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How does a ShamWow handle hooker blood?

post #1 of 58
3/27/09 at 11:49pm
Thread Starter 
Yes!



http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive...7092sham1.html
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post #2 of 58
3/27/09 at 11:54pm
Oh thank god.

I never want to hear YOU GETTIN DIS CAMERA GUY?????? again.
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post #3 of 58
3/28/09 at 12:02am
Is that a hospital gown under that jacket?
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post #4 of 58
3/28/09 at 12:06am
The ShamWow guy is in his 40's? That's some funky de-aging makeup they've got him in those commercials then. He sounds and looks like a recently escaped frat boy.
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post #5 of 58
3/28/09 at 12:10am
Guess he decided to stop having a boring life.
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post #6 of 58
3/28/09 at 12:17am
Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling).

The man still manages to "plug" his products.
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post #7 of 58
3/28/09 at 12:35am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
The ShamWow guy is in his 40's? That's some funky de-aging makeup they've got him in those commercials then. He sounds and looks like a recently escaped frat boy.
To be fair, if you had just battered a hooker in your hotel room after she bit your tongue and wouldn't let go at 4:00 in the morning, you won't look too good either.
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post #8 of 58
3/28/09 at 1:43am
Guess she didn't love his nuts...
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post #9 of 58
3/28/09 at 1:48am


Totally not mine. Have some tasteless humor!
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post #10 of 58
3/28/09 at 2:40am
I was just listening to Kevin & Bean the other day and for some reason they had on Billy Mays (and his British buddy who's in all those infomercials) and he went off on a tirade about Offer, about how he just steals his ideas and is a scumbag. Looks like Billy Mays wins.
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post #11 of 58
3/28/09 at 2:57am
That's what 1000 bucks gets you, huh?
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post #12 of 58
3/28/09 at 6:58am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitfocus View Post
Guess she didn't love his nuts...
This. Right. Here.
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post #13 of 58
3/28/09 at 9:28am
That hooker looks a hell of a lot like actress Riki Lindhome:

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post #14 of 58
3/28/09 at 9:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
That hooker looks a hell of a lot like actress Riki Lindhome:
to be honest, what really has Riki been up too lately..Gotta do something in your down time for easy money.

On a side note, WTF is with the head set? he looks like a psychotic Old Navy employee.
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post #15 of 58
3/28/09 at 10:40am
Never be a boring John, never have a boring life.
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post #16 of 58
3/28/09 at 11:01am
What kind of a world do we live in when a low level product pitchman that looks like Stripe from Gremlins has to pay for sex? He's a "celebrity". She should have been proud to have his faux hawk in her presence. It's a good thing she didn't spend the night though, he would have chewed through the wires on the clock and tricked her into giving him some fried chicken after midnight. I wonder if the hotel had a pool?
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post #17 of 58
3/28/09 at 11:18am
Y'know, this sort of thing never happened to Mr. Popeil. Dude kept the ladies satisfied with his Pocket Fisherman, let me tell ya.
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post #18 of 58
3/28/09 at 11:20am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Y'know, this sort of thing never happened to Mr. Popeil. Dude kept the ladies satisfied with his Pocket Fisherman, let me tell ya.
Nah, he just had them speak into his Mr. Microphone.
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post #19 of 58
3/28/09 at 11:30am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
Nah, he just had them speak into his Mr. Microphone.
Have you seen him lately? Very well-preserved. Either he's invented a "Popeil's Lazarus Pit" or he's been spending time in a giant dehydrator.
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post #20 of 58
3/28/09 at 1:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by joeypants View Post
He looks exactly like Capone's book keeper they track down in that little cabin in The Untouchables. Same jacket too.
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post #21 of 58
3/28/09 at 1:46pm
I have a feeling this guy paid $1000 to take her up to his room to torture and kill her and his plan went south. He just looks like THAT kind of guy.
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post #22 of 58
3/28/09 at 2:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I have a feeling this guy paid $1000 to take her up to his room to torture and kill her and his plan went south. He just looks like THAT kind of guy.
at least he'll know what to use to clean up that mess...

