Need to ask some folks about this because i'm going crazy

Most people have no idea what they truly want to do. Most college graduates work in a field completely unrelated to their education. Welcome to the club.

Wow, this is seeming somewhat familiar to me. I dunno how much advice I can really offer, but I've gone through something similair recently so maybe you can take something from what I went through (or maybe not)...

I freaked out near the end of last year after getting promoted at my last job and suddenly seeing myself rising the corporate ladder but then blinking, realising I was fifty, miserable and wondering what the fuck just happened to my life. I ended up quitting just in time for christmas and just as the economic crisis hit here in Australia - not clever, hell downright suicidal, but I needed to follow my bliss - my soul screamed at me to and it just felt 'right', that now was the time.

I decided I wanted to work part time and devote more time to the things I love, my community radio show, writing, and maybe even a bit of am-dram.

At first I was convinced, because I was doing this for all the right reasons, the universe would reward me. Two months of unemployment later and going deeper and deeper into debt (while stressing my better half out no end in the process), that conviction was definately failing me. I'd never had much trouble getting work, having a relatively decent resume and being a pretty fucking good interview (even if I do say so myself), but this time was different. Suddenly I wasn't even getting first interviews because my resume was being put in a pile with hundreds of others for each position, and when I did get interviews I was up against 80-100 other applicants rather than ten like I would have been pre-downturn.

I'll be honest it was pretty fucking scary and not a little demoralising.

It got to the point that the only place that had ended up offering me a job was an insurance company call centre that was offering night shift 7-day-a-week rostered work for crappy pay and I had to say yes because I'd gotten desperate. I even started training with them and HATED it (the job, the hours, everything - that was NOT what I wanted or why I'd done what I did).

By this stage I was getting pretty depressed, I'd been sending off around a dozen job applications five days a week for 2 months and this was where I'd found myself. I'd fucked it, I'd tossed in my old job with better pay and hours and the universe had kicked me in the balls for it. I was still applying for other stuff but pretty half heartedly and I was slipping from panic into depression pretty quickly.

Then, out of nowhere, one of the positions rang me 24 hours after I'd applied, on a Thursday if I remember. I spoke to someone on the phone who asked if I could interview first thing next week, I said yes, but with a pretty heavy heart (this would have been about the tenth time I'd been through this), and upon interviewing on the Monday, I was offered the job on the spot and asked to start a week later (I called the insurance company the minute I got home and told them I wouldn't be going into training that night - or ever again actually, boy that was sweet).

So now, I'm working for a private international university catering exclusively to international students. I'm in student services and my day consists of basically helping people - students and staff. I have a wonderful boss whos an artist in her spare time herself and completely supportive of the passions I want to follow outside of work. I have a job that pays almost as well as my old one, but I get every Monday off to pursue my interests.

In other words, and maybe I'm just an old fatalist here, I honestly believe that, because I made this massive life shift for the right reasons, because I threw myself to the mercy of the universe, I was finally rewarded with a job that was better and more flexible than I had any right to expect in the current climate. It didn't come easily tho, I thought I'd completely fucked myself for a while, but as a consequence, I'm that much more thankful and appreciative of where I've found myself now than I would have been had this job simply fallen in my lap ten minutes after I'd quit at the end of last year.

I'm really really lucky, I know that, but I also believe we make our own luck to a degree. Do things for the right reasons, be true to yourself and things have a way of working themselves out - and if they don't go the way you want well, that's a lesson you're on this rock to learn this turn round the wheel anyway.

I'm not telling you what to do Verbal, I don't know your exact situation, where your hearts exactly at or the environment you'd be jumping into if you leapt - all I can say tho mate is that's my story and this is where I find myself now.

Most people don't know what they want out of life, hell we barely get given the tools to understand how to be happy I believe - but trying to work that out is one of the most important journeys you can go on I believe. Keep looking inside yourself and looking around you. Work out whats really important to you personally. Find your bliss.

Seriously tho, no matter what you decide, may the universe reward you and best of luck.

As A-pathetic said, welcome to the club. I like my job well enough, I suppose, but I don't have anything that I feel "called" to do.

Part of my revelation at the end of last year was that I was never going to be totally fulfilled by my job. I'd kept looking for that at place after place, position after position for years and kept coming to the same empty depressed feeling - then moving onto the next job and finding myself on a cycle that could have kept repeating until I was old.

