The Chewer Glossary

Grendel is, no kidding, one of the funniest dudes I've ever met. And I only met him once. But I know he has some serious health problems, and young kids, and wish him all the best (if he still ever reads the boards). You are missed, Grendel.

To add to Nick's list of Chewers who need definitions/back stories:

Jabba
Cooperlocke
Wetbones
CountessAnna
MattCaroll

Will
Kronos
Django

And who can forget Dan Whitehead?

Who was John Shade?

Stop listing and start defining. I want to know what these mofos represent.

Butane - CC guru and all round rock star
Creech - Mrs Butane and rather a rather nifty slice of horror kook and rarified wit in her own right
Rotten - CC right hand man and all round tall person with a killer contacts book and rather discerning tastes
CTDelude - weird guy with yello fever, as I recall


...and...

HBAADU - mystery purveyor of all things ecclectic and intriguing and intelligent and sometimes unnerving in world cinema. Stands for 'Her Breasts Are All Dried Up', since you asked.

I remember Countess Anna's unhealthy obsession with Dracula from Van Helsing.

Copperlocke - Unstable, possibly criminally insane, disabled woman who would flame everybody in the political threads. I believe she once shared her "drooping treasures" in the Chud Boobies thread. Occasionally makes appearances as Witchesbrew and others.

Currently found in her trailer, on her couch unable to reach the remote to her tv because it has fallen beyond the reach of her manual extendo-claw.


Favorite insult: "You libs"

Jabba - Unstable, batshit insane.

Honestly, read a few of his infamous threads:

http://chud.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61572

http://chud.com/forum/showthread.php?t=55051

I seem to recall some weird Alien/religion thread he had going as well. Wasn't he anti-French too? So many bizarre threads.

prala is just for jk - long lost female Chewer. lover of games (console, pc), Hello Kitty and Buffy. We miss prala.

Edited to add: When she got excited and squeeeed, she also peed.

'Twilightvampire'

Does 'olivemarie' count as a 'Chewer'?

"Chewer", no. "Chewed", as in she looks like a walrus attacked her and took his time getting down to the gristle, yes.

Giant Baba.
Wrestling freak, wannabe "Asian movie" expert (illusion acquired because he apparently lived in China... Author of an impressive meltdown. Never quite like Alex Ravioli. And fast zombies.

And swedish miyagi.
He's just the definition of an unfunny asshole who somehow thinks he's smarter than he really is. Self-proclaimed hand-to-hand fighting expert, knowing stuff like Krav Maga and MMA. Most likely watches MMA and got his ass kicked by a Jew.

Who can ever forget XXXXTOXIK-SHOKXXXX.

He will be forever missed.

Truth. You've all been here longer than me, but I've done my homework.

fabfu--

...no. That's not a glossary entry. That's a NOVEL.

In that case I'll wait for the Blu Ray release of "Goodbye.....and HELLO!"

Dave Davis One of the coolest and funniest dudes to ever grace these boards.

Shelby Fun gal who was always positive. She's now an old married woman.

LisaNY Without a doubt Lisa is on my top 5 chewers of all time list. Wish she would come back.

Marthyms - would always start threads about what a shame and tragedy it was that a porn actress died... about 3 or 4 years after the fact.

ETA: I miss LisaNY, too.

These too. Speaking of Dave Davis, that New York Minute review.

3rd missing LisaNY. I talked to her a couple months ago on the ol' myspace, she seems to be fine, just said she was taking a break from the internet for a while due to a really busy schedule. Speaking of missed Chewers, I miss Micah.

4th-ing the love for LisaNY.

No kidding. I'd love to even hear his Ben Steinesque voice again on an upcoming podcast.

I'll 3rd Shelby and 5th Lisa and stop now before it gets silly.

I forget his full name, but omega-something was a legend with his photo comics.

Omega 2 with his power of mega montage.

Truly inspiring.

Mmm. I want to say that someone saved them and archived them. Seriously. If you did, please step forward and please the masses.

Kronos - Uptight Californian. Blames Mexicans for his troubles. Last seen bricking up the door of his compound.

percolator_6 - faked his own suicide
Rathbandu - went batshit crazy on the boards and attributed it to his brother hacking his account, then came clean. Then proceeded to go batshit crazy every year or so since.

