Be Thankful She's Not Your Mom

Holy shit, can he just kick her into a river and get it done with? These kids are never going to get laid at this rate.

The only sadder than that are the retards paying an astronomical price for lip-sync and dancing by a 50 years old washed-up cougar.

Or the polar opposite, drugged out with their lewd sexual exploits splattered over 4 continents.

My wife loves this woman more than me, but even she thinks this is retarded.

I do find these selections funny, though.

--Guy should not discuss the separation with them.
--The boys should not be introduced to any of Guys new friends, particularly any new female friends he has attracted since the separation.

And the best...

--At bedtime, Guy should read David the English Rose books Madonna wrote.

Hilarious.

And she should know better than to use disinfectant constantly like that, since it only helps in creating germs that are resistant to the disinfectant, and then it's useless!

She looks more and more like a man with every passing day. She's ripped to shreds these days.

She objects to the boys spending a lot of time with their own Grandparents? God. If I were Ritchie I would have them photographed eating Big Macs and watching Wall-E or something. She's crazy. And as HQ said, entirely too hard looking lately.

Wuh?

Damn. For someone who used to make "Express Yourself' her madate, these kids are going to be timid little basket cases by the time they hit puberty. She's like that one grandparent who had the furniture covered in plastic, and you weren't allowed to sit on it unless company came over.

AHHH! She 'borrowed' A-Rods steroids!

And what's that guy behind her doing?

Getting that last bit of frosting from the corner of his mouth.

Madonna frosting?

yeah, it's retarded, but i love your avatar

Well she's got more muscle mass than I do. Are you sure she doesn't have a penis? Perhaps a detachable penis? Deteachable penis.

She must be looking for it! Hope she found it.


Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.

I wonder if an Elmo doll is spiritually or ethically unsound, or a barbie doll,my mind is reeling with the possibilities.

Solid-Gold Inviso Rep for you sir!

I have to wonder what clothes she bought them for the trip. Matching sailor outfits with short pants if there's any justice in the world. And great big lollipops too.

A few of those rules aren't so bad:
*Vegetarian, organic diet with no processed foods.
There's no denying that this is healthy. I wish I had been raised this way!

*Natural fiber clothing only.
This is healthy, environmentally friendly, and not harming anyone, so why not?

*Make sure the kids aren't photographed.
Famous or not, I doubt most parents would ever be cool with strangers taking pictures of their kids.

*Wanting the boys to spend most of the time with their dad.
It doesn't say they can't see the grandparents, just that she doesn't want him to ditch the kids with his parents for the whole visit. And she could have a good reason for not wanting them to be too influential- for all we know, they could possibly be even crazier than she is!

Some of them make sense but she's taken it a bit far:
*No "spiritually or ethically unsound" toys.
Depending on her definition of "ethically unsound" this may be a pretty good rule, actually. If she just doesn't want her kids learning to be obsessed with guns and violence from a young age, then that is called good parenting. Somehow I get the feeling she might mean a lot more than that, though...

*Not discussing the separation.
Uh, they're going to have questions. Neither parent should say anything to vilify the other, but you can't just pretend nothing's happening.

*Not meeting Guy's new friends.
Okay, in her position I wouldn't want my kids watching their dad suck face with a new girlfriend, either. But there are going to be other people around at times. What's he supposed to do, keep the kids completely hidden? Cover them with blankets?


The rest of it is pretty crazy. Kabbalah water?!? LOL I bet he cheats on that one first! "Here kids, this is a special kind of water even better than Kabbalah water. It's called Filtered Tap Water."

And she totally does look like a man. Eew.

She could probably kick my ass... Scratch that she could.

I'm glad I got all that jacking off to her done during the Vogue tour.

Doesn't she have that body dysmorphia? Whatever it is called when you compulsively exercise and you feel your body can never be *perfect*?

A-rod does have a thing for burly women, that's for sure.

How old is that photo? This is what she looks like now: a reanimated corpse! From her Sticky and Sweet tour:

No, they're still pretty douchy. Mom or not, she's still another annoying vegan imposing her rules and lifestyle on others. And I seriously fucking doubt everything that Madonna does is environmentally friendly. Let's face it, all the new-agey things that Madonna's been into for over a decade are embraced by her because they're trendy. Anyone I know that's into Kaballah is usually a fucking douchebag that wishes to tell me all about it.

