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Halloween Freakout

post #1 of 49
10/31/08 at 1:49pm
Thread Starter 
Ok. So I go out to get the mail earlier today and as I pull out the envelopes a freakin' black widow spider starts crawling up my hand. I recognize the little red hourglass instantly, and shake the thing off with a little startled yelp, slinging the mail all over the place.

I pick up the mail, hoping none of the neighbors saw my little-girl dance, and come back inside. As I'm looking through the letters I notice out of the corner of my eye that one of my cats had brought in some little thing and was toying with it on the kitchen floor. I look closer, and see that it's a tiny black scorpion. I shoo Lucy away and pick it up with a paper towel and toss it in the back yard.

Then about twenty minutes ago I go to wash my hands before making lunch and there's one of those huge cockroach-thingies squirming halfway out of the drain (they call them waterbugs here in Georgia, they're bigger than your standard roach). I turn on the hot water and down he goes, and then I pulled the little lever and shut the drain.

So now I'm sitting here, no more appetite, feeling any little hair that moves on my body. I think I need a drink.

Or maybe I should just buy some bleach.
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post #2 of 49
10/31/08 at 1:51pm
Or clean your place up.
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post #3 of 49
10/31/08 at 1:51pm
Happy Halloween!

by the way, bleach is only recommended for frogs.
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post #4 of 49
10/31/08 at 1:55pm
I saw a dog kind of giving me a funny look, but other than that, normal day.

I didn't even know they had scorpions in Georgia.
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post #5 of 49
10/31/08 at 1:55pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
Or clean your place up.
Yeah, I keep forgetting to wash my mailbox.
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post #6 of 49
10/31/08 at 1:56pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keith F View Post
I didn't even know they had scorpions in Georgia.

It was tiny, and pitch-black. I think that's the third or fourth one I've seen since moving out to the 'burbs.
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post #7 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:00pm
All you need is either a giant rat or a rabid dog to make your Halloween day complete.
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post #8 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer View Post
Then about twenty minutes ago I go to wash my hands before making lunch and there's one of those huge cockroach-thingies squirming halfway out of the drain (they call them waterbugs here in Georgia, they're bigger than your standard roach). I turn on the hot water and down he goes, and then I pulled the little lever and shut the drain.
I remember those bugs from when I lived in Houston, TX. They are fucking GROSS.
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post #9 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer View Post
It was tiny, and pitch-black. I think that's the third or forth one I've seen since moving out to the 'burbs.
That there was your mistake. I know in the US cities are set up differently but there's no way you could make me move to the suburbs. The more cement the better. Nature is scary.
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post #10 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:16pm


Solves all animal problems.
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post #11 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:31pm
I hear ya. I'm in FL (3 years now) and Southern bugs are in a whole nother paleological time zone down here. Relentless, fast, and seemingly intelligent. Fire ants, "palmetto" bugs (giant roaches), mosquitos, spiders (recluse and widow), you name it. Haven't seen any scorpions though (but don't worry, we have 'em).

Fortunately we have lizards and frogs to help control the primordial bastards. My backyard is like the friggin LAND OF THE LOST and I loathe yard work. I can't tell you how many time I've walked into a spider web, mowing under those damn citrus trees (which attract bugs, imagine that).
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post #12 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer View Post

Then about twenty minutes ago I go to wash my hands before making lunch and there's one of those huge cockroach-thingies squirming halfway out of the drain (they call them waterbugs here in Georgia, they're bigger than your standard roach). I turn on the hot water and down he goes, and then I pulled the little lever and shut the drain.

.
One of THESE suckers?
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post #13 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:53pm
That's pretty much actual size, too.
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post #14 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:54pm
Fuck you, Graham. You couldn't just link to that? You HAD to show a picture of it? Fuck you, Graham.
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post #15 of 49
10/31/08 at 2:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Goldberg View Post
Fuck you, Graham. You couldn't just link to that? You HAD to show a picture of it? Fuck you, Graham.
Hey, you're fine unless you feel one on the nape of your neck, heading for your ear.
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post #16 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:01pm
The raptorial forelegs are rather fetching.
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post #17 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post
I hear ya. I'm in FL (3 years now) and Southern bugs are in a whole nother paleological time zone down here. Relentless, fast, and seemingly intelligent.
It's obvious who's needed then:

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post #18 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:08pm
ANOTHER reason to burn Georgia to the ground. There's a reason the state is shaped like a giant urinal...
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post #19 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
It's obvious who's needed then:
You bet Jurassic I do.
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post #20 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:12pm
The cold up here keeps almost all of that shit at bay, except for wood spiders (yellow and black fuckers that are as big as a silver dollar and make six-foot webs... EEK). The main thing we have to worry about is inbred rebublicans.
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post #21 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:14pm
ah yes...let's morph this into yet another political thread.
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post #22 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:23pm
My state is full of whiny, pessimistic Democrats....which is almost as annoying. Sometimes.
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post #23 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:28pm
Jeez... sorry for twisting anyone's knickers. Bad joke, mea culpa.

