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Left 4 Dead - The CHUD edition!

post #1 of 127
11/12/08 at 11:36am
Thread Starter 
So the zombie apocalypse just happened.
And you and 3 more people need to team up and make it through the city.

Which 3 chewers do you chose and why?

I'll go with

FrankCobretti - Military experience will come in handy, probably owns several weapons and can fly planes. Get my ass out of there!

Slater - Brilliant writer can probably use his imagination to get us of tight spots (McGyver style), also, i saw a picture of him with a Chainsaw. That's gotta help.

Jake - He might not be the fastest guy to get around, but he's a tank. He'll kick and punch every fucking zombie out there.



I'm dying to read yours!
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post #2 of 127
11/12/08 at 11:53am
Through the city? Which city? Bah. Too hard to chose, as I'd want one group specifically for getting out of the urban areas and another group for setting up an enclave in the rural area.

Hmmm, on second thought, I'd could probably use 2 of your pics for the same purposes above.

Jake - He might not be the fastest guy to get around, but he's a tank. He'll kick and punch every fucking zombie out there. Additionally, he's from East Texas and I'd imagine not afraid of a little sweat and hard work.

FrankCobretti - Military experience will come in handy, probably owns several weapons and can fly planes. Get my ass out of there! Miltary experience in sitting up a zombie-proof enclave? I hope so.

So hard to pick the third one. MissZooey for her encyclopedic knowledge? Plus she's a vegeterian. Coupled with my own not so meager farming skills, we could become self-sufficient.

Or do I go with someone already based in the Mid-West for their knowledge of the area? Gravedigger or Otis would fit perfectly. Wait, MissZooey is also Mid-West. Last one is definitely hard to pick.
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post #3 of 127
11/12/08 at 11:59am
Good calls Tati. Not to rehash I guess I have to settle for something different:

Alex - Guy knows his zombies and is a sure shot for fucking shit up left and right for good.

DaveB: The team needs somebody with embarassingly superior intellect as well. Think Dr. Egon Spengler. He could invent the ultimate zombie annihilator on the fly.

Paul McCartney: Because every team needs a wisecracking red shirt that is expendable. Writing 101.
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post #4 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:01pm
Thread Starter 
If i make a second team, Alex would be in it. He's experienced in the area, and carries a knife!
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post #5 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jan View Post
Paul McCartney: Because every team needs a wisecracking red shirt that is expendable. Writing 101.
Damn. Totally skipped on acknowledging an expendable pick. Would definitely have to revise my picks. This one would definitely be easier though.
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post #6 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:30pm
I see Jan refuses to choose me after tying him in with Tokio Hotel. Well you shall rue that day, sir!
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post #7 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:31pm
Hmmm...

Pick 1: duke fleed - He's the equivalent to "untouchable", even the zombies wouldn't want to eat him. Sure, it may get tedious, but give the guy a shotgun and some blades and watch the zombies shamble away in terror.

Pick 2: HarleyQuinn - fast, agile, always good for witty banter and on the chance we survive the apocalypse, somebody's gotta get the human race going again!

Pick 3: Alex - there is no other person you want in a zombie situation than Mr. Creature Corner himself.
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post #8 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
I see Jan refuses to choose me after tying him in with Tokio Hotel. Well you shall rue that day, sir!
Have you filled out application form No. 331/21 including appendix Z-21? Have you?

Unless you prove otherwise you are like to be only qualified as the red shirt.
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post #9 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:32pm
You could certainly envision the NJ/NY chewers banding together to form some kind of Zombie fighting force.
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post #10 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:35pm
I'd pick three Chewers that were heavier and more out of shape than I am.
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post #11 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
I'd pick three Chewers that were heavier and more out of shape than I am.
Well, you certainly have a lot to choose from! zing!
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post #12 of 127
11/12/08 at 12:38pm
He's got a point there.
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post #13 of 127
11/12/08 at 1:10pm
If Left 4 Dead teaches you anything it's that four guns are better than one. Sure, the zombies might eat your buddies quickly but once they're gone, it's only your fat ass and one weapon.
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post #14 of 127
11/12/08 at 1:36pm
Thread Starter 
I'm not seeing names being dropped
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post #15 of 127
11/12/08 at 1:38pm
Us Minnesotans would band together and go North. Zombies would freeze up there and we'd already be acclimated to the weather.
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post #16 of 127
11/12/08 at 1:49pm
ElCapitanAmerica: He's from South America where they know how to deal with some shit.