And the ones giving general parenting tips are far too reminiscent of Chris Rock's "I take care of my kids" routine.

I can't find the link, but Madonna also had Guy sign a marriage contract. One of the rules was that they schedule sex around gym classes and Kabbalah meetings. Also if they got in a fight, he wasn't allowed to yell at her.

Edit: I found this tidbit

I hope Guy sits the boys on the couch, hands them Cokes and some Flamin' Hot Cheetos, and puts Mulholland Drive in the DVD player before meeting his lady friend(s) in an adjacent room.

Yeah, my response would be feeding the kids pizza hut and mountain dew while they watched Pulp Fiction in polyester track suits. She should be happy I wasn't showing Truth Or Dare while dressing them up in leather and cones.

Introducing the newest GI Joe: MANCHICK

God, what a freak. No wonder David Fincher dumped her. She's too much of a perfectionist even for him.

So, to summarize, Guy Ritchie is a bitch, right?

I mean, I can't imagine any situation in which I sign/agree to anything like that.

Oh, he's worse than that. If Monica Belluci made him sign it, I'd sorta understand. But we're talking about someone who looks like a WWE middleweight contender.

You used to be so hot, Madge.

Guess who broke a rule?

Is that Vic Mackey in the background?

For shame.

Joe The Plumber.

Got to hand it to her, though...that's a fucking SWEEEET Les Paul she's got there onstage.

She get one of the roadies to play the gig for her, though?

Huh? We can all agree Madonna and her rules are pretty nuts but why is it douchy to feed your kids healthy food?

Don't people ALWAYS impose their rules and lifestyles on their children, regardless of what that lifestyle might be? I find it hard to believe that you consider her feeding her kids good real unprocessed food more douchy than some white trash mom who feeds her kids nothing but Mcdonalds and candy.

That son of a bitch really gets around.

There's nothing wrong with feeding kids healthy food, but I'm sure they also enjoy the occasional pack of Skittles or box of Juicy Juice. And when you're a kid, there's nothing fun about "macrobiotic, organic, unprocessed" food. As someone else said, Guy Ritchie is just a little bitch, and Madonna found a way to easily get her husband on the new-age parenting ideas bandwagon. It's like she's completely confident that she knows what's best for her kids and doesn't need a second opinion. Basically, she's a far more annoying version of Rick Moranis in PARENTHOOD.

There's nothing wrong with an occasional number 7 supersized...its overindulgence that kills. Madonna is fucking retarded. Parents' obsessive control of their kids and what they do/consume ends up backfiring anyway and they grow up worse off than if they'd been offered a little balance and choice.

True that. These are the kids that die from alcohol poisoning when they go away to College, or wind up pregnant or getting someone pregnant because they went wild once they were out of Mommies watchful glare.

Saying "no, the kids will stay with me and eat what I say they eat" is fine. Saying "they should eat a vegetarian diet all the time" is fine.

However, many of us find fault when these factors are not only combined, but made more extreme. Not only is it vegetarian, but 100.00% macrobiotic, 0.00% processed, etc. And then all the other rules. And then applying them all the time. And then specifically applying them to when other people are taking care of the kids. And not just any people, but their other parent. Eventually it adds up.

It's not as though the thread would be jumping on Madonna if she said "oh, by the way, Guy, here's what the boys are used to and here are some things I don't want them to do." (Even if the food rules were exactly the same.)

That looks like it was published in a UK tabloid, so I automatically doubt its authenticity. But if it's bona fide, Guy Ritchie should tell Madge to go fuck herself. Her control-freak tendencies shouldn't cancel out his right to co-parent the kids. And is the word balance not in her vocabulary?

On a personal level, I'd love arms that well-defined. But I also love processed food every once in a while, so there you go.

What if the arms were made of processed food?

Then I'd love arms that well-defined. Rare, with BBQ sauce.

Not allowed to watch dvds or tv?
Madonna is trying to protect her kids from seeing Swept Away.

Gotta love that first rule.

Madonna: Fighting Culture and Information, Because Mommy Says So.