I am serious about the wood spiders, though. I know that James or some of the other Michichewers can back me on that. I think that those things eat crows and small dogs.
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post #24 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:31pm
I'll back you up on those wood spiders. They're pretty easy to find if you go fishing up in nothern Minnesota. The webs that they make are EPIC in scale.
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post #25 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham View Post
Hey, you're fine unless you feel one on the nape of your neck, heading for your ear.
I hope you get raped to death by a waterbug.
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post #26 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianM View Post
ANOTHER reason to burn Georgia to the ground. There's a reason the state is shaped like a giant urinal...
I always thought it was because we're right next to Florida, aka America's Wang.
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post #27 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:44pm
Good point. So is Stone Mountain the urinal cake?
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post #28 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:44pm
I once found a small spider in my bathtowel just as I was about to use it to dry myself off. Oddly enough I remember hearing about some warning about Spiders in your towels so I didn't freak out...completely.
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post #29 of 49
10/31/08 at 3:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianM View Post
Good point. So is Stone Mountain the urinal cake?
Yep. And sometimes the urinal cake has laser shows!
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post #30 of 49
10/31/08 at 4:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
I once found a small spider in my bathtowel just as I was about to use it to dry myself off. Oddly enough I remember hearing about some warning about Spiders in your towels so I didn't freak out...completely.
Discovered a rather large brown spider (may have been a recluse, may have just been a "house spider") in a kleenex as it was about an inch and a half away from my face. I too did the little girl routine and refused to go back into my office until someone got it the hell out of there. A bit of an overreaction, sure, but I made eye contact with it and it freaked me out. One of my coworkers calmly carried the tissue outside and shook the little guy off into one of the hedges, giving me that little "you're such a pussy" smirk the entire time. Not my proudest moment.
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post #31 of 49
10/31/08 at 4:02pm
Tonight, at your house....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBim1j1tVbE
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post #32 of 49
10/31/08 at 4:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
I'll back you up on those wood spiders. They're pretty easy to find if you go fishing up in nothern Minnesota. The webs that they make are EPIC in scale.
Dingdingding! We have a winner. I was trimming pine trees last weekend and found a web between trees that was nearly as tall and wide as I am. I went back to the garage and put away my loppers for the day after that eight-legged son-of-a-bitch waved his front legs at me.

I'm 6' 2", 240 and not afraid to admit that I hope the wind we got last night vacated his hairy arachnid ass.
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post #33 of 49
10/31/08 at 4:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Vivisector View Post
Tonight, at your house....
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post #34 of 49
10/31/08 at 4:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JGButler View Post
Discovered a rather large brown spider (may have been a recluse, may have just been a "house spider") in a kleenex as it was about an inch and a half away from my face. I too did the little girl routine and refused to go back into my office until someone got it the hell out of there. A bit of an overreaction, sure, but I made eye contact with it and it freaked me out. One of my coworkers calmly carried the tissue outside and shook the little guy off into one of the hedges, giving me that little "you're such a pussy" smirk the entire time. Not my proudest moment.
There are times when one needs to be a man. But christ all mighty when something like that happens. I highly believe that even Steve McQueen would've screamed.
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post #35 of 49
10/31/08 at 5:22pm
I once discovered a big ass spider web behind my guitar amp, and as I was wonder when the hell it happened, this big fucking spider popped out of nowhere and scared the piss out of me. It was death by vacuum for that cocksucker.
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post #36 of 49
10/31/08 at 5:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubWilliams View Post
I once discovered a big ass spider web behind my guitar amp, and as I was wonder when the hell it happened, this big fucking spider popped out of nowhere and scared the piss out of me. It was death by vacuum for that cocksucker.
Oh, he's not dead. He's inside your vacuum cleaner. Waiting.
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post #37 of 49
10/31/08 at 5:44pm
Then I have failed.... All is lost.
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post #38 of 49
10/31/08 at 6:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JGButler View Post
One of my coworkers calmly carried the tissue outside and shook the little guy off into one of the hedges, giving me that little "you're such a pussy" smirk the entire time. Not my proudest moment.
Was it a female coworker? 'Cause that would be awesome.

