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Guess who?

post #1 of 110
1/27/09 at 12:49am
Thread Starter 


Find out HERE.
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post #2 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:00am
Jessica Simpson
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post #3 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:01am
I bet that first belt was thrilled when the second belt showed up.
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post #4 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:05am
A poor, dumb, talentless girl who was more than likely pushed into the entertainment industry by her creepy father and now can't put on a few extra pounds without being ridiculed by obnoxious internet bloggers who would fall over themselves to hit on her if they ever encountered her in real life? And by hit on her I mean thinking about hitting on her but never having the balls to actually do it because they know that they would be shot down before they got the first awkward introduction out of their mouths and would have to go home to cry into a bag of cheetos.
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post #5 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abbott & Prospero View Post
A poor, dumb, talentless girl who was more than likely pushed into the entertainment industry by her creepy father and now can't put on a few extra pounds without being ridiculed by obnoxious internet bloggers who would fall over themselves to hit on her if they ever encountered her in real life? And by hit on her I mean thinking about hitting on her but never having the balls to actually do it because they know that they would be shot down before they got the first awkward introduction out of their mouths and would have to go home to cry into a bag of cheetos.

greenbox.jpg
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post #6 of 110
1/27/09 at 2:07am
I'd like to say that I still think she is a very attractive woman who I'd love to get all up in. With that out of the way...


What'd she do? Dump Tony Romo for Tony Roma?
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post #7 of 110
1/27/09 at 2:59am
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post #8 of 110
1/27/09 at 3:33am
For a moment there I thought she was pulling a muffin top then I realized it was a belt...wait...that's no belt.
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post #9 of 110
1/27/09 at 4:36am
Nope, just a truly terrible 'shop job.
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post #10 of 110
1/27/09 at 5:49am
God I fucking hate the Gossip forum sometimes.

Oh and you fucking rule A&P.
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post #11 of 110
1/27/09 at 11:03am
Thread Starter 
Jessica should have put on weight. She was way too skinny during her Dukes of Hazard heyday. But she is unrecognizable in the photo above (the one I posted, not Will Kane's). I seriously did not know who it was.

Edit: I fixed the link so folks can see the whole series. No 20-year old should have a FUPA. Just sayin'.
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post #12 of 110
1/27/09 at 11:10am
Can someone post the one Diva linked? The office doesn't allow Who is Tyler Durden.
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post #13 of 110
1/27/09 at 11:25am
The entertainment shows last night weren't focusing on the slight weight-gain so much as her "mom jeans" and horrible belt choice.
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post #14 of 110
1/27/09 at 11:45am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
But she is unrecognizable in the photo above (the one I posted, not Will Kane's). I seriously did not know who it was.
Oh, come on.
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post #15 of 110
1/27/09 at 11:47am
Yeah, that's easily recognizable as Jessica Simpson.

The real sad thing is that she was playing an outdoor show in Pembroke Pines.
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post #16 of 110
1/27/09 at 12:08pm
I think she's fine. Still attractive, maybe even more realistic.

You know a lot of us bitch about Hollywood images not matching reality, but have someone gain a little weight or in other way shed their airbrushed image we fucking ridicule and crucify.
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post #17 of 110
1/27/09 at 12:51pm
I'd hut it...
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post #18 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham View Post
I'd hut it...
As would I. She's not that bad at all physically, just seems as sharp as a sack of wet mice, which I always find a bit of a turn-off.
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post #19 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
As would I. She's not that bad at all physically, just seems as sharp as a sack of wet mice, which I always find a bit of a turn-off.
Do you have any idea how pissed off and bitey/scratchy a sack of wet mice would be?

Sheesh, talk about sharp.
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post #20 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham View Post
I'd Hutt it...
Uncalled for.
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post #21 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:18pm
Sorry guys, especially after you've all had a turn - she just doesn't appeal to me.

But then, she never really has. That outfit is pretty hilarious though.
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post #22 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:31pm
I think she looks good with a few more pounds on her. I mean the belt and jeans are ugly as sin but she looks good. I wouldn't hit it but that's cause Tony Romo's been there and I would be too afraid that sucking at life is sexually transmitted.
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post #23 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:36pm
C'mon Diva, she's easily recognizable.
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post #24 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:39pm
She's only like, 5' 3". So she still wouldn't be exactly "huge" even with the added weight. That outfit is horrible though.

Also, I read it was a chili cook-off she was playing at.
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post #25 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Uncalled for.
Bravo.
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post #26 of 110
1/27/09 at 1:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
.
Also, I read it was a chili cook-off she was playing at.
Nah, that was just her lunch.
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post #27 of 110
1/27/09 at 2:18pm
Thread Starter 
Since people think I'm only about making fun of fatties. Lindsay Lohan is dangerously thin these days and should steal a few hamburgers from Jessica.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
C'mon Diva, she's easily recognizable.
Sorry. Couldn't make her out. I was looking at her face though. I know guys generally remember women by other features.
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post #28 of 110
1/27/09 at 2:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Sorry. Couldn't make her out. I was looking at her face though. I know guys generally remember women by other features.
Yeah. She's got some hot elbows. Oh, and that left ear peeking coquettishly out of her hair? Fogged my glasses, let me tell ya.
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post #29 of 110
1/27/09 at 2:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Sorry. Couldn't make her out. I was looking at her face though. I know guys generally remember women by other features.
(sigh).
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post #30 of 110
1/27/09 at 2:34pm
I'd tongue her ass. Mom jeans or no mom jeans.
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post #31 of 110
1/27/09 at 3:01pm
Wonderful.
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post #32 of 110
1/27/09 at 3:28pm
I apologize for being a rube and falling for the photoshopped pic I posted above. To make up for it, here is a quality pic of Jessica:

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post #33 of 110
1/27/09 at 9:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post


Find out HERE.
I would totally rock that trailer tart. I like a bit of extra meat.



