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Don't mess with polar bears

post #1 of 44
4/12/09 at 12:19pm
Thread Starter 
The picture and caption say it all ...


Quote:
Polar bear attacks the woman after she swims towards it

Dramatic Pic Of Woman Attacked By Polar Bear (Berlin Zoo)

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Wor..._Being_Raised_
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post #2 of 44
4/12/09 at 12:41pm
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post #3 of 44
4/12/09 at 12:44pm
Quote:
"The woman has proved herself to be careless by jumping into the enclosure," a police spokesperson said.
Thank you Office Unterschtatment.
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post #4 of 44
4/12/09 at 1:01pm
Timothy Treadwell has a lot to answer for.
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post #5 of 44
4/12/09 at 1:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Geoff Foster View Post
Timothy Treadwell has a lot to answer for.
Wellll, we all saw what happened to him. I dunno if I'd jump to follow his lead.
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post #6 of 44
4/12/09 at 1:09pm
May I just say something? Fuck people who jump into zoo enclosures on their own volition. Their asses aren't worth the time or sweat of the rescuers. You jump in, we get a free show n tell from nature.

"Mommy, what's natural selection?"

"Well honey, that's when nature...oh look, freulein dumbass just fed herself to polar bears. There ya go. Now let's go watch the monkeys throw poo poo at each other."
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post #7 of 44
4/12/09 at 1:21pm
Check out the video footage

Poor polar bears, hope they dont get put down or anything. Fat dumb woman would have made a hearty meal.
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post #8 of 44
4/12/09 at 2:50pm
Geeze, Lost fans will stop at nothing to get answers.*




*sorry, best I got.
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post #9 of 44
4/12/09 at 4:43pm
Wow, that woman doesn't even deserve a little bit of sympathy.

Maybe all the pain she is in now will make her seriously reflect on why you shouldn't fuck with polar bears.
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post #10 of 44
4/12/09 at 5:27pm
I wouldn't be too quick to condemn. She could be a woman with a history of mental instability.
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post #11 of 44
4/12/09 at 6:34pm
That makes it better?
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post #12 of 44
4/12/09 at 6:45pm
Well, yeah, I guess Geoff does have a point there.

Stupid is one thing, we can mock stupid freely. But if someone does something incredibly self-destructive because they're mentally ill it changes the tone of the whole thing.
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post #13 of 44
4/12/09 at 6:50pm
True, that would make it much much funnier (I keed).
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post #14 of 44
4/12/09 at 7:12pm
Yeah...bears'll fuck you up. Until proved otherwise, she's a dumbass. However, I look forward to hearing her reasons, no doubt relayed to us by a team of psychologists.
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post #15 of 44
4/12/09 at 7:15pm
I don't care if she has a legit mental issue, fuck her for jumping in there.
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post #16 of 44
4/12/09 at 7:25pm
As long as the bears don't suffer any repurcussions (being put down, having the taste of fraulein linger for a few days, etc) I don't really care. Not like thousands of dollars had to be spent to rescue her, and I got a few hearty laughs out of it.
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post #17 of 44
4/12/09 at 7:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Domingo View Post
That makes it better?
Different.
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post #18 of 44
4/12/09 at 7:38pm
And by "different," we all of course mean "way more awesome."
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post #19 of 44
4/12/09 at 8:29pm
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post #20 of 44
4/13/09 at 2:27pm
The woman must have seen some images and wanted a hug. Blame teh internets...

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post #21 of 44
4/13/09 at 2:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Will Kane View Post
I don't care if she has a legit mental issue, fuck her for jumping in there.
I don't think she's mentally handicapped, because she would have scaled that wall with her teeth.
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post #22 of 44
4/13/09 at 3:50pm
It amazing she survived it really.
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post #23 of 44
4/13/09 at 4:03pm
She was supposedly depressed.

I'm convinced she wanted a hug. They are really cute, after all.

Sucks that they were only seconds away from shooting the poor bastards. I usually weigh a human's life as more important than an animal, but in this case, I'll make an exception.
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post #24 of 44
4/13/09 at 4:13pm
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post #25 of 44
4/13/09 at 4:15pm
Soo...she's depressed, got that, fine, whatever. What did she plan on doing in the polar bear pen? You haven't told me why she jumped in there! Unless her motivation was to 'get my face mauled the fuck off', I can't see how depression would lead her to such a stupid, stupid end.
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post #26 of 44
4/13/09 at 5:13pm
Because cutting just doesn't cut it when it comes to getting attention anymore....

