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Seven Days, Seven People, Seven Facepunches

post #1 of 26
5/27/09 at 1:54pm
Thread Starter 
The deity of your choice appears before you. They give you the following decree:

"Verily for the next seven days, thou shalt have the ability to choose one person per day, past or present, famous or unknown and consequence-free thou shalt be able to give them one hearty and well-deserved punch to the face. Choose wisely."

Who do you chose? Why?
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post #2 of 26
5/27/09 at 1:58pm
Day One.

Person: Steven Spielberg.
Reason: Enabling Michael Bay.
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post #3 of 26
5/27/09 at 2:15pm
Thread Starter 
I'll go day one as well.


Day One:

Kim Jong Ill with glasses.

Reason: He's a smug bastard who has probably never been punched. Also, I wanna try to break his glasses in one shot.
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post #4 of 26
5/27/09 at 3:46pm
I'll play.

Day one
Person: Glen Beck
Reason: Why not?
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post #5 of 26
5/27/09 at 4:09pm
Thread Starter 
Wow, surprising lack of aggression here. Let me also add that you will get 8x10 glossy photos of the moment of impact AND slo mo video to watch whenever you want.

Got my day 2.


Joaquin Phoenix

why: squandering of talent, wasting an opportunity many would kill to have, and for being a giant douchebag.
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post #6 of 26
5/27/09 at 7:56pm
Day One:

Person: Ann Coulter.
Reason: Goddammit, somebody needs to.
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post #7 of 26
5/27/09 at 8:00pm
Day One: Hugo Chavez.

But it must be while he's talking.
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post #8 of 26
5/27/09 at 10:01pm
Day One: One guy I used to work with. Because he is a fucking cunt

Day Two: Dick Cheney: to show him why torture is wrong...the hard way!

Day Three: Glenn Beck, so he'll have another black eye

Day Four: That motherfucker who cut me off at the intersection, making me miss the light a few weeks back. Because he is a fucking cunt.

Days Five & Six: Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin. Why? Because maybe, just maybe, a good punch in the face would knock some sense back into them and they'd start making good movies again.

Day Seven: Jim Cramer, so he's stop dancing around like an ape on speed
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post #9 of 26
5/28/09 at 5:28am
Day One: Abraham. For starting this nonsense.

Day Two: Jesus. For not finding a way to keep his followers on a shorter leash.

Day Three: Mohamed. A combination of the previous two.

Day Four: Budha. So I can go four for four. I wouldn't want him to feel excluded.

Day Five: Alan Greenspan. Because I'll probably be out of a job at a time I can't afford to because of his fuck ups.

Day Six: Stalin. Because the fucker got away with what he did.

Day Seven: Bill Laimbeer. Because I just hate his guts. I'd seriously give up all my previous picks if they would let me punch him twice.
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post #10 of 26
5/28/09 at 9:31am
Thread Starter 
Day Three:

Tom Rothman

Reason: Because he's contributing to the overall downturn in originality and quality of films, probably moreso than any other studio exec. So for that, he earns a facepunch.
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post #11 of 26
5/28/09 at 9:54am
Day Two: M. Night Shyamalan.

Reason: Basically, me doing what somebody should've done the first time he screened Lady In The Water to anyone.
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post #12 of 26
5/28/09 at 10:14am
Day one: George Bush - just to see his reaction
Day two: Ben Stiller - I have my reasons
Day Three: Michael Moore - he just looks fun to punch
Day Four: Bill O'reilly - if you don't know why you might be day five
Day Five: Donald Trump - to see if I could knock his toupee off with one shot
Day Six: Steven Segal - hey, it's one scott-free shot, why not take one at the sensei
Day Seven: Jay Leno - that chin is begging for a good uppercut
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post #13 of 26
5/28/09 at 10:30am
Day Two:

Person: Fred Phelps
Reason: For being an intolerant cuntrag who encourages people to teach their children to hate, and who doesn't have the common decency to not stir shit up at funerals.
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post #14 of 26
5/28/09 at 10:44am
Day One: Luke Perry. No not that Luke Perry. The normal douchebag Luke Perry who went to my high school.
Reason: he put duct tape in the retarded kid's hair. Takes a special kind of person to do that.
2-7: agreed with Fred Phelps
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post #15 of 26
5/28/09 at 10:50am
Thread Starter 
Bmetal, what did Ben Stiller do to you? He's so...affable.

