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Chewer Adventures

post #1 of 55
Thread Starter 
When I was a kid, my dad and I would backpack in the White Mountain Wilderness of New Mexico. We'd spend a whole week there, all our supplies carried on our backs. Whatever was too heavy was left behind. Often we'd go days without seeing people.

On one of these trips the remains of a Pacific hurricane caught us at the top of a mountain. Lightning literally struck all around us (our elevation was up there), but I was so tired and soaking wet and cold that I didn't care. My dad, crazy as always, was laughing about the whole mess, wondering why I looked like death at the age of 12.

When we came back to the parking lot at the end of the rip, it was 2 in the afternoon and my dad was super pumped to drive home right then. I was dead, so whatever. We drove home all through the night, exhaustion of five days catching up to us, coffee not helping, loud music not helping. We drove into oncoming traffic. We got lost in all kinds of bad neighborhoods.

At one point, around dawn, a dove hit our windshiled and exploded. The BOOM! scared the tiredness out of me for a few minutes. Blood splattered the glass. About a half hour later, my dad notices the blood and says, "How'd that get there?"


I know there must be Chewers with far more exotic lives than my own, so I want to hear about it! It doesn't have to be camping neither, nor even nature related.
post #2 of 55
I spent last weekend driving a race car in a 14 hour endurance race with the folks from the 24 Hours of Lemons. Good times there. For the full read...

http://sites.google.com/site/24hoursoflemonsspring2009/

Beyond that there are small adventures all the time. I had a shark swim by on a night dive on the Great Barrier Reef one time. That gets the blood going.

While taking flying lessons I was running late on my first solo cross country. I had not done my night flying training yet and it was getting dark. I was also flying out of a very small airport where you had to fly a very precise approach. I ended up finding the airport only because there was a drag strip down the road with a really bright light. Using that I sighted the runway and made a really abbreviated approach. Funny thing is a greased the landing. One of my best ever. My instructor, who lived at the airport, only commented that he heard a plane come in pretty late that night and he gave me the eyeball. We did night flying on my next lesson.

I've driven laps around the Nurburgring Nordschleife (if you have the Gran Tourismo games you know what I'm taking about) in a rented BMW Z4. Real life is WAY better than the game. Thinking about it is as close as I get to knowing what a drug addict feels. Every time I think about it I want to go do it more.
post #3 of 55
Thread Starter 
That article was a good read! The community sounds really fun. We have street racing where I live, but everyone's so isolated. Everyone's determined to be 'cool' and silent.

As for the shark:

During one of my friends Navy SEAL training, they were night-dropped into the Pacific Ocean. The men were supposed to float out there until morning.

It was a full moon and they saw this shape coming towards them. It was unmistakably a Great White. My friend tried to pull out his .45, their only protection, but he was so scared he couldn't even snap open the holster.

This shark comes right up to the men, rolls on its side, and looks at them. He said in that black eye you could see the millions of years which had developed this primal killer.

Then the shark swam away. It kept going, going, there was the dorsal fin, going, going, going, then finally the tail. He said it had to have been around 20 ft. long.

He said that was his 'holy moment'. Up until that point all the men had been swaggering like bad-asses, but that one moment made him realize just how puny humans are next to nature.

Of course you'd have to hear him tell his tale out loud. Text on the internet doesn't really match conversation with him over a few beers.
post #4 of 55
This thread needs a bed of the "Indiana Jones" theme playing while it's read. I hope it gets a lot of entries.

Edited to add: Think we can persuade Tim to tell the great Adventure Monkey Story one more time, or have we all heard that one already?
post #5 of 55
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
This thread needs a bed of the "Indiana Jones" theme playing while it's read. I hope it gets a lot of entries.

Edited to add: Think we can persuade Tim to tell the great Adventure Monkey Story one more time, or have we all heard that one already?
I was thinking the Stargate theme myself.

I haven't heard the Monkey Story...
post #6 of 55
Last month I sailed a boat from Miami to Baltimore. I was actually going to start a thread for the story some time ago, in case any chewers were interested, but I obviously didn’t get around to it. This seems like a good excuse to share.

While I’ve sailed a number of times in the Chesapeake Bay, this was my first experience sailing in the open ocean. The boat was a single mast, extremely solid, 36ft sailboat. Not the most luxurious or comfortable vessel on the sea, but certainly cozy enough for the trip. The crew consisted of my friend Stephen, who was the captain; myself; and Jered, another friend who would be along for half the voyage.

After a few days of provisioning in Miami we set out to sea on February 26. All night to Florida coast slowly slipped off to port, and by morning we were well out of sight of land. Since we would be sailing 24 hours a day, we would be sleeping in shifts. Days usually found us all up and about, but once night settled in, we were on 2.5 hour watch rotations—2.5 hours on deck, 5 hours in the bunk, 2.5 hours on deck again, etc. While on watch we were responsible for keeping on course, making sure the sails were set properly, and not killing everyone. There’s not a whole lot to run into in the middle of the ocean (and let me clear something up—whenever you’re out of sight of land, you are, for all intents and purposes, in the “middle of the ocean”) but there is tanker traffic and you have to watch for the occasional vessel.

Our first two days out of Miami were perfect. Gorgeous weather, great wind, calm, beautiful blue seas. Unfortunately, the peace didn’t last. On the third morning a storm started blowing up behind us and as the day progressed the seas got bigger and rougher. We later learned that this was a surprise Nor’easter, and that 3 NFL players had been lost in it, but at the time we only knew that we needed to start pulling sails down and get through it. At the storm’s peak, we were sailing through 20ft seas in front of 50 knot winds—not the biggest storm by any stretch, but big enough. 20 foot waves are big. Big and scary. I was amazed by the violence. The boat was heeled over at least 30 degrees all the time, and the boat would creak, groan, and shudder as the waves found new ways to pick us up and drop us. Also, the ceiling had a nasty habit of dumping water on my bunk whenever we were breached by waves, which was often.