Devin: As the asshole who will berate all ideas until the zombie hordes come crashing down and then cowardly sneak off and get ambushed on his own only to be taken out as an asshole zombie by the team later on. (Think the Steve character from the Dawn of the Dead remake)

Kevin Matchstick: As the plucky comic relief guy.
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post #17 of 127
11/12/08 at 1:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snaieke View Post
ElCapitanAmerica: He's from South America where they know how to deal with some shit.
I see your retardation doesn't stop at politics.
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post #18 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
I see your retardation doesn't stop at politics.
If you don't see the humor in the post you must be a Zombie.. or Canadian. Oh.. wait.
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post #19 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:02pm
DaveB: Because I have to. And I want to. Though I don't know if heaps of brains are the way to go when being assailed by the undead.

Jake: Because he's my dear, feminist-minded hulk.

LD: Because he's 6'10". The zombies won't even be able to reach his brains.

alternate - Soul Ahn Ice: Because he's Asian. Based on the horror movies I've seen, Asians know lots about zombies.
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post #20 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:10pm
Jake, Jared Melton, Greg Clark.

I like to believe I can take 3 other Texans to our ranch in West Texas, and have an easy time living off the land. It's 20 miles from the closest town, has 6sq miles of fenced in property, and all the things you could need to survive an extended stay. Including, thanks to the guides, plenty of gun, ammo, movies, smut, and liquor.
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post #21 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:10pm
Alex - I mean, c'mon. If he's not on your list you're already doomed.

Spike Marshall - He's also freakishly tall, so he'll run distractions for the group.

LisaNY - Because she rules.
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post #22 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:13pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snaieke View Post
ElCapitanAmerica: He's from South America where they know how to deal with some shit.
Your theory is sound, but this is Cap we are talking about. He got scared at a frog... He'll die in a heartbeat in front of a zombie.
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post #23 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
You could certainly envision the NJ/NY chewers banding together to form some kind of Zombie fighting force.
Fuckin' A. Me, Iggy, Doc Happenin, and Alex... ZombieBustersTM for all your zombie bustin' needs. Locations on Route 9, Exit 7a off the NJ Turnpike, and in beautiful Hackensack.

Mention our name for our special 28 Days Later rate... "it's all the Rage!" TM
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post #24 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:16pm
Ugh...does this mean I have to go to Hackensack? I mean, it's better than Newark but...man...
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post #25 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:22pm
Ok, I'm going to take...

Joe LeFors - he's CHUD's best outdoorsman. We could survive for months off of twigs with him around.

Soul Ahn Ice - Asian and smart, also a good runner. Plus, we all know that, if things get bad, minorities always die first in these things.

Jonathan Banks in My Hero - He has a dog, which is like a 5th member of our crew.

Here's why some obvious choices were excluded:
Cobretti: He'd be in a plane and off to somewhere tropical before the rest of us even knew what happened. Useless to me.

Dave and Zooey: Zombies only attack urban hellscapes like Monroeville. Their placid, Wisconsin home would remain unaffected. Their collecetive brilliance would be spent on cool DIY sewing projects and innovative musical theory. Meanwhile, I would have zombie teeth lodged in my rear.
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post #26 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
Ugh...does this mean I have to go to Hackensack? I mean, it's better than Newark but...man...
Depends on if that's what you're assigned that day. I, personally, dread the Camden call myself. Might have to cut our losses on that one.
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post #27 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD View Post
Dave and Zooey: Zombies only attack urban hellscapes like Monroeville. Their placid, Wisconsin home would remain unaffected. Their collecetive brilliance would be spent on cool DIY sewing projects and innovative musical theory. Meanwhile, I would have zombie teeth lodged in my rear.
All part of their clever plan, I'm sure, to be the last humans on the planet, after all the zombies are wiped out. Just them and lots and lots of birds. That's it.
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post #28 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:28pm
Thread Starter 
A second team :

Alex Riviello : really, this is the dude you want at your side. He's seen every horror movie and knows every trick and cliche. Also, carries a knife for unknown reasons.

Trejo : Skinny ass white dude, will be eaten soon. But he's the team's wise cracking bait. At least he'll make me laugh while he's around.

Anderson : Cold blooded motherfucker. Will drop you in an instant if he needs to. He will only care about survival and won't be affected by emotions. Any of us gets bitten, he'll take care of it quick and won't jeopardize the team.
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post #29 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:31pm
Flanders was a zombie?
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post #30 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric Cordo View Post
Flanders was a zombie?
"To the Book Depository!"

As for a team. I'm a local kind of guy and seeing how Jake has been taken.

