Maury/Wilkos

I almost wish Maury wasn't real. The life of a child is made trivial and yet I cannot look away. Especially when the lying party is exposed, it reminds me of Dave Chappellle on OJ's acquittal.

I've fallen into a Maury addiction when I haven't got lectures. The paternity ones are clearly the best, "9th Man Tested...Will We Find The Father?"

And you've always got the guy protesting his innocence while the camera zooms in and out intercut with shots of him shaking his head.

Though one I saw recently was a bit much. It was one of those "My Teen Is Sex-Crazed And Out Of Control" ones, and this 15yr old girl was accused of performing oral on a lad on the school bus. Another girl told her mum, that mum told the girl in question's mum etc.

So the build-up was the usual: tearful mum, shocked audience, footage of girl saying she's innocent. She came out, the audience did their usual booing, and she just burst into tears. Utterly distraught. Turns out she hadn't done anything, which caused the audience to quickly change their minds and applaud her.

Worst Maury episodes: "Is It A Man Or A Woman?". Worst BY FAR.

Edit: I forgot to mention my very favourite bit!

The lie detector results crack me up every time. It's never just a simple yes or no result.

"You were asked if you've ever had sex with an older man. You said no. The lie detector test determined that was a lie, you've slept with a 25 year old"

Mighty fine machine you got there! Then they have the lie detector guy in the audience and he says the reading was "very high"!

My IQ drops a few points every time I walk into one of the cafes in our building and either one of these shows are on.

I cosign the bit about the lie detector. "The lie detector determined that was a lie, you cheated seven different times."

Steve is something else mainly because he doesnt let anyone finish a sentence. And he throws a lot of chairs. "Stand up!"

Audience: "Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee!"

My favorite episodes involve the obese babies. The parents are always adamant that they aren't horribly abusing the children by giving them a bucket of chicken for breakfast.

Always reinforces my theory that the only people in the country who should be allowed to reproduce are me and those I personally approve of.

My favorite thing about Maury is tracking the sympathy of the audience in the paternity shows. And the best moment is in a "you are NOT the father" segment. Watching the audience--always in the mom's corner at the accusation stage--turn on the mother in the instant the word "not" is spoken is great television. Apparently all memory of their prior sympathy is erased by that one word.

A great Drinking game for Wilko is to take a shot everytime he says "your a monster"