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Your ideal sex partner

post #1 of 130
Thread Starter 
Sex is very important and everyone has their preferences. What are yours?

My ideal girl is a good kisser. I've come across (pun intended) so many girls who were terrible kissers...actually some were okay, but the ones who knew what they were doing...I was in heaven. I'm a pretty serious, heavy, spit swapping kisser that can go a long time. It's probably my favorite sexual like activity. And how good or bad they are at kissing is usually an indicator of their abilities in bed.

I like a girl who doesn't pout or give you a dirty look when you ask them to go down on you. And I'm not talking about when you're walking the dog or driving in the car...you're going at it and you strip...the next step is usually mouth to member, or mouth to kittie, because I'd gladly go down on her if she asks, no problem. I do my part. And I can't stress enough how hard it is to find a girl who can give good head. I've met maybe two or three who could do it right.

I like a girl who isn't too aggressive, but can match me rhythm wise and isn't afraid to try different positions. And above all, I hate dead fishes...girls who just lie there, don't move and don't moan. Like you're fucking a new corpse. Moaning is also a big thing...it can be the difference between a few drips when I come, and a fire hydrant like explosion. Girls who scream in a high pitched girly wail just drive me crazy (the good kind)...and girls who talk dirty during the deed are just super fucking cool. But they have to know what they're doing. Some girls do it but just sound like they're reading cue cards. I like it best when they're giving an oscar worthy performance.

As far as type, I've dated lots of different girls. I love a big ass. Big ass, small tits. Perfect. I like redheads, redheads with pale skin...not vampire like, but Pacific Northwest. I dig older women because they don't fuck around with it, the MILFs and COUGARS are pretty aggressive and they don't expect much. Young girls tend to bore me. Not only do they usually have nothing interesting to talk about, but they're usually terrible kissers and bad lays. Just don't have the experience. I'm sure there are exceptions, but...
post #2 of 130
I'm not saying Ambler is fabfunk; I'm just saying why bother worrying about the differences.
post #3 of 130
Uh...I'd like to meet an attractive redhead. That's it. I'm keeping it as modest as possible.
post #4 of 130
Always had a preference for Brunettes. Decent tits, great ass. Preferably Italian.

No surprise that in three of my longest lasting relationships, the girls fit this description. I can put up with a lot of shit if you look good.

Edit: Can't take Gingers.
post #5 of 130
"Any girl who shows me the slightest bit of attention"
post #6 of 130
Lord.
post #7 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by devincf View Post
Lord.
Depends on which one.
post #8 of 130
At this point, I'll go with: any girl who is even remotely sane. The last three girls who have showed an interest of me have been varying degrees of batshit insane. The first of the three had "fuck the world" self-tattooed into her calf, daddy issues, and suffered from depression with suicidal ideation. The second one turned out to also be suicidal, had actually fucking scalded her boyfriend at the time, and also had severe daddy issues. The third one was a bisexual Wiccan with eating disorder issues and thought everyone secretly thought she was a complete fucking moron. Seriously, I'm willing to make significant tradeoffs in the looks and even intelligence departments if it'll buy me a chick who probably won't try to kill me in my sleep.
post #9 of 130
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey View Post
I'm not saying Ambler is fabfunk; I'm just saying why bother worrying about the differences.
I haven't been around long enough or paid enough to attention to know what the deal is/was with this fabfunk. Can someone explain?

And educate on why posting shit about sex in the sex forum is seen as bizzare? Am I missing something?
post #10 of 130
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
At this point, I'll go with: any girl who is even remotely sane. The last three girls who have showed an interest of me have been varying degrees of batshit insane. The first of the three had "fuck the world" self-tattooed into her calf, daddy issues, and suffered from depression with suicidal ideation. The second one turned out to also be suicidal, had actually fucking scalded her boyfriend at the time, and also had severe daddy issues. The third one was a bisexual Wiccan with eating disorder issues and thought everyone secretly thought she was a complete fucking moron. Seriously, I'm willing to make significant tradeoffs in the looks and even intelligence departments if it'll buy me a chick who probably won't try to kill me in my sleep.
Damn. I thought the rule was not to stay in Vegas more than three days?
post #11 of 130
The Internet.
post #12 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambler View Post
Damn. I thought the rule was not to stay in Vegas more than three days?
Oh, I was only in Vegas for September, October, and November 1-4. I just haven't updated my profile since Election Day. All three girls were Californian girls.
post #13 of 130
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
Oh, I was only in Vegas for September, October, and November 1-4. I just haven't updated my profile since Election Day. All three girls were Californian girls.
What part of California?
post #14 of 130
This thread seems oddly out of character.
post #15 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambler View Post
What part of California?
The first two were from Orange, CA and LA, respectively, and were UC Berkeley students. The other girl I met on the campaign and she was originally from LA.
post #16 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
At this point, I'll go with: any girl who is even remotely sane. The last three girls who have showed an interest of me have been varying degrees of batshit insane. The first of the three had "fuck the world" self-tattooed into her calf, daddy issues, and suffered from depression with suicidal ideation.
I had one of these. She claimed that her Dad molested her as a child and that's why she has all these problems. The girl would cut herself than call me to get attention and make me feel bad. I caught onto this after a week or so and dumped that crazy bitch.

Turned out the whole Dad molestation thing wasn't true at all, big surprise. She's off somewhere in Alabama now with some alcoholic and a baby. Glad she turned out OK.
post #17 of 130
Did you use your grandmother's computer to type that CYNICAL BADASS HORNDOG post?
post #18 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul McCartney View Post
Did you use your grandmother's computer to type that CYNICAL BADASS HORNDOG post?
I have my own. Have you had sex yet, you poorly dressed wannabe preppy mother fucker?

