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When You Die

post #1 of 66
4/27/09 at 2:39pm
Thread Starter 
When you die: how do you want to go out? Where do you want to be buried?

At your funeral, what's the game plan?

Just curious to see what everyone has to say.
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post #2 of 66
4/27/09 at 2:45pm
It's going to suck no matter what; I just don't want to die on the toilet, masturbating, or in front of my wife.
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post #3 of 66
4/27/09 at 2:50pm
Ironically, I'm hoping for all three of those things.
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post #4 of 66
4/27/09 at 2:50pm
I know how I don't want to die:

http://www.acertainkindofdeath.com/

I'd rather be deboned by farming equipment than die like that.
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post #5 of 66
4/27/09 at 2:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderson View Post
how do you want to go out?
1. Peacefully in my sleep without any pain.
or
2. Really dramatically (parachute fails to open kinda thing).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderson View Post
Where do you want to be buried?
After donating my organs to people who can use them, I'm set to be cremated. I really don't care what happens to my ashes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderson View Post
At your funeral, what's the game plan?
That's not really up to me, but I'd hope for a very short church service followed by a wild party filled with scotch and metal.
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post #6 of 66
4/27/09 at 2:56pm
I'd love to go saving the world but if that doesn't come to pass, dying in my sleep is fine.
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post #7 of 66
4/27/09 at 2:59pm
I don't want to be aware I'm dying. No long slow illness, no seeing the truck coming at me. In my sleep.

And take any useful organs and burn me. Don't want a casket taking up space.
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post #8 of 66
4/27/09 at 2:59pm
Edit: Doh, too slow.

I want to die with as little pain as possible. As for the details of a funeral, that's for other people. I very literally could not care less what they do.
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post #9 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:08pm
Everybody wants to die in their sleep. What if that's the worst way to go?

Imagine coming to the slow realization within a dream that you're actually dying. As your neural network unravels, you're given a firsthand look at your permanently disappearing memories. Even worse, imagine your final conscious moments wrapped up in a trauma-induced nightmare from which you'll never wake up.

Just sayin'.
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post #10 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
Everybody wants to die in their sleep. What if that's the worst way to go?

Imagine coming to the slow realization within a dream that you're actually dying. As your neural network unravels, you're given a firsthand look at your permanently disappearing memories. Even worse, imagine your final conscious moments wrapped up in a trauma-induced nightmare from which you'll never wake up.

Just sayin'.
Thanks a lot. I'm going to need your phone number, and for you to keep your phone right by the bed tonight.
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post #11 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:16pm
I want to be cremated. I don't like the idea of just sitting in the ground, rotting slowly. Just roast me, dump me in the water, and let the whales have at me.

I don't want a funeral or memorial. Why do I want all of my friends and family gathered under one roof, sobbing and crying for me? I honestly find funerals to be counter-productive. Rather than helping people cope with their grief, it only compounds the sadness by having so many sad people in one space. I've never been comfortable at them, and I don't want to inflict that on the people I care about.
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post #12 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:18pm
Like Bruce Lee at the end of Fist of Fury, including freeze frame. Failing that, I don't know, everybody wishes for as little pain as possible or in their sleep or whatever, but I don't think about that. I want to die knowing that I'd done *something*, made my mark, achieved some level of contentment. Knowing that, it doesn't matter a whole bunch how I go, unless it's being eaten by polar bears, that I know I don't want.
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post #13 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:19pm
I told the Mrs recently that I wanted a viking burial.

Saying "i'd like her to be put out to sea with me, alive and naked on the burning ship" would be my cause of death.
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post #14 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:19pm
I would love to die peacefully in my sleep. Unfortunately, that's not in the cards for the vast majority of us.

As for my mortal remains, I want to be scavenged for usable parts. Then, I would love for the choicest bits of meat to be made into chili and served to my family and friends. I would also like my skull to be turned into a Magic 8 Ball so I can impart my advice on future generations.

Regardless if the above occurs, I would like whatever's left to be buried somewhere green and pleasant, and a fruit tree planted on top of me. I want people to picnic on my grave and pick tasty snacks of my essence from low-hanging branches.
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post #15 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:22pm
How I would love to die: being a longtime agnostic/atheist, I want to be hiking in some unpopulated area when the majestically mammoth Thumb Of God descends from the heavens and, while I laugh hysterically, squishes me like a bothersome chigger.
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post #16 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:40pm
In a hail of bullets saving someone I love. Cliche, naive and oh so stupidly young and romantic, but I want my last act to be something worth remembering.

