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Worst. Cookbook. Ever.

post #1 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:14pm
Thread Starter 
Mother of God. I sincerely hope it's a joke. For the sake of mankind.





And here's a recipe:
Quote:
STRAWBERRY SPLASHARITA

1 cup frozen sliced strawberries
1/2 cup good quality tequila
1/4 cup triple sec
1 tbsp fresh SEMEN
2 cups crushed ice

Combine all ingredients except semen in a blender and blend until smooth. Pour into a sugar-rimmed glass.
Float the semen over the drink. It will coagulate as it cools and adds a splendid finishing touch to this popular drink.
This site has an interview with the author...

Seriously, I'm pretty sure it's a gag, but the comments at the bottom of the page are priceless.
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post #2 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:18pm
So...Martin...

What were you googling when you came across this site?
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post #3 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:19pm
Thread Starter 
Geekology. Yeah. Not really the thing I expected to see in my lunch hour...
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post #4 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:20pm
Sounds nicer than Poutine.
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post #5 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:26pm
Can't find the book at Amazon or Barnes & Noble, so definitely not a mainstream book. With that being said, confused on this being the worst cookbook ever.
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post #6 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:28pm
This will probably come in handy in the Waterworld world. Never take food from Kevin Costner.
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post #7 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:29pm
I saw someone mention this on Twitter a little while back and actually felt nauseous. Of course, some of the women that I follow didn't seem to find it so disgusting.

I was kind of intrigued by this for some weird reason.... I need help.
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post #8 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:30pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HBarr View Post
With that being said, confused on this being the worst cookbook ever.
Really? Do you want me to mime it for you?
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post #9 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by donde View Post
Of course, some of the women that I follow didn't seem to find it so disgusting.
You are blessed, sir.
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post #10 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:33pm
A tablespoon? Now how are you supposed to make sure it hits the spoon in the full amount....not that I've tried that sort of thing.
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post #11 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:36pm
Making a pitcher of that margarita is really a commitment, semen wise.
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post #12 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
Really? Do you want me to mime it for you?
Ehh, trying hard not to bring down the level of discussion but I have a feeling it's going to get pretty low in this thread.

Still, as swallowing seems to be the desired result in certain oral distractions, I hesitate to call this the worst cookbook ever (but that's just me).
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post #13 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
A tablespoon? Now how are you supposed to make sure it hits the spoon in the full amount....not that I've tried that sort of thing.
Not that I've tried (or have been tempted to try), but I think you would perhaps store it in a container? Then perhaps spoon it out?
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post #14 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by HBarr View Post
Not that I've tried (or have been tempted to try), but I think you would perhaps store it in a container? Then perhaps spoon it out?
Who else saw that Shield episode? Raise your hand. *Raises hand*
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post #15 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:46pm
Can we close this thread?

This could quickly devolve into a thread with pictures, links, and so forth to stuff that is VERY NSFW.
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post #16 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:46pm
I'd concur with that.
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post #17 of 61
11/26/08 at 3:55pm
No matter how you feel about the subject matter, I think we all have to agree that the description is the funniest thing ever written in the history of human communication, yes?
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post #18 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
No matter how you feel about the subject matter, I think we all have to agree that the description is the funniest thing ever written in the history of human communication, yes?
Well... that and the mental image of five or six underpaid kitchen workers at TGI Fridays furiously pounding themselves to keep up with the dinner rush.

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post #19 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lima Oscar Lima View Post
Well... that and the mental image of five or six underpaid kitchen workers at TGI Fridays furiously pounding themselves to keep up with the dinner rush.
"How's your new job?"

"The worse. And simultaneously, the best."
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post #20 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:18pm
The illustration accompanying the description is so wrong. So, so perfectly wrong.

Also, HBarr? "Spooning it out?" ::writhes in her seat::
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post #21 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:23pm
Shrugs. Well, if you're storing it what else would you use? I suppose you could use a baster to suck it out of the container.
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post #22 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:25pm
oh god stopstopstopstopstopstop...
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post #23 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:31pm
This book may have single-handedly (yeah I fuckin' said it) convinced me to uncancel Christmas this year.
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post #24 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:32pm
Sorry, can't resist. Tried, really.