Once I worked that out I went searching for what would fulfill me and make me happy and decided to try and structure my life so I could follow those thing more.

...and I find myself here. I'm only at the beginning of this journey in some ways, but I feel happier than I have in a long time.

Hah I have a degree in History and a Master's in Public Administration. Never used either but did accrue a LOT of Debt to get them. Fell into Sales in High Tech to pay off that debt and have never looked back.

I do subscribe to the theory that you should find work that you love, simply because most of your waking life will be spent at work (unless you are a Trust Fund Baby).

At this point with the economy the way it is, I'd stay where you are, but start thinking seriously about what you'd really like to do. No matter how "off the beaten track" it seems, if you think you would like it, and be good at it, go for it.

Case in point: I have a friend who went into the Sub prime mortgage business. Why? To make a lot of money, and no other reason. For two years he worked his ass off at a job he hated, with people he hated. To be fair, he did make a lot of money, Then one day he went to work and found out the company had shut down! He'd been under employed at shitty jobs ever since.

Thing is, he'd be a great veterinarian, is great with animals, is great at caring for and training animals. But he's got it in his head that it's "too late" for him to switch "Careers" (he's in his mid 30's).

So my advice: start making a list of things that you love that you could possibly make a living at doing. Research what it takes to get into those positions/fields/whatever. Maybe talk to people who are doing them and see if they will really work for you. Then start working towards a transition

And do this sooner rather than later

That's it right there Verbal - you just want to be happy. Maybe you don't have to find that in a job?

I kept jumping from job to job looking for that until I was 32 - I could have gone on like that until retirement. Maybe you just need to look for what makes you happy and follow that - outside of what you do for a crust - and then your job won't seem anywhere near as bad?

Why not go to night school?

Why don't you learn by corrospondence?

Maybe your bliss is somewhere else entirely to school?

We're all so trained in the west - especially as men - to think that 'we are what we do'. Maybe you don't need to self-identify by what pays your bills?

Maybe you should aim to something big - like saving for a year or two and going backpacking for 6-12 months?

At the moment you sound like you're in a position with a lot more freedom than if you jumped to another job where you'd have to start all over again. Maybe look outside of work and see how that sort of freedom can help you follow what will actually make you happy?

Verbal, don't lose hope. Believe it or not, you have something that is VERY valuable in other careers: SOFT SKILLS.

How do I know this? Because I was a retail management grunt for many, many years. Even though I was very good at my job, I grew to hate it. I'd get recruited from one management job to another, hoping that the increased pay would result in increased job satisfaction...no such luck.

I did learn ALOT about dealing with people/customers, though. That's an important skill that alot of people never learn. Market these skills into another profession.

Here's a suggestion: BANKING. The bank will train you in what you need to know as far as accounts and loans go. With your retail management experience, you should be able to pass the interview process in a snap. It's what I did for a change of careers, and I'd still be there now if it weren't for the fact that the opportunity of a lifetime dropped in my lap.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck, sincerely.

Totally, you have to eat, you have to live in this world. That doesn't have to be where you find your happiness in life tho.

Maybe see if there's a way you can maybe work four days a week in your job? Spend one day out of seven for head clearing, for pointing yourself in a direction. Maybe use that day to build up a folio of writings about film, games and tv for if and when an oppurtunity presents itself?

Just do things that make you happy and the workday may seem like a much fairer compromise than it does right now?

All I know is teaching because my parents are either now retired, or an administrator, and teaching was the last thing I wanted to go into. I just wanted an office job, or to follow my dream like you Verbal and do film/tv/game write ups or even finally get around to writing full length novels out of the ideas that I constantly write on my notepad.

Now? I'm using my English degree to teach....English. I get a decent pay, weekends/nights off, and the summer. Plenty of time to write.

It's never too late to follow your dreams or even go back to school. The first step is always the hardest, and you just need to believe in yourself when you're going to start a new career path.

If you don't have insurance, it's not worth it. But you should always have at least three months worth of living expenses saved.

Are you supposed to be in love with what you do?

Well for me this was always what I dreamed of. Most people spend a third of their life working so it really should be a fulfilling experience. Sadly that is far from possible I know, but it shouldn't stop you from trying.