It was bad during the day, but night watch was apocalyptic. The entire world shrank to the space between the swelling walls of water on either side of the boat. At all times after dark we were harnessed and clipped in to the boat, something I was certainly thankful for. On the first night of the storm I was sitting in the back of the cockpit, holding onto the stern rail, when I heard a rumbling to my left. I turned in time to stare directly into a massive wave bearing right down on my face. The wave hit, the boat lurched at a sickeningly to the side, and although I was secure I could feel the water lifting me up and pulling me out. Fortunately, I stayed on board (and even though I was tethered in, it would still suck to get pulled out). I didn’t think that I was going to die just then, but I was overcome by the realization of just how easy—and how unpleasant—dying out there could be. If you leave the boat, especially in conditions like that, any talk of survival is bordering on the realm of the miraculous.
The storm lasted for about 2 days, but eventually it blew itself out. We didn’t want to go around Cape Hatteras without a good weather forecast, and to do that we would need to head towards land. Also, everything we had was wet and cold, so we decided to pull into Morehead City, North Carolina to dry off and refresh. Jered left the boat at this point and Stephen and I continued through inter-coastal waterways to Norfolk, Virginia before sailing up the Chesapeake to Baltimore.

It was an exciting trip, and quite a learning experience, though I’m not sure how anxious I would be to repeat it. Really, I felt like I was getting to see a secret part of the world—a part that most people don’t even think about, let alone visit. But it’s certainly not for the unprepared. Nature is both beautiful and horrible, and coming face to face with both sides of that can teach you a lot about yourself.

Also, I didn’t barf.

I have pictures on my Flickr page, so please check them out if you're interested:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/photographicpictures

post #7 of 55
Those are awesome pics Chris. Did you keep the Sea Beard?
post #8 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
This thread needs a bed of the "Indiana Jones" theme playing while it's read. I hope it gets a lot of entries.

Edited to add: Think we can persuade Tim to tell the great Adventure Monkey Story one more time, or have we all heard that one already?
I haven't.
post #9 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetManX View Post
That article was a good read! The community sounds really fun. We have street racing where I live, but everyone's so isolated. Everyone's determined to be 'cool' and silent.
Lemons racing is about as far from the "too cool" street racing scene as a person can get. It is real racing, but it is also intended to be fun.
post #10 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
Think we can persuade Tim to tell the great Adventure Monkey Story one more time, or have we all heard that one already?
So, there was this time when an unshaven and gin-besotted Peter Tork and I were outrunning the cops as we sped away from Vegas and into the desert. Oh sure, I was but a mere toddler at the time, but I must admit my pride at getting that Pontiac GTO they tooled around in at max speed, while popping a wheelie for 45 miles without blowing the 6-71. Cops never did catch us, and we sure as shit got that contraband to Saskatoon without a hitch!

OOOPS... Wrong "monkey" story! Sorry, Ig. This one's for you! My apologies in advance to anyone who's read this already but the thread it appeared in seems to have been lost.

Many, many, moons ago, when I was 17 (it was a very "meh" year), I worked as a groundskeeper at Six Flags Great Adventure. I worked the late afternoon - closing shift, closing the park down for the night.

One particular mid- 1980s night, a co-worker of mine named Rick was assigned to the Hospitality area of the Safari section (the place where you catch the bus to go into Safari... ALWAYS TAKE THE BUS, NEVER YOUR OWN CAR!!!!). His job was to sweep up, bag, and dispose of trash throughout the area and clean the restrooms. Now, at the time, Hospitality was literally on the other side of the security fence where the monkeys of the Safari area were kept. The monkeys would wait for the guard dog to go to sleep, hop the fence into Hospitality, and start rummaging through the trash cans for food.

Now on this night, my buddy was doing his job when he sees a big ol' baboon-sort-of monkey bopping around the Hospitality parking lot. The monkey is reaching for a discarded bag of Doritos, so Rick dashes over and sweeps up the bag into his pan. The monkey was not pleased and vocalized his displeasure with a loud "OOK OOK" while raising his arm over his head. Behind the monkey, in the surrounding woods, all of these eyes started getting reflected by the parking lot lights. The "ook ook" was repeated from monkey to monkey until it became a chorus of howls and screams, and monkeys started moving from their hideouts in the woods towards Rick.

Rick turned and bolted like a motherfucker. He had a good lead on them until he committed a faux pas. Rick dropped his Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. I'd have left them myself, but this was the '80s kids and you weren't trendy if you didn't have your Ray Bans. So, that bad decision led to Rick getting overrun by a wave of monkey.

Around this time, I and several of my co-workers were in one of the park's white Ford Pick-ups on our way to Hospitality to pick up Rick and sign out for the night. A bunch of us, myself included were riding in the bed when we saw Rick getting his ass handed to him by all these simians. Rick broke away, dived into the bed screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!" As we followed his wishes, monkeys started getting into the truckbed with us.

Picture if you will a Ford barreling down the GA parking lot, covered in screaming monkeys, as a bunch of uniformed Groundskeepers are fighting off said monkeys with pans and brooms. I, myself, smacked one ape in the snoot with my broom, and to indicate his displeasure, got into a tug-of-war with him with the broom. A couple of swats and bad balance on both our parts led to me eventually swatting said simian out of the truck. Eventually, we hit top speed and monkeys started jumping out of the truck and hauling ass back to the surrounding woods, there to wait 'mongst the trees until noon the next day when Safari workers and the now awake guard dog would herd the monkeys back into Safari proper (it was the standard routine for Safari back then - monkeys hop the fence at night, hang out in the woods til daybreak, and Safari folks with these long ass poles would tap the trees and get the monkeys to climb down and book towards Safari).