You'd prefer it fresh?
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post #25 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:36pm


All for you if you close this thread now.
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post #26 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by HBarr View Post
Still, as swallowing seems to be the desired result in certain oral distractions, I hesitate to call this the worst cookbook ever (but that's just me).
Swallowing is an unbridled expression of communion, of a lack of inhibition, losing yourself in another person, etc etc blah blah. Collecting it and cooking with it is some Ed Gein/Dahmer shit. Enjoy, Wisconsinites!
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post #27 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:49pm
Kyle Reese in 'Terminator Salvation':
"Cum with me, if you want some pudding..."
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post #28 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:51pm
Also, semen doesn't coagulate as it cools. It boils like egg white under hot water, but as it cools it goes through a liquefaction process. So that "splasharita" probably tastes pretty horrid.
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post #29 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:52pm
You guys suck.
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post #30 of 61
11/26/08 at 4:56pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Also, semen doesn't coagulate as it cools. It boils like egg white under hot water, but as it cools it goes through a liquefaction process. So that "splasharita" probably tastes pretty horrid.
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT, Phil?
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post #31 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:00pm
Common knowledge? Something you might notice in the hot shower, perhaps?
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post #32 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:05pm
Well...

Henry Rollins talked about the boiling like egg white in one of his spoken word pieces. I later verified this first...hand.

About it getting runny/watery as it cools? I once dated a girl who was into getting it all over her. Something I noticed after the first couple dozen times.
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post #33 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:07pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Well...

Henry Rollins talked about the boiling like egg white in one of his spoken word pieces. I later verified this first...hand.

About it getting runny/watery as it cools? I once dated a girl who was into getting it all over her. Something I noticed after the first couple dozen times.
These explains it, but HBarr is one weird guy.
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post #34 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
These explains it, but HBarr is one weird guy.
Gay too.
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post #35 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mr_adam View Post
Sounds nicer than Poutine.
Quiet down, dude. Poutine should replace currency.
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post #36 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:18pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HBarr View Post
Gay too.
The fact that you love the cock has nothing to do with why I think you're a weird guy, trust me.

It's the spooning thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Fabulous View Post
Quiet down, dude. Poutine should replace currency.
Indeed. I just ignore people like that. He lives in BC... have a sushi.
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post #37 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:21pm
Lima and Misfit win the thread. Splasheritas for all!!!
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post #38 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:22pm
Martin, you'll need to introduce me to poutine when I come up to Montreal. It's essentially cheese curds covered in gravy, right?
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post #39 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
Lima and Misfit win the thread. Splasheritas for all!!!
Thanks to you all... especially Jebus, without whom everything is not impossible!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll pop off to the bathroom to start a batch of drinks.
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post #40 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:24pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
Martin, you'll need to introduce me to poutine when I come up to Montreal. It's essentially cheese curds covered in gravy, right?
Oh I will.

Fries, with cheese curds and gravy on top to make the cheese melt a bit. Best fastfood ever.

Now, fuck Splasherita and let's have some Almost White Russians!

Quote:

Almost White Russian

2 oz Vodka
1 oz Coffee liqueur
½ oz semen
cream or milk
ice cubes
Pour vodka, semen and coffee liqueur over ice
cubes and top up the glass with milk or cream
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post #41 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:26pm
I can feel my arteries clog now.
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post #42 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
It's the spooning thing.
Ehh, I was trying to use logic on something that is well, illogical. IF this was a real, practical ingredient, THEN it follows that you would a. store the ingredient and b. use a kitchen utensil while cooking with the ingredient. If using logic in that manner makes me weird, then I suppose I'm weird.

Trust me, this is absolutely the last ingredient I would use while cooking. Just don't think the subject matter makes it the worst cookbook ever.
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post #43 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
Now, fuck Splasherita and let's have some Almost White Russians!
:: pounding away furiously:: I'll have... a... double!
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post #44 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lima Oscar Lima View Post
:: pounding away furiously:: I'll have... a... double!
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post #45 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:38pm
:: throws in towel ::

I salute you, you magnificent bastard!
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post #46 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:38pm
Goddammit. The key words include both "semen" and "cooking with semen." This is the best thing that's ever happened.

EDIT: Holy shit, please go read the customer reviews.
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post #47 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
Goddammit. The key words include both "semen" and "cooking with semen." This is the best thing that's ever happened.
Almost as good as the day someone combined chocolate with peanut butter...

"Wow! I'll combine jizz... and a Margarita! It's win-win!"

EDIT: I just read the reviews, and I'm still wiping away tears.
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post #48 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:42pm
I wonder how some of my mangoo would look as a glaze for a blueberry donut. Y'know, April 1st ain't all that far away...
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post #49 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
I can feel my arteries clog now.
Are you sure that's not your 'ethra'?
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post #50 of 61
11/26/08 at 5:52pm
That was for the poutine, Graham.
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