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"If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it" - seriously WTF?

post #1 of 78
1/6/09 at 1:47am
Thread Starter 
Seriously, this song's everywhere right now down here in Oz (it may already be old news stateside) and I really don't know how women with half a brain can put up with shit like this personally. What does this line mean exactly? Does it mean what I think it means? That the only way a single woman can define herself with a man is for him to marry her? Have we come so far in the story of women as independant, individual (wonderful) beings only to see a song that has it's message as seemingly all a single woman apparently wants is to settle down and get married? What the fucks next? "If you put a ring on it, I'll make you breakfast until the end" or some such fuckin nonsense?!?

Not since the Retardcat Dolls "When I grow up" has a songs message about what women supposedly want irritated me more. Is this what the women who burned their fucking bras were fighting for?

Am I the only person fucked off by this?
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post #2 of 78
1/6/09 at 1:54am
Not just you, Dog. It's kinda shithouse. That said, I'm of a more phallocentric way of thinking and believe that Beyonce's 'If I Were a Boy' is infinitely more hateful. Call me a whiny guy but I loathe the mindset that believes the male gender is incapable of - and here's a term I simply adore - 'emotional intelligence'.

But, hey, I'm just a boy and I don't understand.

Speaking as a boy, however, I will say that Beyonce's thighs in the 'Single Ladies' video are awe-inspiring.
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post #3 of 78
1/6/09 at 1:58am
The message isn't great, but the song is fucking awesome.
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post #4 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:02am
I'm more concerned with her dependence on the titanium glove. That would be like trying to put a ring on the Crimson Dynamo.
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post #5 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderson View Post
I'm more concerned with her dependence on the titanium glove. That would be like trying to put a ring on the Crimson Dynamo.
Or Klytus.
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post #6 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by tommy five-tone View Post
Or Klytus.
Klytus don't like pussy.
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post #7 of 78
1/6/09 at 12:02pm
The song itself is the best single of 2008. I don't think the lyrics are that atrocious (for a pop tune, at least). If you read all of the lyrics, Beyonce might be hinting at a prolonged relationship that went sour because of the guy's incapability of keeping his dick in his pants. "Ring" doesn't have to be just about marriage. There are promise rings, too.

Hey, just playing Devil's Advocate.
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post #8 of 78
1/6/09 at 12:16pm
Seems more like she's saying that if a guy is with a woman for a long time and won't commit long-term, then don't be surprised when she moves on.
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post #9 of 78
1/6/09 at 12:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray Abed View Post
The song itself is the best single of 2008. I don't think the lyrics are that atrocious (for a pop tune, at least). If you read all of the lyrics, Beyonce might be hinting at a prolonged relationship that went sour because of the guy's incapability of keeping his dick in his pants. "Ring" doesn't have to be just about marriage. There are promise rings, too.

Hey, just playing Devil's Advocate.
I have mixed feelings about the song (I think it's got insanely catchy parts that are stitched together haphazardly without any regard for structure), but I agree that the lyric is a lot more about commitment than it is about keeping women in the kitchen or something.

Aside from the fact that in Western culture we assume that men propose to women, this could, with a few pronoun changes, be sung from the POV of anyone who happens to be in a relationship with someone who won't commit. In fact, it's very much in favor of asserting one's independence if you read the lyrics in the verse:

Quote:
Up in the club, we just broke up, I'm doing my own little thing;
You decided to dip, but now you wanna trip, 'cause another brotha noticed me...
I'm up on him, he up on me, "Don't pay him any attention..."
'Cause I cried my tears straight for three good years; you can't be mad at me...
It's a kiss-off song, not "Stand By Your Man."
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post #10 of 78
1/6/09 at 12:23pm
It's a huge hit over here. And the SNL video gets play around here. Big deal.
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post #11 of 78
1/6/09 at 12:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderson View Post
I'm more concerned with her dependence on the titanium glove.
I thought that was a bionic arm.
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post #12 of 78
1/6/09 at 12:41pm
Beyonce's telling her ex not to get pissed that she's moved on.

The best thing about the video is all the copy cats. Beyonce had to shoot the video in 3 segments because she couldn't do it all at once. But there are literally dozens of you tubes of amateurs doing this in one take, from 3 year olds to big fatties. So funny.