But yeah, like Russ said, nothing ill should come to this bear. It was just doing what comes natural.
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post #27 of 44
4/13/09 at 5:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ogre View Post
Winner! Laughing like an idiot at my desk (surrounded by gag anti-motivational posters) as I write this.
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post #28 of 44
4/13/09 at 5:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post
I lolcat'd this photo.



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post #29 of 44
4/13/09 at 6:58pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlowe's Cat View Post
She was supposedly depressed.

I'm convinced she wanted a hug. They are really cute, after all.
'...it emerged that she is a teacher who had been driven to despair by her failure to find a job'.

'...It really affected her when she lost her job and she just couldn't see any future...'

Tell me - what do you know about depression? Seriously.

Quote:
Sucks that they were only seconds away from shooting the poor bastards. I usually weigh a human's life as more important than an animal, but in this case, I'll make an exception.
Do you practice impersonating a member of the human race or does it come naturally?
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post #30 of 44
4/13/09 at 9:45pm
Quote:
A spokesman for the zoo said Knut, now two years and four months old, would never harm a human.
Reassuring. Presumably the bear gave it's word somehow. The woman should have jumped into the enclosure of a less morally upstanding creature.
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post #31 of 44
4/13/09 at 10:17pm
The woman didn't have mental problems - that was a mix-up. A reporter asked what had happened to her and was told it was a "by-polar disorder".

I'm truly sorry. I will never attempt a joke again.
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post #32 of 44
4/13/09 at 10:36pm
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post #33 of 44
4/13/09 at 10:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mintadon View Post
The woman didn't have mental problems - that was a mix-up. A reporter asked what had happened to her and was told it was a "by-polar disorder".
YES!
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post #34 of 44
4/13/09 at 10:57pm
Seems to me like an attempted suicide by polar bear. Then she got close and her survival instinct kicked in.
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post #35 of 44
4/13/09 at 11:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mintadon View Post
The woman didn't have mental problems - that was a mix-up. A reporter asked what had happened to her and was told it was a "by-polar disorder".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfaRPev8cbA
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post #36 of 44
4/13/09 at 11:25pm
I look at it from the standpoint of the polar bear defending itself moreso than attacking. If I charged into a random person's house they would commence a beatdown as well.

She bears watching, as its really the polar opposite of what a sane person would do.
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post #37 of 44
4/13/09 at 11:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KConan View Post
She bears watching, as its really the polar opposite of what a sane person would do.
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post #38 of 44
4/14/09 at 12:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mintadon View Post
The woman didn't have mental problems - that was a mix-up. A reporter asked what had happened to her and was told it was a "by-polar disorder".



"This looks like a job for Bi-Polar Bear... but I just cant seem to get out of bed."
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post #39 of 44
4/18/09 at 3:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cameron Hughes View Post
This is from a Garth Ennis comic, right?
What happens next? Do the polar bears rape someone?
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post #40 of 44
4/18/09 at 4:27pm
The Punisher punches a bear in the face to get it riled up, and it ends up whacking a mob guy's head off.
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post #41 of 44
4/18/09 at 10:03pm
God bless Garth Ennis.
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post #42 of 44
4/19/09 at 6:37pm
Godless. Killing. Machine.



And also a bear.
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post #43 of 44
4/19/09 at 11:37pm
With any luck this Punisher story inspired a few of Ennis and Frank Castles emotionally retarded knuckle-dragging fans to actually seek out a bear and punch one just to see what would happen.

I can only hope natural selection worked that way.
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post #44 of 44
4/21/09 at 4:31am
Quote:
Originally Posted by neoolong View Post
The Punisher punches a bear in the face to get it riled up, and it ends up whacking a mob guy's head off.
At first I though you were joking. I hope Ennis gets a really good blowjob because of this. Literally, I hope some stunning looking woman walks up to him and says: "You're the guy that had the Punisher punch a polar bear. I am going to blow you." and then do it right there.
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