And afterwards, if there are any organs left to donate, take em. Then cremate me. I'd rather like to fly into whatever fate awaits me.
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post #17 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:43pm
Guillotine.
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post #18 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:44pm
Ideally I would like to die in a way in which I don't have to comprehend what's happening as it is.

As for my funeral I don't care about many things except that I want Elvis Costello's (What's So Funny About) Peace, Love and Understanding as I'm carried out of the funeral.
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post #19 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:57pm
Lot of booze, and Thia hookers or at least some strippers, cover everything death and the funeral.
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post #20 of 66
4/27/09 at 3:59pm
How many of you guys have read Mary Roach's Stiff?

I wouldn't mind being used for something cool like ballistics testing.
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post #21 of 66
4/27/09 at 4:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Kimbell View Post
How many of you guys have read Mary Roach's Stiff?

I wouldn't mind being used for something cool like ballistics testing.
only if it painless
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post #22 of 66
4/27/09 at 4:37pm
Peaceful. Like drifting off to sleep after a long day at the best amusement park ever.

Afterward, something resembling nekkerbee's fate. I'd be lying if I said The Fountain didn't play a part in that decision, but I've always felt it's only right that my remains nourish the wide world that enriched me.
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post #23 of 66
4/27/09 at 4:40pm
I'd like to die in a way that traumatizes as many people as possible.

If my death is captured on video/photo I'd like it to become a meme.
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post #24 of 66
4/27/09 at 4:48pm
I'd like to go out Swayze style, choking the shit out of life as I'm dragged into oblivion. Either that or spontaneous combustion, while in a theater, sitting next to someone using twitter during the movie. Might as well take some asshole with me.

Funeral? How about something like open mic. Jokes at my funeral would seem appropriate.
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post #25 of 66
4/27/09 at 4:49pm
I'd like to die tragically saving my family from a sinking battleship.
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post #26 of 66
4/27/09 at 4:57pm
Forgot that part: If I'm lucky enough to die naturally at 85-90+, my funeral better be as happy (and as alcohol fueled) as my wedding.
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post #27 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:06pm
I'd like to die fighting a T-Rex with a biro.

And then i want a funeral like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdIv3...eature=related

Of all the souls that I have encountered.... mine is the most.... unoriginal.
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post #28 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:11pm
To baldly steal from John D. MacDonald: I want to be a healthy, virile senior citizen, on a secluded beach, making love to a phenomenally beautiful woman a good third my age, and immediately at the moment of an amazing mutual climax, we're trampled by a stampeding herd of elephants.
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post #29 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:11pm
I once had a dream I died in my sleep. I had a hell of a time pulling myself out of it. Scariest moment of my life. I still wonder to this day if I would have died had I not managed to wake up.

Torn to shreads is the way to go. Look the Grim Reaper right in the face.

It's the only way to be sure. Cremate what's left.
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post #30 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:12pm
As I die:

I'll try not to cry - as I point my two middle finger(s) into the sky...
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post #31 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:13pm
You go to the zoo and you get a lion. Stick a remote control bomb up it's butt... push the button on the bomb and you and the lion die like one.
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post #32 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:16pm
I thought about after I pass that I'd donate my body to science. Thinking I didn't want to be buried. But for some reason I chickened out on that one (I still don't want to be buried). I'll probably get back to that. My only concern is that some horney med student decides to have fun. But I'm dead, so what do I care?
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post #33 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
I thought about after I pass that I'd donate my body to science. Thinking I didn't want to be buried. But for some reason I chickened out on that one (I still don't want to be buried). I'll probably get back to that. My only concern is that some horney med student decides to have fun. But I'm dead, so what do I care?

Vanity they name is EdHocken!
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post #34 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:23pm
It's why I wear the suit. I ask for class.
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post #35 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:25pm
Wearing sandals.
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post #36 of 66
4/27/09 at 5:29pm
Nice. Please tell me it's during an alcohol-fuled rampage at the Olive Garden.
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post #37 of 66
4/27/09 at 6:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KidNtheHelmet View Post
Ideally I would like to die in a way in which I don't have to comprehend what's happening as it is.

As for my funeral I don't care about many things except that I want Elvis Costello's (What's So Funny About) Peace, Love and Understanding as I'm carried out of the funeral.
I like your style. You too, Manbeeng.

That said. I don't have a particular preference and don't feel like making requests.
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post #38 of 66
4/27/09 at 6:48pm
I hope to one day have my own "Clyde" so i'm thinking an ending like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, me and my orangutan running out into a blaze of glory.
My corpse? A human rocket that gets shot straight up and blown up with bags of coins attached, either way your going to get a bit of gold in the downfall.