I went through 2 different educations (completed both) but still ended up feeling it wasn't quite the stuff I wanted to do and love, despite having already spend 8 years educating myself I enrolled in another 4 year education in a completely new direction. Finally this time I found something I really truly loved doing and after I finished the education I really don't even consider it work when I'm working, more like a hobby and I love it.

So despite a lot of years with a very low income it was worth the wait and I'm glad I didn't just find a job within one of the areas of the previous educations I took at the time.

My two cents:

If you can make your own schedule, have great benefits and all, you should stay there at this time and suck it up and take classes either at night or on the days you schedule off. Seriously. Its a time commitment, sure, but you will start feeling like you actually have some forward momentum. On top of that, I think many night classes are easier, primarily because the instructors know that the students are working during the days, so they adjust the workload.

Other than that, maybe you just need a change of scenery, a new hobby or even a regular lay. Don't underestimate how regular sex makes a shitty job much more tolerable.

As for following your heart, if you are miserable, you need figure out how to make everything not suck anymore. Its could be as simple as a change in scenery. For years I put off moving to California, always waiting for some perfect storm of events before going. I wanted a certain dollar amount saved, I wanted a few screenplays finished (that I was actually happy with) finally I just knew that I had to go. I was miserable in Washington, DC. I had friends I loved there, but I just knew it wasn't the place to be.

And when I got here, everything that could go wrong, did. The job I had lined up evaporated, leading me to be unemployed for a month before taking a position where I made much less an hour for fewer hours a week. I'm on pace to make 13 grand less this year than last, I had a severe health issue with infected tonsils giving me mono and the economy of California is horrifying and there are practically no film industry jobs out there (especially for someone who is green in the industry). All told, the last 10 months were pretty horrific. Despite that, I am so happy to be here. I needed a change. And being a movie lover, this place astounding. There is something to see every night of the week that most cities couldn't even comprehend, let alone attempt to replicate.

I hope some of this helps.

May I recommend "The Element" by Ken Robinson ?

Check out his Fora.tv lecture or the one he did for http://www.ted.com.

I just told my wife the other day that I feel like I'm having a career midlife crisis. I worked for the same company for 10 years total, and got sick of the monotony. So I quit and joined a consulting company, which I enjoyed for almost 2 years until they laid me off. Took 4 months to find another job, and when I did, it's a haul to get over there and back, plus the company just got bought, so I may get laid off once again.

I'm sick of not having any control over my career, so I'm desperately trying to find something else to do for myself. But, at my age (40) it's hard to dump everything I've been doing for the last 15-20 years and start over again without having to start over again salary-wise. I still enjoy working in my field (IT), but I'd like a bit more say in how my future pans out.

I think the key to what you said is "I'd have no clue how to get into it." I feel in the same boat with changing careers--there are some viable things I'd like to try and start a business doing, but I have no idea how to get started. Once you figure it out, let me know.

At the end of your life, you'll have spent more time on your various careers then doing anything else. It eats up a lot of our time.

It doesn't have to always make you happy, but it shouldn't make you miserable. If it does, adjust. That's my advice.

Let me give you the perspective of someone who decided a year ago to do something similar to what you're thinking about doing now.

I spent over a decade in the insurance/health administration field until Medicare regulations changed and put us out of business, moved to the mortgage business and got burnt out quickly, and then decided to go back for a second degree in nursing. When I left the mortgage business, I had very little savings, but knew I had to make a change. I've been in school for about three semesters and am broke as hell. It's tough living like a college student at age 30 with a young child, but I am here to tell you that I wouldn't go back and change the decision for anything. It's tough now, but I know that 3 or so years from now it's going to be absolutely worth it.

I say all that to say this: Sometimes you just have to make the leap. I'm not a big believer in the divine, but damn if things don't seem to find a way to work themselves out...

My aunt left a secure job with great benefits when she was in her mid-40s to follow her dream of becoming a lawyer. She was married with two teenage kids, a morgage, and car payments. So it was risky. She passed the bar several years later and made partner just shy of turning 60. She loves what she does, has a sweet luxury car provided to her by the firm, and won't have to worry about lay offs or getting fired for the rest of her life.