Also, that "If I were a boy" song is way more offensive than this. I don't blame Beyonce for writing it because she didn't (she stole it from an up and coming artist). But the fact that girls all over the world are clinging to this like its their anthem makes me sick.
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post #13 of 78
1/6/09 at 1:14pm
Wow, a swing and a miss, Rain Dog.
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post #14 of 78
1/6/09 at 1:42pm
So, Rain Dog, how do you feel about your mother?
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post #15 of 78
1/6/09 at 1:45pm
Retardcat Dolls?
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post #16 of 78
1/6/09 at 1:46pm
Beyonce would make one hell of a shemale, tell ya that.
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post #17 of 78
1/6/09 at 1:50pm
"It's Raining Men" - What is this all about? Men are far too massive to evaporate, condense, and return to earth as precipitation. And that's not even getting into the massive tissue damage and resulting cleanup effort a so-called "rain of men" would require. I'm worried about the physics message this teaches our children.
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post #18 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
"It's Raining Men" - What is this all about? Men are far too massive to evaporate, condense, and return to earth as precipitation. And that's not even getting into the massive tissue damage and resulting cleanup effort a so-called "rain of men" would require. I'm worried about the physics message this teaches our children.
And why "hallelujah?" Why should anyone be happy about this meteorological anomaly?
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post #19 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
And why "hallelujah?" Why should anyone be happy about this meteorological anomaly?
Well. I can think of a few people who might enjoy a rainstorm of men. Provided, of course, that said men weren't injured in the course of returning to the earth as condensation.
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post #20 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:18pm
Now it's just getting mean in here.

Don't stop. Please, please don't stop.
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post #21 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:41pm
A single man falling from even a small height -- say six to ten feet -- could possibly do severe physical damage to any woman reveling in the experience. Multiple men falling from a far greater height onto what would seem to be a large group of women waiting in anticipation would no doubt result in significant casualties.

"Soaking wet" indeed. In blood and entrails.
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post #22 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:44pm
Shoot 'em Up had a pretty great rain of men at one point.
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post #23 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
A single man falling from even a small height -- say six to ten feet -- could possibly do severe physical damage to any woman reveling in the experience. Multiple men falling from a far greater height onto what would seem to be a large group of women waiting in anticipation would no doubt result in significant casualties.
In all fairness to HBarr, gay men and other revellers would be just as vulnerable as aforementioned women during The Event.

Necrophiliacs of all stripes, however, might find reason to rejoice.
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post #24 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
In all fairness to HBarr, gay men and other revellers would be just as vulnerable as aforementioned women during The Event.
Dare we call it ... a happening?
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post #25 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
A single man falling from even a small height -- say six to ten feet -- could possibly do severe physical damage to any woman reveling in the experience. Multiple men falling from a far greater height onto what would seem to be a large group of women waiting in anticipation would no doubt result in significant casualties.
It's all in the semantics. A large group of women may suffer possibly fatal injuries, yes. But a group of large women would probably welcome the paralyzed attention of their gravity-stricken paramours.
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post #26 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
gravity-stricken paramours.
And there's my band name.
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post #27 of 78
1/6/09 at 2:58pm
Mine's going to be Reigning Men.
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post #28 of 78
1/6/09 at 3:04pm
This still doesn't answer my original question. Why do you need a ring, if you have a Titanium Glove. If a man cheats on you, you could crush his scrotum with your metal-clad fist.
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post #29 of 78
1/6/09 at 3:05pm
What if the men are hidden within the rain drops? Causing the rain to become chubby.
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post #30 of 78
1/6/09 at 3:10pm
Only if the man is Harry Knowles.

I don't feel good about that joke.
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post #31 of 78
1/6/09 at 3:24pm
I love the music section of CHUD.
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post #32 of 78
1/6/09 at 3:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderson View Post
This still doesn't answer my original question. Why do you need a ring, if you have a Titanium Glove. If a man cheats on you, you could crush his scrotum with your metal-clad fist.
I prefer THIS method.
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post #33 of 78
1/6/09 at 3:52pm
I for one would like to thank Rain Dog for boldly standing up for the ladies! A gentleman AND a scholar!

A song which suggests that women sometimes seek out and enjoy marriage was simply too shocking and arcane!

Also, it's sooooo obvious that Rain Dog wants a lady to read that post and then have sex with him!
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post #34 of 78
1/6/09 at 6:50pm
Thread Starter 
...or maybe it has more to do with me having been in a blissfully happy defacto relationship for 8 years next month and being fucked off with the notion some people have that the only way to legitimise commitment is with a formalised marraige...

