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Connecticut chimp goes apeshit - Page 2

post #51 of 135
2/18/09 at 5:39pm
I think a full grown chimp has roughly 4 times the strength of a similar sized human. Plus the extra long arms, plus the teeth. I don't think even a skilled fighter would stand a chance. Maybe with some lucky blows, but that's about it.
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post #52 of 135
2/18/09 at 5:39pm
Hey, NY Post:

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post #53 of 135
2/18/09 at 6:51pm
Here's a question from left field: say I wanted to draw a politcal cartoon portraying the Supreme Court as a group of monkeys. Would the Clarence Thomas monkey be racist?

I would hate to think that political correctness has deprived me of a classic visual metaphor for stupidity and beastly behavior.
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post #54 of 135
2/18/09 at 7:05pm
It wouldn't be racist, since the Supreme Court only has one black judge. Now, if you portrayed everyone except for Thomas as a monkey, then you'd be in big trouble.

It's not the use of a Chimp as a visual metaphor that's upsetting everyone. It's that there's a very obvious and specific context at play, given that the primary figure behind the stimulus is black.
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post #55 of 135
2/18/09 at 7:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by nekkerbee View Post
Here's a question from left field: say I wanted to draw a politcal cartoon portraying the Supreme Court as a group of monkeys. Would the Clarence Thomas monkey be racist?

I would hate to think that political correctness has deprived me of a classic visual metaphor for stupidity and beastly behavior.
No comment.



What can I say? Pics of monkeys make me smile.
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post #56 of 135
2/18/09 at 8:06pm
That picture is obviously meant to represent Bell Biv DeVoe.

And thus, racist.
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post #57 of 135
2/18/09 at 8:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry Leper View Post
That picture is obviously meant to represent Bell Biv DeVoe.

And thus, racist.
Smack up no evil, flip no evil, and rub down no evil.
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post #58 of 135
2/18/09 at 8:29pm
That's weird. I just saw a youtube vid of the local news in Stamford where they say the chimp chewed her HANDS off.

I think the face tear off is more believable.
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post #59 of 135
2/18/09 at 8:53pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Radb707 View Post
That's weird. I just saw a youtube vid of the local news in Stamford where they say the chimp chewed her HANDS off.

I think the face tear off is more believable.
Isn't this how all calamities like zombie apocalypses, ape uprisings and robot rebellions tend to start? Isolated incident. Confused and contradictory reports.
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post #60 of 135
2/18/09 at 9:19pm
And just our luck, Chuck Heston ups and dies on us. We're truly fucked now.
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post #61 of 135
2/18/09 at 9:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
On another forum, theres some guy on there that's a MMA fighter. Guy says he could beat a full grown chimp into submission.

Somehow, I don't think the guy would make it.
Well, if he had something on full auto, maybe.

Took a bunch of us swinging brooms and scoop pans to get rid of the apes that were starting to destroy our pick-up at Great Adventure back in the day (I think Doc Happenin has my tale of terror recorded at Ig's NY/NJ Chewer get-together last summer). And it was still a push, since the monkeys escaped and totaled Safari Hospitality that night after we bolted.

Be they chimpanzee, babboon, orangutan, gorilla, howler monkey, gibbon, Cornelius/Galen/Ceaser, Marcel, Mickey Dolenz, Mike Nesmith, Davy Jones, or Peter Tork, you do NOT approach monkeys EVER EVER EVER , and you certainly don't want to take 'em home with you. You need something snuggly? Go adopt a dog or cat or rescue one from a shelter.

Oh, and fuck the Post.
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post #62 of 135
2/18/09 at 11:11pm
Really, the first thing that comes to your mind when you see that cartoon is that the monkey represents Obama? I didn't see it that way at all.

If it does represent Obama, who is calling the secret service, because I thought it was not kosher to depict the president being shot dead.
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post #63 of 135
2/18/09 at 11:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
Really, the first thing that comes to your mind when you see that cartoon is that the monkey represents Obama? I didn't see it that way at all.

If it does represent Obama, who is calling the secret service, because I thought it was not kosher to depict the president being shot dead.
It's not just the illustration, it's the dialogue that makes it obvious who we should see the chimp as.
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post #64 of 135
2/18/09 at 11:22pm
"They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill".

I'm assuming everybody knows the president doesn't write bills right?

And again, if that's supposed to represent Obama, isn't it even more scandalous that they're depicting him being assassinated?
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post #65 of 135
2/18/09 at 11:23pm
Terrible assumption.
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post #66 of 135
2/18/09 at 11:54pm
The attack, in the driveway of a sprawling home in a densely wooded neighborhood on the north side of Stamford, also brought a brutal end to the life of the chimpanzee, Travis, 14, a popular figure in town who had appeared in television commercials and often posed for photographs at the towing shop operated by his owners. He had escaped before, and in 2003 playfully held up traffic at a busy intersection for several hours, but had no history of violence, the authorities said. Travis’s social skills included drinking wine from a stemmed glass, dressing and bathing himself and using a computer

I for one am glad that at last one of these stuck up, self involved celebrities was brought to book for their horrible behavior!