So, now that we were rid of the moneys, we made it back to the Employee area to survey the damage. Uniforms were wrecked - dirty, shredded, etc. The truck lost both windshield wipers, lots of scratches to the finish as well as monkey prints all over. Us folks in the back had to deal with scratches and bruises (no bite marks! But we did get lots and lots of Bactine, just in case). Rick was banged up pretty good - he was bruised up the worst of us, and his Ray Bans, sadly, were scratched up. All of us, after visiting First Aid signed out for the night.

Next day, I'd heard that the monkeys totaled Hospitality after we left. Trash cans turned over, bathrooms were wrecked, trash everywhere. My only solace was I didn't have to clean any of that stuff up that morning.

Yeah, not as exciting as Mushnik, f86sabre, JetManX, or the tales of Overlord, Lima, or FrankCobretti (seriously, who the hell has had more adventures than Cobretti?), but I have seen quite a bit of shit in my 41+ years (flew in a C-130 out of McGuire AFB when I was an AFJROTC cadet, saw a domestic dispute spill out of a house and into the street, where the wife shot her hubby in the ass, shotgun murders on the day of my HS graduation, etc.). And when you're literally face-to-face with a screaming monkey, life does take on a whole new meaning.

(warmly dedicated to Iggy, Doc Happenin, Alex, Jcassady, and the missing and missed LisaNY)
post #11 of 55
Where is LisaNY?
post #12 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Miller View Post
Did you keep the Sea Beard?
No way. I cut that shit off. It was sort of a necessary evil; had I tried to shave I would have come back looking like fucking Freddy Krueger or something. I had enough bruises; I didn't need any lacerations.
post #13 of 55
I don't like to talk about myself much, but right now I'm doing a 2 year stint teaching law in Eastern Ethiopia. There's been a lot of crazy stuff I've seen and done I guess, like feeding a hyena with my mouth and being chased out of a bar by like 20 people. Also: not a lot of posting because internet here is not exactly a given. aka + points for the CHUD forums.
post #14 of 55
I tore the tag off my mattress. I'm waiting. Bring your "penalty of law".
post #15 of 55
Tim,
Where is Penn Jillette and Monkey Tuesday when we need them? Your story would have been perfect for his show.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_Tuesday
post #16 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by f86sabre View Post
Tim,
Where is Penn Jillette and Monkey Tuesday when we need them? Your story would have been perfect for his show.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_Tuesday
No shit? First I ever heard of this!
post #17 of 55
These are some great stories, and well told!

In the spirit of the thread, I'll add an early adventure.

I'm 15 years old, working the summer at a Boy Scout camp called Emerald Bay. It's on Catalina Island, 26 miles off the coast of California. Back in the '20s, someone had filmed a western on the island. The western required a herd of buffalo, which were shipped to Catalina, filmed, and released.

Now it's 1983, and buffalo roam freely about the island. One afternoon, a big 'un wanders into camp. It moseys across the parade ground, through the campfire ring, among the staff cabins, and out onto a point that jetted roughly 25 yards into the sea and whose highest elevation is 75-100' above sea level.

We, the staff, are delighted. It's early in the summer and camp hasn't opened yet, so we don't need to be concerned with the safety of our campers. We run for our cabins, grab our cameras, and start snappin.' Hungry for the superior shot, we crowd in, jostling for position as we try to frame the buffalo against the sea, the sky, and the lone tree out on that point.

Note to the reader, and particularly to the German reader: it is unwise to get too close to wild animals that can kill you.

See, we failed to realize that we'd cornered the buffalo. The only way it was getting off that point was by going through us. And so it did.

The human body, that mundane organism to which we're all accustomed, is a marvelous thing. You may not, for example, think that you are capable of leaping into the air, grabbing the eaves of a cabin roof, and pulling yourself up onto that roof in one smooth motion. But when you're running in panic, and an angry buffalo is bearing down on you, you will amaze yourself.

And so I stood on that roof and watched the buffalo charge past, down a hill, through the campfire circle, across the parade ground, and back into the bush from whence it came. And I stayed on that roof for a good twenty minutes, just to be sure. It was the day I woke up, and I'll never forget it.

That's why, even today, when the Emerald Bay Alumni Association hits me up for a donation, there's always some money in the checking account. Well, that and the memory of a member of the Newport Beach Girls' Swim Team, a starry night, and the sound of waves lapping softly on the shore.

But that's another adventure, for another time.
post #18 of 55
Adventures? Tales of derring-do? I have had more than my share, but since we seem to be gravitating towards childhood here, I'll tell an old one.

I was 18 years old. I enlisted in the Army on a delayed entry, so me and my friends decided to tie one on.

We started by breaking into someone's garage to steal a keg of beer. Not being physical specimens, we needed a mode of transport for this keg... so we stole the guy's wheelbarrow. His dog starts barking, and he runs out of the house with off-color remarks that questioned our parentage. He calls the cops, so we took a shortcut through the local golf course... causing a bit of damage to several putting greens.

We finally make it to my house after totalling the wheelbarrow, denting the keg, and getting severely bruised up.

Guess who is waiting at my door?

My dad... and three of Athens, GA's finest.

All five of us spent the night in jail, and I got seven shades of shit beat out of me... but for one brief, shining moment... I was an action hero.

Ahhh... memories.

Here's to Mooch, Chaz the Spaz, Blinky, and Itch... the best friends a guy could do time with.
post #19 of 55
Once when I was 10, I spent the night at a friend's house. His family owned a campground on their property and my friend made the foolhardy decision to go out at midnight or so and spy on some of the campers. We crawled through some tall grass until we got about 20 feet or so from an RV. With my friend's binoculars we were soon disgusted by the sight of a geriatric woman performing oral on her male companion. Then suddenly we heard a dog barking and running toward where we were and we froze! Luckily the dog went away after a minute and we crawled away.
post #20 of 55
Thread Starter 
I come home from Eastery weekend and Wow! Some of these stories are really amazing and funny.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ali View Post
I don't like to talk about myself much, but right now I'm doing a 2 year stint teaching law in Eastern Ethiopia... internet here is not exactly a given. aka + points for the CHUD forums.
Hey, when you get back, we'll be waiting!
post #21 of 55
My older brother used to have a 1970 Buick GS 455 Stage 1, mint condition, back in the 1980s. He had it tuned up and running great for a few years, and he took me out racing a few times. This wasn't anything like that 'Fast and Furious' stuff; this was just going out and finding other people with muscle cars and doing quick little races on back streets. My brother always won every race when I was with him.

