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Retired Joaquin

post #1 of 102
1/9/09 at 10:58am
Thread Starter 
So this is what retirement looks like.

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post #2 of 102
1/9/09 at 11:03am
Well, i'm sure i know what the most common joke will be around here...
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post #3 of 102
1/9/09 at 11:04am
Thread Starter 
Yep. It was certainly startling when I first saw the picture.
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post #4 of 102
1/9/09 at 11:38am
He looks like this guy (Deniro's Louis Gara from Jackie Brown):

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post #5 of 102
1/9/09 at 11:56am
I say we get Devin, fabfunk and Joaquin here together and do us a Three Tenors-esque movie review show.
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post #6 of 102
1/9/09 at 12:05pm
Someone needs to tell him that he can still bathe in 'retirement'.
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post #7 of 102
1/9/09 at 12:06pm
As soon as I saw that picture I thought. When is someone going to add the "You gonna get raped!" caption?
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post #8 of 102
1/9/09 at 12:21pm
All he needs is a pair of sweatpants to truly show everyone he has given up on life.
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post #9 of 102
1/9/09 at 12:24pm
His name was Joaquin Phoenix, and they say he wanted to be a mountain man. The story goes that he was a man of proper wit and adventurous spirit, suited to the mountains. Nobody knows whereabouts he come from and don't seem to matter much. He was a young man and ghosty stories about the tall hills didn't scare him none. He was looking for a Hawken gun, .50 caliber or better. He settled for a .30, but damn, it was a genuine Hawken, and you couldn't go no better. Bought him a good horse, and traps, and other truck that went with being a mountain man, and said good-bye to whatever life was down there below.
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post #10 of 102
1/9/09 at 12:34pm
Joaquin Phoenix starring in: The Stanley Kubrick Story
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post #11 of 102
1/9/09 at 12:41pm
Apparently you turn into Zach Galifianakis when you retire.
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post #12 of 102
1/9/09 at 12:54pm


Hey Axl you have a new T-shirt to buy.
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post #13 of 102
1/9/09 at 1:01pm
Rupert?
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post #14 of 102
1/9/09 at 1:16pm
Jesus. He looks like my dad.
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post #15 of 102
1/9/09 at 1:17pm
Looks like early Peter Jackson
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post #16 of 102
1/9/09 at 1:29pm
It doesn't help that his arms are in the "rapist is now in police custody" position.
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post #17 of 102
1/9/09 at 1:32pm
He's joined a Highway to Heaven cosplay group?

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post #18 of 102
1/9/09 at 1:36pm
I thought that his "retirement" announcement was a misunderstood joke that he decided to run with to amuse himself. Based on this picture, if that does end up being the case I fully expect Andy Kaufman to bring himself back to life just to shake his hand and say good show.
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post #19 of 102
1/9/09 at 8:04pm
Feral Akodon's joke resembles mine. Dammit.

Uh... well... Joaquin Phoenix sure be ugly.
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post #20 of 102
1/9/09 at 8:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric Cordo View Post
Apparently you turn into Zach Galifianakis when you retire.
Even though I find him hilarious. We should never EVER retire.
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post #21 of 102
1/9/09 at 8:17pm
I would make a clever joke but I can't.

Just yikes.
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post #22 of 102
1/9/09 at 8:32pm
That's a cleaver way to draw attention away from his cleft palate.
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post #23 of 102
1/9/09 at 8:38pm
Did he retire to the Ozarks?
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post #24 of 102
1/9/09 at 9:47pm
To me this confirms two things:
1. Joaquin is coming out of retirement.
2. The wild men of Rohan are being worked into The Hobbit.
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post #25 of 102
1/10/09 at 10:59pm
Put the pipe down, Joaquin.
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post #26 of 102
1/10/09 at 11:55pm
I would venture to guess River has aged better.
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post #27 of 102
1/11/09 at 1:49am
You see what being directed by MNS in Signs does to men? Swing away, Joaquin!

Mel approves!