Don't let fear stop you from pursuing your dreams, especially at such a young age. If you only have 9 credits to your name, then you shouldn't worry that you don't know what you want to do with your life. You are esentially like every high school grad starting off college just trying everything out and seeing what sticks. Most people don't pick a major until their junior year anyway. It is always worth it to educate yourself. And as someone who left a 10 year job to get my doctoral degree (I'm 3 years in, broke as shit, but happy as can be), I speak from personal experience. As someone who know has 8+ years in psychology, the emotional and physical toll of working at job you hate is worse than the benefit of having security. And the 4 years of no security while you are in school will lead to better prospects of career security down the line.

Also with Obama's stimulus money, there is a crap load of scholarships and fellowships for people in education. I mean, tens of millions. It's worth doing research and speaking to admissions or program officers at various schools.

So plan and save some Verbal. You'll be amazed how much easier your job will become day to day if you've given yourself a goal to aim for and an end game. It's the feeling stuck and futureless that sounds like its draining you mate.

I know I mentioned it in passing earlier, but have you thought of travelling? Seeing the world can give you all sorts of perspective and a real sense of yourself and what you're made of.

Can you please let me know where to find those stimulus-based scholarships? I've been told by the financial aid dept here at UGA that Stafford loans are my only option (I guess since I already have one bachelor's degree).

I saved some money and quite a soul sucking job I hated a few years ago. I burned through the savings fast but found a job I absolutely love soon after. It took me a while to get back on top and I had to add to my debt a little bit, but it was totally worth it in the end. I'd rather be poor in wallet for a year or two than poor in spirit for a lifetime.

Well said, Parker.

My dad always imparted this advice: "Work to live, don't live to work." Sure, you're working a majority of the time, but work because it gives you the opportunity to do different, better and more wonderful things. Get a new hobby, take up a sport, find something outside of work that makes you salivate and suddenly, the job doesn't seem as bad, the hours seem shorter and the people, well, they can be handled.

EDIT: oh, and I am unsure of your familial situation, but I'm finding that there is less and less shame for moving back in with your parents at this age. Those Indians with their extended families might be onto something!

I was in the same position, and I think most people were, when I was working retail before having the same revelation you are now Verbal. My advice would be check into classes at a local community college, or branch location. Then start looking for a new job that uses the customer service skills you have, but not exactly in retail. Judas' recommendation of banking is a really good one. Tellers make pretty decent money, and from knowing a former Gamestop store manager, you won't take much if any of a hit financially becoming an entry level teller at a bank. A lot of colleges also offer job placement programs that will help you find decent jobs while going to school.

That's how I ended up getting out of retail. I talked to our job placement office, they found me a gig for a company, and I worked there for a penance (compared to what I make now) for a few years, then had the experience to make a real salary and a real career. Am I incredibly happy? Well, I'd rather have been a paleontologist, but I can't bitch making a really good living while sitting in an office with a killer view of the city. Much better than a soul sucking existence at a retail store.

Verbal, have you networked at all in your current gig? Working in retail gives you a prime opportunity to get to know alot of regular customers, some of whom might be willing to hire you away from there.

Something that's in your favor that you can take to ANY job: your length of service with Gamestop. Retail is notorious for having a high rate of turnover; the fact that you've stuck around for 7 years will say ALOT to any people that you send your resume out to.

As a lot of the people in this thread have said I can't say I have "the" solution to your problem Verbal. I can tell you what I'm in the process of doing at this moment. I've been working for CPS for 20 months which is like 12 & 1/2 years in normal job time and I'm absolutely sick of this job. I love interviewing people, kids, worthless parents. I love getting shitty people to admit to me that they've done shitty things to their kids, because I know that kid will get help after I've done my part. HOWEVER, CPS investigations is a job that requires you to make it your life. You have to work LOOOONG hours and hardly ever get paid for the overtime. At times I feel like I'm neglecting my family to protect others and it's really burned me out. I just reached a point where my brain just shut down and said, "I'm through with this shit." I love the co-workers I have, which is a first for me, and I love helping kids, but it's the political BS and the retarded policies that the state of Texas sets up for CPS that drives me insane.

What did I do about it? I started putting out resumes' and looking for jobs with similar pay with better hours. I've been applying for jobs for about 4 months now and I might *crosses fingers* have a new job Friday.