I was with him on one night when we burned a cop that was chasing us. We had finished up a race and were tooling around afterwards when we saw the familiar 'cop lights' flashing in the distance behind us. My brother imediately turned of his lights and floored it, shifting to slow us down around turns so that he wouldn't tap the break lights. There were stretches where we buried the speedometer, so I honestly don't know how fast we were going, but it was exhilirating as hell to this 14 year old kid. Anyways, we made it back to his girlfriend's apartment and hid out for the rest of the night (he called my parents and told them that I was staying over).

Good times. That was a fast fucking car.
post #22 of 55
Tim, no matter how many times I hear that story, be it in person or on this messageboard, I never, ever get tired of it.
post #23 of 55
Shit, it's been four days and no new adventures? Or is it because you're all fighting Tamil Tigers, tracking deer in Appalachia, getting that microfilm to Control before the terrorist cabal knows you've escaped, or dating Trish in Accounting at the same time as you're dating Babs in Shipping/Receiving (and, boy, won't you be in trouble when they find out, let me tells ya!)

OK, this one's for F86, Cobretti, Lima, and any other Chewer with a military or aviation background.

I was a junior in high school, on my last year as an AFJROTC cadet (newly minted Cadet Senior Master Sergeant or E-8) and our squadron was invited to visit McGuire AFB on a class trip. It was a rainy day, so after touring the base, we were waiting in the mess for the weather to turn favorable so we could take a spin on a C-130 (someone had set up a portable TV for us to watch, so we clocked in an hour of "Rat Patrol" before we got an all clear).

The weather cleared up in the early afternoon, so we boarded the plane via the drop down ramp in the back, strapped ourselves in cargo, and off we went. We did a short round trip over NJ, Delaware, Maryland, and back, including an airborne refueling dock. It was a blast.

One thing that did stand out to make the trip more memorable was the cute little willowy blonde sergeant sitting next to Master Sergeant Conklin on the flight (Conklin was old school: tough as nails, took no shit, had awesome tales of his time in Korea and Vietnam. Also had this tuft of chest hair that always seemed to peek out from the top of his shirt. Even when wearing a tie in full dress uniform). During the flight, she seemed to be flirting with me (with ME! Nerd like me never saw it coming!). Since we were across from each other on the plane, we couldn't really talk, so it was all body language and facial expressions. I made her laugh a couple of times, she'd wink at me, it was great.

Until we circled back to base.

Somewhere over Delaware, this cute little chippie started turning green, and grabbed her airsick bag. Then she seemed to relax a bit, looked at me, then woofed her cookies (yeah, the reaction I get from some women. It's a curse, these looks, let me tell ya). MSgt. Conklin shook his head a bit disapprovingly (don't know why, he didn't get any backsplash or anything. She was a lady, after all).

So, we got back to base, she was feeling better, and we managed to sit together and chat the whole the bus ride back. Sadly, she had a boyfriend (story of my life), but we did get to be good friends until we graduated.
post #24 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
monkey business
Oh jesus, I'm crying with laughter over here. I'm glad I checked out this thread.
post #25 of 55
This isn't some grand adventure like some of the great ones here, but I figured I'd post one that is near and dear to my heart.

9-11-01: I was a senior in a high school near Pittsburgh, PA. Just a normal day until around the time I went to third period when I heard (as everyone else did) about the attacks.

The televisions were on at the time of the second plane crash, but they weren't on long after that. It was a typical high school where the administration was overprotective of its students and there was mass rumors going around about a plane hitting Downtown (Dahntahn for all you yinzers) Pittsburgh. While in hindsight in wasn't true, it wasn't too far from the truth regarding United 93. Many of the students' parents worked in Pittsburgh, so people were freaking out. Televisions were off and no more knowledge about the attacks went on (unless you made it to a computer, as I didn't).

School let out early and afterschool activities were canceled. My best friend (still, to this day) and I wanted to get away from everything going on that day. I have a cottage on Lake Erie. It's a family owned timeshare only twenty feet away from the lake itself. We decided to go there. About an hour and a half away.

We listened to the reports all the way to my cottage. Craziness going on... all of it. What really opened my eyes though was how 300 or so miles away from where we were, it was Hell. Yet, where we were it had to have been the most beautiful day. The sun was bright, not a cloud in the sky, and the temperature was surprisingly warm for September 11. Perhaps the most surprising thing of all was the lake itself. Usually, the lake's waves are rough. 2-3 feet are around the average during that time. The time we arrived? It was glass. It was like New York was on a different planet.

I felt horrible about what happened that day, but everything around me wanted me to feel good about the day. I had some of my most fondest memories at that cottage and the weather being so beautiful made days like that impeccable there. You could have tanned under the sun, swam in the lake, played in the sand... and not know of anything around you. And not know of anything going on 300 miles away in New York.

Still one of the most remarkable moments of my life, but not necessarily for the right reasons.
post #26 of 55
Wow, Pomp. What a story.

Tim, this one's for you:

When I first joined the Navy, I couldn’t wait to go to sea. After a while, however, I began to think of my aircraft carrier as nothing but a loud, dirty, nasty place that I couldn’t wait to leave. Sometimes, though, something would happen that would make me love that big ship. This is a story about one of those days.

