Return to Zork

Awesome news! Anything to get the adventure genre back from the dead, and Zork is a damn fine property to do it, too.

North of computer.
You are sitting in front of computer playing a text based adventure. There is a keyboard and monitor in front of you. Text reveals there is a house in front of you. You are standing at the front door

open door with ax

--> you turn the knob and the door opens. A beautiful wood nymph stands before you.

hug wood nymph

--> wood nymph is not happy

touch wood nymph with oaken staff

--> your staff bursts into flames. You have lost the use of your pole and furthermore you have herpes.

smack wood nymph with hand

--> wood nymph is now visibly angry. wood nymph tells you to leave.

use mace on wood nymph's face

--> you do not possess a mace. wood nymph strikes you with disparaging remarks regarding your warrior skills. You feel faint.

strike wood nymph with Hero's Axe, IN FACE.

--> wook nymph falls to floor. Reveals that her voice is the key to unlocking the iron door in the Crystal Cave. wood nymph dies, but seconds before death reveals that she is pregnant with the heir to your throne and that she has been sleeping with the stable boy. Your stamina falls and your crotch is burning.

use sword on self

--> you have killed yourself brave warrior. Blood trickles from your chest and your breathing shortens. As you fall to the floor, you are able to see up wood nymphs dress and see a giant cock. The realization of why the wood nymph insisted on you making love to her, orc style, finally dawns upon your dying adventurer's body. You also realize that the wood nymph was lying about being pregnant. As you try to hurl one last insult at wood nymph, darkness falls upon your soul.

You have perished.

Play again (Y/N)?

I...I don't remember that exchange in Zork...

---> you are eaten by a grue

What a fucking fantastic game. I'll jump at any chance to play it again.

What an appropriate time for my favorite MC Frontalot track!

I missed this first time round. It looked amazing, and to be fair - still does.

If I ever disappear under mysterious circumstances and my body is never recovered, when I'm eventually declared dead I want my tombstone to read "Eaten by a grue."

For those who missed out on the joys of text adventuring, I believe you can play all three of the original Zorks, and the grand-daddy of text adventurers, "Collosal Caves", right here: http://www.play.vg/free_games/Adventure.html

The BBC also has a web-based illustrated edition of Infocom's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy game right here.

I also used to know a site where you could play The Lurking Horror on the web, but can't seem to remember where...

And if your websense blocks that, here's a page that has just about every classic Infocom game up.