Stelios, I second the hatred for Bill Lambier, dunno if he's on my top seven though.

you guys are plowing through them. I came up with the idea and only have three so far.
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post #16 of 26
5/28/09 at 10:53am
Day Three: Dick Cheney

Reason: The evil, obviously, but I have this theory that punching his face would be like smashing a clay urn with sand from the Ark of the Covenant inside.
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post #17 of 26
5/28/09 at 10:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by KungFuCornelius View Post
Bmetal, what did Ben Stiller do to you? He's so...affable.
Excluding Tropic Thunder from #23 up is just terrible. Plus, I get it, he can do "neurotic."
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post #18 of 26
6/2/09 at 1:05pm
Thread Starter 
Just got my day four, thanks to a main page article.

Billy Mitchell, the douchebag Donkey Kong champ.

Why? Because fuck him, that's why. I'd trade two picks to be able to smash him in the junk with a Donkey Kong mallet.
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post #19 of 26
6/3/09 at 2:33am
Day One: Neville Chamberlain
Day Two: Jerry Falwell's mother
Day Three: Pray for more punching.
Day Four: Walt Disney
Day Five: Mohammed (for street cred on the punching circuit)
Day Six: Patricia Heaton (right in the ovaries with the flaming touch of Man-Thing)
Day Seven: Myself - Before the First Punch (that way I create a paradox and thus begat the end of us all).
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post #20 of 26
6/3/09 at 9:40pm
Day One: Hugo Chavez (douchebag)
Day Two: Paul WS Anderson (lots of reasons)
Day Three: Stephen Sommers (same as above)
Day Four: Devin Faraci (just because)
Day Five: Harry Knowles (for good reasons, plus a politically uncorrect punch)
Day Six: Dick Cheney (to get in line)
Day Seven: A T-Rex. (why not?)
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post #21 of 26
6/3/09 at 9:50pm
Day One: Rudolph Giuliani (For general douchness)
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post #22 of 26
3/5/10 at 4:06am
Thread Starter 
Finally came up with my Day Four:

Nickelback's Chad Kroeger. Wouldn't you?
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post #23 of 26
3/7/10 at 2:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan Bean View Post
Day One: Luke Perry. No not that Luke Perry. The normal douchebag Luke Perry who went to my high school.
Reason: he put duct tape in the retarded kid's hair. Takes a special kind of person to do that.
Wow. That is an asshole.

I'm donating my first punch to this project.
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post #24 of 26
3/7/10 at 4:09pm
Day One: Sarah Palin.
Day Two: Sarah Palin.
Day Three: Sarah Palin.
Day Four: Sarah Palin.
Day Five: Sarah Palin.
Day Six: Sarah Palin.
Day Seven: Sarah Palin.
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post #25 of 26
3/7/10 at 4:55pm
Day One: Brett Hull (because I have a long memory).
Day Two: Gary Bettman (for killing my beloved sport).
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post #26 of 26
3/7/10 at 5:07pm
Day 1. Max Clifford. If you don't know why google him.
Day 2. Chirs Moyles. A poor man's Howard Stern.
Day 3. The Inventor of Big Brother - for 10 years of Davina Mccall
Day 4. George Bush Snr - For Geroge Bush Jnr
Day 5. Gordon Brown - because we should have had an election years ago.
Day 6. Max Clifford because I still hate him.
Day 7. Jay Leno.
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