I was a senior copilot in my helicopter squadron, flying with a senior helicopter aircraft commander (or HAC), an experienced crew chief, and a rescue swimmer who’d been with us for most of our “workups,” or training cycle. It was the beginning of our third month in the Persian Gulf, we felt comfortable with ourselves and the environment, and we were already counting the days until our next port call. The flight was a simple plane guard / surface search mission, with some passenger ferrying thrown in later on. Plane guard meant that we were supposed to fly near our carrier as the ready rescue aircraft while it launched and recovered fixed-wing birds. Surface search was flying around the vicinity of the carrier, keeping tabs on the local shipping. Passenger ferrying was, well, passenger ferrying. We briefed at 0400, launched at 0600,and were scheduled to recover at 1000.

As we preflighted our Sikorsky H-60 that morning, we saw large thunderheads and lightning flashes roughly ten miles away. It was unusual for the Gulf, but we’d been getting thunderstorms for a few days and had been having no trouble avoiding them. So far.

Nothing much happened in the first hour of flight. The fixed wingers launched OK while we in the helo warmed up, drank coffee, and slowly worked closer and closer to the Iranian side of the Gulf as we kept our carrier between ourselves and the weather. During a break between launch cycles, we radioed the ship for tasking and accepted directions away from her to go photograph an Iranian oil tanker. We had an uneventful flight out to the tanker, though the cloud ceiling had dropped to about 500 feet. After we finished photographing the ship, the carrier called us with another contact. That’s when things started to get interesting.

We turned toward the contact and saw a dark gray wall in front of us. We called up the ship, told them we wouldn’t be able to get to the contact due to weather, and added that we were coming back. It was coming up on time for our passenger runs, anyway. Problem was, that gray wall had extended and was now standing between us and our carrier. “No problem,” we thought. “We’ll just transit south until we get around it.”

That wall just kept going and going. Our crew chief said that he saw a clearer route to the north, so we decided to give that a try and turned around. It was a great plan, right up until we saw all the lightning strikes raining down on the area we’d planned to traverse.

Now we were getting a little uncomfortable. There was nothing between us and the carrier but black, grey, and thunderbolts all the way down to the water. The other option was sunny Iran, which was really no option at all. We decided that the best route, since we had to go through this mess, was to pick the lightest spot in the grey and go for it.

As I flew closer and closer to the light grey wall, I got more and more tense until, just prior to penetration, that little elf on my shoulder jumped up and shouted, “Rethink this!” I said, “I really don’t want to do this. Let’s turn around and rethink our options.”

The crew chief chimed in, “I concur, sir.”

Our HAC thought for a second. “OK, let’s turn around.”

So we bought ourselves a few minutes and reevaluated the situation. We were on the wrong side of a nasty line of thunderstorms; our only divert was a place that, if not hostile, certainly wasn’t friendly; there was so much thick white lightning raining down around that line that we pilots didn’t even flinch when the guys in back called, “Holy smokes! That was close!” any more. Oh, and while we reevaluated, more clouds formed around us. We didn’t have many options to weigh, and we hadn’t talked to anyone for some time.

Wait a minute! We hadn’t talked to anyone for some time! We’d had trouble with one of our two radios earlier in the flight and had only been talking to the Surface Control Module, the guys who track big surface ships and tell us where to go to have a look at them. But those guys didn’t have weather radar! Someone suggested that we try to call Departure, which is a dedicated air traffic control frequency with weather radar, and see if they could help us navigate the storm.

“Departure, 611 (our call sign), 11.2 miles out on your [compass bearing] 110, request radar vectors through this weather.”

“611, Departure. I’ve been trying to contact you, sir. You’re right in the middle of it. I’ll try to get you through. Come to [heading] 240. It should clear up about six miles from your current position.”

“Roger, 611, new course 240.”

Naturally, that course steered us straight into the blackest part of the wall.

Almost instantaneously, we were flying blind. I couldn’t even see the water 175 feet below us. I decelerated to our most efficient airspeed, asked the aircraft commander to back me up on the gauges, and got my soul right with the Lord. The rain was so loud, it almost drowned out the sounds of the engines and rotors. The lightning was so heavy, I stopped worrying about whether we’d be struck, since there’d be nothing I could do about it other than fly the bird. And the intercom got very, very quiet.

The crew chief’s voice, cautious: “Sir, everything OK up there?”

“Yes. I’ve got all my synapses concentrated on the gauges.” I was using my ‘super cool’ voice, the voice I always use when I’m terrified.

“And I’m backing him up,” joined my buddy in the left seat, also in ‘super cool’ mode. “Everything’s OK.”

Departure came up again. “You’re about five miles from the clear area, sir. Come left [new heading] 220.”

“220, roger.”

Again, quiet: Kasparov quiet, the silence of concentration. The crew chief even gave up exclaiming at the proximity of the lightning hits. Every ten or fifteen seconds, someone would say, “Gauges green, doing good, or, “You’re doing fine.” Under most conditions, those kinds of comments are bromides. Today, however, they helped keep me calm and keep me flying.

The strangest part of the experience was how, when we were in the thick of it, we all became very calm, very professional. We had work to do.

And then the rain lessened, disappeared, and we were in a corridor amongst the clouds. We could see the sea again. It was gray, as was the ceiling about 300 feet above us and the walls of the thunderstorms all around.

“611, Departure. Have you in the clear, with storm cells at [bearings] 300 and 210. Recommend new course 255.”

“Departure, 611, roger,” my HAC radioed. “We see lightning down those bearings, coming to new course 255.”

And the amazingly accurate directions of the Departure controller continued until, at 3.5 nautical miles out, we saw our carrier, flat gray against the gray sea. I never thought I’d be so happy to see that boat. On the other hand, I wasn’t so happy to see all the lightning crashing down into the sea near her stern.

Once again, we got on the radio. “Departure, 611, have you in sight. Sir, what’s the status of our passenger run?”

“We’re checking into that, sir.”

Then our TACAN needle went away. The navigation lights on the ship went out. The radios got quiet. The HAC made the call. “Departure? Departure, 611?” Nothing. Not even static.

