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Baby daddy. Literally.

post #1 of 42
Thread Starter 
post #2 of 42
Jesus, he looks about six and his girlfriend looks like she could be HIS mum.
post #3 of 42
Methinks the kid is taking the fall so daddy won't get charged with rape.
post #4 of 42
I thought the story couldn't get creepier, but that would do it, Stelios.
post #5 of 42
Thanks!
post #6 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
Jesus, he looks about six and his girlfriend looks like she could be HIS mum.
Really. This doesn't add up. Of course "mummy" does look like she's 32 instead of 15.

The hell?
post #7 of 42
12 year old kid scoring a 14-15+ year old girl? Kid's pimp hand is strong for one so young.
post #8 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
12 year old kid scoring a 14-15+ year old girl? Kid's pimp hand is strong for one so young.
It doesn't count when she looks like a Yeti.
post #9 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
12 year old kid scoring a 14-15+ year old girl? Kid's pimp hand is strong for one so young.
Not if the girl looks like Stephen Merchant.

Edit: Damn it, Jake.
post #10 of 42
A friend of mine works as a nurse in inner-city public schools. She's told me a number of stories about kids this age who have gotten pregnant, gotten venereal diseases... all kinds of stuff that would make most parents lock their kids up at night. I suspect the only thing that would look entirely unfamiliar to her in this story is that these kids are white. That's about it.
post #11 of 42
That's one sad-looking kid. Welcome to parenthood, youngling!
post #12 of 42
That reminds me. What do they call white-trash in England? White-rubbish?
post #13 of 42
I know someone who could answer this question:

*Paging Spike Marshall* *Paging Spike Marshall*
post #14 of 42
First thing that popped into my head as soon as I saw the kid's name:

What's it all about, Alfie?

It's apparently not about girls with chins.
post #15 of 42
So apparently this 13-year-old kid has not only single handily proven that Queen Mary I did in fact reproduce, but he found one of her long lost descendants... and fucked her. Not a bad days work, kid.
post #16 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
That reminds me. What do they call white-trash in England? White-rubbish?
It's all trash.
post #17 of 42
I still can't get over how that kid's expression is the epitome of "Fuck my life".
post #18 of 42
Huh. I guess if the 8 yr old (sorry, I mean 13 yr old) is old enough to father a child, he's old enough to decide whether or not he can take care of the child too. Right?
post #19 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
That reminds me. What do they call white-trash in England? White-rubbish?
Are they chavs? I think they must have changed out of the tracksuits and cheap gold.
post #20 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
It doesn't count when she looks like a Yeti.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Not if the girl looks like Stephen Merchant.
Gentlemen, please! You have to walk before you can run. I'm sure that once Alfie's voice breaks, why he'll turn into a lil' Hugh Hefner overnight.

That is if he decides not to "man up" and make his baby's momma an honest woman. Anyone know what the wedding ceremony is like for a 13 and 15 year old? Who spits in whose milk first? Are noogies involved? Will there be a pre-nup, and will it cover the bride's Barbie doll collection and the groom's library of Judge Dredd comics?
post #21 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
That reminds me. What do they call white-trash in England?
They call them "English people".

Bring it on, Spike!
post #22 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Gentlemen, please! You have to walk before you can run.
Truth. My first was not a triumph by any means, I was just happy to have a 16 year-old girl paying attention to my dorky, socially awkward 15 year-old ass. The day after was like the ending to 40 Year-Old Virgin.
post #23 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by neoolong View Post
Are they chavs? I think they must have changed out of the tracksuits and cheap gold.
Yes, they are chavs.
post #24 of 42
The Force is STRONG with this one.
post #25 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Marshall View Post
Yes, they are chavs.
I can't explain why, but every time I read the word "chav" I start laughing uncontrollably. The added visual of a tracksuit and cheap gold just makes it harder to stop.
post #26 of 42
Don't be a bigot, Mattimus.

post #27 of 42
What's with the girl's mouth? She going to go a few rounds with Tyson?
post #28 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by neoolong View Post
Don't be a bigot, Mattimus.
Holy shit. Haha, that is so fuckin' classy!
post #29 of 42
Totally obliterating the U.S. notion that all brits are classy intellectuals that discuss the great works over tea.

Illusions shattered. There is no God.
post #30 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
That reminds me. What do they call white-trash in England? White-rubbish?
This lil' nugget of comedy gold deserves some recognition. Good show, awld chep!
post #31 of 42
Damn it, America can't stay number one in anything anymore.
post #32 of 42
What's this, you say? You want the story to get WEIRDER?

A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!

Quote:
Richard Goodsell, aged 16, insisted he often shared a bed with Chantelle over a period of THREE MONTHS around the time she fell pregnant—and sensationally demanded a DNA test to PROVE he’s the daddy.
...
But the News of the World can today reveal that as well as second maybe-dad Richard a THIRD lad, 14-year-old Tyler Barker, fears he may have fathered little Maisie.
...
And amazingly the News Of The World has uncovered claims that Chantelle was sleeping with as many as EIGHT teenage boys around the time the baby was conceived on the Old Town estate in Eastbourne, Sussex.

Wow. Just... wow.
post #33 of 42
Jesus, why are these kids going forward? Don't they know that they're dodging a bullet if they kept their mouths shut?
post #34 of 42
The News of the World will have paids these kids for their story with the possibility of more money if they turn out to be the father and agree to an interview.
post #35 of 42
Somehow, I get the feeling it's not going to be enough for whomever is the father.
post #36 of 42
So not a lot of attractive girls in this town then. Or the local boys are just taking the path of least resistance.
post #37 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I still can't get over how that kid's expression is the epitome of "Fuck my life".
Seriously. At first I thought maybe they were preternaturally intelligent and had named the child Malaise.

Then I read it again and saw that baby Maisie is fucked (or will be, following the pattern, in the next 12-16 years).
post #38 of 42


Quote:
The four-footer — who looks no more than eight — said: "I know I'm young, but I plan to be a good dad."

As he went on the PlayStation with 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, he added: "I think we'll be good parents. I'll have to work extra hard at school."

Chantelle looked up from 18-rated action game Saints Row II to admit her first night out of hospital since having 7lb 3oz daughter Maisie had been tough and had left her "in a daze".
post #39 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by tommy five-tone View Post


* I was too lazy to PhotoShop this.
post #40 of 42
post #41 of 42
Fuck it, I'll admit it. I'm the real father. I know the age difference is shocking and illegal but a man cannot deny his Steven Fry fetish.
post #42 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
a man cannot deny his Steven Fry
Awesome.
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