...but thats far too boring considering the slice-of-fried-gold turn this thread has taken.

God I love this place.
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post #35 of 78
1/6/09 at 7:38pm
I like this song. I secretly hope Beyonce's Gauntlet is magical ala Devil May Cry 4.
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post #36 of 78
1/6/09 at 9:02pm
I suppose the male version would go something like:

"If you like it, then you shoulda put your lips round it."

Something to that effect.
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post #37 of 78
1/6/09 at 9:53pm
Someone already has.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr-cQ5mPXj8
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post #38 of 78
1/7/09 at 1:04pm
thank you ever so much for that, D-Ma.

And regarding the aforementioned Beyonce lyrics, I feel as if we have another decade or so of the ladies standing their ground lyrically before we even *begin* to atone for the lyrical cave man that was "Two out of Three Ain't Bad".
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post #39 of 78
1/7/09 at 3:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledork View Post
thank you ever so much for that, D-Ma.

And regarding the aforementioned Beyonce lyrics, I feel as if we have another decade or so of the ladies standing their ground lyrically before we even *begin* to atone for the lyrical cave man that was "Two out of Three Ain't Bad".
Are you bad mouthing Mr. Steinman and Mr. Loaf? Cuz that don't fly. It's such an unironic "why don't we just fuck because this is as good as it gets" song that it's brilliant.

Quote:
You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach
You'll never drill for oil on a city street
I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks
But there ain't no coupe de ville hiding at the bottom of a cracker jack box
Besides Bonnie Tyler did a version. It works both ways.
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post #40 of 78
1/7/09 at 3:54pm
Besides, "For Crying Out Loud" drags much more knuckle than "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad".
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post #41 of 78
1/7/09 at 4:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
Besides, "For Crying Out Loud" drags much more knuckle than "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad".
How so? Reading the lyrics, it comes across as more of a bombastic song of devotion than anything else. What am I missing?
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post #42 of 78
1/7/09 at 4:41pm
The "And can't you see my faded Levis bursting apart" always cast the whole song in a "Yes baby, I love you, can we stop talking and have sex now?" kind of light. Like an extended version of the "Praying for the End of Time" segment of "Paradise by the Dashboard Light".
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post #43 of 78
1/7/09 at 4:45pm
Ah. Never read it like that. I always took it, and the images of sinking deeper and deeper into chilly California sand, as silly images of desperation. But your interpretation fits better with the rest of the album.
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post #44 of 78
1/7/09 at 5:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
The "And can't you see my faded Levis bursting apart" always cast the whole song in a "Yes baby, I love you, can we stop talking and have sex now?" kind of light. Like an extended version of the "Praying for the End of Time" segment of "Paradise by the Dashboard Light".
It's kind of primal, but is the song really sexist, exactly? I'm just going on the lyrics here (not a big Meatloaf fan), but it sounds like he appreciates her for a lot of things - it's just that, in the moment, he's got something specific on his mind (i.e., her "crying out loud").

Plus, Meatloaf's a big guy. When he sings a line like "Can't you see my faded Levis bursting apart," I'd think the woman's first reaction would be to scold him for overeating again.
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post #45 of 78
1/7/09 at 10:38pm
It can't be considered sexist, can it? I mean, that's just stupid.
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post #46 of 78
1/7/09 at 11:13pm
Thread Starter 
Well I'm not defending songs that go the other way, and the hiphop world has been pretty fucking mysoginistic (2 Live Crew anyone?)

...but I have to say, I've got to wonder what kind of emotionally retarded asshole Jay-Z must be for Beyonce to have such a fucked up view of men and relationships personally
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post #47 of 78
1/7/09 at 11:16pm
The kind of emotionally retarded asshole that loves killer nips.
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post #48 of 78
1/8/09 at 1:25am
Jay-Z doesn't have anything to do with Beyonce's records. Her father/manager does. In fact, if you read the rags, B and J have gotten into fights when her songs play in the club and he tells the DJ to cut that shit out.
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post #49 of 78
1/8/09 at 1:40am
Thread Starter 
That's awesome.
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post #50 of 78
1/9/09 at 4:11am
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
Am I the only person fucked off by this?
Every other time I do a scan of local stations, there's always one playing it. It's like the Starbucks of annoying pop songs.
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