I'm generally not squeamish around spiders, unless they're huge and fast. One slightly bigger than my palm infiltrated the house last summer; I had to keep my wife in the living room, because she would have freaked if she saw it. She wondered why I kept telling her to stay put but that everything was OK as I lobbed shoes and heavy books down the hall to kill it. Eventually it scurried into my computer room so I just ran in and stomped it to death; I really didn't want to be playing something scary late at night and find it crawling up my arm.
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post #39 of 49
10/31/08 at 7:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
Oh, he's not dead. He's inside your vacuum cleaner. Waiting.
Oh yeah, I'm real sure it's organizing an army of dust bunnies, hair clumps and frito scraps for that one day it'll make a killing stroke.
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post #40 of 49
10/31/08 at 8:40pm
To this day, I will never forget the night, during a massive rainstorm in Florida, a cockroach crawled across my face while i was in bed trying to sleep. I wanted to scrub my face with steel wool after that.
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post #41 of 49
10/31/08 at 8:41pm
I'm surprised you didn't down a bottle of Jack Daniels and smashed against a car hood after something like that.
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post #42 of 49
10/31/08 at 9:21pm
You people are pussies. Down here you can't get to the bathroom in the morning without fighting your way past at least one member of the animal kingdom that can kill you and everyone you ever knew. And I live right in the heart of the city! You don't really need firearms until you hit the first couple of blocks of the burbs, but man bbq nights down that way are awesome.
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post #43 of 49
10/31/08 at 9:25pm
Australia doesn't count, they're like a different breed of people down there. I mean look at Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.
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post #44 of 49
10/31/08 at 9:30pm
No; please don't.
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post #45 of 49
10/31/08 at 10:27pm
Nothing to do with bugs, but a Halloween freakout nonetheless: my wife manages a library in San Jose. She and the staff were doing their duties today when someone heard a thump from the lobby; they looked and found a body facedown in a pool of blood. They thought it was a mannequin for a prank, but no, an old guy had a stroke in the lobby, cracked his head open upon meeting the floor, and was lying unconscious in an expanding pool of headblood. EMTs said he's probably gonna die.

On a positive note, the staff loved the kitty litter cake I made last night. Tootsie roll poop!
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post #46 of 49
10/31/08 at 10:37pm
And nothing to do with Halloween, but a bug freakout nonetheless: I'm a slob, and when I lived alone I would sometimes neglect to drag my garbage can to the curb for pickup. It normally resided in my yard, just 10 feet from the sliding glass door I used for an entrance/exit (it was a ranch house divided into 2 apartments). Since the garbage would sit and fester, flies found the can a delightful spot to eat and fuck, and the nasty food scraps often sported clusters of fly eggs.

One night we had a hellacious thunderstorm, wicked rain and wind, and lots of lightning. It woke me at 2 am, so I smoked some pot and went to watch the storm through the sliding door. When the next lightning flash illuminated the yard I was horrified to discover hundreds of maggots crawling from the bottom of the flooded can and escaping into the yard, undulating across my deck, and about 50 or 60 proceeded to worm their way up my sliding glass door. I observed this horrific maggot invasion for a few minutes, then cautiously slip the door aside a few inches and collected 5 in a vial. I then sealed the vial to see how they matured; in a few days (even without food) they were enclosed in tiny cocoons, and a few days after that had emerged as tiny flies, which died after 2 days (starvation, presumably).
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post #47 of 49
10/31/08 at 10:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt OCallaghan View Post
No; please don't.
That man's a national treasure!
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post #48 of 49
11/1/08 at 6:33am
As I was leaving for work yesterday at about 2:30pm some little bug thing flew into my eye, after some blinking it stoped hurting so I figured I'd got it. 12:30 am I'm back hom and look in the mirror and the little tear duct thingie in the corner of my eye was white with pus, I sccop the pus out and in the center of the little blob is the dead bug from 10 hours ago, decomposing in my eye socket.
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post #49 of 49
11/1/08 at 10:46am
Quote:
Originally Posted by horrid View Post
As I was leaving for work yesterday at about 2:30pm some little bug thing flew into my eye, after some blinking it stoped hurting so I figured I'd got it. 12:30 am I'm back hom and look in the mirror and the little tear duct thingie in the corner of my eye was white with pus, I sccop the pus out and in the center of the little blob is the dead bug from 10 hours ago, decomposing in my eye socket.
Your body has absorbed its DNA.
Enjoy having your cock fall off, soon!
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