Now they need to get Ape Control to go after Bjork!
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post #67 of 135
2/19/09 at 12:05am
Ooooh, Chimpanzee that! MONKEY NEWS, the fu-
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post #68 of 135
2/19/09 at 12:08am
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
On another forum, theres some guy on there that's a MMA fighter. Guy says he could beat a full grown chimp into submission.

Somehow, I don't think the guy would make it.
Well, you also must remember that these days people calling themselves "MMA Fighters" are mostly just meatheads that have six months of jiu-jitsu training that they got from a guy who himself has six months of jiu jitsu training.

But it's irrelevant, because he would have no chance. No one on the UFC roster would have a chance either, because they would quickly discover that they had never grapped with anything remotely that strong in their entire life. Watch chimps. Their arms are made to casually lift 200+ bodies into trees where they swing and play. They are pure muscle.
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post #69 of 135
2/19/09 at 12:43am
Thread Starter 
Turns out they've been up to shit for a while, the news just gets buried in the back of the paper.

From the Washington Post, 2007: For First Time, Chimps Seen Making Weapons for Hunting

Quote:
Chimpanzees living in the West African savannah have been observed fashioning deadly spears from sticks and using the tools to hunt small mammals -- the first routine production of deadly weapons ever observed in animals other than humans.

The multistep spearmaking practice, documented by researchers in Senegal who spent years gaining the chimpanzees' trust, adds credence to the idea that human forebears fashioned similar tools millions of years ago.

The landmark observation also supports the long-debated proposition that females -- the main makers and users of spears among the Senegalese chimps -- tend to be the innovators and creative problem solvers in primate culture.

***

Pruetz [lead researcher Jill D. Pruetz of Iowa State University] recalled the first time she saw a member of the 35-member troop trimming leaves and side branches off a branch it had broken off a tree.

"I just knew right away that she was making a tool," Pruetz said, adding that she suspected -- with some horror -- what it was for. But in that instance she was unable to follow the chimpanzee to see what she did with it. Eventually the researchers documented 22 instances of spearmaking and use, two-thirds of them involving females.



On the bright side, it does appear the Zira's of our future will hold a little more sway than previously assumed.

So there's that, at least.
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post #70 of 135
2/19/09 at 1:34am
Quote:
Originally Posted by soylentgreen View Post
Isn't this how all calamities like zombie apocalypses, ape uprisings and robot rebellions tend to start? Isolated incident. Confused and contradictory reports.
28 Days Later, anyone? Maybe that's why Travis went nuts all of a sudden. . . he was infected with. . . Rage.
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post #71 of 135
2/19/09 at 12:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
28 Days Later, anyone? Maybe that's why Travis went nuts all of a sudden. . . he was infected with. . . Rage.
We're boned... seriously.
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post #72 of 135
2/19/09 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Radb707 View Post
That's weird. I just saw a youtube vid of the local news in Stamford where they say the chimp chewed her HANDS off.

I think the face tear off is more believable.
They talked abouot this on the news yesterday. Supposedly, apes are intelligent enough to attack in the following predictable format:
- They go for your face and your genitals first because they are the most vulnerable AND will cause the most damage.
- They go for your hands (and your feet) next because they are your primary weapons that you can use to attack them/defend yourself.
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post #73 of 135
2/19/09 at 1:07pm
One news report I read said the victim had serious wounds to her face and hands, so I'm sure both got mauled. This news story says hand specialists were among the doctors who worked on the victim, although her face got it really bad:

Quote:
After police arrived, one officer radioed back: "There's a man down. He doesn't look good," he says, referring to the disfigured Nash. "We've got to get this guy out of here. He's got no face."
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post #74 of 135
2/19/09 at 1:09pm
So catcher's gear and boxing gloves are the way to go.
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post #75 of 135
2/19/09 at 1:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
They talked abouot this on the news yesterday. Supposedly, apes are intelligent enough to attack in the following predictable format:
- They go for your face and your genitals first because they are the most vulnerable AND will cause the most damage.
- They go for your hands (and your feet) next because they are your primary weapons that you can use to attack them/defend yourself.

Jesus Christ! That's horrible! And people think these animals are cute?
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post #76 of 135
2/19/09 at 1:20pm
It's really pretty simple, wild animals make horrible horrible pets and I wonder what would compel someone to want one personally.

For some reason tho, the poor chimp heading back to his bed to die made me saddest of all.
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post #77 of 135
2/19/09 at 1:35pm
Pretty much any animal will react violently if threatened, hurt or sick, wild or tame. Which is why I will never have a pet that weighs more than a quarter of my body weight. I want the advantage if the shit ever goes down.
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post #78 of 135
2/19/09 at 2:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JXN1138 View Post
Jesus Christ! That's horrible! And people think these animals are cute?
Now we know why they're always smiling and clapping. They're thinking:

"I'm gonna rip your balls off, you hairless weakling! Tee hee!"