I went to Rutgers. A post can get laid there.
post #19 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul McCartney View Post
Did you use your grandmother's computer to type that CYNICAL BADASS HORNDOG post?
Goddamit, I was literally going to make a sarcastic version of this very post.
post #20 of 130
My comment was gonna be on who the baby's real father was!

I'm a bad person.
post #21 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by InTheShadows View Post
Have you had sex yet, you poorly dressed wannabe preppy mother fucker?
*Rides motorcycle off into sunset*
post #22 of 130
I'll even give Paul a fair shot...



I'm smiling for you, Paul.
post #23 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bees?! View Post
My comment was gonna be on who the baby's real father was!

I'm a bad person.
Pssh, I'm not taking a paternity test on that shit.

Edit: Not the best picture, but hey, I'm not fat.
post #24 of 130
I'm starting to understand where all this impotent rage comes from.
post #25 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Marshall View Post
I'm starting to understand where all this impotent rage comes from.
I've seen your picture, buddy.

But hey, this is CHUD. I'm not trying to appear sexually attractive to any of you. So bash away.
post #26 of 130
Between you and a post at Rutgers, I'll take the post!
post #27 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by InTheShadows View Post
I've seen your picture, buddy.
I'm hardly the most photogenic motherfucker in the world, but at least I don't look rapey...and surprisingly middle aged.
post #28 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Marshall View Post
I'm hardly the most photogenic motherfucker in the world, but at least I don't look rapey...and surprisingly middle aged.
Hahahahahaa Spike you are the first person to ever say that to me! I get ID'd when I buy beer.

If I looked middle aged, I'd have an easier time getting women.

Edited because that last sentence didn't make any fucking sense whatsoever.
post #29 of 130
Ambler has created something special here.
post #30 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bees?! View Post
Ambler has created something special here.
Yes. Yes he has.
post #31 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hans Gruber's EYE CONDITION! View Post
Between you and a post at Rutgers, I'll take the post!
Well, if you were gay I would take your opinion a little more seriously.

Are you gay?

Just make sure you don't hump that post in the winter, k?

And where the FUCK did hit and run pussy Paul McCartney go? Bring it, mother fucker!
post #32 of 130
His work is done.
post #33 of 130
I suppose. Eh...

Just hope he's not off jerkin' it to those Roger Moore photos again. You'll hurt yourself!
post #34 of 130
lol what a trainwreck.
InTheShadows, PM me your address so I can send you a truck full of CIGS!
post #35 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by wadew1 View Post
lol what a trainwreck.
InTheShadows, PM me your address so I can send you a truck full of CIGS!
Hahahaha...and I thought I was doing so much better today, too. Just not the first time McCartney has pulled that kind of shit, so I decided to call him out on it, and give him a fair shot since I made fun of his looks. Too bad he won't stand up for himself.
post #36 of 130
Yeah that guys a real faggot definitely agreed
post #37 of 130
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
The first two were from Orange, CA and LA, respectively, and were UC Berkeley students. The other girl I met on the campaign and she was originally from LA.
I've dealt with a few psycho girls myself, all from Cali, but I never dated any of them. We were friends or I knew them through work or something. You can usually tell something's off after hanging with them for a few hours.
post #38 of 130
Started lame, now going places.
post #39 of 130
My dad.
post #40 of 130
Ellen Page.

All the fun of pedophilia. None of the guilt. Or jail.
post #41 of 130
Ginger Lynn in her early 20s.


I COULD post better (action) shots, but I think that you get the idea.
post #42 of 130
I want to hear more about this post. Pics plz.
post #43 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
Ellen Page.

All the fun of pedophilia. None of the guilt. Or jail.
I hope to God you are completely unaware of Hard Candy. If you aren't, that's... disturbing. Most disturbing.
post #44 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
Ellen Page.

All the fun of pedophilia. None of the guilt. Or jail.
touche! but right now it's my wife.

red heads are crazy...i used to have a thing for them until i dated a few.

also, stay away from art school girls...they are fun but fucked in the head.
post #45 of 130
For some reason, this thread is just odd to me.

What is your ideal sexual partner? Hmmm....gee, one that's into everything I'm into and likes everything the way I like it!

Isn't that pretty much everyone's answer? It's not like we really need someone to go into detail and tell us as much about their own sexual habits as they do their ideal sex kitty.

"I want a girl who doesn't whine or give a look when I want to put it up her butt" Ah, well obviously you're into sodomy! Congrats! Welcome!

"I kinda want to fuck Ellen Page's ass AND hear her whine about it. What does that say about me, Jim?"
post #46 of 130
For some reason? It's odd because it's the kind of shitty thread this board has been free from for a couple of months.
post #47 of 130
Well, it is the sex forum, and outside of explaining to Patrick how to undress a woman I don't think this page has ever been productive.

As for the title question: someone who knows how to give a good blowjob. I cannot count the number of times I've had to beg them to stop using their teeth.
post #48 of 130
My ideal sex partner? Thought you would never ask!

post #49 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
I hope to God you are completely unaware of Hard Candy. If you aren't, that's... disturbing. Most disturbing.
OMG Patrick Wilson is a chewer!
post #50 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
As for the title question: someone who knows how to give a good blowjob. I cannot count the number of times I've had to beg them to stop using their teeth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hm7pp_JFOs
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