I wouldn't recommend quitting without somewhere else to go, OR having a shit ton of money saved up. And as far as not liking school, try night classes or online classes. Those two combined practically got me my degree when I became burnt out on day classes and dealing with traffic etc..

Like someone said earlier, pick a goal and move in that direction. The universe does seem to work it's way out. Whether it be karma or divine intervention or fate or whatever.

It's important to realise, Verbal, that no matter what you do the chances of just a job making you completely happy or fulfilled are slim to none, particularly considering the fact that you seem like quite an anxious person.

I work in film, which is my great love, yet I still worry my ass off and feel like I fucking hate it on occasion. It's all about getting the right balance of... everything.

Stay at Gamestop and sign up NOW for community college classes. You can get a degree in anything computer related or any tech industry if you want and take the classes at your own pace.

The problem is that everyone in America is now going to these Tech classes and they fill up really fast.

I'd stay at Gamestop too. You want to keep the income coming in AND you want to build up your savings account; that savings account will be crucial to your transitional survival should you find yourself unemployed for an extended period of time.

It's always easier to get a new job when you HAVE a job already; that gets rid of the the awkward 'why did you leave your last job' question (granted, that's not a stigma in the current economy) and instead replaces it with a 'why do you WANT to leave your current job' question. You want to be able to say that you're looking for a change from your current profession, not that you were sick to death of your last job and quit...employers will question whether or not you'll stay with them for the long term.

If you're bound and determined to quit before getting a new gig lined up: be sure to save money in a regular savings account that is readily available. Get that safety cushion as big as you can starting NOW. As much as I hate to say it, I'd even consider dropping the 401k for the next couple of months and just throwing ALL of that money into savings instead.

I totally agree. I do what I love but that doesn't make it stress-free (far from it). And right now, with this economy, I'm struggling with my own company and working a side job to pay the mortgage, and we're saving most all of our spare pennies to send my husband back to school because he wants to change careers. Your job shouldn't make you miserable, but happiness isn't in your job, it's in your head.

An exercise I've done a few times in the past that helped me was to make 2 lists. One was what I admired (personal characteristics, such as "promptness"), aspired to, and wanted (be totally honest, no one else will see these things). The other was what I didn't like, didn't want to be or have. You might find that you want (or don't want) different things that you might have thought or what is "what everyone wants." Once you know what you want, you can go out and get it. Once you know the person you want to be, you can do a better job being it.

Oh, and look into cognitive behavior therapy. It can really help the overthinking thing.

This is something I've repeated over and over because for the last 6 years or so I've been trying to shamble together a feature length movie so I'll work a job I hate for about a year and a half until I cant stand it any more then quit and live off savings and work on the movie for 8 months. My biggest problem is once I free up all that time to work on the movie I piss it all away if chronic procrastination.

My one piece of advice is with whatever goal you decide to go for try and accomplish one little step towards it every day while you're still at you soul crushing job.

It'll make the job feel less awful, because generally what tends to make those jobs so intolerable is the way they make your life seem stagnant. You feel like your life is in one big rut. so even doing the tiniest thing each day towards a goal will at least be some kind of forward momentum, and you can carry that with you when you do finally get yourself into a position to quit.

First of all, make sure you check your 401k backwards and forwards so you know exactly how much you'll be taking out that when you do withdraw. Also make sure that it is a 401k and what the parameters of it are. I've been saving money via a pension plan since 2005, but I only have access to it if I quit working at YMCAs -- it's transferred over from one branch to the other. And the mindset can very easily become, "oh, I'm saving through this, I can buy stupid shit with my other money." Don't be that guy.

Second of all, deciding a set date to quit is a bad, bad, bad idea. You can plan to quit on that date, but what happens when that date rolls around and it's no longer a good idea to quit or leave? I went through this last fall -- I had decided I was going to leave my job by January, but then the economy went into freefall and the job market in my field looked bleak. Not only did I wind up sticking around, I was terribly depressed about it and in a funk for a while. I'd say set a few goals for yourself, and then look at where you are as you start to accomplish them. Always ask yourself "is quitting the smart, adult thing to do?" (In the words of Deadwood, "One reevaluates constantly; one is an asshole if one doesn't.")