I call Tieman, Ratty and the man who holds the key to everything Moltisanti. That B-Movie knowledge has to pay off somehow.
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post #31 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:49pm
I had to give up my leatherman at the airport because like an idiot I wore it through security, so I'm currently weaponless and woefully unprepared for times when I have to, you know.... tighten a screw, or cut off a piece of cheese.

Thanks for the vote of confidence but don't forget, I live in NYC. Zombie apocalypse happens and I'm fucked.
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post #32 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:50pm
The power of Alex, Justin Clark and Diva. Oh shit!
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post #33 of 127
11/12/08 at 2:54pm
The NJ/NY chewers might be able to band together and put up a bit of a fight but it's a simple question of numbers. We ain't getting out alive.
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post #34 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:00pm
Hopefully the outbreak happens when I'm at the New York Comic Con. Apparently that's where the A-Team will be assembling.
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post #35 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:01pm
Just the excuse you need to say "I love it when a plan comes together." eh?

Also, will the Candians band together and form some kind of Alpha-Flight esque force?
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post #36 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Also, will the Candians band together and form some kind of Alpha-Flight esque force?
It'll all end in tears:

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post #37 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:11pm
I guess I'm in that group. I want to be the quiet member who steps up to kill tons of zombies.
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post #38 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
It'll all end in tears:
Well it is Canada after all. *shrug*
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post #39 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:42pm
I'm staying the fuck alone. You feel free to team up. Then the friction between your disparate personalities amplified by the stress of the apocalypse will cause you to turn on each other and your group will self-destruct in a deep allegory about the human nature. I'll be at home playing solitaire.
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post #40 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:43pm
Me: "Matchstick, we're surrounded by the undead and need to pick two more chewers to help us survive."

Matchstick: "Did you hear about the undead guy that works at the skating rink? He drives the zomboni."

Me: "Hahahahahahahaha!"

Meanwhile, the zombies break in and devour us while we're laughing.
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post #41 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:43pm
Thread Starter 
Hahahahaah i could totally picture that, Will.
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post #42 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello View Post
The NJ/NY chewers might be able to band together and put up a bit of a fight but it's a simple question of numbers. We ain't getting out alive.
What?!?



(Sorry about that, Alex, but I had to calm ya down there.)

None of this defeatest talk, Riviello. Time to man up, frag some zombie ass, and show these Chewers how we roll East Coast style, yo.
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post #43 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
I'm staying the fuck alone. You feel free to team up. Then the friction between your disparate personalities amplified by the stress of the apocalypse will cause you to turn on each other and your group will self-destruct in a deep allegory about the human nature. I'll be at home playing solitaire.
Don't you have some other Greek chewer around there? (Yes I'm aware Greece is a big country)
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post #44 of 127
11/12/08 at 3:49pm
The Looks - Obviously I have this covered.

The Brains - IggytheBorg, or Russ if he's already being eaten in Jersey.

The Muscle - Jake is an obvious contender, but by being so large, he is likely to 1) attract attention, and 2) fall behind when we have to book it. So I'm going with JuddL. Dude can be vicious, and he's local.

Wild Card - eenin. Not only is he batshit insane, but he is overflowing with biblical knowledge that, while useless to our survival, will allow for some eerie recitations that will sound nicely ominous in the trailers.

Honorable Mention/Useless Chick - Diva.

I know what you're thinking; in the middle of Chicago we're pretty much as boned as the NYers. But we only have to make a quick run of about a mile to Belmont Harbor from my place, grab a boat and head north. Of course, if they've all been taken we'll be beyond fucked, which is another reason Jake doesn't get to come.
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post #45 of 127
11/12/08 at 4:06pm
Watch yourself you've got Ripoll in your area. The man's a loose cannon I tell ya!
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post #46 of 127
11/12/08 at 4:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Don't you have some other Greek chewer around there? (Yes I'm aware Greece is a big country)
Man, you DO NOT want two Greeks together in the face of the Apocalypse. We'll either kill each other in half an hour or team-up and enslave the rest of the survivors. As I said, I'm staying alone until it all blows over.
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post #47 of 127
11/12/08 at 4:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
We'll either kill each other in half an hour or team-up and enslave the rest of the survivors.
(Insert Greek Diner sterotype here)
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post #48 of 127
11/12/08 at 4:15pm
Andre - He can dance us out of any situation.

Diva - She can run (although only for a distance of 2.5 miles).

JGButler - Looks like he can take care of himself which means he'd be the first to go because Zombies take out the strongest first.
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post #49 of 127
11/12/08 at 4:21pm
Fuck all y'all.
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post #50 of 127
11/12/08 at 4:24pm
Well Nunz. You do have your own Georgia crew to put together.

And see if we can fit Ted Levine into this.
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