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post #28 of 102
1/11/09 at 8:19am
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post #29 of 102
1/11/09 at 11:52am
I need that Zangief doll.
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post #30 of 102
1/11/09 at 8:45pm
He kinda looks like one of the bums who would buy me and my friends beer/whiskey when I was in high school.
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post #31 of 102
1/11/09 at 10:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry Leper View Post
I would venture to guess River has aged better.
Ouch!
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post #32 of 102
1/12/09 at 12:13am
So good to see Joaquin has joined the Brian Blessed Appreciation society.
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post #33 of 102
1/17/09 at 2:54pm


Apparently Joaquin is trying to break into the rap game.
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post #34 of 102
1/17/09 at 3:02pm
I hope this ends up being the greatest trick Andy Kaufman never pulled.
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post #35 of 102
1/17/09 at 3:07pm
What is she filling his bottle with?
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post #36 of 102
1/17/09 at 3:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry Leper View Post
What is she filling his bottle with?
Pimp Juice, duh.
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post #37 of 102
1/17/09 at 3:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
I hope this ends up being the greatest trick Andy Kaufman never pulled.
I mentioned this in the front-page thread on this subject, but I think this is going to turn out to be something like THE HEAVENLY KINGS, only in the US and about Phoenix's "attempts" to become a rapper instead of in Hong Kong and about actor/director Daniel Wu and his "bandmates" in the phony boy band Alive - that nobody knew was phony until the film was in release.
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post #38 of 102
1/17/09 at 10:26pm
Looks like Matisyahu.
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post #39 of 102
1/19/09 at 11:25am
Video of Joaquin's performance. As you might imagine, he's going to be the greatest rapper of all time!
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post #40 of 102
1/19/09 at 11:36am
So sad. I hope this is a prank.
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post #41 of 102
1/19/09 at 12:12pm
I think the key to this "mystery" is Affleck. HE'S clearly not up to his tits in a drug-addled haze, and he seems to be enjoying himself a little too much to be filming his friend (and family member) going down a very dark path.

Joaquin is way, way too incoherent, dirty, and "obviously" fucked up for this to be anything more than an elaborate prank. Seriously, I don't buy that his little fall off the stage after that embarrassing mess of a performance was anything other than planned.

Of course, I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.

If Affleck wasn't trailing him around filming all this mess, I might be less skeptical. But he seems to be going too far, too soon; he's tipping his hand. That fucking beanie? Please. That's a little broad.
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post #42 of 102
1/20/09 at 12:26am
I saw a post on some "gossip" site saying Affleck dropped out of The Killer Inside Me to film this. Does anyone know if this is true? If so, that would be pretty sad (even if this is an amazing Kaufmanesque joke).
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post #43 of 102
1/20/09 at 1:15pm
On day 1 I was making the Kaufman call! I can't even tell you how happy it will make me if I find out this is all a prank. Shit like that just doesn't happen.
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post #44 of 102
1/21/09 at 5:50pm
http://defamer.com/5136203/joaquin-p...-crotch+baring

It has to be a put on. Even the people supposedly on the inside seem to be suspecting it. Now he's waving his junk around on stage? God bless him.
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post #45 of 102
1/21/09 at 6:42pm
Was watcing a gossip show and they said it probably is a joke but that they saw Phoenix in the airport with no cameras around and he couldn't put a sentence together, seemed high.

I'm betting this prank ends with a fake death on the sidewalk near the Viper Room.
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post #46 of 102
1/21/09 at 6:56pm
Anyone considering the possibility that Affleck seems to be laughing and enjoying himself on the project isn't evidence that this is a hoax but instead evidence that Affleck hates his brother-in-law?
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post #47 of 102
1/28/09 at 1:21pm
http://hollywoodinsider.ew.com/2009/...n-phoenix.html

As Tina Fey recently said "Suck it, nerds".
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post #48 of 102
1/29/09 at 6:06pm
If it is a big joke it is losing it's entertainment value very quickly.
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post #49 of 102
1/30/09 at 5:49pm
Couldn't it all be an elaborate prank AND a drug-fueled meltdown? Cause I get the sense that the former probably sounds like the best idea ever when you're already headed towards the latter.
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post #50 of 102
1/30/09 at 7:23pm
Better a crap prank than...whatever the alternative is...
And, Malloy, the term 'elaborate'...no.
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