There was no way we were going to lose visual contact with mom at this point. We stayed within two miles, flying close orbits, watching the lightning, which by now we’d almost come to take for granted, come crashing down. After a minute or so, we heard the voice of the ship’s captain over the net.

“611, this is the bridge on emergency transmitter. We’ve had a lightning strike and power failure here. Navigation beacons, lights, and radios are down. Stand by. I’ll stay up with you until Departure comes back on line.”

So we did just that, standing by and orbiting the aircraft carrier, trying to stay clear of the worst of the lightning, waiting for the ship to fix itself. That’s when the crew chief raised the question, “Sir, what exactly happens if we get struck by lightning?”

The HAC responded, “Well, we should get a total AC power failure, for one thing. That would knock out the radios, the automatic flight control system, and the lights.”

I chimed in, “Hey, why don’t you grab the big in-flight manual and have a look? Lightning should be in the ‘heavy weather’ section.”

So he did have a look and, as we hawked the ship and avoided the blackest clouds, read to us everything the manual had to say about lightning strikes and total AC power failures. We came up with our plan in case we got hit, which was, basically, “If we don’t lose both our engines, we fly it back. If we do lose them, we get very wet very quickly.”

And that’s when Departure came back up. “611, we’re with you. We had a lightning strike here. We’re still trying to work that passenger issue for you.”

For the first time since things had started to get sticky, I laughed. Our HAC came back up, “Departure, 611, the passenger run is canceled. I’m not leaving visual range of the ship.”

“611, roger, will coordinate. Stand by.”

And it wasn’t long after that that we heard the magic words: “611, cleared to land.”

And we came back to the ship, feeling pretty good about ourselves, our bird, and our teamwork. After we’d shut down and I climbed out of the cockpit, one of the maintainers asked me if we were scared. I looked at him, smiled, got down on my hands and knees, and kissed the deck of that big, beautiful ship.
post #27 of 55
Thread finished, Frank wins.

Unless one of you assholes stormed Normandy or something...
post #28 of 55
That was great, Frank.
post #29 of 55
Here's another awesome thing about Frank's story, that was a story he was ALLOWED to talk about. Imagine the shit he can't tell us.
post #30 of 55
Amazing story.
post #31 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jared Melton View Post
Thread finished, Frank wins.

Unless one of you assholes stormed Normandy or something...
Well, I did capture a milipede snaking out of the men's room sink at work. OK, not as awesome of death-defying as Frank's tale of derring do, serving his country while flying an H-60 through a storm with a grim look of fucking determination on his face, but it was a pretty big bug, though. All legs and shit.

Thanks for the dedication, Frank!


Pom: great, touching, story - I remember seeing the debris/dust clouds all the way from NYC on my way home from work in East Brunswick; you could feel the world change that day.
post #32 of 55
So...

I was 18, fresh out of high school and on my first job as a DirecTv door to door salesman. Our group of 5 consisted of Freddy the supervisor, 2 girls, another dude (Alex) and myself. I was the youngest of the bunch, by far.

We had a Van that we'd fill up with DirecTv antennas and drive to small towns across the State where Cable companies were mostly raping customers to try and get some business. Our plan was simple, we drove off with 20-30 antennas, rent a house or cheap hotel at one of these towns, and stay there until we had sold and installed all of them. Then come back home for a few days, pick up some more and go out again to another town.

This particular town was called Claromeco, is a very small beach town 300km south of Buenos Aires. Only seeing some action in the summer time, Winter was as dead as night. The place only had one small club and a bar with a pool table and a House of The Dead arcade machine. Needless to say, it was boring as fuck. The nights were very long and there was literally nothing to do. We had been coming back to this place for a few weeks, business was good and the people were friendly. So we were already known by almost everyone (small towns, you can't go unnoticed)

One night, we were feeling extra celebratory (It was Tuesday!), and while the supervisor and the 2 girls were sleeping (one was sleeping with him), Alex and I decided to play a little game. We grabbed a bottle of Gin that we had stored and started playing cards for shots. An hour later and half the bottle was gone. In our bright state of mind we decided that the night could not under any circumstance finish there (again, it was Tuesday!) so we drove to the local club. This was a very small town with streets basically made out of Sand, traffic was not an issue. The club had 2 people in, both guys. Not entirely the crowd our drunk minds was expecting. We went back to the house to re-group and see what else we could do. That half bottle of Gin was staring at us, almost daring us to finish it. So of course, we did.
After that, it was maybe 1.30 am and i had an epiphany : "LET'S GO RABBIT HUNTING!". Alex could not fight my flawless logic and we got a rifle and a gun that we used to carry in our trips and headed towards the beach were at night, lots of wild rabbits wandered around.

We approached a sand dune and there must have been close to 20 rabbits fucking around the beach at less than 50 yards away. We had close to 50 rounds to get as many as we wanted. We didn't hit a single one of them...
After feeling a little ashamed of our bad aim and realizing we were not real men, we decided to pack it up and return home. Alex stepped back from the drivers seat for a minute to put the rifle back in place and take the ammo out of it and I stayed up front doing the same with the gun. I took away the Clip, but saw that there was still one in the chamber. Having seen so many films and Tv Shows, i knew exactly how to take it out, you just pull it back quickly and the round jumps out, right??? Well, i pulled it back quickly and let it go, only to hear a huge BOOM sound (This happened inside a closed off Van) followed by some breaking glass coming from the driver's window and a few seconds later another glass breaking a few blocks down the road...followed by a woman screaming.

Luckily i didn't hit anyone, she was just scared shitless of waking up in the middle of the night by having a bullet come through her window. Alex jumped from the back of the Van to the front to see if I was alright, then realizing that had he been in the driver's seat, he'd had been hit. We sobered up in about 3 seconds before realizing just how dumb and lucky we had been.
And then the cops arrived... And that's how i got arrested.