I really want to say Werbal_Kint but I'm afraid he's still here, changed to his actual name or something, and now I just look like an oblivious schmuck.

Still, loved his little comics.

I didn't know about that. All I remember is his great United 93 joke with "2 soooon!"

Hi, how you doing?

Uncle Cthulu/Isildur's Bangs - Huge LOTR fanboy who is incapable of understanding he isn't as smart as he thinks he is nor as insightful.

Kirby (Innocent X) and khitcher should probably be on the list, too. Those guys are great.

That was early in my time here, and I was baffled how someone could have been so obsessed with Richard fucking Roxburgh of all people.

Miss me some Dave Davis and Micah Robinson.

Duke Fleed. An enigma who inspires many "is he a real person" discussions. Has contradictory tastes from most other Chewers. Really, really likes G.I. Joe. May be messing with all of us.

bigdog- the biggest Warner Bros. shill on any board ever. It was like a marketing intern with Downs syndrome. There have been many like him, but none equal his whorishness.

So upset someone beat me to this one. "Crisis on Infinite CHUD Boards" is just chock full of in joke hilarity. It was a thing of beauty. I begged to be in the sequel. BEGGGED.

KungFuCornelius, I am not messing with you or other chewers...I am a huge...G.I. Joe fan. I also like to joke around alot...but anything I like, I get very excited about.

FrankCobretti: Mr. Reality Check. His specialized knowledge of stuff we think of as just happening in the movies is always a treat.

Shelby also had her husband write "I LOVE CHUD" on her chest and take a picture and posted it. Ah, the good old days. This is back when a bunch of Chewers had webcams up and going and it was a weird curious thing looking in on people until I got mooned by Devin and with my innocense lost I curled up in bed and cried.

The percolator_6 fake suicide should not be glossed over. That was one of the greatest weird message board happenings ever. It was so suspicious from the very beginning, but still there were those offering condolences until the thread was just beat to death as some of the regulars got him to admit the truth. Such a weird cry for attention, and it was the first time I remember somebody faking their own death like that even though it seems a bit more common now.

Michael Bay should also be brought up on his own. No poster had a higher laugh/post ratio.

Pizza Kid lasted a lot longer as a "We know he's a current poster playing a bit, but who is it?" than usual.

I also didn't see anybody mention Don Wiskerando/Dan Laugharn but I miss that funny bastard.

He writes for JoBlo.com now.

The whole Don Murphy saga was, I'm sure, by no means productive for the site, but damned if it didn't provide some interesting drama between Chud and a prominent (?) hollywood producer.

Would it be wrong of myself to self-nominate? Someone? I honestly cant remember much of the crazy shit I did on here in the past, I know some of you do though.

People who I remember vividly from when I first joined the boards and still love for better or worse to this day:

Nick - Goes without saying; Thank's for creating this playground
Uncle Mitch - he's a dirty old man
Smilin' Jack Ruby - unbelievable knowledge of films
Micah - love him and his giant cock
Dave Davis - love him and his giant tongue
Butane - huge flirt, knows all things horror, cool guy to drink beers with
Creech - "Timmy!"; that photo of her in the red, lacy bra is still the hottest thing ever posted on the boards
Shelby - Queen of the sex forum
kittyinjammies - My favorite ex-prostitute
lowshot - just the nicest guy ever
Adam McAllister - hottest Chewer ever!
Blofeld - my favorite Bond apologist
Carl Cunningham - my favorite Star Wars apologist
Coyote - my favorite amnesiac
Kirby (Innocent X) - his poop thread will live in infamy; huge Mischa Barton fan before it became popular to be one
prala - SQUEEEE
Kronos - bought me an awesome watch for the very first Holiday Exchange
DJEvil - Is so not evil
Django - Swedish Kroner
flyarz - we share a love all things Jim Carrey and we joined at the exact same time, so I feel like we're connected in a way.*
Jacob Singer - my favorite crotchety old man
DJ Dylan - Heart

I know there's more that I'm forgetting.

*Edit: I looked it up, and we joined several days a part but one after another. Weird what the mind latches on to.

Edit 2: I was digging around the CHUD archives and found THIS THREAD. Considering I was planning on traveling across the country to visit these peeps, anyone who posted in here gets a shout out from me.