BOOBS.
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post #34 of 110
1/27/09 at 9:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Since people think I'm only about making fun of fatties. Lindsay Lohan is dangerously thin these days and should steal a few hamburgers from Jessica.
Yeah you should be canonised for your fairness and objectivity, you're a real fuckin Mother Theresa.

What size are YOU exactly, since you seem to be some great arbiter of whats too fat and too thin?

How exactly is this a worthy use of the synapses evolution gave you?
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post #35 of 110
1/27/09 at 9:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Since people think I'm only about making fun of fatties. Lindsay Lohan is dangerously thin these days and should steal a few hamburgers from Jessica.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
Yeah you should be canonised for your fairness and objectivity, you're a real fuckin Mother Theresa.

What size are YOU exactly, since you seem to be some great arbiter of whats too fat and too thin?

How exactly is this a worthy use of the synapses evolution gave you?
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post #36 of 110
1/27/09 at 9:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Yeah. She's got some hot elbows. Oh, and that left ear peeking coquettishly out of her hair? Fogged my glasses, let me tell ya.
*Golf Clap*
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post #37 of 110
1/27/09 at 11:22pm
Say what you will, I like the curves. Gives me something to hang on to, right Lord Flashheart?



"She's got a tongue like an electric eel, and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils!"
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post #38 of 110
1/27/09 at 11:49pm
This thread is now ten times greater thanks to Lord Flashheart.

"Lord Flasheart: All right men, let's do-oo-oo it! The first thing to remember is: always treat your kite
[Flashheart taps the picture of the Sopwith Camel with his stick]
Lord Flasheart: like you treat your woman!
[Flashheart whips the air with his cane]
Lieutenant George: How, how do you mean, Sir? Do you mean, do you mean take her home at weekends to meet your mother?
Lord Flasheart: No, I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back.
Captain Blackadder: I'm beginning to see why the suffragette movement want the vote.
Lord Flasheart: Hey! Any girl who wants to chain herself to *my* railings and suffer a jet movement gets *my* vote!"
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post #39 of 110
1/28/09 at 12:54am
I've got a plan - AND IT'S AS HOT AS MY PANTS!
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post #40 of 110
1/28/09 at 3:31am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
No 20-year old should have a FUPA. Just sayin'.

They will if they want to date me.
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post #41 of 110
1/28/09 at 4:29am
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post
I would totally rock that trailer tart.
Yea man, absolutely. The article is stating her appearance wouldn't be any more shocking if she grew "glow in the dark tentacles." Not only is that shock writing that skips over nuance, but realistically 99 percent of the straight guys in this world would drink her bathwater like its the Fountain Of Youth.

And really, I'd still tap that like the plane is going down even if she had glow in the dark tentacles.
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post #42 of 110
1/28/09 at 4:36am
The weight is less an issue than the fact that she's wearing something from Rob Liefeld's Soccer Milf Collection.
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post #43 of 110
1/28/09 at 11:43am
Thread Starter 
People who take anything said in the gossip forum seriously need to get laid and chill the fuck out. Although I'd suspect fatty Simpson wouldn't give you the time of day, even with all your chivalrous nature.
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post #44 of 110
1/28/09 at 11:47am
The day I saw that picture was the first time I've ever thought of Jessica Simpson whilst tossing off.
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post #45 of 110
1/28/09 at 6:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
People who take anything said in the gossip forum seriously need to get laid and chill the fuck out. Although I'd suspect fatty Simpson wouldn't give you the time of day, even with all your chivalrous nature.
I'm actually very chill but could go for getting laid.
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post #46 of 110
1/28/09 at 7:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Although I'd suspect fatty Simpson wouldn't give you the time of day, even with all your chivalrous nature.
What if I bought her a Value Meal? She can even Super Size it, if she wants. I'm romantic like that.
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post #47 of 110
1/28/09 at 9:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
People who take anything said in the gossip forum seriously need to get laid and chill the fuck out. Although I'd suspect fatty Simpson wouldn't give you the time of day, even with all your chivalrous nature.
Nice deflection there to try and justify you obviously getting off on being so mean spirited in so many of these types of threads.

You must have been a joy to hang around with in junior high.
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post #48 of 110
1/28/09 at 9:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
I've got a plan - AND IT'S AS HOT AS MY PANTS!


Goggles on, chocks away, last one back's a homo! Hooray!


http://nz.youtube.com/watch?v=2xTm7Z_6Dcs
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post #49 of 110
1/28/09 at 11:28pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KConan View Post
Yea man, absolutely. The article is stating her appearance wouldn't be any more shocking if she grew "glow in the dark tentacles." Not only is that shock writing that skips over nuance...
Welcome to the internets where hyperbole is the best thing ever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
Nice deflection there to try and justify you obviously getting off on being so mean spirited in so many of these types of threads.

You must have been a joy to hang around with in junior high.
How long have you been a Chewer? This is what I do. I get entertainment out of making fun of celebrities - sometimes justified, sometimes not. You can make assumptions about my appearance (go to the Chewer 2D thread, I've posted plenty pics of myself) or my behavior in high school (I was well liked by nerds and athletes alike), but the truth is you don't know jack about me, just as I don't know jack about you. Well, I know you're an uptight schmo who misinterprets a girl power song as a misogyny and takes anonymous posts on message boards way too seriously. I do get off on your high and mighty act, so I'll just post more pics of Fatty Simpson so you can rip me a new one.


i can haz cheezburger?
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post #50 of 110
1/28/09 at 11:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Free Bird?! I'm sooo sorry, I don't know that one.
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