Now i know the tune i want playing. Led Zeppelin's "Thats the way" (this performance is just spellbinding)
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post #39 of 66
4/27/09 at 7:01pm
Sometimes I get freaked out when I'm flying. I've flown so much in the last year that the whole process doesn't bother me anymore, but the thing that scares me is that I'm watching the TV and it's some goddamn commercial or something and that's the last thing I'll ever see in my life. Same thing if I'm listening to music.
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post #40 of 66
4/27/09 at 7:04pm
I like to think I'm going to live long enough to see humans being converted to cyborgs before death.
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post #41 of 66
4/27/09 at 7:06pm
I want to be cremated Return Of The Jedi style.
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post #42 of 66
4/27/09 at 7:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianM View Post
Ironically, I'm hoping for all three of those things.
In front of Phil's wife?

I want to be eaten by a Cryptid. Any one will do, as long as it's in front of a crowd of people, and it chokes on me, providing the world with a corpse and proof of its existence. I prefer a lake monster.

And please, God, let me get a one-liner in, on the way down.
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post #43 of 66
4/27/09 at 7:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by nekkerbee View Post
I would love to die peacefully in my sleep. Unfortunately, that's not in the cards for the vast majority of us.

As for my mortal remains, I want to be scavenged for usable parts. Then, I would love for the choicest bits of meat to be made into chili and served to my family and friends. I would also like my skull to be turned into a Magic 8 Ball so I can impart my advice on future generations.

Regardless if the above occurs, I would like whatever's left to be buried somewhere green and pleasant, and a fruit tree planted on top of me. I want people to picnic on my grave and pick tasty snacks of my essence from low-hanging branches.
That's beautiful and creepy (mostly creepy) all at the same time.

Also, I continue to like the way Judas thinks, and I wish fervently that rep still existed so I could lavish some on Brian M for his 1st post. Bra-VO sir!
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post #44 of 66
4/27/09 at 7:24pm
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not pushing and screaming, like the passengers in his car.
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post #45 of 66
4/27/09 at 7:36pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJKUvuVaTBk

Classic bit about how Nick Swardson wants his funeral.

(the audio is super low on this)
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post #46 of 66
4/27/09 at 7:53pm
If I were diagnosed with something terminal, I'd probably want to check out like THIS, with the same song blaring on the stereo.
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post #47 of 66
4/27/09 at 10:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
If I were diagnosed with something terminal, I'd probably want to check out like THIS, with the same song blaring on the stereo.
We also would have accepted this.
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post #48 of 66
4/27/09 at 10:16pm
After all the horrible shit friends of mine have survived, I've come to a realization that my cause of death will be something stupid.
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post #49 of 66
4/27/09 at 10:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post
In front of Phil's wife?

I want to be eaten by a Cryptid. Any one will do, as long as it's in front of a crowd of people, and it chokes on me, providing the world with a corpse and proof of its existence. I prefer a lake monster.

And please, God, let me get a one-liner in, on the way down.
I wish I had thought of that. All of it. I also wish I had thought of as cool a send off song as my friend Jay. he once remarked he wants Motorhead's "Born to Raise Hell" played at his funeral.

He's famous for saying things like that & then forgetting them. But they don't call me the group historian for nothing. It's my job to remember things like that. And won't he be surprised when I whip out a boom box (or whatever the kids are using at the time) and start blaring Lemmy over the casket. I figure I'll wait until everyone else is gone, & sneak in for a final moment alone, end of "A Bronx Tale" style.

Assuming, of course, I outlive him in the 1st place.
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post #50 of 66
4/27/09 at 10:41pm
Thread Starter 
1) I really like the Internet meme idea. A Budd Dwyer final outing.

2) I want to be buried at the Prime Meridian. Personal reasons.

3) Standard Southern Gothic Baptist funeral to creep out my sig. other. She hates where I grew up and the creepy fucks that make up my extended family.

Just having a really bizarre funeral with people taking pictures of me in the casket. Perhaps, I'd take a cue from Nick Swardson and hire John Stamos to entertain guests.

People would be like..."Anderson knew Stamos?" It would be sweet.

Music program:

Jeff Buckley. Leadbelly. Johnny Ace. Mama Cass. Sid Vicious.

I'll leave the song choices up to the executor, but the artist order and particular performer has to be followed to a T.

At the end, I would like to have a death mask made of me. No organ donation. We're in the 21st century, an organ shortage should push the move to cloning human body parts. I'm still pissed that I might die before the flying car goes on the market in the public sector.
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