As i stated at the beginning, these people knew us already and were somewhat grateful that we were there ridding them of the cable companies... so the Sheriff knew that i was just a dumb drunk kid and took me to the station to spend the night until my supervisor came to pick me up at 7 am.
We apologized to the woman, paid for her window and i then had to explain to him why his precious van was missing a window and the steering wheel had a bullet hole... That came out of my paycheck. But he didn't fire me hahaha. I was too good of a salesman and he couldn't afford to lose me.

I've never fired a gun again and i don't plan to in the near future.
Hey, what else were we going to do? It was Tuesday!
post #33 of 55
Riveting stuff, Tati!
post #34 of 55
Timothy, that monkey story was a cracker too. Thanks so much for the repeat-share.
post #35 of 55
It's February 2004 and I'm going to my first concert (I've been a shut in my earlier days) and I'm going to see AFI (Don't laugh) all the way out in San Bernardino at what I think is a fairground of some kind. I'm also trying to review the show for the CSUN newspaper.

I go there with my AFI t-shirt and a friend of mine all the way over there. When we get there, there's a huge a line. We soon join in as the rain starts to drizzle every so often. As we get closer to show time, everyone james against a gate. The actual venue is all the way across the fairground.

About an hour and change away from show time, the gate opens and we all sprint across the fairground. Everyone is sprinting. I make a mad dash across leaving my friend behind. I'm running so hard that my chest hurts (I'm not asmatic) and despite being pretty close the entrance. People who just walk up don't give a shit about line place just crowd around the front. Yet another sign of piss poor concert organization.

Despite being frisked I'm somehow allowed to keep my umbrella and I go in. It's my very first concert and being a dumbass I stand in the pit area during the first opening act (A Static Lullaby. God why?) Once again this is my first show so I think I'll enjoy the pit area. Very much not the case.

Soon I'm sloshing about with all the other folk and I scramble to make sure I'm not being sucked under. Second, my arms are jammed up because of the crowd as I keep frisking myself to make sure no one steals my wallet. One of my arms gets shoved into this girl's face and I'm trying to apologize. Soon I feel teeth sink in. I freak out and immdiately get the hell out of there. Thankfully, she hadn't broken the skin. Otherwise I may have used umbrealla as a defense weapon.

The concert goes on. Everyone is rubbed raw from the long day and even longer standing around. Coheen and Cambria shows up and no one is having it. People are throwing shit and trying to set the frontman's hair on fire. It was not the best.

Eventually AFI shows up and I'm having a great time. There was this cool moment where there was this dad holding his kids on his shoulders so they could see the show. All the while I'm trying to dodge impromptu mosh pits.

The show ends and the lights come on. I discovered my watch has been ripped off and my friend had been dozing off way in the back. I think at that point I'd been standing up for at least 15 hours. We are delirious (not drunk) and pretty much jabbering all the way back to LA as I try remember what went on for the article.

It's pouring now and as we go to Norm's, there's this massive piece of sidewalk in the road. Being dead ass tired we didn't think of it and drove over it. This causes the car to stop dead. I freak out thinking I just fucked up the car. I pull over and step out into the rain. Despite having the rock right in the middle of the front axel, everything appears to be fine. We just lucked out big time.

Then we get to Norm's and try to go over what happened as a I scrawl down what went on my notepad.

Shockingly, I didn't get the article published and that was that. To this day we still jokingly say that show was our Vietnam.
post #36 of 55
I got really drunk and lost in a trailer park in the ghetto when I was 19.... so many fucking cats.
post #37 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
It's February 2004 and I'm going to my first concert (I've been a shut in my earlier days) and I'm going to see AFI (Don't laugh) all the way out in San Bernardino at what I think is a fairground of some kind.
AFI used to be great. They're nowhere near the bad end of the first gig list. Also, the bite was untoward!
post #38 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby Bear View Post
AFI used to be great. They're nowhere near the bad end of the first gig list. Also, the bite was untoward!
What really drove me was the fact I had just ran into the frontman the month before at this place where I used to go industrial dancing. And for that period of time, I kept running into him every so often.
post #39 of 55
Great story, Ed. I think that almost everyone has a memorable concert experience or two, but I have nothing that comes even close to comparing with yours.
post #40 of 55
That's pretty great, Ed. Was Davey ever accompanied by Hunter "superpimp" Burgen on any of those occasions?
post #41 of 55
Not that I know of. The only time I ever got introduced to one of his friends was this one time. I think it was the second to last time I ran into him and he introduced me to a friend he called "Precious" (Not joking) and said he was his "dancing partner". He said they go dancing all the time. I responded with "Yeah, I'll play along."
post #42 of 55
Cool story, Ed! Concert stories, yes, I have a few...

I remember catching the Hooters(!) at Monmouth College back when I was a freshman (about '85, I think). Friend from high school asked me to get tickets for him and his girl, and he promised to get me a date for the show. He did, and hoo boy, what a date.

Her name was Spike. I shit you not. Spiky brown '80s 'do, black spandex tights, leg warmers, rockin' body, and a cute face. Ah, but she was 100% Jersey girl from Lodi, and God help you if you pissed her off.

The night started out great - we caught the show (don't fucking judge me. It was the mid '80s, I had a remote shot at getting some noonie cookie from the Prom Queen of Shermer High, so going to a Hooters show seemed like a fair trade), and wound up at the local dive - Murphy's Law, home of the stickest floor at the Shore!

Spike had gotten into a mild disagreement with a local fella (no idea about what to this day), whereupon she felt obligated to clock him one in the face(!), then returned to where I was sitting where she cozyed up. Apparently, the clocked dude wasn't too happy. Neither were his two friends. Or their dates. So here I am with Spike, my buddy and his girl, and I now have to defend my lady's honor. So, silently cursing fate, I stood up, and politely suggested to the affronted that pursuing this was not in anyone's best interest (helps that I'm 6'3" and was lifting weights regularly back then, so I towered over that dude's posse). I wasn't really in the mood to fight, so I figured I could scare 'em off. Almost worked, too.