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post #79 of 135
2/19/09 at 2:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rain Dog View Post
For some reason tho, the poor chimp heading back to his bed to die made me saddest of all.
Yeah, that's horribly depressing. Add to that that he was being stabbed by his owner, which the monkey must have still recognized and respected since he didn't attack her as well.

So how is the lady that was attacked? Is she irreparably disfigured?
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post #80 of 135
2/19/09 at 2:22pm
Bullshit, If i had a cricket bat no fucking chimp is gonna be getting up.

You like bananas? How do you like them Bananas?

Incidentally: If I had a monkey..... I'd spank it.
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post #81 of 135
2/19/09 at 3:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mr_adam View Post
Incidentally: If I had a monkey..... I'd spank it.
The fact you can't do this is probably sadder than the chimp dragging himself back to his room.
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post #82 of 135
2/20/09 at 4:36pm
Here are some photos of a FEMALE!!! chimp with no hair due to a skin condition. Check out these muscles:

http://gentlewoodcottage.wordpress.c...airless-chimp/







The thought of keeping that as a pet is incomprehensible. And to keep one twice its size, with the added ferociousness of a typical male mammal? Yipes.

As perhaps the only regular CHUD poster who has been attacked by non-human primates, I can tell you that they are insanely strong. Read my story here: http://chud.com/forum/showthread.php?t=102076

I have bench pressed well over 400 pounds, and can curl around 195 pounds. And a fifteen pound Capuchin monkey scared the living shit out of me far more than any dog ever has, and it was strong enough that I had no chance of removing my satchel from its grasp. Unless you've played tug of war with an ape, it is very difficult to explain just how unfathomably powerful they are for their size. How authorities were aware that this chimp was living in a private residence and did not remove it is inexplicable.
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post #83 of 135
2/20/09 at 4:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Overlord View Post
I have bench pressed well over 400 pounds, and can curl around 195 pounds.
Hmm, this reminds me to lay off the lawyer jokes.
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post #84 of 135
2/20/09 at 4:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Overlord View Post
The thought of keeping that as a pet is incomprehensible. And to keep one twice it's size, with the added ferociousness of a typical male mammal?
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post #85 of 135
2/20/09 at 4:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer View Post
Hmm, this reminds me to lay off the lawyer jokes.
Here I am exploring Rapture (post 3264) with the kid. Now, introduce a capuchin monkey into that image, and I'd be backing up as fast as I could.
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post #86 of 135
2/20/09 at 11:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
So how is the lady that was attacked? Is she irreparably disfigured?
Most definitely, yes. Travis tore out her eyes, her nose, and her jaw. Today's news reported that she has been moved the The Cleveland Clinic, were incidentally, they performed the first face transplant last year.
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post #87 of 135
2/23/09 at 8:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Overlord View Post
Here I am exploring Rapture (post 3264) with the kid.
Holy shit.

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post #88 of 135
2/23/09 at 9:09pm
Quote:
Holy shit.
One of my favorite photos of me. Guy who took it is quite the amateur photographs.

What was the image you tried to post?
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post #89 of 135
2/23/09 at 9:28pm
It was Pitt.
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post #90 of 135
2/24/09 at 1:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by neoolong View Post
It was Pitt.
Awesome.
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post #91 of 135
2/24/09 at 10:56am
Thanks, Phil. That was stunning.
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post #92 of 135
2/24/09 at 3:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Overlord View Post
One of my favorite photos of me. Guy who took it is quite the amateur photographs.

What was the image you tried to post?
Pitt. I was gonna go with the Hulk, but your kid in the pic made me think of another Keown-drawn character.

When you say you're a lawyer, you mean "judge, jury, and executioner", right?
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post #93 of 135
2/24/09 at 4:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post
Pitt. I was gonna go with the Hulk, but your kid in the pic made me think of another Keown-drawn character.

When you say you're a lawyer, you mean "judge, jury, and executioner", right?
Jury, not so much.
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post #94 of 135
2/24/09 at 4:05pm
Are you a personal injury lawyer for lumberjacks?
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post #95 of 135
2/24/09 at 4:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Overlord View Post
Jury, not so much.
I guess that'll be me, if I get picked. Just got my very first jury summons in the mail.
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post #96 of 135
2/24/09 at 4:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
Are you a personal injury lawyer for lumberjacks?
I like the odd lumberjacking case once in a while, yes.

I look forward to seeing what head you guys photoshop onto my arms (taken on the same day):

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post #97 of 135
2/24/09 at 4:46pm
I've seen threads take some weird turns in my day.
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post #98 of 135
2/24/09 at 4:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
I've seen threads take some weird turns in my day.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

True 'nuff.
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post #99 of 135
2/24/09 at 4:52pm
Hunky arms, though, for serious. Who knew Jake had all this serious competition on the boards.
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post #100 of 135
2/24/09 at 4:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
Hunky arms, though, for serious. Who knew Jake had all this serious competition on the boards.
*blushes*
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