I imagine this guy with the bodies of 15 hookers buried under his shed.
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post #23 of 58
3/28/09 at 2:16pm
It really didn't take a genius to figure it out. All of his products are about chopping things into little pieces and cleaning up the mess after you're finished.
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post #24 of 58
3/28/09 at 2:32pm
maybe we should look at it from Vince's side. He paid a woman 1000 dollars to gain access to club V, and in return she latched onto his tongue with her teeth and wouldn't let go. This seems to be a very troublesome situation. What's an impish shammy salesman to do? Also the police say they found 930 bucks on her person. Where'd the other 70 go?
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post #25 of 58
3/28/09 at 2:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I have a feeling this guy paid $1000 to take her up to his room to torture and kill her and his plan went south. He just looks like THAT kind of guy.
so what you're saying is, he got through "slap" but was thwarted before he could complete "chop"?
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post #26 of 58
3/28/09 at 2:55pm
It was pretty ironic when the blades on the Slap Chop broke just as they got only halfway through her bones.
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post #27 of 58
3/28/09 at 3:02pm
I'm pretty sure Billy Mays hired the hooker to chew Vince's tongue off so he couldn't shill the shamwow any more. Beneath Billy's pudgy frame lies a heart blacker than...um...something that's REALLY black.
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post #28 of 58
3/28/09 at 3:03pm
Blacker than his headset microphone!
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post #29 of 58
3/28/09 at 3:26pm
Billy Mays has a headset mike too? I never noticed. wiki "vince shlomi". The guy's career has been...interesting.
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post #30 of 58
3/28/09 at 3:36pm
Who the hell pays a grand to bang a barfly anyway? I mean, I love to nut as much as the next guy, but $1000? Damn.

I might pay $1000 to go back in time and take Monica Bellucci's virginity or something.
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post #31 of 58
3/28/09 at 7:49pm
Sheensei is disappointed.

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post #32 of 58
3/28/09 at 8:16pm
The most shocking news to come out of this to me is that it was a FEMALE hooker.
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post #33 of 58
3/29/09 at 10:06pm
The fact that this guy is kind of nuts is almost enough to make me buy a shamwow
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post #34 of 58
3/30/09 at 12:35am
This guy uses hookers? Fucking shocking!
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post #35 of 58
3/30/09 at 12:47am
We actually bought a box of Sham-Wows last night, to deal with pesky cat pee/toddler pee maintenance. If we come across any bleeding hookers, I'll let you guys know how it works.
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post #36 of 58
3/30/09 at 1:00am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Miller View Post
If we come across any bleeding hookers
Which, coincidentally, is what Vince was planning to do.
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post #37 of 58
3/30/09 at 1:10am
Somewhere, Billy Mays is laughing.
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post #38 of 58
3/30/09 at 1:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by KungFuCornelius View Post
I'm pretty sure Billy Mays hired the hooker to chew Vince's tongue off so he couldn't shill the shamwow any more. Beneath Billy's pudgy frame lies a heart blacker than...um...something that's REALLY black.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Somewhere, Billy Mays is laughing.
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post #39 of 58
3/30/09 at 2:01am
Snyder should've cast this guy in Watchmen.
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post #40 of 58
3/30/09 at 11:11am
I knew Billy Mays was a cruel son of a bitch. But not that cruel.
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post #41 of 58
3/30/09 at 5:50pm
She claimed to be German, so he just knew she'd be good.
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post #42 of 58
4/8/09 at 5:19pm
Over a dozen new photos of the perps and crime scene:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive...8091sham1.html

I'll go ahead and warn that some of the pics are pretty bloody/disturbing.
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post #43 of 58
4/8/09 at 6:04pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
Who the hell pays a grand to bang a barfly anyway? I mean, I love to nut as much as the next guy, but $1000? Damn.

I might pay $1000 to go back in time and take Monica Bellucci's virginity or something.
You've never been to South Beach, have you?



ETA: ShamWow Vince looks like a fucking Gremlin.

ETA2: TWO used condoms on the bed?! The fuck...
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post #44 of 58
4/8/09 at 9:30pm
I think it's hilarious that the other two infomercial guys are about to have their own show on Discovery called "Pitch Men". Guess who who won't be getting a phone call to guest star?
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post #45 of 58
4/8/09 at 10:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
Who the hell pays a grand to bang a barfly anyway? I mean, I love to nut as much as the next guy, but $1000? Damn.

I might pay $1000 to go back in time and take Monica Bellucci's virginity or something.
I think for 1000 bucks they should at least include a chin.
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post #46 of 58
4/8/09 at 10:30pm
Christ, that poor woman. He didn't look half as bad as she did.
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post #47 of 58
4/8/09 at 10:53pm
SHE BIT HIS TONGUE AND WOULDN'T LET GO! What would you have one, baked her a cake?
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post #48 of 58
4/8/09 at 11:11pm
That's such a bizarre fucking account of what happened, though. What would her motivation be to do that?
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post #49 of 58
4/9/09 at 2:52am
Maybe, rule #1 for the hooker is no open mouth kissing.
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post #50 of 58
4/9/09 at 4:30am
A grand gets you anal and fisting but no open mouth kissage. I thought everyone knew that.
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