That's when Spike decided to up the ante - "That's right!!! Tim's gonna kick ALL of your asses!!! Yours too, BITCH!!!"

Yep, it was on. Thanks to Spike. Oh, punches were thrown, I took quite a few hits (sported a nice shiner for a couple of days as well as several stunning bruises). My buddy did, too. Spike and my buddy's date basically screamed obscenities in the meantime. I did, however, manage to successfully backhand Spike's accoster right in the face (special thanks to my old buddy Scott from England for that bit of street fighting move!), sending him stumbling into his girl, causing them both to trip and fall onto Murphy's sticky floor. That was our cue to haul ass outta there.

We'd made it as far as the parking lot when Long Branch's finest showed up. Statements were taken, evidence collected, and the four of us were let go a couple of hours later with warnings (turns out the folks we fought with were known troublemakers in the neighborhood, so we lucked out that the police believed us over them).

So, sore and exhausted, we drive back to my house and say our good nights. Defending Spike's honor got me... an appreciative hug from her and a promise of another date. Which never happened.

Bitter, yes, but I'm over that now... (grumble, grumble)
post #43 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Not that I know of. The only time I ever got introduced to one of his friends was this one time. I think it was the second to last time I ran into him and he introduced me to a friend he called "Precious" (Not joking) and said he was his "dancing partner". He said they go dancing all the time. I responded with "Yeah, I'll play along."
Well handled.
post #44 of 55
I recommend anyone who's young and isn't pre-disposed to self-persecution to venture through Europe, especially Amsterdam. Saying this is cliche is like saying enjoying water is cliche. But I suppose anyone reading this has already gone or has plans to by now.
post #45 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreary louse View Post
I recommend anyone who's young and isn't pre-disposed to self-persecution to venture through Europe, especially Amsterdam. Saying this is cliche is like saying enjoying water is cliche. But I suppose anyone reading this has already gone or has plans to by now.
I'll second this. I did a mini-tour of Europe back in 1996 (when I was 26), and it was an eye-opening experience. Amsterdam was an interesting experience (I almost got mugged, actually).
post #46 of 55
I was almost mugged as well. Also, let's not forget that Amsterdam is also a leg-opening experience.
post #47 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreary louse View Post
Also, let's not forget that Amsterdam is also a leg-opening experience.
Well...yeah. I'll share my near-mugging story if someone wants to hear it, but I won't go into any of that other stuff.
post #48 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
Well...yeah. I'll share my near-mugging story if someone wants to hear it, but I won't go into any of that other stuff.
Yes, let's concentrate on violence, not that icky stuff.

Better to not say anything then, I think.
post #49 of 55
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
I think that almost everyone has a memorable concert experience or two...
My friend loves Halcali, a J-pop rap duo. Here's a couple of videos, so you know why we suffered what follows:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyS7_w7eP48

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQzvNq9AHqU

So, we get to Chicago and the line zig-zags back and forth like 50x. It moves a foot every twenty minutes. We already know this is going to be bad.

Nine hours later, we leave the line.

Now, I don't think most people know what it's like to be in line for nine hours, but it actually felt like time itself had stopped. Over and over I thought "Surely this will end. Surely they will not keep us here all night."

To kill time, people threw paper airplanes at one another. A few kids inflated a condom and bounced it around the crowd like a beachball.

Turns out the organizers' computer system crashed like 9,000 times because of so many people buying tickets. Finally they resort to good ole' fashioned analog: writing our names on pieces of scrap paper and paying cash. From that point on it's only a three hour wait.

We get out of the line N I N E... H O U R S... L A T E R... and watch the concert. Everyone's kind of uncertain how to react to Halcali. Is this stuff for kids or what? By the end everyone was dancing and screaming our heads off after being in line for so long, so that part was great.

We get out at around midnight, exhausted and hungry. The night before we'd only slept four hours. My friend was on zero-sleep. I ask which hotel we're supposed to check into. He's been dodging the question the whole night. Finally he admits the truth: We've come to Chicago without a place to stay. It's fifty degrees. It's drizzling. These security guards chase us around the whole night while we try our damndest to find the most secluded corner to sleep in. I abandon my two companions at one point, sneak into an industrial stair way, and crawl under the steps. My best friend finds me after a few minutes. The whole night with these guards is like a Das Boot stand off or something: Who will misstep first?

Finally we sleep at the airport for two hours, then proceed to have a great 4-day stay in Chicago, undoubtedly one of America's great cities. If you ever visit, you hate yourself if you deny yourself a Giordano's pizza pie.

Leaving the city in taxi cab, I watch all the landmarks pass by the window. It's a golden afternoon with slow soul music on the radio. The African taxi cab driver speaks French on the phone as we head back to the airport. I look to my two friends and they're fast asleep. It's easily one of the most beautiful moments in my life so far.
post #50 of 55
Not long after I met my wife we booked a holiday in Egypt for her birthday. She is a seasoned traveller and has been all over the world, up until that point I had been to France, New York and Belgium, all pretty safe places.

Anyway she warned me about how the locals try to scam people before we left but I didn't really think much of it, which in hindsight was very dumb.

We were standing in the queue waiting to pass immigration when an official looking man comes up to us and demands out passports, now he was wearing an almost identical uniform to the security guards in the airport (Almost being the key word). So I handed them over and nodded when he asked if we were British. At this point he grabs the wife's arm and escorts us past the check in desk and out towards the back.

Of course by this point I'm crapping myself, I'm in a foreign country I don't speak the language and I'm being hauled off by security. It was then I noticed he didn't have a gun like the other guards, nor did he have a badge. So I ask him where we are going.

"My Brother own hotel, best in Luxor., I drive cab best in Luxor." was his reply. The wife shook herself free and asked for our passports, his response was to try and run. Fortunately I caught him and grabbed them back before he high tailed it out of there. The security did nothing to help or try and stop him and I later learned they are quite often in on these sort of scams.


Egypt is an amazing place to visit but you really have to watch yourself there.
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