Finally, I hope you take no offense to this, but you and I have been around the boards for a while. You're probably one of the guys that I've "known" the longest, and in that time, this seems to be a pattern with you. I see that like I see my own "get really excited about something, post a lot about how much you love it, and then drop it" style (also the lying and near-psychotic meltdowns, etc., etc.). You post threads like these looking for advice, thank a bunch of people, make a few cursory decisions, and then we never hear about it again.

What I'm saying is that this has to come from you. It has to. We're not going to give you the validation, or the support, that's really important. You need to find that in your own life, your own friends and family. CHUD's a great place, but at the end of the day, it's words on a screen. So play it close to the vest, let us know how you're doing, but understand that we're not going to give you the kind of advice, support, and most importantly investment, that the real people in your life can. They are the ones you should be asking, talking with your feelings about -- those are the people who know you. Not a bunch of strangers on the internet.

I know that seems harsh and cynical, but like I said, I've been there.

Don't use your 401k as a savings account Verbal. Open a separate savings account. 401k is for your retirement for a reason, the penalties you incur for pulling cash our early is ridiculous, and in the short time you're looking at, it will be like you gave money away. Keep the 401k, transfer it to a new employer, but open a savings account in conjunction to the 401k.

Not sure if you addressed, this, but you seem pretty young, especially if this is your only job, so how about moving home for a bit? Living at home for a year or two might suck, but it might give you the ability to take a job with less stress, and allow you to take classes and job search. Shit man, at 28 I just moved home temporarily to pay off all my debt, and save for a house. No shame in doing it.

I didn't notice the part about the 401k. Assuming you get paid by direct deposit, and you want to save for something, a good way to do this is to open an account at a bank that isn't your regular checking (ING direct is a great option). Have your company put X dollars there every paycheck. You won't ever see the money, like tax withholdings, and it will grow there where you won't be so tempted to get at it. It's a great way to save for large, long-term goals. 401k and other IRA type retirement savings will usually hit you BIG TIME with penalties and are not a good way to save for things you want to do before age 62.5.

I enlisted in the Army at 22 out of boredom. They offer plenty of jobs that don't involve running around with a rifle in your hand, they're always hiring, and they take people in their thirties. When you're deployed overseas, your income is tax free. I'm not a recruiter, but there are worse ways to weather a recession.

...

Were I not married, I would have done this very thing a few years ago. If you've got nothing holding you back, I'd seriously consider this option: see the world and get training on the government's dime.

So do your folks make you pay rent? If not, find some other half ass job, and get the fuck outta Dodge man. If you don't have a car note or rent, now's the time to take the plunge. If your folks make you throw some cash their way tell them the deal, and you're going back to school, and get to it.

And like, I think Judas, said earlier, don't tell the companies you interview at you were tired and miserable. Just let them know that you spent seven years with them, and were ready for a new challenge, and finding a career as opposed to just another job. Any decent company appreciates wanting to get out of retail and doing something better.

I STRONGLY agree with this (and what BillyG said as well, this was a bit more thorough).

If you want to start your nest egg (and 27 ain't a bad time to do it - saving $3000 per year in a 401k/IRA from 18-28 and never putting in another dime give you MORE money than putting in $3000 a year from 28-retirement), start it, but DON'T use it as some form of savings account you plan on dipping into anytime soon.

In response to the original thread...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79tMM...7422B&index=33

I think people who are able to find work they love are the lucky few, and I don't count myself among them. Even of you do find work that you genuinely love, it's often hard to make sufficient money doing it.

So, find a job that you don't hate instead. It may only be tolerable, but you can't dread going to work. Find a job that doesn't drive you crazy or kill you emotionally, that pays enough for you to support the life you love. For the most part you'll only work about 40 hours per week, which is 23.8% of your available time per week. Granted a chunk of non-work time will be spent sleeping, but the majority of your weekly allotment of hours are yours to do with as you please (minus chores and necessities), so make sure you have enough money to support that time well.

That should be your goal rather than finding what you love. If you do happen to find a job you love that pays an acceptable amount, terrific; if not, you'll stilll have a job that supports your lifestyle and doesn't make you contemplate suicide. Spend your free time doing what you love - travel, art, dining, just loafing around and watching films.

I've also found that any time I *have* to do something, it immediately becomes a chore, even if I normally enjoy it. That's me, your mileage may vary.

This is definitely me.