then it kinda morphs into the shunting climax from SOCIETY.
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post #27 of 38
11/20/08 at 7:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz View Post
Except that she seems to be smiling, yes.
She's not smiling.
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post #28 of 38
11/20/08 at 8:13pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
Is this how it works?
For fucks sake, man! I mean, yes.
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post #29 of 38
11/20/08 at 9:43pm
From the looks on their faces, I can only imagine she's wearing a strap-on. By the way Cap, that should totally be your avatar now. I know it doesn't fit with your theme, but still.
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post #30 of 38
11/20/08 at 10:52pm
Where are the seven or eight friends who have to lift the ramp up and down?
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post #31 of 38
11/21/08 at 1:03am
I'm trying not to put too much thought into this but I think even with the ramp it would be rather difficult to get any penetration at all. I mean, wouldn't groin fat still smother anything the revolting blob is packing?
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post #32 of 38
11/21/08 at 1:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravedigger View Post
I'm trying not to put too much thought into this but I think even with the ramp it would be rather difficult to get any penetration at all. I mean, wouldn't groin fat still smother anything the revolting blob is packing?
Not only that, but just think off all the...

Nevermind.
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post #33 of 38
11/21/08 at 3:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
Where are the seven or eight friends who have to lift the ramp up and down?
ROLL CALL! (misspelling intentional)

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post #34 of 38
11/29/08 at 10:47am
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravedigger View Post
I'm trying not to put too much thought into this but I think even with the ramp it would be rather difficult to get any penetration at all. I mean, wouldn't groin fat still smother anything the revolting blob is packing?
Yes, I think we're talking about a much steeper ramp.
This would mean she would have to use some sort of stepladder while he must wear scuba gear.

By the way, does sperm accumulate over the years?
If so, scuba gear for everyone.
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post #35 of 38
12/1/08 at 10:03pm
Slightly on topic and I don't want to make a new thread: 20 Really Depressing Obesity Facts
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post #36 of 38
12/1/08 at 10:07pm
I put on weight just reading about that Monster Thickburger. Fuck!
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post #37 of 38
12/1/08 at 10:10pm
Yeah, it's no mystery how we got to be a culture full of fatties...
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post #38 of 38
12/1/08 at 10:30pm
I thought it was because whitey was holding everyone down.
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